Both teams are 2-3, and fill the bottom half of the lowest wattage division in the NFL. Luck is out. Mariota (hamstring – questionable) says he’ll go–i.e., Cassel is definitely in the mix. But enough table-setting. This is my position on “Pfft, baseball’s on” taeks:
Artist’s lesss handome conception
via lolafilms.com
IND-TEN is a rivalry. To be precise, “rivalry” in the Steelers-Browns or thirst-judgment sense: the Clots own the Titans. The streak stands at 11-0, and was started by CURTIS PAINTER. Indy has won in every way: blowout; Titans derp it at the end; clutch play by top QB on a bad day… Plus a handful of the worst kind of loss: the Moral Victory, when Result pinches Effort’s cheek and says “Nothing personal, kid”. To paraphrase Sigmund Freud: it’s been Suck City.
Matching wits on the field are Mike Mularkey and Chuck Pagano. Pagano, well… The turd-in-punchbowl blunders are known–but going 2-3 with Jacoby Brissett and that roster is respectable. Hell, I even like Chuck. Pagano strikes me as humble, but so sure of himself that he DGAF about what anyone thinks–except, maybe, his players. As far as I know, he was loved in Baltimore. Colt players stumped for him and Chuck P kept the job; the GM got fired. But before all that, at the height of hot-seat skullduggery in 2015, Pagano calmly stated, at a press conference, “They can’t eat you“. Best. Perspective Non-Sequitur. Ever.
Mularkey… Barf. After pasting JAX, the Titans beat the Seawhawks on Week 3. But this wave of met expectations crashed immediately with the Texans drubbing (56!). Then, Mularkey became a vocal ANTHM RSPKTRRR, and punted awfully on The Kaep Situation in the runup to Week 5. Granted, coaches don’t sign players–but having Matt Freakin’ Cassel pass 32 times, in last week’s low-scorer in Miami, is damn pigheaded. And hey! Did Derrick Henry accidentally sneeze on coach’s soup? Four rushes at MIA? The hell’s wrong with you! Dude’s young and hungry. FEED HIM!!11!!
I did find something palatable. Coupla days ago, during the Chuck Pagano press telephone conference, Mularkey walked in and asked what were the Colts’ top 15 offensive plays:
If Mariota would play, was Chuck’s riposte. (If you think I mangled a juicy reveal, go gorge on the buildup at titansonline.com. I dare ya.)
Whatever. To me, it’s refreshing to see coaches shoot the collegial shit (however lamely), and eschew the hypercompetitive, regimented stuff, as well as the “being focused” stiffness and the commitment to canned bullshit–all of which has been thick even back when Rex Ryan was putting on wigs. It’s ridiculous. The stakes are GAMES. Of a risky and fantastic sport, of course. With fascinating strategy. Goes without saying. And the speedy and huge mofos going at each other and the physical play and–oh…
/ fans self with Hello Kitty bookmark
Sorry. It’s been a while. But the fasting ends TONIGHT.
[martial drums playing]
I will watch this game. The Titans haven’t been on MNF since… LenWhale? That’s what my gut says–don’t @ at me!
Heaven and earth, I am prepared to move. (Family too.) Pangs of guilt, for seeking diversion in these somber times, will not deter me.
If a place with electricity has baseball on, surely one TV could be accommodated for The Game. I will not vacillate. Solidarity has been strong here in PR, and emboldens me to face even the spectre of utter hopelessness:
[drumming stops]
Brandon Weeden with a helmet.
In short, hunger makes the feast, not the eats. Sorry, but I can’t help being kinda pumped for this one. Besides, you twisted fuckos [hat tip] are better suited to skewer the massive blech we’re about to see. And as much as I want TEN to win, for fantasy purposes, I’d take an Astros rainout and 0-11-1.
The food on the banner was delivered to my home in Aibonito (plus 24 water bottles) last Thursday. (The “MEAL” packets are vegetable lasagnas.) We’ll honor this generosity by passing everything to needier compatriotas. [Update: Maybe not the mayo packet. I’M NOT MADE OF STONE!]
Gruden’s Grinder
That Brisket is done.
Blech. That sounds gross.
Haven’t seen a Turbin fucked up like that since that Sikh went to a Trump rally.
I was going to say “since that shooting in Wisconsin,” but, this is better.
hey, I laughed both times
I expected Brick to make an engine or plane joke.
Not a catch.
Aw, you’ll find somebody
AAAAAnnnndd, there’s our required “Is it a catch?” of the game.
Refs know that if hodor is going to make the playoffs, they’re going to have to make these crunch time games count
Reverse warging?
“Bad” game? “All DFO”?
I don’t know who that was, but i want a picture of that bald titans coach staring down lebeau
Keith Hernandez, David Ortiz and Alex Rodriguez are signing baseballs in the studio while waiting for the Yankee game to end.
Might as well have Massengill sign it while they’re at it.
Summer’s Eve is a Fox Sports sponsor?
Or as those in the know call it, “Twinkle Twat.”
I thought it was “Cooter Cleanse”?
Maybe it varies with geographic region.
Looks like DonT gets to see a win after all
I didn’t realize Eva Braun was a squirter.
Man. Maybe it was because of something I saw earlier about her, but I initially read “Eva Braun” as “Anne Frank,” and was momentarily horrified. Thank goodness I re-read it.
“Anne Frank was my favorite adult fiction author!”
/Riley Cooper
Anne’s Frank sounds like something in Buddy’s DVD collection…
How do we know Anne Frank wasn’t a squirter; maybe that’s why she got caught.
“Watch the hands there JPP”
“dontgetharddontgetharddontgetharddontgethard”
/ZIPPER FLIES OPEN
Hey, how’d the WWE find out how I wanted to die?
I care not about the outcome of this game, as I don’t do FF and have no interest vested or otherwise in either team. However, I’ve decided I want to see the Colts (whom as a Pats fan I used to hate) to win, just to piss off the home crowd there in Kentucky or wherever the fuck they are.
How did we let a P*ts fan get past the wall?!?!?!?
One of us! One of us! One of us!
Welcome, friend. I am your new God now.
TWO new ones this October!
Better get to making some human sized fruit fly traps; instead of vinegar, Twisted Tea?
Copenhagen dip and Mickeys Big Mouths?
oh FACK!!
Irresistible, nobody denies this!!
PUT SOME CHOWDAH IN IT!!
Nice try! But I’m allergic to seafood, including clams and their chowdah.
Irish Colgate:
Hey, he’s a doctor so you have to trust him! It’s just like how if you’re a cop you have to say so!
Technically, I’m a doctor as well. To wit, yes, have some.
Thanks obama. Build the wall maga.
“No idea.”
/Points at wide open gate. Shrugs
//steals another of Make It Snow’s beers from the fridge
I was in the military back in the 80’s. so I’m a high-speed low-drag stealthy mothahfuckah! (Though I did confess to my fandom when I was going through the screening process for admission to the commentariat; blame that guy).
Hummmm I’m a low speed, high drag, unhealthy muthafucka.
He was inside a Trojan Colt.
WTF was that graphic?
Close to copyright infringement is what it was.
Clearly a mentally deranged lunatic
His next oil check is gonna find him a couple quarts low…
Wonder if that supermarket (ok, “supermarket”) had saffron…
I did often wonder why they never went for the spices. Hello it only helped create civilization.
Whitey don’t spice.
Always with the turkeys too, always the turkeys. I if anything beats spices in the cost/volume sense. Beef jerkey? Some kinda pills?
And turkey has the worst cost/space ratio. Beef! Lamb! I swear some of those contestants nevar went fud shopping.
And it’s like they never even SAW the lobster tank
Saffron, vanilla beans, jerky, diapers and formula. You’ve already beat the hussy with all the hams without breaking a sweat.
It’s coming back!
There was a Married With Children episode where they played supermarket sweep that was pretty funny
Autofellatio?
AH, the P*TS fans have a similar joke. This means nothing, but I’d still like to make some insulting over-generalization.
Nah.
Marilyn Manson would love to get reincarnated as this tuba, I’ll bet.
I thought that was the kid from wonder years. Or cher maybe?
This game good?
Best one tonight.
I smell a banner.
Is that what that is? I thought someone left ottos brain in the fake leg outside again.
Beats killing myself, I guess
http://i.imgur.com/pp924vC.jpg
“What is ‘good’?” – Socrates
“What is?” – Descartes
“What?” – Li’l Jon
“No.” – all of DFO
“Okay!” -Li’l Jon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5tVbVu9Mkg
‘Member when that receiver murdered some guys?
Rae Carruth
Mostly just the picture of Peyton and Harrison that Gruden was slobbering over.
He really only made it to like 1.2 ppl ,, ppl forget that
He was found guilty of conspiring to murder a woman who was pregnant with his child and is serving a prison sentence with an expected release date of October 22, 2018.
Maybe the Giants sign him next season.
Better odds than Kaep ever getting signed.
Donte Stallworth?
Aaron Hernandez was a tight end, though.
Marvin Harrison?
Robert Rozier?
-nawt a receivah, tho bonus for being a serial killer?
Billy Cole? Wait, he was a RB. Last Boy Scout was pretty cool.
Don’t forget Randall woodfield, the original murdering receiver.
Picked in the 17th round by the packers in 1974
Iggles! [*Redacted] s! IT’S AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION NEXT WEEK ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!
Roll Tide.
The anthem flyby needs to be A-10 Warthogs loaded for bear and ordered to go weapons-free upon approach to the stadium.
B-52s follow up with an arclight strike.
Tough, but fair.
Nothing surprises Gruden anymore? He’s seen some shit.
Until a QB sucessfully completes a pass on the next series.
Brian Kelly: I don’t know what next week holds
Bullshit, you had a weather report a week in advance
I think from now on I’m going to just wear safari suits to work every day. You know, khaki pants, khaki shirt , and a lightweight khaki jacket with big pockets on the front. And the jacket and shirt will both have epaulets on the shoulders. No hat, just some lightweight hiking boots and I’m set, with a dynamic look that let’s people know who I am and that I am ready to tackle any adventure: in the jungle, in the boardroom, or in the bedroom. “I go for a man in a safari suit” you can almost hear the winsome girls say. Directed by George Palmer in Metrocolor. An AVCO Release. I am high.
Don’t hog it all, man. I want whatever’s giving you these awesome ideas too.
Will you smoke a briar pipe, too? That would be a nice accessory.
Neckerchief or Ascot?
Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers’ collarbone clicks its approval at that late hit call.
Ah #snap.
I enjoy the hypocrisy of Jon Gruden blaming Demarco Murray for that pick-6.
well, he is the darker of the two TN players involved
Had the opportunity to get refuckulated with Lahey and fuckin’ Randy a month or so before Lil’ WCS was born.
Nice tee. I didn’t realize they had black tie events in the Carolinas.
I live in Pennsyltucky. And, yes, a sports shirt is perfectly fine at any occasion, from a normal day at work, to a wedding.
Oops. I thought you were Seamus
Pickerception?
ESPN is having a worse week that Harvey Weinstein
Found Al Michaels. Can we get a shout out next Sunday night?
“I’m not much for you kids’ politics, but your devotion to brown liquor and ass is commendable! BURP.”
Gettin’ on the liquor tonight in honor of Jim Lahey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMrXuxH-L9U
I watched the 10 best scenes posted earlier and that shit was funny as hell. This guy was a genius. I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never seen any of Trailer Park Boys until tonight and It was great.
the first season is uneven, but after that it’s fucking glorious
It never fails to make me laugh, ever. It’s so Nova Scotia it hurts. But it’s the good kind of hurt to me, since it makes me think of family there literally every time.
It’s like if you go so far north it becomes the South again but with hockey, eh?
#TrackPants
As a kid, I had a houndstooth shirt exactly like Ricky’s, and I’m fucking pissed I got too big for it.
/Walks back in with riot shield
Woo? Yes, woo.
/Moonwalks back to the Weaselo Burrow
Am I the only one hoping Luck comes back and Brisset Wally Pipps him?
Do we need to play the NBA season? Can we just acknowledge its going to be Golden State-Cleveland again?
I don’t even think we need the playoffs, frankly
/am a middle-aged honky
I can’t stand basketball tbh. It would just save us all.
LeBron’s hair transplant scars are still gnarly
Someone hacked my boss’s cloud.
Ook.
Reminds me of George Burns. Must be the cigar. Or maybe the diaper/underwear.
Okay, I think it’s sleepy time for me. I’m heading back to the airport in about 10 hours to go to SFO and take possession of my apartment. Then flying back on the redeye tomorrow night to get my place ready for the movers. I’m going to treasure this night of sleep in my own bed.
Jeez Dok. Just Jeez.
You racking up some miles, hon.
Best of luck with the move!
Good luck on the move!
Stupid Colts touchdown marring our soccer perfection.
Gotta get some side dishes in here too, I’m personally a fan of creamed corn
Done right…excellent.
Otherwise…blech.
Agreed. It should be super rich and not runny, like the Tom Brady of corn
fried okra!
I am shocked to hear you like fried okra.
Holy shit.
I dislike so many beloved staples, but love fried okra, baked sweet potatoes (plain, DEFINITELY no butter), and zuchinni. Even my vegan demon-spawn kid won’t eat zuchinni.
I thought we were friends…
The Lady LemonJello makes a corn casserole with regular corn, cream corn, Jiffy muffin mix, sour cream and cheddar cheese (optional) – goes great with ham, turkey, and chili, so probably good with bbq, too.
That sounds like classic face-burying stuff.
You made me do this. A proper Texas brisket doesn’t need sauce or bullshit garnishes, although I do confess I’ll use a really light glaze right before wrapping in butcher paper for a little extra something.
These slices barely held together when picked up by one end, really good wrapped up in a fresh tortilla with a bit of fresh onion and salsa.
All arguments are invalid, do enjoy this personally meaningless game.
Ill be over in 10
I’ll be there once my erection subsides. Unless you have one too. Looking at this tray, I wouldn’t judge you either.
As far as I’m concerned, any and all pictures of brisket are fair game while Brissett is on the field
Truth brisket?
As noted below:
Romonobyl is making brisket for us shut-ins this winter.
But how is salsa any different from using a sauce?
/I will pick that shit up and mash it down by face with my bare hands, even a fork sounds sinful
Good question. Salsa is controlled by the end user and is optional, therefor allowed. Adds some much welcome spice as well.
yes, that I agree with heartily. NO FORCED SAUCERY
That’s good hustle.
Oof. Looking at the injury roundup from this week, Redacteds get a whole 3 paragraphs
Are any of the them listed as: Knee (Wounded)?
Well, I laughed.
It seems there are anthem discussions set for tomorrow. I hope they all agree not to let future singers of the anthem showboat too much
STICK TO 3/4 TIME.
3/4 TIME IS FOR PLEBS
13/8 WITH PHASING POLYRHYTHMIC PICKUPS OR GTFO N00BZ
Immediately thought of this. (Unfortunately there’s no non-Facebook version.)
https://www.facebook.com/1624725646/videos/10212686672074756/
I laughed my ass off the first time I saw this.
Whatever. I just drumroll from start to finish.
It’s probably collusion to figure out whether to have the singer hit the “over” or the “under” for anthem duration on the Super Bowl prop bet.
“If we let Flava Flav sing the anthem, will you people promise to stand up after that?”
– Roger Goodell (probably)
“Hmm, interesting idea…”
– Andy Reid, noticing Flav’s most famous accessory.
?quality=85&strip=all
Andy thought it was a scale for measuring out the finest meats and cheeses in all the land.
Outlaw the lookit-me octave-up on “freeeEEEEE” and I’d be happy.
Oh, and any and all melisma.
The Japanese are really into some weird stuff.
Wow, Jon Gruden with a Remember the Titans reference.
“One of the Colts…” WHO YOU USELESS FUCKER?
So this tweet has been giving every Bears fan on Twitter a small heart attack.
https://twitter.com/MarkPotash/status/920071999992590336
Reading is funnamenal.
Wow, this half is going by quickly.
There is a god
Fun fact : Delanie is French for “Of Lanie”
I thought it was “Of the Nie,” but my French was never very good.
I thought it was southern furniture.
So the Humps luck out every time they suffer a catastrophic boo-boo. Break a PeyPey, get a free HODOR! Break a HODOR, get a free Brissett (who they can at least get a 2nd rounder for if HODOR! comes back healthy, or if you want to really have some balls…see what you can get in draft capital for HODOR! and rebuild around the cheap guy).
Fun fact: “rebuild around the cheap guy” was FEMA’s operating instructions after a hurricane leveled every house in the neighborhood except Mike Brown’s.
Monday Night Football: Always a true rollercoaster ride of FUN!
that may be the funniest picture I have seen on the interwebs this year. HUZZAH!
Despite all his rage, he is still just a sad.
This reminded me that I must go to his tea house and drink his expensive tea.
That’s a face that has now for reals hit the infinite sadness.
I feel that Delanie Walker must be 47 years old.
“Halloween retailer pulls Anne Frank costume after receiving complaints.”
No shit really?
What’s next, “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas” dress up fun kit getting recalled? smdh
But Sexy Anne Frank is still for sale, right?
Hey! They decided to play vollyball for 5 seconds or so!