As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
And it begins…
It begins..
Fuckin A Right, yeesh.
Gronk: Why scoreboard wrong? Me need drinky-drinky. Oooh….cheerleaders! GRONK WANT!
Gronk only pawn in game of life.
Big dumb sex idiot.
Kind of a weak call.
That “hold” had no impact on that play.
Holding on D? And so it begins. . .
Defensive holding? It begins…
I was being kind the last two outings Joe…you don’t want me to do a third. Now shush.
Katie Nolan is NICE.
http://betvega.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/katie-nolan-great-tits.jpg
Pssst….her right boob looks just like Lincoln, dude.
That’s obviously a post Ford Theater picture of Lincoln there.
So these folks are able to afford a half time show…how the fuck does that work?
Let’s go to the flow chart for this one…
http://s3.media.squarespace.com/production/482333/5498857/_V1hky3QMM4k/RxtbWfZMUCI/AAAAAAAAAOY/OfP4Y4I62P4/s400/Auto+Family+Tree-Layout1.png
All that ram and jeep money.
Most of the people who aren’t headliners in the halftime show aren’t paid
It’s a shame that nine out of ten Trump supporters don’t know who Margaret Atwood is because they’d be SO TRIGGERED by her.
I THOUGHT DA SUPERB OWL WUZ MAH SAFE SPACE
Really? I think that hearing about her would just reinforce their negative beliefs about the average liberal
Everything about liberals would reinforce their negative image of liberals.
MOAR LIBRUL FAKE NEWS
I’m happy for Nolan’s success, but fuck fox to confining her to the “cute twitter girl” corner
http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Katie-Nolan-GIF-018.gif
Yeah, it’s perplexing they push attractive women in the sideline reporter role but keep her out of sight.
(Actually it’s not perplexing at all.)
Probably just waiting for dental surgery prices to come down
/Only makes me love her more
//She’s actually much more famous than I ever thought, but still seems prettly cool
///Probably has a boyfriend so it doesn’t matter
////Would totally legally change my name to “Tom Brady” for her
Please kindly shut the fuck up, Joe Buck.
Love,
Everyone
Is it time for the refs to
Keep themgame close?
Well the onions have been bourboned, and so have I. My work here is done.
/Couch
http://68.media.tumblr.com/acf10c8a58eb35f38b5737298bcd4ff2/tumblr_ngmddb7bEi1qfmptao1_1280.png
Let them eat onions
I like how Febreeze’s target market is clearly fat people
Hey, when you have that many crevices, it’s hard to wash all of them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZpgnYhzdkI
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a0bd240fc984b167625f421f3001730c/tumblr_ngya8pq7oF1qemxfbo1_500.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/76f16391d9dca925d82e616d9b1a4739/tumblr_mwtp3cBta61s2wio8o1_500.gif
The Handmaid’s Tale, a.k.a. Mike Pence’s fantasy
Banner material.
Mother…
The Bros have a Falcons 4 Pats 7 as a square. Now they’re rooting for New England.
Former Bears sighting! And he was about as helpful as you’d expect a former Bear to be.
Robot is WAAAAASTED.
http://cdn.yourepeat.com/media/gif/000/018/951/05694681467eac2317e386f2bf2dbf47.gif
I fucking love that the NFL is still okay with that play, which I would say significantly raises the risk of injury on the play…just to stop a fucking extra point.
Just a reminder, never count out Touchdown Tom
Atlanta Relevant:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-S9mtYowPY
Ok, I’m at least a little aroused now.
Eat shit Bellichik
Woooo
this owns
Last game of jumping over the line!
I hope this isn’t all just a setup to a late Patriots comeback win
Hopeful Quinn learned his lesson the last time in XLIX
FUCK YEAH
OhMyGodILoveThisGameSoMuch!!
Touchdown… Falcons?
Woo!
YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
Fuck them to death Falcons!!!
YASSSSSSSSSSS
My half time show will just be this video on continuous loop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azdwsXLmrHE
Wears LORD Gaga, bytw!? Triggeregd!
How many are actually wearing pants?
http://guyspeed.com/files/2014/12/Dope-Chanel-Iman-no-pants-gif.gif
Do Khaki Board Shorts count as pants?
Pictured: Leather Sofa, not original color.
I’ve obtained the Falcons offensive gameplan, and it’s a napkin with “julio and devonta do whatevr the fuc they wan’t” scrawled on it.
Good catch. Also, sup Falcons cheerleader that clearly doesn’t eat any bloating foods. You the true hero
Julio Jones has to be a robot.
Hyundai is actually filming their commercial in the stadium during the game and it’ll air right after
If we’re lucky it’s sixty seconds of Brady crying.
Hey guys, ‘member when everyone thought Lady Gaga was a man?
I remember the Halloween where all the drag queens in my neighborhood went as Lady Gaga
Same with Ciara
Who could have predicted that getting the ball to Julio would get the offense moving?
Has there been any single person that was cut from the Cleveland Brown’s organization and didn’t see their life dramatically improve?
Johnny Manziel
If you noticed, his arrests have gone down since playing for the Browns….
City of Cleveland
My rage is tapped out since the Patriots are trailing so expect a surge later when a few favorable calls get the Pats back in this game.
I’m going to eat so many mozzarella sticks at half time that I’m preemptively switching to sweat pants now.
I guess the “now” is redundant if i use a form of “preemptive”
Pants? PANTS?!?!
It’s like 25 degrees here.
/Wouldn’t actually know the temperature, haven’t gone outside in 3 days.
Damn you, Bradshaw. That’s a good Brick Joke.