NFL News:
- As was noted last night, and expertly analyzed this morning, Aqib Talib & Michael Crabtree were both suspended two games for their fracas on Sunday.
- pending appeal, of course
- The Seahawks received a scheduling gift at the expense of the Cowboys, as their Week-14 game in Jacksonville has now been flexed to the 4:25 spot.
- This moves the Cowboys-Giants game to 1:00, where its awfulness will be hidden amongst a slew of other matches.
- Expect Jerry Jones to sue the other owners in attempts to remove Goodell from his position because of this slight. #protectthebrand
- This moves the Cowboys-Giants game to 1:00, where its awfulness will be hidden amongst a slew of other matches.
- Some dipshit has a report out saying Jason Witten is thinking retirement in order to go coach at Tennessee. Most reputable sites refute the story.
- He is already surrounded by dysfunction in Dallas, so why go be the one responsible for it in Knoxville?
- Besides, he’s got three years left on his extension, and there’s no way Tennessee administrators could match the $7.4 million per year Dallas is shelling out.
Finally, since the season is effectively over for some teams, PFT provides a look ahead to the 2018 Draft & drafting order: 
- Browns
- 49ers
- Giants
- Broncos
- Colts
- Bears
- Browns (from Texans)
- Jets
- Dolphins
- Buccaneers
On top of that, rumours are that USC QB Sam Darnold is contemplating staying in school another year to avoid being drafted by the Browns.
- He’s said he hasn’t made a decision, and that he hasn’t disparaged any team, no one would fault him for doing that.
- Seems more manly than pulling an Elway or Eli.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Kings at Wings – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
- Blackhawks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Dallas at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Heat at Cavs – 7:00Pm | Sportsnet1
- Wizards at Timberwolves – 8:00PM | TSN
- Nuggets at Jazz – 10:00PM | ESPN
- NCAA:
- Men’s basketball:
- Baylor at Xavier – 6:30PM | FS1
- Florida State at Rutgers – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- Northwestern at Georgia Tech – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Louisville at Purdue – 8:00PM | ESPN
- Maine at Georgetown – 8:30PM | FS1
- Illinois at Wake Forest – 9:00PM | ESPNU
- Iowa at Virginia Tech – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- Men’s basketball:
- WWE:
- Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Spur last night asked why I didn’t list any NBA games shown in America. So, as we slowly embark on the eventual post-season journey of viewing bleakness, it seems like an appropriate time to remind folks how I draw up the viewing schedule.
The simple fact is that I use the national grid from TV Guide to show what’s on, so that way we have something in common to talk about. NBATV & NHLN are not listed on TV Guide’s grid; also, I don’t know who has it in their cable package. As a result, I can’t suppose who has what available, so I just stick to the national broadcasts.
Because there is a significant minority of Commentists who are Canadian, I also use the Canadian broadcast schedules for the two main sports providers, so we snowballs have something to talk aboot as well.
Feel free to ask who might be watching the game broadcast in your area in the comments. I just draw things up the way they make sense to me. CAPISCE?!
Off to bed. But before I go, a reminder of Mike Connors’ other great contribution to TV
Not that I’m not excited for it, but this whole “trailer release” bullshit has to stop sometime soon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VbHg5fqBYw
Jesus Christ. You’d think nerds would get less insufferable once they became less repulsive to humans. Instead they’ve just made everything so much worse.
If only they were this sexy
Everything is about me. Me. Me. Me.
Her series sucked. I made it halfway, and I struggled through that because I never liked the comic but I was still watching the Netflix crap for whatever reason. Anyway, me me me.
I hated “The B” but liked “Jessica Jones”. But the gif goes to the faux empowerment people feel makes their individual needs greater than the mass good.
The only thing some days that keeps me from running people over at crosswalks is that I’d miss my wife & dogs.
I liked that show, but you make a very good point. Also, yeah, that’s the problem with people being worthless is that them being worthless is also a reason not to kill them because the cost to you is greater than the satisfaction derived.
Since we seem to be going deep into the MeTV archives,
Heavy-duty debugging
I can’t fall asleep and this is stuck in my head so you all get to share in the misery
https://youtube.com/watch?v=qmOLtTGvsbM
Oh yeah, en garde!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNiie_zmSr8
Oh, thank God I volunteer at the library before it opens to the public. It turns out I was bending over a bunch all morning in jeans that had a huge tear down the middle, showing off my ass to anyone who happened to be around. I guess no one noticed because no one told me, but I felt like an idiot when I saw the tear later and thought about when and where it could’ve happened.
Birthday airing out of the buttcrack?
It seems that way.
“…and that’s when I knew I was meant to be a judge.”
— Roy Moore
Man, I wish I cared about hockey before the playoffs. I give no fucks about that whole slate.
It’s great in October,but then turns kind of shitty until mid March
Antonio Brown vs the Green Bay secondary (artist’s conception).
I’m playing Messiah this week so I have an excuse to post this. And giggle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9tAI8e351E
He goes full Joe Cocker at the 3:00 mark. Dude, never go full Joe Cocker.
Is anybody else watching The Deuce on HBO?
It took awhile to gain momentum but I’m on episode 7 and it’s got legs.
And tits and..
It’s definitely got the David Simon thing working now.
Woooo!!!! I’m ahead of schedule.
I was doing that AT 10!
Sheeeeeit. Most living people don’t try.
The kid is thankful for God AND Jesus? That’s some religioning right there.
No holy ghost? Fuck you, you’re out of the family.
-P. Rivers
Great minds…
They never mention the Holy Spirit…
It’s a good thing Iggles are setting the world on fire, because Flyers are a fucking airborne dumpster fire heading into the side of a mountain.
I know we just met, but I’m kinda hungry. Got any plans for tonight?
I was going to make a “Call Me Maybe” joke.
But to do that I’d have to admit to ever having heard the song.
Which I haven’t. Ever. Honest.
She seems nice.
I got myself a birthday pizza.
You made it! Congrats! Remember…if you lived on Neptune, it’ll be 164 years until your next arrival anniversary.
Stabby, skinny, probably haz shoulders.
I’m sure there’s a water horse nodding in approval.
I’d like to shawarma all over dat ass.
I’d make the most out of the 20 hours without electricity with her, if you know what I mean.
Sounding party?
It wouldn’t be from the sounds of disappointment. She’s the kind of gal that’d have no problems putting her AK 47 to your head until you got it right.
Yinz see how James O’Keeffe fucked up this time? Even places like Red State and Daily Caller are sick of his shit.
I believe Ozzy could run a better scheme.
“The O stands for Awful!”
Eli Manning, an inspiration to less talented siblings the world over. I for one will miss you.
I’d like to go on record stating I will not be accepting the NYG starting QB job if offered to me and am thus taking myself out of consideration.
Tween the herp, and inevitable derp,
I’m guessing the populace is thankful,
Though I suppose,
Moreso than most,
We’re thankful there was at least a handful.
Is that supposed to be some kind of snide remark about my penis size?
O NOES I NO U SEXAY!
/that’ll be 19.99 as per our arrangement…
OH…ALL 9 INCHES?! BEAST!
…4.99/Inch over 3…so…
Well, that’s more than the rate we agree to.
But for 9, it’s worth it.
I’ll drop the cash in the usual place.
Xmas FOAR ALL!!!
“Abby, Coach McDoodoo says I can’t play the whole game anymore. He says we have to play by little league rules now. Cheesesteak, Odell taught me that one, is going to play with my ball, and so is Spiderguy, Pey-Pey came up with that one.”
“That’s okay, we can spend some more time together in the bedroom. I’ll make sure you get plenty of warm milk before bedtime.”
“But Mom says I shouldn’t look at girl’s jahoobies.”
“Why did I ever marry this putz?”
I don’t know about the NBA, but I would appreciate it if you could list the MeTV schedule a bit more, so I don’t miss any Mannix reruns.
“Mannix? That’s a deep pull!”
-Jack Lord
I’ve seen deeper…
Seka
Is she friends with Nina Hartley?
Oh I see…
Snowflakes can fall, but lord forbid we stop those that accept evil.
If you stay quiet, and allow others the same I…
I am not certain who it is that is the devil.
Is it me?
Probably not. Safe travels.
He’s just being nice BFC.
I’m quite certain it’s you. You’re terrible.
Did you see the size of that chicken?
She didn’t stay on for 8 seconds, but rode it well anyway.
(what are “things said in Vegas this weekend, Alex?”)
Guys!!!!! GUYS!!!!!!
If you don’t have the Olympics Channel, hack into a stream forthwith!
European curling is on!!!!! Oh shit, it’s the men; the wimmenz were yesterday.
Belay my last…
GOOD GIGGEDETY GOD!
Yes:
I find this rather erotic, if I’m being honest. I’m even getting a little hard.
Shit, did I say that out loud?
Lady Shogun is killing all sinuses. She actually wants me to live. This will be a regret.
Heh heh heh – this happened organically and was very amusing to me:
I want a pizza for some reason.
Awards season for movies is right around the corner and I have an early contender: “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri” is fucking spectacular. I just saw it.
Incredible performances across the board, notably Francis McDormand, Sam Rockwell and PETER DINKLAGE!
It’s dark as fuck and alternates between moments of insane hilarity and gut wrenching drama.
Woody Harrelson has a great role too.
Do! Go!
A couple of other contenders I’ve been hearing batted around are “The Disaster Artist” yes, it’s the movie about the making of DFO favorite “The Room” and I’ve also heard a lot of buzz about “The Shape of Water” which is Guillermo del Toro’s new movie. The trailer looks amazing.
I love this time of year.
I’m trying to get through “The Disaster Artist” book. For some reason, I keep putting it down.
I love me some Sam Rockwell….though he has been in some stinkers. I saw “Seven Psychopaths” on a plane and hated it.
We saw it over the weekend and loved it. Reminded me of Fargo in a lot of ways.
It’s no Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding, but not bad. Needs a little Michael Bay.
This reminds me of the opening scene in the pilot for Six Feet Under
Appeal for Crabtree and Talib has reduced their suspensions to one game. I can’t argue that for Crabtree, but that piece of shit Talib deserves two.
I do believe i said it would be halved. That’s why they double what they want.
It would give him an extra week to play with firearms dangerously.
Champange Jim,
Spur should probably walk into a combine. Smiling.
It’s the only way he justifies the tingle in his dingle when women are smacked.
I Love You Sir. The Idiot Should Think First, Type Later. Or…just Die.
Ahh, it was a fair question. I usually have to answer it every six months or so.
My problem is that I don’t have teh sexy around my items. They stick out more.
xoxo
Wasn’t really. He knows better. If he’s displeased, his snowflake ass can write it himself. Oh wait, shall we all point out how he was somehow absent during thanksgiving…like pounded…shit…pushed…hmm…
Is it AFL time yet?
I’m glad that flyers Twitter has turned into Dave Hakstol Death Watch. Love too get a new coach every 2.2 years.
Terminator 3 is worser than a straight-to-video Blockbuster .99 rental.
It meant well. The actors were trying but it didn’t have the spirit of the first two movies. It was like Police Academy 3, it had a moment or two but didn’t we say all that was needed to be said in the last movie?
This also works with Police Academy 4 and Terminator: Get Out of My Light and Police Academy 5 and Terminator: Rebootin’ Weird
Between that, sin City, and Carnivale, I thought Nick Stahl was going to explode but boy did he ever fall off the face of the Earth. Maybe studied Edward Furlong a little too hard when preparing to play John.
Hey did you know Nick Stahl is still alive? I didn’t think he was, but apparently he’s still kicking.
I don’t remember hating it, except for a moment at the end when the Terminator was doing a T2 body switch thing and the person she was replacing appeared around a corner to warn the target. Which was ridiculous, because this took place in a highly secured military facility and how the fuck did a couple of kids and their mangled cyborg friend make it past security?
Counterpoint:
I like the cut of your jib.
/sign you’ve failed as a parent
Son: “Seafood sauce is way too spicy!”
Caveat: I’m not a fan of seafood sauce. The fact that the kid thinks it’s too spicy? That ain’t right.
I agree with Son of Scotchnaut, seafood sauce is spicy.
So, yeah, you really screwed up somewhere.
It’s horseradish and ketchup! It’s one Flacco away from being as turgid flavour-wise as Miracle Whip!
Three. Three away.
“Seafood sauce” is probably made with ketchup and is the shit you’d find at a Red Lobster.
Go to a real crab, shrimp, or oyster shack along the Mid-Atlantic and Southern Seaboard and you’ll be given proper cocktail sauce, which is real horseradish root and Heinz Chili Sauce, preferably served individually and you mix them. Heinz Chili Sauce is a killer ingredient that is becoming less well known due to rise of bullshit stunt sauces.
Heinz Chili sauce is outstanding.
Uh oh, the hockey game brought out hte boy scouts to show off during the national anthem. You call that a kerchief?
I got called into the HR office this morning.
“JSD…do you know why I called you in?”
“No. Is this about that kid yesterday?”
“Did you get [CEO]’s email?”
“My account is set up to automatically send his emails to my junk folder”
“Hahahaha…oh JSD bless your heart you are so funny”
“I’m being serious. I really need to get back to work. Why are you wasting my time?”
“Well as you know, training department is part of HR…”
“That is completely news to me”
“AND…because of that, your participation…or lack there of…in the United Way Campaign counts against us”
“Oh really? I mean I usually just refuse to participate on principle…but now that I know I am affecting you guys…I am REALLY not going to participate”
“JSD! This is a good cause and there is no single reason why you cannot…”
“Goes against my religion”
Angry fat HR lady flumes at me…
This sounds like something from Bastard Operator From Hell. Also, Jesus Fuck, am I tired of United way shit at work. It’s not that they’re all that bad, it’s just that I don’t like being told what I’m supposed to be giving to.
These big charities are just fucking shakedowns anyway.
I hate UW for a couple of reasons
1) Charity is a private matter. If one is doing it for public recognition, its entirely missing the point.
2) I really detest that people seem to think I am a bad person because I refuse to cut my paycheck to a company that has enough fucking funds to advertise during the fucking Superbowl. I fucking volunteer pretty much every weekend. I donate time and money. Yet dick head Bob from accounting thinks I am an asshole because I refuse to pitch in so everyone gets “jeans Friday”.
3) I am not paying my fucking employer for a tax write off. The whole reason why companies like United Way is because its an easy as shit means to make a nice big ass tax write off…off the back of your peons.
Seriously…fuck the United Way.
The money doesn’t have to go to United Way. My mother was a semi-professional fundraiser for all sorts of charities, and the way she got her department to handily win the contest among all the city departments every year is that she had people funnel their church tithings through UW so that it counted for everyone, didn’t actually affect how much the church received or was taken from their paycheck (pre-tax, too), and didn’t really inconvenience anyone.
That being said, fuck your company’s HR department.
The three women we got in HR are the stereotypical, fat, hick southern bell that believe everything. All three of them voted for Trump (its prominent on their pick up trucks).
We work for a Japanese conglomerate. These are the kind of people that require the warning on bleach bottles not to drink the contents.
I cannot wait for their heads to collectively explode when they finally put two and two together and figure out that the only guy in HR is gay.
Side note, that guy is actually pretty chill and he is my go to for issues involve payroll and legal shit. The other three are morons.
Not to be a dick, but what your Mom did is exactly what I hate about UW. They basically took a 10-20% cut for what? To give credit to people for giving?
Yeah, basically. I don’t mind. I just wasn’t sure that was part of it, but that makes sense. It’s just the way things work from my perspective because that’s all I’ve ever known about how it works. I am pretty suspicious of charities myself because of this, I guess. I don’t know. I just felt like contributing to the conversation.
And I am being a defensive dick about it…because every fucking year around this time, I get death stares from everyone at work because I refuse on principle not to participate. Its so easy for me to get spun up about this and I hate that I respond like this EVERY FUCKING TIME…
And again, I am not against charity. I am certain I do more than the vast majority of my coworkers combine.
“Voluntary” donations are this great new thing corporations are doing to exercise damned near feudal control over their workers. These assholes are itching to “voluntarily” put us in fucking Pullman towns.
I mean… Eli Manning got benched. By Geno Smith. Excuse me….
(runs to next door website to laugh ass off)
Better than leaving for a pack of smokes
I can’t believe that this is how Eli Manning dies. Out of all the ways, not like this.
Eli died doing what he loved-eating chocolate pudding until he was full.
All paths to the playoffs just got closed to the Buckeyes. HARD!
“Checking In!”
-A Significant Minority
Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together for:
GENO SMITH!!!!!!!!
Sorry Eli, it was fun…
It was fun winning 2 SB’s by the skin of his teeth.
/not fun? The turnovers. Oh God! The Turnovers!
/Alternate Take
“Fun? The turnovers. Oh God! The Turnovers!”
-Andy Reid
In 1998, the Cincinnati Bengals signed a free agent QB from New York to replace an average QB.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.