The Pre-dent of your Untied States has made NFL owners and players sympathetic figures. Is there nothing he can’t do? What have we learned today? We’ve achieved peak Bearness-there’s nowhere to go but …sideways? The Giants O continues to stink on ice. And Grass. And Astroturf. And during the day. And at night. DeKizer Soze will try his very best but he’s a rook on a team that likes to destroy their employee’s will to succeed. Erin Andrews’ sun hat makes her nose look really big. The Giants aren’t allowed to score legit touchdowns, just because. Starting Mercedes Lewis out of the blue in fantasy gets you mega points and makes you seem smarter than you actually are. Case Keenum will wreck your shit every coupla years if you give him a chance. The Denver run D is for real again, damn it! It makes little to no difference whether you start Newton or Winston at the QB spot. (as of early in the second half) I’ve learned nothing else today. TO THE GAME!
RAIDERS/REDACTEDS: This is kinda a weird game to get an accurate read on. Rb Kelley is out so look for rook Perine to shine a bit unless Thompson decides to steal his thunder. Where has wr Pryor been? His catch rate is 53% and he’s accounted for a mere 97 yards to this point. He’s got the look of a boom/bust guy as far as fantasy is concerned. Qb Cousins needs to get on the same page as him. There’s your homework fellas-have at it. Perhaps cb Norman will take wr Cooper out of the game, perhaps not. Mine own opinion is that Raiders qb Carr just has too many weapons to not succeed here.
Enjoy the game.
Actually looking forward to tomorrow night when that stupid Jerry Jones quote/meme polluting my feed on the book of faces finally dies when half that team takes a knee and he does absolutely nothing.
Here’s something to counter with.
So CSI Miami is apparently on after the news.
“Anything from the victim’s pose?”
“He’s in a pugilistic position from the burns. From the Latin pugil, for a fight with the fists.”
“A fight… *Horatio puts on shades* …to the death”
How much more shoehorning did they have to do for that one?
I thought they cancelled that show years ago. Fun Fact, their DNA lab lady is over 50 and still hot as balls (ofsteelandfury).
EDIT: Ah, Eva LaRue (Which somehow wasn’t already a porn name). https://imgur.com/a/AB5z0
It’s in syndication, naturally.
That dawned on me about five minutes ago.
I’m impressed the cup didn’t even wobble.
Seriously, what is that cup made of? Neutronium?
What did that kid think was going to happen?
HE’S A FUTURE CHRIS COLLINSWORTH.
Trent Green’s kid? Grandkid? Getting an early start on CTE.
White people just don’t have rhythm.
It’s pathetic how I’ve become someone who halfheartedly waits to watch new episodes of Rick & Morty. It’s not that good.
I should check out mother! and Logan Lucky. I couldn’t finish Baby Driver. I think the last new movie I was able to sit through entirely was John Wick 2 or Get Out.
My man. R&M is not that good.
“Just a little pressure…OK, we’re done”.
I don’t want to think of how they still make them in the old country.
No, it isn’t. However, it beats damn near anything else I can think to watch at the moment.
To all of you youngsters out there, take care of your knees.
Seriously.
I can’t take a piss without my knees screaming at me.
For real. Respect your fucking knees.
These motherfuckers are killing me right now.
To be fair; I would scream if you pissed on me.
I would expect nothing less.
Then again, you paid for it.
Of course then I pay you the $20.
Sold.
Why the long face?
That’s expensive! How much for just one knee?
At least I have pretty good knees going for me.
Tell me about it. My poor wife had the “honor” of helping my off the toilet yesterday. When they say for better or for worse, guess where that falls?
Depends. Is she German?
Half Austrian, half Mexican. She makes a killer schnitzel breakfast taco.
That’s awesome.
Get them checked out yet? I ended up with a torn meniscus, doc even gave me a DVD of the whole procedure. I won’t be eating any wings for awhile.
4/15 on picks this week. Look out DAL tomorrow.
500+ comments? Great hustle!
That’s why I always drive wearing an attack dog training sleeve on my right arm, because you never know.
Plus Beggin’ Strips….
Poor K-9s. Raised in a world of hate.
All Cops Are Bastards
This is not accurate.
Mine wasn’t.
Awwwwww…
It’s a good thing RTD is in Singapore and missed this game. Let’s hope that’s the case because beer is REALLY fucking expensive over there!
You can usually find good sake at a decent price though.
I shit you not, I once saw a” special ” of 6 Coronitas in a bucket for $40.
D’Oh!
Oh deer!
A female deer!
A D’Oh!
Those are like, 8 ounces?
How I feel about being a college professor right before a deadline:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSS8tiy9Y3U&ab_channel=MikeAbitabile
I hate it when my chicken runs and I can’t choke it.
Usually it’s the other way around!
That’s true about every job. Face it, life would be perfect if it weren’t for all the goddamn people in it.
I’m too lazy and inept to become a hermit, but that would rule.
I can’t be the only one who wants the woman in the Liberty Mutual “BRAD” commercial to be run over by the same car she seems to worship. And killed.
KARMA IS A BITCH
YOU TOTAL ME IMMA TOTALL YOU
Torquing your nuts is important you guys!
Makes for a happier ending for sure.
Is that a catch?
Review from the booth in New York says … Yes. Fair catch.
TOUCHDOWN, SEAHAWKS!
Good night y’all, it’s been fun!
Fun?
I wonder which model that is.
Sweet Redacted dreams!
Did he just say someone was ‘bringing the wood’???
Without the charity balls? Shame!
Sad Beast Mode. No skittles.
I literally have fewer points now than I had a few hours ago.
The Hillary Clinton Polls Story.
What is, “Somewhere Within a Three Block Radius of Senor At Least Once a Summer?” I’ll take Triple Doubles for $400.
Rip his fucking throat out, dog. He deserves it.
I don’t want to judge harshly….but it doesn’t look like that landing was “top notch”.
Just saying.
I don’t know why, but this cracks me up SO MUCH!
Genie, you’re free.
If that was my dog, that room would look like a crime scene.
Oh, for fuck’s sake, Al, do NOT blame this loss on the Raiders’ anthem protest. Fuck you.
He manages to hide the fact he’s a piece of shit pretty well, but it can’t remain hidden forever.
He identifies with Trump as a fellow dotard
It’s a shame he wasn’t killed on the field because this slow brain death is just getting sad.
Mom and Son on Kiss-Cam at Milwaukee Bucks game.
COME ON! There are entire websites devoted to such.
Kiss cams are genuinely a horrible idea and I can’t believe any team would use them.
In Wisconsin, he could pass for her grandson. They start early their ’cause of the cold and all.
Ted Cruz approves of said sites.
Ummmmm….are we sure that’s not his father?
Pre-surg maybe, but still.
Bill Belichick banged her twice.
OK, but again I have to ask…..
Do you think Trump will insist on playing in the presidents cup, cause it’s golf and the name?
He won’t want to, if they let any of “them” play.
Latvians? After they lost us the Vietnam war, it’s almost understandable.
See, you make prep for the living dead, but you never think about the random dog humping your leg which ends up distracting you and getting you killed.
Fuck you, horny dog of the apocalypse.
“Horny Dogs of the Apocalypse”
Fucking brilliant.
And will soon be a FF team name, of this I’m certain.
It looks like I slept through all sorts of high-scoring NFL action. Oh, what ever will I do?
Go back to sleep?
Sounds good to me.
They should throw to Terrell Pryor during garbage time
It matters for the 2 people who started the DC D!
Great. It’ll take at least a week to get this out of my head.
SAVED IT!!!!!!
Not me…I’ll rub one out to thoughts of Scully and my pickle, I’ll be clear before midnight.
Later.
THAT’S NOT SCULLY OR MY PICKLE YOU SCURVY DOG.
“I’M A GROWER NOT A SHOWER!!”
-tWBS
Why are the [*Redacted] s winning? Are we living in the upside down?
Come at me bro!
For a long time now.
Is Carr still covered under the manufacturer warranty?
Coupla aftermarket parts, but yeah, he good.
Oooh! Twist ending!
Not the bumper-to-bumper, but they still might be able to replace his power train.
Expires after two OTAs, or 1500 passing yards.
Colts-Seahawks next week is going to be hard to watch.
I think SEA will rise to the occasion.
It’s true, I don’t think I’ll be able to get the game in Bali
Will there still be a Bali, considering they’re prepping for the volcano?
OH LOOK IT’S TRAVIS FUCKING KELCE SHOWING UP
BEHOLD THE GLORY OF BLACK HODOR!!
I still remember being very young and watching the US forces push helicopters into the ocean and evacuating personnel from embassy rooftops and thinking, “This didn’t go well.”
I wonder how Rush Limbaugh will spin the Stillers, his admitted favorite team for decades, staying in the locker room for the anthem. Maybe they were just having deep, philosophical “locker room talk.”
“One can’t grab the pussy, if one doesn’t have one….”
Easy, being led by that uppity negro has ruined the franchise.
Nat?
Now they’re doing it the Left Way, smgdh
“Friends! In this past weekend I think I became a fan of America’s Team! My blood now runs silver and blue with a supersaturation of opiods and canned ham!”
Fuck you.
I’m not that gullible.
But there’s always the bunghole.
Recording episode 6 of the Vietnam War. Have to catch up on watching that before one of you lets slip who wins in the end.
USA, USA….awww crap.
Yes, this joke has been recycled for your pleasure.
/slurps some pho
Based on current events I’m not counting the US out in the long-run.
In the long run, there are now more KFCs in Hanoi than in Portland.
SPOILER ALERT: The Latvians win.
everyone forgets to box out Latvia!
It’s true.
After today, are the Giants the team most likely to go winless?
Sometimes when I wear my Redacteds knit cap people mistake it for a Gryffendor hat
OK DAMMIT, I want photographic evidence that Dok owns a Redacteds’ toque. Wear it, take a selfie, or it didn’t happen.
I can confirm it exists and it has adorned her head.
Wow, that’s almost unintentional intentional groundingesque