Your “No Problems Here – What Are You Talking About?”

NFL News:

  • Tony Romo will miss Friday’s Chiefs-Seahawks game because his son was born last night. Good for him.
    • Little Jones McCoy Romo joins older brothers Hawkins & Rivers in the Romo playpen.
      • I’m guessing the name is a tribute to JERRAL, and an unsilent thank-you for the bonus money he kept after retiring.
  • Some bored reporter got the bright idea to ask Chargers coach Anthony Lynn if there’s a rivalry brewing between the Rams & Chargers. He gave the best answer he could:
    • “Not really,” Lynn said, via the OC Register. “Because neither one of us have done anything yet. So you’ve got to do something first. Maybe the fight is between the marketing departments. I don’t know.”
  • It’s all fine in Jacksonville…except that Chad Henne is starting tonight versus Carolina.
    • They have no other options at this point, because they drafted everything but a QB in 2017.
      • As a reminder, Bortles was the No. 3 overall pick in the 2014 NFL Draft. Sporting News has a story on the failure of the entire first round of that year’s QB drafts.
      • Not for nothing, but a cursory search tells me the Argos may have Bortles CFL rights.
    • And………….here comes the Kaepernick rumours.
  • On the Kaep front, an interesting day in New York Wednesday:
    • The protest outside NFL HQ took place. About 1000 people were reported to have attended.
      • Speaking at the protest, the Rev. Jamal Bryant said. “The NFL has proven with their treatment of Colin Kaepernick that they do not mind if black players get a concussion. They just got a problem if black players get a conscience.”
    • The NAACP has asked for a meeting with Roger Goodell “to discuss NFL players and their ability to exercise their First Amendment rights”.
      • Forgive a Canadian, but I thought the First meant the government couldn’t shut you up, and that a private corporation can do what they want.
        • Like how after Charlottesville people alt-righters got fired and crocodile tears were spilled for them.
    • Someone asked for Hank Aaron’s opinion.
      • “I think he’s getting a raw deal,” said Aaron.
    • CBS Sports with the dig of the day:
      • “Anytime you can get a guy who managed to set music back 50 years — by mashing up “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Werewolves of London” into a horrific new song that’s just catchy enough to worm into your ear — to weigh in on a sports/politics controversy, you have to do it.”
      • All because, while performing at the Iowa State Fair (uh huh), Robert James Ritchie said,
        • “Football’s about ready to start. You know what? [expletive] Colin Kaepernick.”
    • Finally, PFT (of all sites) brings up Michael Sam (of all people) in comparison:

Three years ago, Peter King reported prior to the first game of the 2014 regular season (Packers at Seahawks) that the NFL called multiple teams in an effort to get one of the teams to sign Michael Sam to its practice squad. The Cowboys eventually did.

With Kaepernick, it would unfold the same way. Phone calls and arm twists and horse trades would eventually result in Kaepernick being employed. Whether it’s offering the team a wink-nod chance to host a Super Bowl or a dispensation from having to give up a home game to London or a 10-year exemption from Hard Knocks or whatever else the league can quietly offer, there are ways the NFL could place Kaepernick on a team, if the NFL really wanted to.

Finally, ESPN has a breakdown of the difference between a tank and a failing franchise, in a discussion about the Jets.

  • Basically, it comes down to, you have to have a solid plan in order to tank. ESPN alleges the Jets are too inept to be able to tank properly, and are simply failing all on their own.

Game preview: Dolphins at Eagles

Sticking with my cursory SBNation analysis/thievery, the Dolphins’ site The Phinsider is thrilled to note Mike Pouncey will be making his debut tonight, and explains to their readers the metaphorical concept of removing the “bubble wrap” from a 300-pound player. Speaking of bubble wrap, they are hedging their bets on Jay Cutler, as “Why there is no question about Ryan Tannehill and his $17.5 million” goes into the logic of keeping Tannehill no matter what happens this season with Jay Cutler under center. Otherwise, their site is mostly game preview, discussing such topics as:

Meanwhile, over at the harbingers of doom known as Bleeding Green Nation, they are really trying to drum up interest in a lineup that smell like something Jeff Fisher threw out. When I clicked on the link, “How to watch the Eagles-Dolphins game“, I half-expected a pop-up ad for 6-pack sales at Wawa to appear. They pump an ESPN Insider poll that (somehow) ranks Carson Wentz slightly behind Jameis Winston & Marcus Mariota, higher than Sam Bradford, and notes Jared Goff as #32. Their preview about “Thirteen players to watch tonight” is a misnomer because #2 is “The offensive line”, so they might as well have said “Let’s watch; you decide”.

Prediction: An unwatchable 13-7 Eagles victory.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Dolphins at Eagles – 7:00PM | NFL Network
  • CFL:
    • Blue Bombers at Alouettes – 7:30PM | TSN
  •  Baseball:
    • Little League World Series:
      • U.S. Elimination Game: New England vs. Southwest – 7:30PM | ESPN
        • Fairfield, CT vs. Lufkin, TX
    • MLB:
      • Red Sox at Cleveland – 7:00PM | Sportsnet

I was doing food deliveries for my buddy’s Greek restaurant last night. The delivery to the motel down the street was for $78. A topless hooker answered the door, paid, and no-tipped the delivery. OR DIDN’T SHE?!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick Meathook

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ALXMAC

I began to wonder when one of your previous image notations mentioned ‘shutter speed’ but I didn’t want to look like I knew what you were posting about.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Watch this. All the way thru. Trust me.
Learn something. John McWhorter and Ron Perlman both have brains.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHv0RExQsPQ

theeWeeBabySeamus

No piano or script here.

Unsurprised

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ALXMAC
Duchess

I dont want to alarm anyone but Taylor Swift just dropped her new single

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It didn’t break, did it?

ALXMAC

In honor of #Villains being released tomorrow and Horatio Cornblowers pilfered Mexican Coke:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dppDPXgGhnE

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Only Aaron Sorkin could write that shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

and add the fucking annoying piano.

Big Black Richard

Fuck Aaron Sorkin sideways for that Boomer-worshipping horseshit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

the crutches add a nice touch.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Holy shit. I just realized this gif totally applies to the above interception because the runner could’ve scored if he hadn’t been blocked by his own fucking man.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

“When you get old in life, things get taken from you. But you only learn that when you start losing stuff.”

Time for me to say goodnight and go get drunk. Nite gents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_iKg7nutNY

Unsurprised

How much of this do you think was LT acting vs. just being truthful?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNm6NBhj0sQ

Duchess
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So we’ve been watching the show “Lost Girl”. Here is a summary of the entire series:

http://cdn3-www.afterellen.com/assets/uploads/2012/01/011112annasilk8.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I liked it too.

WCS

You have my attention….

Horatio Cornblower

Oh sure, but whenI make a documentary about “lost girls” it’s “multiple felonies” this and “registered offender” that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At least the show is adequately self-deprecating – the main character just described her plan of attack as “cleavage”.

Unsurprised

I like that plan.

litre_cola

So the Chargers are even sleazier than 1st imagined eh?

http://deadspin.com/chargers-ditch-equipment-manager-at-end-of-training-cam-1798411081

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, they eat the whole bag fo’ sho’.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow. Super shitty super chargers.

Unsurprised

BOLTMAN is going to be pissed.

Shogun Marcus

You may hate this now, but you’ll hate this more later.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=CO8vBVUaKvk

WCS

Quadruple fuck Gibbie Haynes up the dickhole with Scott Weiland’s used heroin syringe.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Sun’s out …

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Such an interesting mix of fantasy nerds, crazy guitar solos, and what I’m assuming is all the drugs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pFdkkjGiEs

Gratliff

Ah yes, the official “Hey, our guitarist learned how to play solos at summer camp” single

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry, I rarely hear anything but the drums.

I’m regretting never having learned a double bass now that I’ve decided I need to give up the drums for my own good.

And also golf.

Shogun Marcus

Guess what all…enjoy.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=NJ3aiM8K6D0

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Time for another capirinha.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So this morning the dog false started. Still got a first down tho, just five yards back.

Shogun Marcus

Hey…I get this. Love you and yours Sir! Just tell me if you need help. I’m here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She can’t cut like she used to; just runs deep outs and posts, but still has some speed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been working on it with mine. She’s not quite there yet, but I’m not disappointed by her progress so far.

ballsofsteelandfury

Were the tits worth the tip or not really?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Did she at least tip tonight?

Gratliff

Using Garage, Inc to pivot into some BOC.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzRVm65lNdU

Duchess

Worst Stephen King adaptation in 2017? It or Dark Tower?

WCS

I really, really hope It doesn’t suck.

Duchess

Yeah but Cary F dropped out because the studio wanted to make changes to the script he had worked on for a couple of years. And things never turn out good when Studios get into the mix too much.

WCS

I’m holding out hope, since they’re splitting it into two movies: as kids, and then later, as adults. Like the book.

Gratliff

Good money says they both still look like classics next to Dreamcatcher.

ALXMAC

Is ‘Under the Dome’ still on?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My money is on Dark Tower.

Horatio Cornblower

It’ll be hard to beat Dark Tower, and that’s not a pun.

Idris Elba is a fantastic Roland but Dark Tower ate all the dicks.

Duchess

So the link below is what kind of inspired the 25 questions

https://www.reddit.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/6vkdh8/eclipse_phases_over_brasstown_bald_georgia_oc/

this asshole is trying to sell a shitty photoshop as a picture he took. like do I despise him or do I just say if any moron buys it they deserve what they pay for,

Unsurprised

I hope he and anyone who buys them die in a fire.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, it’s a Motorhead party is it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyKlvVPpxo8

Gratliff

I remember people bitching about Garage, Inc. when it came out, but it’s a huge reason teenage Grat got into all the 70’s and 80’s metal things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAQZeefm6-M

Duchess

could have been worse could have been Spaghetti Incident introducing you to shitty music.

Gratliff

For a band that has some killer covers, it’s mind-boggling they could release a full album of shit ones.

Duchess

Had it to have been a shitty album put out to get out of a contract right? Like I hear sometimes when a band puts out a “greatest hits” album its to make contract demand of producing X number of albums.

litre_cola

Klassie.

Unsurprised
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck this shit. I’m going to watch Barton Fink.

WCS

Well shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Okay, fuck it. FULL MOTORHEAD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7oCqustVQA

Shogun Marcus
King Hippo

Lose a home series to the Padres? That’s a strip club invite. Later, degenerates.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-

gonna need to take the duvet to the dry cleaners again.

Unsurprised

That was a fun rabbit hole to go down to get her name — Khloë Terae

https://gfycat.com/PiercingKeyDragonfly

Horatio Cornblower

You guys I just found out my son’s friends drank all my Mexican Coke.

I’mma need an alibi in a few minutes.

Duchess

that’s fucking bullshit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Redshirt

Hey, Horatio! Thanks again for helping me with that thing between the hours of 10:26 and 11:47. You’re a real lifesaver.

Gratliff

When I used to have to wake up at 3:30 am to go work 10 hours at a sawmill 6 days a week, this was the alarm on my phone. It worked very well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDB0dUWZUK8

Shogun Marcus

I love you.

Shogun Marcus

If you need more, just nope. Done.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

yay scrub touchdowns

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Not to worry dear. I’ve got some balls I’ll be happy to give you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hopefully she likes Mexicans

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO.
Where is that fucker, anyway?

Unsurprised

Mexicans don’t care

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got a “cocking lever”. Grab hold of it and I’ll show you how it works.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Great throw by @BBortles5 to @SHANEWYNN4 for the @Jaguars TD!

The intern running @NFL can go fuck himself for calling that a great throw.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And for misspelling Jaguras

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, so the context is of course the Lions, Thanksgiving, and the fact that they didn’t have cheerleaders up until last year. yada yada yada…hot chicks to be seen on Thanksgiving now….yada yada yada….might cause me to burn another turkey.

But “another” is the key word.

Thanksgiving of ’13, I was still in AZ, recently divorced, but in a “relationship” with a really hot chick much too young for me. What Imma do, say no? Yeah, sure I will.

So I’m cooking, she’s watching football on the couch (one of the reasons I liked her) and then she gets a little frisky. Gets nekkid, decides to entice me. tWBS forgets there’s a turkey in the oven, smoke, almost flames, smoke alarm….

But the joke is this…

We ate out that night.

That means two things.

And yes, I swear it’s true.

ALXMAC

The only thing that’s open here on Thanksgiving is Chinese buffet or your moms legs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MOM YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Duchess
theeWeeBabySeamus

Phil Ashio was also in the room.
Big time.

Unsurprised

Nice

theeWeeBabySeamus

I fucked up a perfectly good turkey, but can’t say I regert it.
My favorite Thanksgiving ever, in fact.
Jeebus that girl…Oy.

Unsurprised

Tell me more …

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmmm….
About 5′ nothing. Very tight and open to experimentation. 18 years younger than me. No idea why she loved me, but she did.

And then I fucked her over when she asked to move back east with me, and I said no. I was walking into a world of shit here and I couldn’t let her ruin her life that way.

Now she hates me.

I didn’t say the story had a happy ending.

Again…all true.

Unsurprised

At least you have a story to tell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I suppose. And mostly I think I made the right decision. But I do wonder. It’s difficult not to. If we had been in a longer term relationship I might have felt differently. It had only been about 6 months.

But just couldn’t let her make that mistake and regret it later. But yes, I have second guessed myself on it a few times.

Duchess

Still a better love story than Twighlit

theeWeeBabySeamus

There might have been some biting involved, tho.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So she watched you fuck a turkey? No that is GGG.

Horatio Cornblower

Dear Penthouse Forum:

I never believed your stories were true, but I recently had an experience which I thought your readers might enjoy. To begin, let’s just say that the turkey wasn’t the only thing getting stuffed last Thursday!
/20 minutes of cunnilingus, 3 unfortunate metaphors about juicy peaches
//3 lies about 9″ penis
///2-4 sex positions that are not physically possible for vertebrates
////Climax/ejaculate on face/breasts/belly/alloftheabove
/////THE ARISTOCRATS!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!!! I have NEVAR lied about my tiny penis!!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Regarding the McGregor-Mayweather fight my wife and I are friends with a very nice couple, one of whom have parents who are loaded to the point that last night’s Powerball drawing is a rounding error. Tomorrow they are throwing a party at the parents’ mansion, and I do mean mansion, which involves a goddamn fireshow for a half hour before the fights, then the fights will be shown outside on a 100′ screen.

We are staying for the fireshow but I give so little shits about the goddamn cartoon that is that fight that we’re bailing right after.

Also I know rich people.

Unsurprised

We need pitchforks, torches, a pickup, and directions to Aaron Hernandez’s old neighborhood.

Horatio Cornblower

Aerosmith? Son, take that shit elsewhere.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h45WnW0ASFY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

That fight is going to be such a fucking joke. The only way McGregor wins is if everyone is in on the take to set up another fight.

McGregor winning this boxing match is as likely as Mayweather winning an MMA fight.

For the life of me, I do not get the hype at all.

Well besides the obvious race baiting…

Horatio Cornblower

My best guess is that McGregor wins by KO in the 2nd round, Mayweather demands a rematch, which he wins by decision because he can’t KO anyone these days, there’s a 3rd fight that Mayweather also wins b/c McGregor isn’t a boxer and both of them pocket $225 million each and laugh all the way to the bank.

Unsurprised

How much does McGregor have to kick back to Dana White and/or Mayweather himself?

JustStopDude

He would have to actually make contact with Mayweather.

The best boxers in the sport cannot make contact with Mayweather’s head, but we are suppose to believe that an MMA is going to be able to?

Its akin to having an NFL linebacker trying to hit a baseball thrown by the best pitcher in the MLB.

I expect something like McGregor does something illegal (like a headbutt) and the fight ends on a disqualification.

Horatio Cornblower

You ain’t lying. I just don’t put anything past anyone involved in boxing in terms of a fix.

Duchess

2 Questions…
1. Is Don King alive?
2. if so is he involved?

Senor Weaselo

Ufford wrote that the only ending where we win is McGregor kicks Mayweather’s head into the sun and then is exiled to the bottom of the ocean. My biggest concern with that is whether the Marianas Trench is deep enough.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Grab a few rare paintings for the clubhouse

Duchess

Wow, thanks for the party favor is this a Pollok?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not making this up. In the billiards room, (oh yes, there’s a billiards room. Do you not have one in your domicile? Pity.), there is half of a moose sticking out of the wall. Not a taxidermied head; half of the entire fucking moose! The room is big enough that Bullwinkle does not interfere with play.

Unsurprised

Does it only post half-offensive gifs?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh well done.

Gratliff

Some derp, too much bleergh, but overall, a surprisingly enjoyable preseason football outing

Unsurprised

This throw is so stupid it just got a basketball scholarship to U*NC.

https://twitter.com/Eagles/status/900896390062239745

Duchess

I’m not saying boxing is fixed, but what is the incentive for McGregor to take the fight past the first round?

$75MM just to show?

Horatio Cornblower

From what I’ve been told he loses 90% of his purse if he goes MMA on Mayweather’s ass.

Now call me crazy but if you give me the opportunity, (and ability, which I would need granted as I currently do not possess it), to high kick Mayweather in the skull I will gladly take the 7.5 million and walk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, who wants to hear my Thanksgiving oversharing moment which went into the ether when I killed my useless last minute Lions team preview?

Hippo might already know this one. I can’t remember.

Unsurprised

Since when do we ask permission before oversharing?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Since you fuckers started talking shit about my mom? Maybe?
Yeah, sounds right.
😉

Unsurprised

Dude, I made a joke last week about not talking to mine enough even though she’s in my hall closet. (She is.)

Horatio Cornblower

Unsurprised is Vince Vaughn you guys.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0155975/

Unsurprised

I’m way better than Vince Vaughn. If for no other reason than me not making shit movies like Swingers.

Unsurprised

Something something another Spanish-speaker stealing from a hard-working white man.

https://twitter.com/NFL/status/900898356465205248

Unsurprised

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