Hey there, you four day weekend-having mother-suckers! Have I ever told you the story of how I stumbled across the bliss that is Thursday afternoon football? Yes? Well, sit back, relax with your warm glass of mulled cider (“you’re so sophisticated!”) and I’ll tell you again. Back when I was a mere Koolaidnaut I was sick as a dog one day and had to miss school. I usually just planted myself on the sofa and napped and watched the old boob tube even though it was nothing but game shows and soap operas. This time however I was astounded to find the Detroit Lions being blown out by whomever and for whatever reason, I fell in like. Every year from then on I would feign the sick on American Thanksgiving and watch football all the day long. My mother never caught on, probably because she didn’t really care and… Hmmm. That took a wee turn didn’t it? Why don’t we mosey on over, TO THE GAME!
VIKINGS/LIONS: Shall we get the best game of the day out of the way early? Let’s. What with one man team Aaron Rodgers lost, the NFC North comes down to these two and Detroit needs this one badly-they can’t risk picking up the L and falling to 6-5. Recently released and then gobbled back up again Dwight Freeney won’t be playing today for the Lions but they should get de Ansah back. On the O side of things rb Abdullah has scored in three straight games and if you picked him up to throw into your flex spot, huzzah! You got that one right. Too bad your decision-making skills weren’t in play regarding your latest ex. The Vikes have gotten everything any team would want out of their backup qb-a dude that will not lose games for the team and have long stretches of competency.
As you may know, there’s a shit-ton of sportsifying/drinking and eating going on today. Just try not to stab your mother-in-law through the heart with the carving knife-go for the neck instead. If you get the right spot she’ll end up painting the walls before she stops being a pain in your ‘extraordinarily-patient-right-up-to-now’ ass.
No matter what you’re doing, do stop by and say hello and let us know what you’re up to. If you’ve been lurking for a bit, perhaps throwing an account together and popping in is a good reason to escape the family. (“Can’t visit right now Ma, I’m talking to some freakballs on the ‘puter!”)
Now get out there and do some damage!
I got your page 3 right here buddy.
[reaches into pants]
SON OF A BITCH!
Cliff’s Notes again?
They’re super hardcore about recycling in Germany
Germany…big surprise.
They are always wasteful with sex toys.
Well now, you could make a pretty good living for an entire month off that bag.
-Tomsula
It’s shorter than you’d think, skips a lot of details and leaves you wanting more. So, yeah.
I didn’t see that poster at the exhibit.
What is with those zimmer glasses?
Something to do with his five eye surgeries.
“the Lions weren’t going to be a match for the Vikings anyways” -Mike Shanahan
[reads English paper that has topless girl]
Page Three?
Dang It!
Little early for the wtf of the day.
795 seems a little much.
You need to go ahead and spin, then.
Them’s “murican dollars sonny, yew wouldn’t understand.
Okay….put on pants and walk to 7-11 to get mixers, use the gross diet pepsi in the fridge to mix with bourbon, or open a bottle of wine?
yes
Bourbon straight is, as always, the answer
If I owned a liquor store or a 7-11, you bet your ass that this is the day I’d be doing home deliveries for SURE.
Good call. Is drizzle or drinkly or whatever working today?
Is that like UberEats for liquor? Fuck, that sounds amazing.
I DARE YOU TO WALK TO THE STORE IN YOUR PJ’S.
/they call me the problem-solver
Wine, that way you won’t be too drunk for the inevitable stroll to 7-11.
THESE LIONS I CALL THEM CECIL BECAUSE THEY’RE DROPPING DEAD EVERYWHERE.
Does that qualify the Vikes as dentists?
Viking Dentists, from the makers of Chicago Sanitation! This spring on nbc.
For old time’s sake
You might be loaded but your image isn’t.
A nipple on the end of a penis? If this is how we’re evolving, count me in!
It might just be a botched circumcision
Like my penis, works for me
Holy shit, the Vikes are PUNTING?? What sorcery be this? Also, Everton on FS1 so BYE for now
Can we get Golden Tate the fucking ball now? Jesus, how much bourbon does a guy need to drink to not be angry about this bullshit
3rd page?
DAMN IT!
NO FLIP FOR YOU
football is family
I walk out of the room for a minute and I come back to find it’s not a catch? Nice to see the refs keeping the traditions alive even after the departure of Megatron
That kid is lichen what he sees!
/I’ll be here all day
NICE*!
*Won’t put on biology glasses.
Moss?
He’s Randy………
Favorite musical artist? Santana.
He’s wondering whether the crab has any friends that might pop out.
“Upon closer review, it is not a trap!”
Meh…maybe.
Whether it’s a TD or not, that’s one tight window to throw a ball into.
Should have snapped it sooner!
The X is from Roy Moore based on age of tits
Is that Kurt Warner?
Woman- “Thanks Trump’s ghost tiny hands.”
/Way, way off-Broadway
“The Lions Play Catch-Up”, hopefully starring Marvin Jones Jr.
Happy Thanksgiving from Canadia, folks. Finally over the migraine I woke up with this morning so it’s time to tune in to watching at last!!
The kids didn’t help, I’m guessing?
Man, it was so bad I just took the day off today.
So for the last few years I’ve had the iPhone version of Madden. (Between that and the iPhone Need for Speed game I have given EA a total of zero dollars, though, so don’t worry.)
I just realized that the helmets of all the teams playing are at seats at the table, and at the kids table of course are the Giants and Redacteds. Which sounds about right, you have all the cousins there and Eli.
I hate most Type A people.
My mother’s dog died this fall. She had to put her down after a long illness. Said dog was a connection to her dead husband (my dad) so it was extra emotional. But the illness itself was also a lot of work, and my mom is 70, so she was quite tired, and mentioned it was nice not having to deal with anything for a change. She said MULTIPLE TIMES how she needed a long grieving period, and if she EVER got another animal, it would under NO circumstances be a puppy.
So, she goes to my sister’s mountain house today, and OF COURSE my sister has bought her a goddamned puppy. You can see how forced the smile is on my mom’s face. So glad I am not up there, a scene would have been made.
Wow…that’s messed up. It takes a special kind of arrogance to think you’re doing good by specifically contradicting someone’s stated wishes
that is my sister, she just feels like if she pushes you into the deep end, you’ll thank her later
That is pretty fucked; anybody giving a pet needs to talk to people getting the pet; it can be cruel to both parties.
I have a suggestion for where the dog shit should be sent.
We have approached “surrender the remote to the wife” stage of the game.
I hope you enjoy….
/checks Hallmark Channel
…oh, you poor poor bastard.
That shit has been going on since Halloween!
Hey Lions! You might be fucked if a scatback is stiff-arming your defenders.
Who uses their arms during scat play? You kids are fucked.
I just use one hand, back to front because I’m a dude.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLsifB11K0k
Yay, Uncle Ed’s here! How much bourbon is left.
Seems like every family has that one uncle.
Purple People Eaters? Sounds like nephew and his friends trying to get home from a Prince show.
WTF? Department: Just checked on my team that has Jones Jr. on it. The other guy has goddamn Rudolf at the te spot. You can’t make this up!*
*this is quite easily made up
/I’m not fibbing though
“THE HANSON BROTHERS STILL GOT IT!!!”
Lions and Vikings? I haven’t seen this many yellow flags on the ground since Pele showed the world his ass!
I’m thankful I don’t live in North Korea
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/22/health/north-korea-defector-parasites-health/index.html
They say it is really nice this time of year……
I am glad that train from Harbin stayed in Chinese territory. Yes, I can’t believe I said that.
I got crabs from a whore in Pyongyang in ’87. I got lost trying to get to the Japan bowl and thought North Korea was just a full scale reenactment of Nagasaki.
These days, crab lice are considered an important source of nutrition in North Korea.
Hey ya get crabs in Asia they come in a soy sauce!
Except in Thailand
Believe it or not, that isn’t a joke. Kids that escaped orphanages there said that was their primary source of protein.
Who the hell is this damned person doing the halftime show? I need my 2 pm tits to tolerate this damn family of mine.
If one continually burns oneself while basting a turkey, should one stop drinking?
/asking foar a friend
(Hypothetically of course)
or Parkinson’s
Cue up Out On the Tiles for no good reason
Scratch that, reverse it
Hehehehehehe. No comment.
Well that failed. Damn couch got invaded by old people
Are the half-time acts at NFL games like the military in that they have to pay in order to be featured?
I’ve never heard of this’un, so…maybe?
I doubt it-I just wanted to thump the NFL really hard.
#nowthey’llchange
Not the Jesse White Tumblers
I think that’s what it is. The musician friends of mine (so most of my friends) agree that that’s some fucking bullshit.
Really? Huh.
false hope for a proper footy contest
My dad looked just like Nick Adams back in the day.
Did he ever say “DON’T MAKE ME STOP THIS GOD DAMN CAR!”
As an only child, I never had any siblings with whom to act up in the back seat. But if I had, I’m sure he would have.
Same with me, it was nice. However the trips with the extended family where I had to sit in the very back of the station-wagon and get car sick sucked.
MARVINDOWN!
/for the points that I need
this comment is subject to review
YES!
Someone Golden Tate-down me!
BLEERGHgasm
Every goddammed year.
Happy thanksgiving ya sticks.
There. I said it
I can’t help but notice you lack the credentials of being in a supervisory capacity over my person.
Cheryl bought a thesaurus?
I’m not happy, YOU’RE HAPPY!!!!!
Golliday! You know, for the holidays.
Good Golly!
Please ignore that thing I said about this being the best game. I was sober when I wrote that.
In fairness, ‘best’ is a relative term. This is like the ‘best’ case of cholera, or the ‘best’ rotten shark mean
I smell a new awards show.
Or maybe it’s just the rotten shark meat.
I have had 4 beers before noon. Now home to the fam… i used to think drinking at the bar by yourself was weird. I understand now.
One of my greatest Friday pleasures was grabbing a crossword, sitting down at a bar, ordering a scotch and a beer and winding down from the work-week. Absolutely glorious.
Did the Lions really win 6 games? Or are the graphics folks just trynna screw with me?
They couldn’t have played the Browns six times already this season, could they?
Not a single fucking YARD? Really??
‘allo internet strange family types. I made my cheesecakes last night, helped flip and baste the turkey, and am holding on to these last minutes of the first half before giving in to talking more to Lady BFC’s family.
New Kicker Friday for Vikings
I hear Blair Walsh might be available.
You can get BARTH’D
Does agauayo have work yet?
something something back of a truck at Home Depot something something
Lizard people.
George Soros’ new NHL team in Quebec city is finally taking shape.
So skillful parallel parking abilities are a necessary skill when courting?
Well you dont want to drive around a hardees and not be able to park on a date.
“Just put her bike in the back of the truck.”
— Roy Moore
Not hitting her dad’s Mustang is definitely a necessary skill. It may possibly even save his life!
this is just a verrrrrryyyyy slow-motion snuff film, ain’t it?
Extended metaphor for the killing of the turkey
stoned thought – “what if, like, the turkey still FEELS ITSELF BAKING?”
So much bake-age in one statement.
Stoned Hippo, you should kill the bird 1st. Maybe defeather it too.
sheeeeeeiiiiit, they just burn off, saves lots of time
I think Instant Hippo Thoughts should be immediately replaced by Stoned Hippo Thoughts.
#redunkulant
“God, I hope so!”
-Issei Sagawa