Your “Is This How I Got Carpal Tunnel?” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Everything’s coming up Cowboys today:
    • A TRO granted by a NY court will allow Ezekiel Elliott to play Sunday versus the Niners.
    • Dallas will host the 2018 NFL Draft.
  • Noise:
    • NFL ratings are down 7.5% from last year.
    • Jed York said, “We need to be above petty attacks from anybody, because racial and socioeconomic inequality have existed in this country for too long. You’ve got to block out the noise and do your job.”
      • Why? Let’s check in with a failed USFL owner:

To which I add,


Courtesy Deadspin, some hero/masochist decided to make a video showing all the bumpers for failed TV shows Joe Buck has made during his 21 years (?!) of broadcasting baseball playoffs on FOX.

There’s a delightful combination of “who the fuck is that guy?” and “who thought that was a good idea?” wrapped up in the misery he’s forced to relay. It’s but a taste of what we viewers go through when he goes off on his tangents.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Game 4: Dodgers at Cubs – 9:00PM | TBS / Sportsnet
  • NHL:
    • Red Wings at Maple Leafs – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Blackhawks at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Canadiens at Kings – 10:30PM | NBCSN / TSN (Quebec) / RDS
  • NBA:
    • 76ers at Wizards – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Timberwolves at Spurs – 9:30PM | ESPN / TSN

I know MLB HQ has an extreme hard-on for a potential Yankees – Dodgers World Series. My thoughts?

C’MON ASTROS!

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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laserguru

While gearing up for my trip to the Motherland I realized I passed up a date to see KMFDM and OhGr.
The Vikings better win this motherfucker.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I just kicked the shit out of the Thursday New York Times crossword puzzle. I’ll be fighting off the all the pussy tomorrow when word of this gets out.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

THIS BRICK MEATHOOK, I CALL HIM CHEF BOYARDEE BECAUSE HE JUST MADE PANTY SOUP

Wakezilla

Me last night to Mrs. Wakezilla: Do we need anything from the store? I’m going to be busy after the gym tomorrow to go to the store.

Mrs. Wakezilla : we’re good

Tonight, on my way home from the gym, I just got this long ass list of food I have to pick up from the store. Fuck.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, also, please put these up in the clubhouse for the holidays: https://www.tastingtable.com/drinks/national/whisky-christmas-ornaments?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I look forward to tomorrow’s Maddon takes. Night, all.

Senor Weaselo

And the 1999 Yankees can exhale knowing nobody has run the table and bumped them off yet.

Wakezilla

And just like that, Hideki Irabu pours a shot of sake to celebrate this fact.

ballsofsteelandfury

Crickets….

WCS

Angry Joe Maddon is angry.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

He should be. That’s BS.

Croooow
Croooow

That was nearly a Touchdown Seahawks moment there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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WCS

FRAH FRAH?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it sad that I’m browsing through my post history and admiring some of my own DFO Radio doodles? What can I say, I’m bored.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yes but it’s only SAD! if you’re promising to mail yourself a royalty check and then not doing it

Shogun Marcus

I see we’ve all found something we agree on! FINALLY! WHOO! WE’VE DONE IT! METOO!
…what’s that? Oh. So that’s nawt what that is. umm…well. Awkward.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

You know that singer in the Jeep Renegade commercial? She seems annoying as fuck.

WCS

She’s inexplicably infuriating.

WCS

Am the only one who doesn’t “get” Broad City?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t know. Is it about broads?

Shogun Marcus

80’s women’s fashion designers in Chicago.
/this joke has all the shoulders.

WCS

Close enough.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard Andy Reid went into a restaurant called Bread City and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

Senor Weaselo

Did the bread look at you?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I wish I was Matthew McConaughey’s best friend. We could talk on the phone, or go drive around in his car. That would be pretty cool.

Romonobyl

Don’t forget the naked bongos.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That goes without saying.

Wakezilla

Almost done teaching this awful night class. I see fireworks upon the horizon

Romonobyl

One of those knobs goes to twenty!

Wakezilla

When you factor in Canadian/US currency, that equals 11

Shogun Marcus

Thanks nafta.

Wakezilla

My god, this song is so Canadian:

If there’s a goal that everyone remembers
It was back in old seventy two
We all squeezed the stick and we all pulled the trigger
And all I remember is sitting beside you

You said you didn’t give a fuck about hockey
And I never saw someone say that before
You held my hand and we walked home the long way
You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

If this were any more Canadian it would turn into this:

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

So exactly how many times has The Shooter, stahing Mahkie Mahk, been on basic cable?

Shogun Marcus

Yes.

Romonobyl

So, all of them?

Senor Weaselo

Not as often as Shawshank Redemption.

Romonobyl

Good call, I think that was even on Nickelodeon last Tuesday.

Senor Weaselo

I’m trying to think of the Nickelodeon version of Shawshank and what would get censored. It’s probably hilarious.

Shogun Marcus
BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS REPLAY I CALL IT BUDDY’S FRESHMAN YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE IT’S SLOW, AWKWARD, AND LEADS TO BEING OUTED

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy fuckballz I just went “all Senor” by accident.
Note to self: Just because it’s a store brand hot sauce doesn’t mean it’s not still potentially pretty fucking hot.

Jesus, I think my esophagus is combusting.

Romonobyl

So, not from Texas?

Senor Weaselo

You never go full Senor! Unless you’re Senor! Or Nomonkeyfun with me at the Expo! Or… someone else with me at the Expo next year!

Anyway, what is the name of this sauce?

Shogun Marcus

I humbly request to add myself to the list.
Ultra Mega Death and me are regular pals.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Literally, it’s the store brand. I keep a big bottle for flavoring soups/stews while cooking and it was all I had tonight. Food Lion store brand hot sauce.

Had never been that hot before so I kinda overdid the amount.

Shogun Marcus

Huh. Weird.

ballsofsteelandfury

You think it’s bad going IN…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Hold the fuck up. There were some good shows mentioned in those promos.
70’s show, the grinder (hilarious BTW), dark angel (JESSICA FUCKING ALBA FOLKS), and American Idol (fuck that show but it was good for Fox)

Also, they left out the Fringe bumper where they had one of the Watchers in the crowd:

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I may watch too much TV

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Wasn’t Dark Angel too dimly shot to matter that it was Jessica Alba at like 19?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Not to me

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hmm. I never watched it when it aired, so I guess I’m off to YouTube.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I never watched the Watchers.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Was “According to Jim” there? What did Jim think?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I didn’t watch the whole thing.

Spoiler

Ok, I did and that was not in there.

Wakezilla

Full disclosure, I wasn’t a Hip fan until about 4 years ago. As a teen, I thought Downie’s voice was too whiny and I thought they were over-played. Once they stepped out of the limelight and their stuff came on once in a while, I started to notice how good and just how bloody Canadian the lyrics were and grew to like them. Anyway, here’s my current favorite Hip song

ballsofsteelandfury

Fuller disclosure: I have no idea who the people y’all are mourning were. Obviously, they meant a lot to y’all and I’m sorry for your loss.

litre_cola

The band didn’t export well, but sold out hockey arenas and festivals here since I was in my teens.

Romonobyl

Hit up yoo-toob for The Hundredth Meridian, the closest thing they had to a hit in Canadia’s basement. Damned fun song.

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

Don’t Wake Daddy and Ahead by a Century were pretty excellent too.

litre_cola

Wheat Kings, Poets.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I hadn’t watched the rest of this series, I would think 2 runs across would be enough.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Whooooo! double homeruns!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time for some Vietnam on the dvr.
Next up….Let’s see what you got, LBJ!!!!

(spoiler alert)

King Hippo

oh well, at least he still had his really huge penis

Shogun Marcus

Ol jumbo brought all the ladybirds to the yard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Things are bigger in Tejas. Ppl forget that…
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fake as Hell, too, it seems.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/willing to await additional data points before passing judgement

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It just seems like the editing is gratuitous or just bad.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll be back in 45 seconds…

Senor Weaselo

I steer Texas? I mean I guess those could be the face that launched a thousand ships. Well, maybe a little lower than face.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Why is this prude wearing a bra?

Romonobyl

And panties no less, guess that means she still can’t outrun her stepdad.

Wakezilla

Oh man, that Ken Burns’ Vietnam special has been awfully apologetic and morally obtuse

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

^^^^^^^^

litre_cola

Small Bears touchdown!

King Hippo

BOOOOOOOOOO

/Gonna just read some more of my Everton book and fittingly, bitterly fall asleep

//don’t miss the big Everton/Lyon Europa fixture 3p EST tomorry

litre_cola

I hate the Dirt RAMMITS moar than any other team.

WCS

Still bummed about Lahey. Also, greetings, cheesdicks.

Wakezilla

Lahey AND Gord Downie. Canada is on suicide watch.

Does this look like a man who should be making any rational decisions at the moment?

https://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/4f7d9b36f9ff4cba62dfda77d2f0ba38?width=650

litre_cola

I am 41, and was completely gutted when I heard this morning. I remember when each album came out, when they did their farewell tour 15 of us went to the show just to say thanks.

King Hippo

Really hope they don’t try to make any more episodes (beyond a tribute/funeral episode) without him.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Whats good WCS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For all the people griping that the President promised some guy $25k in condolence money and didn’t pay up, I’ll have you know that he DID pay up. As for the fact that the check only just went out today…no, YOU’RE the incredible coincidence.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Until the check clears, and even after because he’s a piece of shit, he’s still going to be nothing but a worthless fucking deadbeat loser.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Why do I always have to be right and everyone else wrong? It’s a burden I didn’t ask for, like my good looks or my gigantic cock. Do me a favor and just agree, and stop staring at me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks away from Brick’s giant crotch in embarrassment]

Shogun Marcus

Sir, this is a youth center. You’ve been told this before. AND WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS GODDAMNIT?!

Romonobyl

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Hahahah
My friend used to ride the BART in san francisco to work and read this! Obviously got some looks….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did he make sure to “accidentally” drop a Magnum condom that he needs for his monster dong?

litre_cola

Well Brick if you weren’t walking around this locker room without a towel like we were at the Y we wouldnt be staring.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This game is starting too late.
And get off mah lawn.

Romonobyl

Did you remember to record, I mean tape, 60 Minutes?

herodotus450
herodotus450

“What’s the deal with VCR codes? I can never get my colored help to figure them out to record Matlock.”
/Technically in quotes, I didn’t say it

Romonobyl

You know modern technology only makes them uppity, right?

Shogun Marcus

I don’t think they should be called “mixed” nuts when it’s 90% peanuts. I bought a can and I separated them out.
/actual segment i remember

herodotus450
herodotus450

I don’t need you to tell me what happened to the Brazil Nuts.

Romonobyl

I thought I was old. I remember that too for some unknown reason, it was an Andy Rooney segment.

Senor Weaselo

It’s not quite the tweaker game, but I agree.

herodotus450
herodotus450

(In?)sane hockey rule change idea: if you score in a 4 on 4 or 3 on 3 situation, your guy comes out of the box early and you get a powerplay.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Even better rule change: in addition to the penalty boxes, add a guillotine.

herodotus450
herodotus450

You can leave the box at any time you want, but watch out for the whirling blades.

King Hippo

and we get to see the gusher bounce across the ice, to organ music!

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

Stupid fucking goddamn no-good asshole can’t hit bullshit Astros. Blew a 2-0 lead against the Yankees and now have to fight for their lives in 2 games. Fuck. Damn. Hell. Booger.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Don’t hold it in. You’re among friends here. Go ahead & tell us how you really feel.

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

I know you’re kidding, but…
I will readily admit that I’m a total homer fairweather fan of the Astros. I’m a native Houstonian, so when they do well I’m proud, but when they suck I don’t much care (as opposed to my Texans fandom, which is 100% 16-0 or 0-16).
But this sucks, fairweather fan or not. They’re one of the best-hitting teams in baseball and can’t manage jack-goddamn-shit for offensive production. It’s beyond pathetic and exactly what I expected as a Houston fan.
At least we have Deshaun Watson. He’s so fucking good and I’m terrified he’s gonna get broken.

ballsofsteelandfury

Deshaun Watson is the definition of pleasant surprise. The surprise is not that he is good. Rather, that he is still alive and hasn’t been ruined by starting so soon.

Romonobyl

I’m a few hours south of H-Town (which is never said by anyone from Houston) and not a huge based-balls homer, but I was the Astros #1 FAN! when they went up against the Sawx and won. That was my World Series.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whoa whoa whoa.

What the fuck are the “Texans”?

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

It’s this…
Well…
They’re a…
God, how do I put this?
A football? Team? I think?

King Hippo

This was indeed some bullshit. Colt 45s shoulda left Devenski in during Game 4.

Big Black Richard
Big Black Richard

Thoughts and prayers (seriously) to our Canadian brethren. Losing Jim Lahey and Gord Downie within a few dozen hours of each other is one hell of a punch to the gut. I’ll miss them both.

litre_cola

Gord Downie was the soundtrack to me growing up. A true icon.

Romonobyl

That fucking sucks. The Hundredth Meridian was one of the greatest air guitar songs ever created. Highly underrated band.

AnthonyInTX
AnthonyInTX

The Hip were one of those bands that totally flew under my radar for years, until I discovered them in my early 20s. Damn, they’re a good band. A real shame to lose Gord.
And losing Jim “Shit-[insert noun here]” Lahey is a bummer too. Trailer Park Boys is classic TV.

Romonobyl

A lifetime of wanking has thus far only resulted in a mild case of trigger finger. I find this highly disconcerting.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

At least there’s no permanent chafing or scarring.

Romonobyl

Not on my hand at least…

King Hippo

Break out the brooms!

rockingdog
rockingdog

First MLB game was fun! about 6 beers in. My roommate is a big yankees fan. Whooooo!
Come on CUBS!

Senor Weaselo

Due to my envy, fuck you.
/Whooooooooo!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m paying for DirecTV to watch the Cubs game on this flight. How big of a sucker am I on a scale from Geena Davis with the metal plate over her mouth in Beetlejuice to Houston in the Houston 500?

litre_cola

I wish that the Texans were called th 500’s. Hell I am going to start calling them the 500’s.

ballsofsteelandfury

DONE!

theeWeeBabySeamus

The “Under 500s” has a nice ring to it. Hehe

herodotus450
herodotus450

Apparently it was more like 620 instead of 500 when all was said and done.

litre_cola

Dear lord. I just cannot fathom that.

herodotus450
herodotus450

ppl forget all pornos are numbered in base 6 though

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Makes sense. Want to make sure at least 500 count after the audit.

litre_cola

Did they all finish? That is a hell of a clean up.

Senor Weaselo

Well, I don’t think I have to clear my Chrome search history, but maybe?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

We got Mega Maid over here, folks.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I cannot think of the last time a bad thing happened to a bad person. Justice is a lie and everything sucks.

litre_cola

“Justice is a lie and everything sucks ” sounds like Morrissey’s new album.

Senor Weaselo

Have I mentioned how much I despise Seven Nation Army today?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I am trying to make a Lisfranc injury joke reference to the trapper keepers, but I’m drawing nothing but psychedelic and neon doodles.

litre_cola

I feel like Eddie Lacy, I just ordered food and have to say I love China food

nomonkeyfun

I don’t think any show will ever top this.

scotchnaut

E to the K of the Senators is gonna win the Norris this year. Just like an abacus, this is something you can count on.

scotchnaut

Sorry. “ERIK KARLSSON IS WINNING THE NORRIS TROPHY THIS YEAR!” Are you deaf?

Duchess

The wanking motion always makes me think of this

Senor Weaselo

You never finish!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I had a change of heart on Louis CK a few years ago (I don’t hate him. I just don’t care. Funny enough, I think his series is to blame), but the joke about making people who do that discussion motion have to finish is still pretty funny.

King Hippo

Also, wrt the tag, Joe Buck would NEVAR agree to judge a wet T-shit contest that didn’t involve Derek Jeter.

litre_cola

So Americas most wanted terrorists. If this show was only in America and “it starts with Osama Bin Laden” how the hell would someone in the same country as Osama see this?

scotchnaut

Right now I’m identifying as a guy that finished his work day at 3:30 eastern and then proceeded to get really stinking drunk. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t judge me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You should have started earlier. Loser.

scotchnaut

“I’m a Boozer, baby. Why don’t you kill me?”

Senor Weaselo

Can I applaud you?

Senor Weaselo

Lizard people.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Greetings, “human,” hehe.

King Hippo

At least Los Dodgeros are on the verge of sweeping the Evil Small Bears. It could always be worse.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boooooo

Agree with your last sentence though

King Hippo

Colt 45s you had one jerb!!

Also, another day, another (real) fucking outrage:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/he-shouldnt-be-president

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The pathological liar, deadbeat loser in chief made a promise he didn’t keep? I’m shocked, SHOCKED.