Your “Stylin’ & Profilin'” Monday Night Football & Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The pressure must have gotten to John Fox – it’s Truth Biscuit time in Chicago!
    • His first game will be next Monday night versus the Vikings.
  • With the Falcons bye week approaching, it appears Julio Jones – owner & wearer of the high flyin’ cleats in the banner photo – will not miss any time due to injury.
    • He hurt a hip flexor in the loss to Buffalo.
  • Based on stats through the first four games, Tom Brady is on track to be sacked 52 times this year.
    • To date, he’s been dropped 13 times. He was sacked for loss 15 times in all of the 2016 regular season.
  • The Seahawks got beat-the-hell-up last night in their victory over the Colts:
    • Left tackle Rees Odhiambo: Bruised heart.
      • HOW THE FUCK DID HE FINISH THE GAME?!
    • RB Chris Carson: Broken leg, below the knee
      • Done for the season
    • DE Cliff Avril: Pinched nerve; day-to-day
      • He lost feeling in his fingertips after an accidental kick to the head.
    • CB Jeremy Lane: Strained groin.
      • Day-to-day
  • As expected, Eagles fans took over the StubHub Center and turned an away game into home-field advantage. This Deadspin link has full audio of the debacle Eagles OT Jason Peters said “was like a home game”.

Finally, unrelated to football, it’s been a bad day for music fans. The 58 people killed at the Jason Aldean show in Las Vegas by a domestic terrorist, and news that Tom Petty is on life-support dead, have made for a very sad Monday.

I saw Tom Petty live once. It was the “True Confessions” tour with Bob Dylan in 1986.

    

It was pretty good. Each played 45 minutes on their own, and then combined for the final 30 minutes of the show. I owned that shirt for years; it eventually wore out.


Game Preview: Chiefs at Redskins

Tonight, two of the sports world’s finest ethnic slurs face off in Washington as the Kansas City Chiefs, owned by non-affiliated Christian & white male Clark Hunt, take on a Washington team owned by Jewish businessman & white male Dan Snyder.

Hunt, who lettered in soccer at Southern Methodist University in 1987, and therefore did not have any hand in the alleged murder of five hookers while Craig James definitely attended SMU between 1979-82, majored in business, worked at Goldman Sachs and was named head of Hunt Sports Group LLC when his father Lamar died. He shares ownership with his three siblings. He was influential in getting his father to back the creation of Major League Soccer, something that validated the league in its early days of operation.

Dan Snyder, a petty little man who has a tendency to sue any organization that writes untruthful things, is a businessman notorious for attempting to squeeze every penny out of the organizations he owns or belongs to as well as monetizing the fan base. I refer you to Dave McKenna’s piece from the Washington City Paper for more details. Snyder attempted to sue the paper & author for defamation, but the suit was withdrawn in the face of a SLAPP motion by the defendants. Currently surrounded by yes-men, he presides over a team that hasn’t done anything meaningful in the NFL since Joe Gibbs first discovered car racing.

The game itself should be a spirited affair, as Kansas City are the only remaining unbeaten team and Washington wants to keep pace with the Eagles & stay one game ahead of the Cowboys. Alex Smith is doing a commendable job holding back the tide wanting high draft pick Patrick Mahomes to come in & take the reins. Now that they have settled on a pronunciation, Washington is enjoying another Kirk Cousins franchise-tag year, as their recent devastation of the Raiders proved. They both have solid receiving corps, and while Washington has the advantage in the safety/corner department, they won’t be able to do much without being able to stop KC’s Kareem Hunt, who is the prime reason Alex Smith looks as good as he does.

It’s either going to be a 42-38 barnburner or a 7-6 slog. Gun to my head, I’d take the Chiefs.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Washington at Kansas City – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en español en ESPN2
  • WWE
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Baseball playoffs start tomorrow with the AL play-in game, followed by the NL game & NHL home openers Wednesday. WE’RE GOOD UNTIL FEBRUARY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

I feel bad for Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, but i’m also conflicted because I get to bask in his misery and laugh at his expense, which gives me another reason to keep on living.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

Anyway, Goodnight all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should know better than to care, their luck almost always runs out as soon as the playoffs start.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Spread on this game was [*Redacteds] +7.5.

Bad beat of the century.

WCS

Guess who just went from 90 minutes of knowing I was going to lose $50 to suddenly MAKE IT RAIN BITCHES?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Buddy on acid buying BitCoin?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tlaloc, the Aztec god of storms?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, that happened. Night, all.

make it snow

covered!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I hate most of Western Canada.

http://whl.ca/prospects/2017/-60776946

Senor Weaselo

How do you even pronounce that?

Gratliff

Van-Koo-Ver

Duchess

Ca-Na-Da

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

His parents were poor and couldn’t afford a vowel, okay? Check your privilege.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

/farts

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, might be another shooting in Vegas after that.
Too soon?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yuuuuuup

King Hippo

NEVAR

make it snow

Oh Jesus.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

LOTS O SHOOTING IN KC TOO; CASUALTIES WERE REMOTES AND KEYBOARDS.

/sorry

King Hippo

garbage time D/ST points for my money leaggue

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Some bookies are gonna be PISSED

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE GAMBLERS?!

Duchess

Think Vegas casinos are more pissed about this outcome?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Favorites covered, so traditionally that is bad news for the bookies.

Duchess

thats why I don’t gamble

would you believe I once split a pair of queens my first time playing blackjack?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I split a hairy asshole the first time playing Jack Black.

Gratliff

HAHA DICK MOVE

Senor Weaselo

Gamblinglinedown!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s like staring into a lava lamp.

Or a mirror.

Senor Weaselo

They kicked it deep?

Duchess

Do you think anyone has had the balls to tell Jay that no one gives a shit about the “Gruden Grinders”

WCS

Because I’m an idiot, it took me until this komment to remember that Jon and Jay are brothers.

Duchess

yeah and I fucked it up almost as bad as the Redacteds messed up the end of this game.

Gratliff

AW YEAH SUCK IT SLURS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

EVERYBODY GETS A TRIP TO THE TROUGH!

litre_cola

Calling Shanklor.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Harrison Butker…

White people…you are NO LONGER allowed to give black people shit about what we name our kids.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Good sir, you should look at the gems from the WHL Bantam Draft.

http://whl.ca/draft

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

You are aware that people don’t pick the surname, right? It’s only the first name that they pick.

Or were you saying that Harrison is a weird name? Because at least it’s spelled correctly.

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

All your names pale in comparison to Moshe Kozolvsky, which is an awesome name in my book.

Gratliff

Kudos on the good clock management from both parties

Romonobyl

From Andy Reid? What’s he gonna due next, eat a salad?

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Can you substitute roast beef for lettuce on that salad? Thanks.”
-Andy Reid

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As soon as this game is over, I’m pulling a Seamus and going to bed

LemonJello
LemonJello

So, 39 seconds start to finish?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Uncle Ed once said, “Ties are like kissing your sister. You try not to come all over your khakis from the joy of it.”

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

If Uncle Ed has a newsletter, I would like to subscribe to a non-semen covered copy of it.

King Hippo

I hate both of these sides, really. Just don’t want footbaw over for the weekend and to be left with nothing but my depressing, shitty life again.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Have you opened your heart and mind to the wonderful world of internet porn?

litre_cola

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why I’m putting myself through this. I’m turning this off.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

But you’re so close to the end!

-God

King Hippo

I thoroughly enjoyed that, huzzah!

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Yanno, I think I’m going to make the Chiefs my AFC team to cheer for this season. They’re fun to watch, and I have no reason to dislike them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Give up a 37 yard completion when playing prevent defense? Can do!”

– Chiefs opponent

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

“THE ONLY THING THE PREVENT DEFENSE PREVENTS YOU FROM DOING IS WINNING”
– Every drunk at the bar who played 3rd string guard and wore #69 because, well, you know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes.

[blitzs; gets beat deep]

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

I think you might hate the Chiefs.

Gratliff

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Dick E. Phuck
Dick E. Phuck

[*Redacteds] tied up? It’s the trail of tears all over again.

Gratliff

C’mon, Andy. You’ve got one more [*Redacteds] embarrassment in you.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

See, Andy is an actual Redskin.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I see him as more of a Russet.

The Maestro

Between the Vegas and Petty news, plus the fact I had teenagers openly sobbing in class when I gave back some math tests today, plus the fact it’s Monday… Today fucking blows.

At least I got to see Lady Maestro today. That always cheers me up.

You guys are pretty alright too.

Senor Weaselo

I’m not sure if it’s bad or good about the kids openly sobbing. What unit of mathematics is it anyway?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Don’t make us sob too, you bastard.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I would get kids doing that when I was a TA in college.

Not just like Freshman…I am talking about adults old enough to drink, crying about them getting a shitty grade on an exam.

I once had a dude fail to show up for an exam. He said he was in a car accident and that his doctor told him not to think to hard because it would kill him.

I told him he needed a note from the doctor.

Damn if he didn’t show up with a note from his doctor…who turns out was his fucking mother.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

” his fucking mother.???”

-Bill B.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

– T. Cruz

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Fucking mother? NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
— M. Pence

WCS

So, Andy’s going to call consecutive timeouts before this snap, right?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

My Uncle Ed once said, “Kirk Cousins looks like someone who fucks a man in the ass, and won’t even give him a reacharound. I once saw R. Lee Ermey’s cock. It was huge.”

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It was both a rifle and a gun.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It was for fighting AND for fun…

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

“SAY THE FUCKING SONG AS YOU EAT MY ASS!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Like a jelly donut?

Romonobyl

I swear everybody has an uncle like that somewhere.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Yeah, usually in Supermax

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

You’ve got a weird idea of erotica, son.

litre_cola

Same shit different day. What is a catch? Silencers are great? These 2 fanbases nicknames are in no way raycess.

King Hippo

i mean what if you wanna shoot somebody and NOT be given away I guess u didn’t think bout that huh libtard smh

LemonJello
LemonJello

Well then you get close enough so that most of the gun gasses are injected into the body though the entry wound…

Senor Weaselo

“All you need is the special tape on the handle.” -Peter Clemenza

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Technically there is no such thing as a “silencer”. That’s a movie thing..

I’m honestly for allowing people to have suppressors.

I think the bullets should be banned.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

“Should have had that catch”….

I am going to make the bold claim and say the vast majority of us, falling down from that height, fully extended, onto a football, that not only would we NOT make that catch…most of us died from a collapsed lung.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Against any team other than the fucking Chiefs he makes that catch.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I think its a prime example of how the fans expect players to routinely make insane plays…and the announcers don’t do anything to push back from that fucked up perspective.

That was a staggeringly difficult catch to make.

litre_cola

Durrrr he was a qb in uni, a true wr would have come up with that.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I sat near the field for a preseason game, and I’m amazed anyone completes a pass. Ever.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Hey you guys. There’s a football game on right now.

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

What channel?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I don’t know but you’ll never believe this. The guy that does those Hooters commercials? He’s doing commentary! Wild.

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

Oh, man. I love Hooters. So many tittiess. You know, I saw Mitch Trubisky there one time.

Gratliff

C’mon backbreaking pick

LemonJello
LemonJello

Geostorm? Moar leik Shitstorm. SMDH.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I want you all to know I will probably see Geostorm in a theater and I make no apologies for it.

Romonobyl

Don’t feel bad, I kinda wanna see the new Tom Cruise movie.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

So does Scientology.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Feel bad? Oh no. I have no shame regarding my disaster porn fetish.

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

I hate myself for it, but I feel the same way. Might download it illegally so I don’t feel quite so terrible.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why download when you can just stream it off fmovies or solarmovie or vumoo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just realized I’m watching the Canadian broadcast.

ballsofsteelandfury

Lotsa u’s?

litre_cola

Damn straight.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

THIS HOSER KIRK COUSINS I CALL HIM PM CHRETIEN BECAUSE HE’S A PUNCHY MAN, EH?

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

I don’t know what would impress me more: if you did all the research to make that comment, or if you just knew all that stuff off the top of your head.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I use my brain to remember weird shit. Like the Shawinigan Handshake.

Romonobyl

The Labatt’s commercials weren’t a giveaway?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Plus the Tim Horton’s ads?

litre_cola

Those are a scourge on our society.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Honest to god, when I went up to Hamilton for the first time for work, I was all geared up to try Tim Hortons.

Holy shit the coffee is pure ass. McDonald’s has better coffee.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Eh….what’s that aboot?

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck, Samuel. Don’t you have enough in the bank yet? Stop shilling for banks.

WCS

Still paying off the civil trial settlement of being an accessory to Marvin’s death.

WCS

Did Gruden just call him “Bob Cousins”?

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

I meant Bob Evans. Sorry, thinking about where I lost my virginity.

WCS

You too?!

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

Denny’s lies when they say that’s only place where you can have a grand slam.

litre_cola

Tiger Woods and PErkins would like a word.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

You can get breakfast all day long, just not booty.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Kirk Cousins seems like if he lived in your neighborhood, he would be the biggest ass at the HOA meetings.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

He seems like someone who volunteers at a school and is so annoyingly earnest, you’d respect him more if he were creepy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
JustStopDude
JustStopDude

comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

What?? Cousins oozes creepiness. He’ll turn out to be a psychopath, just wait.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He checks out my butt when I take out the trash… not in a sexual way, which is pretty weird.

litre_cola

Truth Biscuit in prime time, oh my.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME TITT-AYS?

LemonJello
LemonJello

He don’t care if they’re built for speed or pleasure, he’s just a motorboatin’ sunofabitch!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

These two teams really should play each other every Thanksgiving Day.

Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!
Buddy Cole's Off-Season Habit!

But blindfolded.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And in a zentai suit

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

And miss the Patriots vs the [*Redacteds]? Smallpox blankets for everyone!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So does Washington fuck up this drive by turning it over, or by penalties?

WCS

Yes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

..and of COURSE the Chiefs are the ones who catch the ball off the bounce.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This drives me fucking crazy. Every fucking team forgets the most basic principles of football when they play the Chiefs. EVEN THE FUCKING PATRIOTS DID!

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

THAT’S what I wanted to show you guys. This study by Fivethirtyeight analyzed how every NFL team’s fans lean politically. It was mostly what you’d expect, but the Patriots fans were surprisingly conservative.
https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-every-nfl-teams-fans-lean-politically/

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I read that article – I thought it was interesting that a lot of the fans skewing the Pats conservative were actually from outside New England.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

My extended family is from Mansfield/Foxboro, and I would guess that 75% of them are fucking conservatives. I just can’t figure that shit out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s to figure out? They’re assholes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry about Thanksgiving, man.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

That shit is funny. The Baltimore fan base is the kind of Democrats that thinks all the heroin is consumed in the city and mass transit will allow black people in the suburbs to rape and pillage.

The kind of folks that like to boast they are from the city and they know where they filmed “The Wire” but would fucking die of fear walking around Lexington Market.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thanks for that; Denver kind of figures; vanilla mix.

King Hippo

there’s no KHunt on the field!!

litre_cola

Have you seen Deuce Gruden?

LemonJello
LemonJello

I dropped him off at the pool earlier.