Your “Dull Sideshow Full of Quacks and Clowns and Philistines” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Reminder: the Draft is three weeks today.

NFL News:

  • I just can’t picture him in silver & black.

    Beastmode will become a Raider, probably sometime before the draft.

    • John Schneider says his relationship with Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie – from their collective time in Green Bay – will ensure things are handled “in a smooth manner,”
      • either by release or minimally-invasive trade of a late-round pick
    • Should Lynch come out of retirement, he is in line for a salary-cap hit of $9 million in 2017 and a base salary of $7 million in 2018.
      • if he’s released rather than traded, then the Raiders can negotiate a cheaper deal against their cap
        • their preferred option is release
      • currently, the Raiders have $33 million in cap space for 2017
  • If the Seahawks do trade Richard Sherman, the price is expected to be a player & a pick
    • the player will have to cost less than the $13.6 million Sherman now costs on the Seattle cap
      • because the Seahawks only have $10 million in cap space left for 2017
      • Seattle has 10 players taking up 61 percent of its cap space, counting for a total of $101.26 million on the ’17 cap
  • As expected, Aaron Hernandez did not testify in his own defence, and his lawyer wrapped up his case Wednesday.
    • Closing arguments today came down to:
      • Prosecution: Hernandez killed two men because he had “an illogical sense of being disrespected.”
      • Defence: Hernandez’s former friend, Alexander Bradley, killed the two men over a drug deal.

Finally, Florio has started the idol-worship of the now non-retired-but-released Tony Romo by positing “The Romo 13”, in the vein of “The Brady 6”. Here are some of those names:

  • Carson Palmer (drafted #1 overall – Bengals)
  • Byron Leftwich
  • Kyle Boller
  • Rex Grossman
  • Chris Simms – son of the man he’s replacing at CBS, and likely the reason Florio put this list together

Your long-form read of the day comes from The Economist and the New York Times, and marks the 100th Anniversary of the US joining World War One – April 6, 1917. They draws parallels to today’s presidential administrations, and discuss how that war marked the emergence of the modern American state, setting the stage for the 20th century being the age of America.

  

The war is a pretty big deal up here right now. Canada begins commemorating the 100th anniversary of Vimy Ridge this weekend. The battle, between April 9-12, was 6-months in planning by Lord Byng, and was fought by all-Canadian forces. It took in a weekend what the British & French hadn’t conquered in two years, and set the stage for Canada to begin truly emerging from its colonial status. This memorial

stands at Vimy Ridge, on land ceded by France to Canada in tribute to the men who sacrificed their lives in that battle. You can’t go too far off to the sides, however,

as it’s estimated it will take 700 years for all the ordinance to work its way to the surface.

Here’s a pretty good gif of the conflict as it escalated. Note how Canada is not considered an independent country at this time.

Maybe spend part of your evening, or weekend, reading a little history.


I realize “Sexy Friday” is both not my topic and on Fridays, but it’s been a long day. I was supposed to get layoff notice at 10:45 AM today, which will cost me the job that’s allowed me time to do these daily threads, but the announcement was instead changed to “the three sites will be amalgamated into one”. The best-case is that I still get the lay-off and one-year’s pay; the worst-case is that I don’t get it & get sent to the remaining location to teach courses I don’t know, and if I quit I get nothing.

So forgive me for crossing a line before I go home and spend the weekend emptying my liquor cabinet. But the first images of Netflix’s “G.L.O.W” series were released today, and that’s just too important to pass up.

In case you’d forgotten what the 80s looked like, gaze upon its full majesty:

The show stars Alison Brie.

    

and I don’t care after that. Also, I’m throwing in these two just to feel a bit better.

   

The defence rests. It premieres June 23rd.


Don’t forget to pour one out for Don Rickles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv4OMsTUptA


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Penguins at Devils – 7:00PM | Sportsnet360
    • Senators at Bruins – 7:00PM | NBCSN
      • possible first-round matchup
    • Blackhawks at Ducks – 10:00PM | NBCSN
    • Flames at Kings – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Hawks – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
    • Timberwolves at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s hockey – Frozen Four semi-finals:
      • Harvard vs. Minnesota (Duluth) – 6:00PM | ESPN2
      • Notre Dame vs. Denver – 9:30PM | ESPN2
  • Soccer:
    • Women’s International Friendly Soccer: U.S. vs. Russia – 8:30PM | FS1

COME TO ME, MY ALCOHOL!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

I presume the sound guy at the White House will be looking for a new job tomorrow?

Brocky

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Gratliff

I hate when someone else picks CM Punk first and you have to take the palette swap for the ring gear.

Brocky
WCS

First day of The Masters, first day of the End Times. Time to crack another beer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55xaWhhT98E&ab_channel=AndrewLauder

Brick Meathook

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Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This seems appropriate tonight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDw-zFFhFgc

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So here’s the thing. In a best case scenario, this sends a message to the world that the U.S. will not tolerate the use of chemical weapons, and when we say it’s a red line, it’s a red fucking line that you better not cross.

Unfortunately, North Korea has demonstrated many, many times that they DGAF about red lines, and will probably see this as a “hold my beer” type of thing.

Gratliff

Worst case scenario, we accidentally killed a Russian and Putin decides he’s going to see how far he can push his Soviet Revival wet dream.

Unsurprised

Worst-case scenario is literally nuclear armageddon right now.

Wakezilla

They’re aiding and supply their allies, the Saudis with the same stuff. ..

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Hey, guys. Anything going on tonight?

Brick Meathook

World War III

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now now, that would end quicker than this long descent into nothingness

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ronco is selling a new miracle exercise machine.

http://crazyhyena.com/imagebank/g/workout-moves-funny-sexy-gif.gif

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Any of you chaps know how to watch the new Rick and Morty if you don’t have cable AND don’t want the Chinese installing weird shit on your work laptop?

litre_cola

Weird shit like tentacle porn?

Glass houses pal, glass houses.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I read that as Romo’s 13 inches and Brady’s 6 inches. That seemed generous for Taaawmy and explained a lot about Jessica Simpson’s choices

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Welp, we know what kind of mood you’re in tonight.

Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

Heh, the Toronto “Canada’s Team” Maple Leafs still have a chance to miss the playoffs

litre_cola

Not my Goddamn team.

Wakezilla

I’d rather no Canadian team to win the cup than the Leafs to win the Cup.

litre_cola

So, war hey?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

These “Better Call Saul” ads are everywhere

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He was talking about a BLACK president, not a Real American one.

Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

After missing a penalty kick, Allie Long scores her second with a header.

4-0.

Croooow

I see Generalissimo Trump decided to start WW3 early.

JustStopDude

Looks like they called Russia ahead of time and bombed an unused airfield so Trump could look like he was taking a hard stand against Assad and Russia.

Croooow

Fuck Trump, regardless.

JustStopDude

Oh the conspiracy theories flying on twitter right now are fucking EPIC!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This reporter is pretty good and explain how the game of chicken is being played right now:

http://www.npr.org/2017/04/06/522857262/u-s-military-leaders-are-worried-that-a-war-with-russia-could-start-by-accident

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What do you mean, early? It’s the 100th anniversary of the U.S. joining The Great War, it’s a perfect time to start the Biglyest War Ever.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

See, that’s what happens when you let yourself spend time alone with a woman who’s not your wife.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who’s cheaper.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Question; if you were bangin’ Brie on the regular: would that mole bug you while you were havin’ Brie lunch down there?

http://www.hawtcelebs.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alison-brie-on-the-set-of-g.l.o.w.-in-los-angeles-10-03-2016_4.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Me neither.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I would consider it a beacon, calling me home.
Hypothetically, of course.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nobody better slap me on the back right now or I’ll be stuck squinting like this for the rest of my life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7M-7MI4AKE

Unsurprised

What mole?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I realize “Sexy Friday” is both not my topic and on Fridays, but….

Mi Sexy es su Sexy. There can never be too much.
Also good luck, of course.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think you have some good span…. ah, them…… ah, source material for tomorrow.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tomorrow is in the can already (giggity).
But Alison will almost certainly get her own featured week at some point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait; you can’t show penetration on this site.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you meant…..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thank you. I like the angry; it looks like the mood of most of my previous GFs.

litre_cola

So this whole missile thing, did he get approval for this?

JustStopDude

His I-phone messed up one of his tweets and he thought he was ordering the US military to take out Siri…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and now we’re at war with Syria.

JustStopDude

Why not…what are the chances of accidentally hitting Russian military members…4:1?

JustStopDude

3-0 US!

I haven’t seen a disappointing performance from the Russians like this since the Winter War.

JustStopDude

Tomorrow, I go to some office and cut a check for like $67k for a down payment for a house.

I am fucking terrified. Complete and utter irrational terror. I’ve never written a check this big before nor have I ever owed more than like maybe $56k at once, and that was college loans…and I paid that off in like 10 months working in the UAE.

This is so irrational because my mortgage payment will be less than my fucking rent I am currently paying, but I cannot get my fucking brain to accept this as a smart decision. I think its because I grew up shit poor, in Baltimore and its like honestly like you expect the worst shit to always happen…constantly.

Bought a bunch of food…power is going to get shut off. Score a free couch…get it inside and discover its got a fucking rat living in it. Move to a semi-nicer rental place…dad get’s his pink slip and all our shit is getting thrown to the curb by the end of the month.

I swear to god I think I got more mental hangups from growing up in poverty than doing six years in the military and having people getting killed and seriously injured around me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You could buy a quarter of Baltimore for that.

JustStopDude

I could go on very long rants about housing in Baltimore…I will just give you a taste..

All those “abandoned” structures are owned by either out of towners, especially on the Eastern Shore, or by government official’s and their family members. The general practice is to be a fucking slum lord until the property is effectively condemned. They then pay the bar minimum in taxes and sometimes not even that, effectively “squatting” on the site in hopes that an entity like Johns Hopkins will be purchasing whole blocks they will try and charge an obscene amount of money just for the rights to demolish the shit.

I used to work for a father and son that renovated homes in Baltimore and the shady shit people would do was insane.

JustStopDude

2-0 US!!!!

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

1-0 USA USA USA!!!!

entropy
JustStopDude

A minor league team would be stupid as fuck to cut Tebow.

His dumb ass brings in the rubes.

entropy

I’m fine with him being on a minor league team, just not the one affiliated with the Dirt Jets.

JustStopDude

I know a guy that did a number of years in the minors. I am not sure what pro teams he was associated. He always said the absolute worst level to be at was AAA.

Like A, you had a lot of hope. AA felt like you were getting somewhere. AAA felt like you were stuck or were injured and the sharks were swimming around you waiting to steal your spot.

entropy

I can’t see playing on a AAA team being anything short of panic-inducing on an hourly basis.

JustStopDude

Yeah the way he described it, the young guys hate the older guys for not getting out the way. The older guys are coming to terms with the fact their careers are ending or that they never are going to get to the majors…and of course they hate the young guys who are just dickhead up starts. And the managers can’t really get the young or old players to listen because to get to that level, they have a lot of talent so they think they don’t need to listen.

If you are on a really good AAA team, it pretty much means you will never get called up unless you get traded to another farm affiliate. If you are on a shit team, you aren’t getting experience with decent players. He made it sound like hell on earth.

JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tough titties, kids; buy your own ice cream.

King Hippo

Baseball season can suck Pee Wee Herman’s dick

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

Not sure what I enjoy more about the US women’s national soccer team…the fact the US always dominates or that I don’t feel awkward getting erections from athletes on TV.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
nomonkeyfun
nomonkeyfun

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

Alice really is my favorite TV psychopath.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Am I looking forward to GLOW?

Yes. Yes I am.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Mass Effect released a patch to fix (hopefully) a shit ton of bugs today that have plauged its launch. Post patch on the left.

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Looks to me like they finally ran out of Paris Hilton’s line of makeup in Andromeda.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Didn’t they remember that real is brown?
http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/realisbrowngo1.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I’d still rather have Rex Grossman than Tony Romo.”
–Jessica Simpson

…and probably also her dad

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Hey Fellow Assholes…let us take a moment. Our pucks stay still. Ok play on.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
nomonkeyfun

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Senor Weaselo

Moose isn’t here right now, please leave a message.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

Who the hell is this, now?

entropy

I did an image search, came up as “female.” While accurate, it is less than helpful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I guess you’ll never make detective now. Just searching the image I came up with Amy Schumer as the first match…. but a few link down was a visual match of this wrestler. Noticing the name in the image matched this name… well, there ya go.

http://www.ign.com/boards/threads/former-wwe-diva-kaitlyn-is-amazing.454420734/page-2

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Seems like the photoshoot went well.