Tonight’s Episode:
Snow Day
It was early June and summer was in the air. Everywhere else but here.
Moose – The End Is Well Nigh had just come back inside from shoveling snow.
But it was still coming down so hard that he’d never be able to get out and make it to the dispensary in time before they closed. So after stomping the snow off his boots, he quickly moved to the kitchen and opened a drawer. Inside lay a half a blunt and several empty containers.
Moose (sighs): Well, just darn it. I’ll have to save that for later I guess. Maybe some wine then. And at least I’ll have time to mess with those guys tonight.
Moose opens the fridge, pours some wine, then sits down at his computer. He signs on to…
[Door Flies Open]
…and then opens several different “tabs”. It’s going to be a fun night, he’s sure of it.
Soon, King Hippo shows up and says something about how much the world sucks and also something about pills and shoulders probably.
Moose (typing rapidly): Ha ha, here we go….. (clicks “post comment”) …
Moose: See, now he feels better. I helped. …. Uh oh, what’s this?
Moose watches as this pops up onto his screen…..
Moose: Ha, oh yeah? Well here then….
Moose: He’ll like that. I know he’s sad the Pens didn’t sweep.
Just then, Moose’s monitor goes blank. He hits ESC a few times, but nothing happens. Then he tries CTRL-ALT-DEL. Nothing. Just then, this pops up on his screen…
But within only seconds, the screen goes blank again. Moose begins randomly hitting keys on the keyboard, which is totally not sticky. Eventually, he gives up. He’s about to shut the power down to the system, when this pops up….
Moose (still randomly hitting keys): What. The. Fu……
KNOCK KNOCK
Moose opens the door and sees that it’s the neighborhood girls….AGAIN (sigh)….here offering to shovel the snow off of his walk…
Moose: Look girls, I already told you that I don’t need….
Miranda (kissing Moose’s cheek as she storms in): You don’t know what you need.
Doutzen (gently pinching Moose’s butt as she follows Miranda inside): Yeah, it’s cold out. And we chose your house.
Marissa and Karolina giggle demurely as they both follow Miranda and Doutzen to the bedroom. Moose watches them long enough to see that the ties on the white bikinis are being untied on the fly and the bikinis are hitting the floor. He turns around in time to see Alessandra step up to him very closely….
Alessandra (gently squeezing Moose’s nuts as she enters): We’re about to do unspeakable things in your bed. You can join us if you want. Or if you’re scared you could always just go to the bar around the corner….
Without even thinking about it (duh) Moose turns to follow the girls into the bedroom. Just then his computer beeps again….
Moose: No way man. I’ve got five naked Victoria’s Secret models doing things in my bed. I’m not going anywhere. And why am I talking to myself?
Moose puts on his coat and peeks into the bedroom. He immediately notices that he cannot tell where one girl stops and the other begins.
Moose: Ummmmm, ladies. Help yourselves to….you know, whatever. I’ll be back soon….I hope. (mumbles to self) … I can’t believe I’m leaving this. Note to self: Buy a new computer.
Moose leaves and walks the quarter mile to the bar around the corner. When he enters, it is dark and it takes his eyes a moment to adjust. Then he sees who t he bartender is tonight.
Moose: WTF?
Moose: Aren’t you…..?
Scarlett: Hell yes, and it took you long enough to get here. Didn’t Alessandra tell you that I was waiting?
Moose: Not exactly. They’re all naked at my house and….I dunno. They’re kinda doing some stuff.
Scarlett (chugging vodka): Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go make it a seven-some!!
Moose: Wow, great answer. I really like you. But it’s cold out. Here, take my coat.
Moose takes off his coat and places it gently over Scarlett’s shoulders.
Scarlett (blushing): Oh, what a gentleman. I’ll remember that later when your balls are in someone else’s mouth.
Moose: Wow, just wow. Another great answer. Did I mention that I really like you?
Scarlett: Is it cool if we get rid of this white bikini when we get to your place? I more had something like this in mind….
Moose: Ummmmm….uh huh. Oh yeah, we’re good.
Scarlett: Did you just…….?
Moose: Nope. No idea what you’re talking about. Let’s go.
The two quickly leave to head back to Moose’s house for an evening of debauchery. In their haste however, they don’t notice the duo sitting nonchalantly in a corner booth near the back of the bar.
tWBS (removing Tina glasses and closing laptop): Wow, this shit is getting complicated. Holy shit.
balls: Inorite? Plus it’s cold as fuck here. Don’t we know anyone who lives where it’s warm?
tWBS (putting Tina glasses back on and opening laptop): Yes. Yes we do.
Le Fin
–
^
Fantasy
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l-TT4oFoPYI/U5-rCBqhFDI/AAAAAAAAAp0/F9wseNKDZ5c/s1600/Darien+Lake+moose+1.jpg
^
Reality
This may take me a while to rehydrate.
Thena Imma gonna burn (gif) this place down!
This is really fucking weird; you know I don’t drink much wine.
Well done you freak.
http://www.digitaljournal.com/img/5/9/2/8/1/2/i/1/5/0/o/moose.JPG
Loved playing in the sprinkler as a kid.
http://i.imgur.com/9CByvFI.gif
Hehehe…takes one to know one.
Future home of your Los Angeles ChargerRams (formerly Hollywood Park racetrack) with Fabulous Forum at top. This site is right underneath the busy final approaches to LAX, so putting a roof on the stadium is stupid because no one will be able to see the airplanes flying right overhead.
The Grand Canyon
Drilling rigs, northern New Mexico
You can tell they are over-regulated….
34000 feet over Dodge City KS
So if tWBS is Morpheus, does that mean Balls is Trinity?
I see him more as “Mouse,” for no real reason at all.
http://www.nothinguncut.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/RzTfrgP.png
Hehe
http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/funny-cop-animal-caption.jpg
Make It Snow breathes a huge sigh of relief.
Too soon to break up the new marriage. (Translation: Lady Snow might be one of the few of the “DFO significant others” who doesn’t hate me just yet so for now we’ll keep it that way).
To keep things fair, eventually I suppose balls and I will have to do each other.
Let me rephrase that….
He can review this.
Ohio River south of Wheeling WV
Someplace warm. So you’re going to ICRM’s apartment?
That’s fucking funny.
And a great idea.
A/C repair girl?
Hmmmmmm…….
http://www.humoar.com/wp-content/uploads/ucgifs/drink-censorship.gif