Your “Tiger Not Drunk After All, But Hopefully I Will Be Soon” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Yep, no alcohol in his system.  He was just taking a “nap” in his car.  Yeah OK… you know he’s getting the good pain pills for that back.  And since there was no alcohol in his system, this will now all probably go away.  That’s crap.  Cops find ME passed out in my car, even if “only” on legally Rx’d meds…..?

Also, when I was searching for a banner image for this post, I found this.  It made me laugh so I’m sharing….

Hehehehehe….those were the days.

Jay Z is still judging you, Sir….

(NSFW tho I shouldn’t have to say so)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1ZObiu6kRU

(True Story Bro…tWBS can rap this by heart)

But no shit, Tiger.  What happened to you, man?  When I saw the headlines yesterday of your (alleged) DUI arrest, I thought to myself….What?  Is that all?

Just sad, man.

NHL

The Pens got lucky last night.  At least as much as one can say that about a team which seemingly held a stranglehold at 3-0 after the first period horn sounded.  And then they coasted a bit too much and….yeah, they got lucky.  But they did manage to hold on and the 5-3 win gives them the 1-0 series advantage.  Game Two is Wednesday night at 8pm, NBCSN.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IipCfPZcAeY

NFL

  • Cam Newton at #44???  OK, tell me one QB…taking into account age, injuries, etc….you’d rather build your team around in the here and now.  I’m no Panthers’ fan, but wow.
  • Is Russell Wilson a big huge penis?  I.  Don’t.  Know.  (actually, I do…but I’m staying quiet.  Also, yes)
  • 100 Days Away…..from…..shit, I had something for this.

And there’s a lot more real footy news heating up.

MLB

With no Hockey tonight (yeah, yeah….no NBA ’til Thursday, either), baseball seems to be your only solace.  I’m sorry…sincerely.

  • Dodgers @ Cardinals, 8:00pm, ESPN

Full Slate

Maybe if we’re lucky there will be another brawl tonight.  But if there is, hopefully Buster Posey will reprise his Jim Caldwell role.  (FWIW Buster, I don’t blame you for not wanting to get you some of that….but at least make it look good, dude….at least grab the groundskeeper and wrestle him down gently or something, sheeeesh).

Also, it’s a good thing for Harper that he can throw a baseball better than he can throw a batting helmet.  That was just sad, pretty boy.  And I’m sure the hair gel had nothing to do with it….

 

NCAA Baseball

The 2017 NCAA Baseball Tournament gets underway this coming weekend.  I know none of you cares.  Honestly, I don’t either.  When one’s school is (again) preseason ranked top ten in the nation and (again) ends up barely sliding in with a 3 seed (in baseball a 3 seed is not particularly good, just so ya’s know) …. Well, let’s just say that’s just one more movie I’ve now seen too often and have grown weary of, quite frankly.

Sadly, I’ve grown more weary of my alma mater’s annual attempts to make it sound like an accomplishment of which to be proud.  No wonder we’re also rans in every sport that matters these days.

Surely, King Hippo will wake me if we make it to Omaha.

Shit Hippo, sorry.  Here, lemme help ya up….

Awkward Transition

So, what should we do now?  Wanna sing some songs?

Wagstaff Announcements

 

Mr. Frond:  Students!?  Students!?  Tina has something she’d like to tell you about.

Tina Belcher:  Thank you Mr. Frond.  I DO have a surprise for you all beginning tomorrow morning.

[extended awkward silence]

Mr. Frond:  Umm, that’s nice Tina.  Can you tell us a bit more?

Tina:  No, but here’s a hint…..

 

Mr. Frond:  Oooookay.  I’m sure we’ll all enjoy that very much.

Tina:  I know I will….

 

Saving It Late

OK, go forth and have fun.  If you still have a Memorial Day hangover, then just keep drinking ’til Christmas.  What could go wrong?

And please pray for BeerGuyRob‘s ass.  I am not going to say “drink to BeerGuyRob’s Ass” however, mostly because of some confusion yesterday regarding the words “to” and “from”.

Don’t drink from Rob’s ass….being the general point.

Get well soon, Rob.  We miss ya.

😉

0 0 votes
Article Rating
theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
Subscribe
Notify of
178 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Unsurprised

I think I went to school with this guy.

WCS

We found out Sunday, that, Lil’er WCS is also going to be a girl. Yinz should all start investing in Tampex now.

Mr. Ayo

How dare you assume its gender!

Congrats!

WCS

The good thing here is that we don’t have to buy any more baby clothes.

Lil’ WCS is going to have a littler sister she can bite and pull the latter’s hair.

I can continue to be a borderline alcoholic, without changing much.

All that said, the next cat or dog we get is going to be male.

Unsurprised

I still love you all, though. I edited out the frames with her naughty bits.

comment image

Mr. Ayo

I still see the frames?

Unsurprised

You see NOTHING!

WCS

comment image

Swing, and a miss.

Unsurprised

She knows what she’s doing.

Unsurprised

I feel like shit. Has anyone else listened to this week’s episode of All Things Considered? I did on Sunday driving back into Portland from out of town and I damn near crashed my car and did have to pull off (oddly, after the part that riled me up), and since then I’ve been too scared to listen to it again.

Anyway, here’s Giada de Laurentiis in a bikini.

comment image

Unsurprised

Beggars can’t be choosers, but I’m pissed that this video was cut short. I am 99% sure what happens at the very end, but I really need to know for sure.

Unsurprised

The very end of the season finale of The Americans was omitted from the file that I just watched off the back of a truck.

Unsurprised

I’m confused how that is now this

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Senor Weaselo
Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

comment image

WCS

Apparently, Sean Hannity had a self-pity party on tonight’s episode, because the “liberal media” is being soooooooooooo tough on him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

LemonJello

“Job? Eh. Children? Meh. GUNS!?! From my cold, drunk hands!”

-LemonJello

Unsurprised

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Senor Weaselo

Lest we forget:
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THE RAKENING!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Excellent!

The Rakening II; Leaf Us?

Senor Weaselo

The Rakening 2’ll be when they fucking announce Season 3 for fuck’s sake!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hines Ward wonders why you are fussing so much about a dam.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Kitty!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Gotdam, we get that you want to distance yourself from the clan name but fucking one syllable and an overly excited punctuation is gonna do it?! It’s as insulting as it is bad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Not to be content with just killing you, everything in Australia will kill your drones too.

WCS

Australia’s official slogan: “Don’t touch that; it bites.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That looked like a “Yous is ascarin’ me kid.” kind of fuck you. I like it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I stand corrected. The Americans season finale just dropped. Later, taters.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Fucking FUCK!

Everything sucks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So maybe Tiger should sign an endorsement deal with Uber.

Senor Weaselo

“No, that’s too toxic.”

WHICH ONE SAID IT?

ballsofsteelandfury

Britney Spears

ballsofsteelandfury

Still my favorite video of all time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOZuxwVk7TU

Gratliff

The customers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tampa Bay Buccaneers janitorial staff.

Mr. Ayo

Alexander Litvinenko

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh that’s GOOD!

Brick Meathook

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t care about the NCAA baseball tournament because UCONN, with a 38 RPI and 20 wins on the road, (because you can’t play ball at home in the Northeast before May, you see), and a 3rd place finish in the 4th best conference, was somehow deemed not goo enough to get in.

Probably has something to do with them having the temerity to beat Georgia Tech and Florida last year.

Anyway, as usual, fuck the NCAA.

Senor Weaselo

Does anybody really care about the NCAA baseball tournament? Maybe when it gets to the CWS, but even then.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why, but for some reason I’ve decided I don’t like the word “temerity” and would always prefer to see “audacity”. I don’t have a good explanation for it. It’s kind of like how Jupiter is just naturally an enemy planet.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We need a reason to not care about baseball?

King Hippo

As long as they’s a yard, God done put toilets all over teh place!!

JustStopDude

comment image

Senor Weaselo

“Eh, not that many.” -Wade Boggs and/or Andre the Giant

blaxabbath

That the fat one in Book of Mormon?

...

Saw a tweet today speculating the Rahm Emmanuel is thinking about running for president in 2020.

LOL

Fuck Rahm. Fuck him forever and ever.

Senor Weaselo

You know how it should be the best and brightest running for president? 2020 will be the exact opposite of that.

Gratliff

Did we not do that already?

King Hippo

every few years, someone throws out Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! FOAR Governor of Ohio…

Gratliff

Shit. Is this all just a coup by the WWE?

King Hippo

at this point…it couldn’t fookin’ hurt

Gratliff

Well, there was Trump. Already got Kane involved in the locals. It’ll all be worth it when Mark Henry runs for Texas governor. At least his campaign song will be fucking fire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnCTOiw66aw

King Hippo

That fat asshole from Flint wants The Rock to run as a Demmycrat in 2020. I will just give up if that comes to pass.

Gratliff

The Rock is an amazing human being and a national treasure. He’s also a hardcore anti-abortion crazy.

King Hippo

and there would be my absolute deal-breaker

Gratliff

Not to mention he’s a Republican. People are stupid. That being said, if I’m going to be forcefed a celebrity as head of state, at least let it be one I don’t hate.

blaxabbath

I feel like the DNC is already signaling the rest of America that the nomination has now been set and no one else needs to bother having opinions on policy.

King Hippo

There’s no natural nominee at all, which is kind of a problem. The left and the center need to somehow coalesce around somebody after 2018, and quick. Ain’t no time nor extra money for no circular firing squad.

blaxabbath

Chelsea

Gratliff

This shit offends me more than any email server
comment image

King Hippo

I ate a kale salad for dinner. Not proud of that. But am sick of being as fucking goddamned fat as I am. Perhaps I should drink a beer on top of my two oxy + muscle relaxer??

Gratliff

Kale is terrible. Raw spinach is delicious. Spinach pancakes are fucking treason.

JustStopDude

Baked kale make for fantastic potato chips substitute but it fucking reeks the house for hours.

Gratliff

I have trouble buying a lot of loose leafy green type things. Spent a year working in produce, and there’s nothing quite like the inevitable handfuls of slime at the bottom of the coolers. For the love of god, wash your produce before eating it.

King Hippo

I love raw or juiced kale (so long as properly blended). Like spinach…don’t cook that fucking shit.

...

They’ll run her for Congress first.

Gratliff

I just hate all of these ideas so much.

King Hippo

NO MOAR Clintons. But Twitter is pure outrage porn at this point.

...

We’ll never be rid of them.

King Hippo

yeah, we will. 2016 killed it. Nobody wants to do that shit all over.

I only supported that run because of how well she served Obama, and because she earned his trust. That meant a lot to me.

Gratliff

The perfect Democrat in 2020 will be a pro-charter school banker who doesn’t explicitly hate black people.

EDIT: This was meant for the Cory Booker commentary.

Unsurprised

With running mate Kamala Harris.

...

I think they’ll push Booker because he’s the exact problematic faux-progressive the party loves, but then they’ll settle for Tim Kaine because he’s milquetoast as fuck.

King Hippo

I like Booker, because he has a good story and tells it well. After 2016, that may be the most important criterion, so long as said candidate is not a sociopath ala “Johnny” Edwards (my former Senator, who had my ass fooled for awhile).

...

Booker was on TV defending Jared Kushner because he raised ~$40K for him. He’s also sided repeatedly with the pharmaceutical industry.

Booker can be launched into the sun for all I care.

Gratliff

I find the charter school bullshit to be far more problematic. They could do worse, but there just has to be better out there. If they’re going to scream that the Democratic nominee is dangerously liberal, at least let the shit be true.

King Hippo

I certainly don’t prefer that, but outside of being anti-choice, I find few things like that a deal-breaker.

Every candidate has views/past votes they have to distance themselves from (assuming they have a record to defend at all), and at least on the Dem side, they all govern like standard center-left consensus builders anyway. He’s not going to get into office and throw the teachers to the wolves and fuck with the coalition like that.

But yeah, he definitely has drawbacks. That said…the 2020 candidate has to have a personality this time.

King Hippo

I also like Sen. Brown from OH, Gov. Bullock (MT), Sen. Klobuchar (MN), and Sen. Harris (CA). Some combination of those folk would make sense on the ticket, too. But the main things, someone who articulates their vision well, and unites/appeals to broad sections of the party.

blaxabbath

The DNC should just own it and run JEB!

Unsurprised

Nah, never.

JustStopDude

At this point, its more difficult to come up with a worst DNC candidate than a better one.

Sarah Palin?

Horatio Cornblower

Connecticut’s own, Sen. Chris Murphy, is clearly angling form high office.

Spoiler alert, no one from Connecticut is getting elected to a national office. Not without moving to Texas first. Looking at you GWB.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I cannot WAIT to vote for Chris. Solid dude.

Unsurprised

Rahm Emmanuel is also shitting all over the Democrats’ chances to win in 2018.

Granted, he’s right because of shit he did when he was their head whip and ran the DCCC … But by the same token the same people who ruined the party 30 years ago and ten years ago and ten months ago and ten seconds ago are still there fucking over the rest of the world because they’re a bunch of insular, well-heeled, soft-assed pieces of shit.

Brick Meathook

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

Jack Nicklaus says “Tiger needs our help”

/looks at Tiger’s net worth
//looks at SonOfSpam’s net worth

Nah.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You heartless POS! I will help Tiger Woods!

*Spend his net worth

I will make that sacrifice!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

One can only go to Hooters so many nights in a row.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One could buy the chain, or at least a large portion thereof.

litre_cola

I would like the job as his chauffeur please. Probably will pay more than both my jobs.

SonOfSpam

I see him as more of a “take Uber and don’t tip” guy.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He obviously doesn’t use Uber, or he wouldn’t be in the news. I see him as the guy that in no shape to drive “borrows” someone’s car to drive home and gives a half assed apology in the morning to the person who owned the car.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You CAN’T tip with Uber. Unless you do it with cash. I think that’s true. I might be spreading #FAKENEWS.

litre_cola

Slow night for sportsing. This should be not allowed

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Now I’m curious… hey, St. John’s made it! Hey, they play Vanderbilt! Fuck Vanderbilt, I’m still not sure how I didn’t get in there way back when!

/Yes, I keep grudges.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude

So getting into Canada now is a bitch. I go to all this trouble to get a visa for a month of June.

I get an email this AM from one of the customers

“JSD, since you couldn’t support us May 5th, you will provide the third week of training on the 10 of July”

I fire right back…”I am confused. You gave me a letter of invitation for the month of June. If there are changes to the schedule, I need to know this ASAP as this will seriously complicate my legal work status”

Not a fucking word. No email, no fucking phone call…won’t even answer the fucking phone.

Unsurprised

Tell them to go fuck themselves. Come to you or fuck the fuck off.

It’s not like they can go somewhere else for competent service.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Angie Dickinson is killing it as a female lead right now in “Rio Bravo”. John Wayne, Ricky Nelson and Dean Martin are just killing bad guys.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For that type of western that is pretty good.

scotchnaut

Way back in the day I sat in on a film theory course. The prof made an argument for the work of director Howard Hawks. The years have proven him right as far as I’m concerned.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also, IMO Martin and Dickinson stole the show acting wise.

scotchnaut

” I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D SAY SUCH A THING TO ME! YOU CAIN’T BE SERIOUS! I DONE STOLE THE WHOLE DADGUMM MOVIE, ACTING-WISE!”

-Walter Brennan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s got a point; he played Walter Brennan better than anybody could EVER play Walter Brennan.

Gratliff

New season of Unbreakable AND F is for Family? About fucking time.

King Hippo

TV on the Radio is a credit to Black Hipsters everywhere. Total badasses.

I gave up on all things NC State, though a “Kentuckiana” bracket seems luckier than getting shipped to Corvallis as rumoured. They sure suck, though. Going down 10-nil in the 1st inning to U*NC?? Just fuck right off.

I think MLB should make Hunter and Bryce maaaaaakkkkke ouuuuuuttttt. C’mon, with those names, the repression gots to be strong. And Buddy gets to judge the genuineness.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently “butt chugging” is not what I originally thought it was. I’m not going to get into details.

ballsofsteelandfury

How did you discover this?

Also, what was YOUR definition?

SonOfSpam

Rikki thought “butt-chugging” was the same as “felching” which made for awkward times at the Kappa house.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What did I just say about details?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Thankfully, there is still vodka eyeballing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fYse1oIWV4

Is the vodka soaked tampon fad over yet?

King Hippo

you’ll shit right by next week, worry not

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh