Your “Where Have You Gone, Megatron?” Thanksgiving Day NFL Football Open Thread

Hey there, you four day weekend-having mother-suckers! Have I ever told you the story of how I stumbled across the bliss that is Thursday afternoon football? Yes? Well, sit back, relax with your warm glass of mulled cider (“you’re so sophisticated!”) and I’ll tell you again. Back when I was a mere Koolaidnaut I was sick as a dog one day and had to miss school. I usually just planted myself on the sofa and napped and watched the old boob tube even though it was nothing but game shows and soap operas. This time however I was astounded to find the Detroit Lions being blown out by whomever and for whatever reason, I fell in like. Every year from then on I would feign the sick on American Thanksgiving and watch football all the day long. My mother never caught on, probably because she didn’t really care and… Hmmm. That took a wee turn didn’t it? Why don’t we mosey on over, TO THE GAME!

VIKINGS/LIONS: Shall we get the best game of the day out of the way early? Let’s. What with one man team Aaron Rodgers lost, the NFC North comes down to these two and Detroit needs this one badly-they can’t risk picking up the L and falling to 6-5. Recently released and then gobbled back up again Dwight Freeney won’t be playing today for the Lions but they should get de Ansah back. On the O side of things rb Abdullah has scored in three straight games and if you picked him up to throw into your flex spot, huzzah! You got that one right. Too bad your decision-making skills weren’t in play regarding your latest ex. The Vikes have gotten everything any team would want out of their backup qb-a dude that will not lose games for the team and have long stretches of competency.

As you may know, there’s a shit-ton of sportsifying/drinking and eating going on today. Just try not to stab your mother-in-law through the heart with the carving knife-go for the neck instead. If you get the right spot she’ll end up painting the walls before she stops being a pain in your  ‘extraordinarily-patient-right-up-to-now’ ass.

No matter what you’re doing, do stop by and say hello and let us know what you’re up to. If you’ve been lurking for a bit, perhaps throwing an account together and popping in is a good reason to escape the family. (“Can’t visit right now Ma, I’m talking to some freakballs on the ‘puter!”)

Now get out there and do some damage!

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Romonobyl

Cliff’s Notes again?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

They’re super hardcore about recycling in Germany

Romonobyl

Germany…big surprise.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are always wasteful with sex toys.

Mr. Ayo

Well now, you could make a pretty good living for an entire month off that bag.
-Tomsula

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

I didn’t see that poster at the exhibit.

blaxabbath

What is with those zimmer glasses?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Something to do with his five eye surgeries.

blaxabbath

“the Lions weren’t going to be a match for the Vikings anyways” -Mike Shanahan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Little early for the wtf of the day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

795 seems a little much.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You need to go ahead and spin, then.

Romonobyl

Them’s “murican dollars sonny, yew wouldn’t understand.

Doktor Zymm

Okay….put on pants and walk to 7-11 to get mixers, use the gross diet pepsi in the fridge to mix with bourbon, or open a bottle of wine?

King Hippo

yes

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bourbon straight is, as always, the answer

The Maestro

If I owned a liquor store or a 7-11, you bet your ass that this is the day I’d be doing home deliveries for SURE.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good call. Is drizzle or drinkly or whatever working today?

The Maestro

Is that like UberEats for liquor? Fuck, that sounds amazing.

Romonobyl

Wine, that way you won’t be too drunk for the inevitable stroll to 7-11.

Shogun Marcus

THESE LIONS I CALL THEM CECIL BECAUSE THEY’RE DROPPING DEAD EVERYWHERE.

Doktor Zymm

Does that qualify the Vikes as dentists?

Shogun Marcus

Viking Dentists, from the makers of Chicago Sanitation! This spring on nbc.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

For old time’s sake

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

It might just be a botched circumcision

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like my penis, works for me

King Hippo

Holy shit, the Vikes are PUNTING?? What sorcery be this? Also, Everton on FS1 so BYE for now

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we get Golden Tate the fucking ball now? Jesus, how much bourbon does a guy need to drink to not be angry about this bullshit

BrettFavresColonoscopy

NO FLIP FOR YOU

King Hippo

football is family

Doktor Zymm

I walk out of the room for a minute and I come back to find it’s not a catch? Nice to see the refs keeping the traditions alive even after the departure of Megatron

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NICE*!

*Won’t put on biology glasses.

Shogun Marcus

Moss?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s Randy………

theeWeeBabySeamus

Favorite musical artist? Santana.

Beerguyrob

He’s wondering whether the crab has any friends that might pop out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Upon closer review, it is not a trap!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh…maybe.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Should have snapped it sooner!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

The X is from Roy Moore based on age of tits

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is that Kurt Warner?

nomonkeyfun

Woman- “Thanks Trump’s ghost tiny hands.”

The Maestro

Happy Thanksgiving from Canadia, folks. Finally over the migraine I woke up with this morning so it’s time to tune in to watching at last!!

Senor Weaselo

The kids didn’t help, I’m guessing?

The Maestro

Man, it was so bad I just took the day off today.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

So for the last few years I’ve had the iPhone version of Madden. (Between that and the iPhone Need for Speed game I have given EA a total of zero dollars, though, so don’t worry.)

I just realized that the helmets of all the teams playing are at seats at the table, and at the kids table of course are the Giants and Redacteds. Which sounds about right, you have all the cousins there and Eli.

King Hippo

I hate most Type A people.

My mother’s dog died this fall. She had to put her down after a long illness. Said dog was a connection to her dead husband (my dad) so it was extra emotional. But the illness itself was also a lot of work, and my mom is 70, so she was quite tired, and mentioned it was nice not having to deal with anything for a change. She said MULTIPLE TIMES how she needed a long grieving period, and if she EVER got another animal, it would under NO circumstances be a puppy.

So, she goes to my sister’s mountain house today, and OF COURSE my sister has bought her a goddamned puppy. You can see how forced the smile is on my mom’s face. So glad I am not up there, a scene would have been made.

Doktor Zymm

Wow…that’s messed up. It takes a special kind of arrogance to think you’re doing good by specifically contradicting someone’s stated wishes

King Hippo

that is my sister, she just feels like if she pushes you into the deep end, you’ll thank her later

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is pretty fucked; anybody giving a pet needs to talk to people getting the pet; it can be cruel to both parties.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have a suggestion for where the dog shit should be sent.

Romonobyl

We have approached “surrender the remote to the wife” stage of the game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hope you enjoy….

/checks Hallmark Channel

…oh, you poor poor bastard.

Romonobyl

That shit has been going on since Halloween!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Who uses their arms during scat play? You kids are fucked.

Romonobyl

I just use one hand, back to front because I’m a dude.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yay, Uncle Ed’s here! How much bourbon is left.

Romonobyl

Seems like every family has that one uncle.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Purple People Eaters? Sounds like nephew and his friends trying to get home from a Prince show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Lions and Vikings? I haven’t seen this many yellow flags on the ground since Pele showed the world his ass!

Doktor Zymm
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They say it is really nice this time of year……

Senor Weaselo

I am glad that train from Harbin stayed in Chinese territory. Yes, I can’t believe I said that.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I got crabs from a whore in Pyongyang in ’87. I got lost trying to get to the Japan bowl and thought North Korea was just a full scale reenactment of Nagasaki.

Viva La Tabula Raza

These days, crab lice are considered an important source of nutrition in North Korea.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hey ya get crabs in Asia they come in a soy sauce!

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Romonobyl

Believe it or not, that isn’t a joke. Kids that escaped orphanages there said that was their primary source of protein.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Who the hell is this damned person doing the halftime show? I need my 2 pm tits to tolerate this damn family of mine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

If one continually burns oneself while basting a turkey, should one stop drinking?
/asking foar a friend

(Hypothetically of course)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

or Parkinson’s

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cue up Out On the Tiles for no good reason

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Scratch that, reverse it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehehe. No comment.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well that failed. Damn couch got invaded by old people

King Hippo

I’ve never heard of this’un, so…maybe?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not the Jesse White Tumblers

Senor Weaselo

I think that’s what it is. The musician friends of mine (so most of my friends) agree that that’s some fucking bullshit.

King Hippo

false hope for a proper footy contest

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

My dad looked just like Nick Adams back in the day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did he ever say “DON’T MAKE ME STOP THIS GOD DAMN CAR!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

As an only child, I never had any siblings with whom to act up in the back seat. But if I had, I’m sure he would have.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Same with me, it was nice. However the trips with the extended family where I had to sit in the very back of the station-wagon and get car sick sucked.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone Golden Tate-down me!

King Hippo

BLEERGHgasm

Viva La Tabula Raza

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...

Every goddammed year.

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Brocky

Happy thanksgiving ya sticks.

There. I said it

King Hippo

I can’t help but notice you lack the credentials of being in a supervisory capacity over my person.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cheryl bought a thesaurus?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not happy, YOU’RE HAPPY!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Good Golly!

Doktor Zymm

In fairness, ‘best’ is a relative term. This is like the ‘best’ case of cholera, or the ‘best’ rotten shark mean

theeWeeBabySeamus

I smell a new awards show.

Or maybe it’s just the rotten shark meat.

litre_cola

I have had 4 beers before noon. Now home to the fam… i used to think drinking at the bar by yourself was weird. I understand now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did the Lions really win 6 games? Or are the graphics folks just trynna screw with me?

King Hippo

Not a single fucking YARD? Really??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

‘allo internet strange family types. I made my cheesecakes last night, helped flip and baste the turkey, and am holding on to these last minutes of the first half before giving in to talking more to Lady BFC’s family.

King Hippo

New Kicker Friday for Vikings

Beerguyrob

I hear Blair Walsh might be available.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You can get BARTH’D

litre_cola

Does agauayo have work yet?

theeWeeBabySeamus

something something back of a truck at Home Depot something something

Senor Weaselo

Lizard people.

Dick E. Phuck

George Soros’ new NHL team in Quebec city is finally taking shape.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So skillful parallel parking abilities are a necessary skill when courting?

litre_cola

Well you dont want to drive around a hardees and not be able to park on a date.

Beerguyrob

“Just put her bike in the back of the truck.”

— Roy Moore

Senor Weaselo

Not hitting her dad’s Mustang is definitely a necessary skill. It may possibly even save his life!

King Hippo

this is just a verrrrrryyyyy slow-motion snuff film, ain’t it?

Doktor Zymm

Extended metaphor for the killing of the turkey

King Hippo

stoned thought – “what if, like, the turkey still FEELS ITSELF BAKING?”

Beerguyrob

So much bake-age in one statement.

litre_cola

Stoned Hippo, you should kill the bird 1st. Maybe defeather it too.

King Hippo

sheeeeeeiiiiit, they just burn off, saves lots of time

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think Instant Hippo Thoughts should be immediately replaced by Stoned Hippo Thoughts.

#redunkulant

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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