Your “Sunday Night Is For The Birds” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Banner image from NBC Sports

Evening, degenerates.  Your usual sot/introducer was unable to cobble together enough enthusiasm to slog through three of these open threads today, and who can blame him? I climbed out of the content mines juuuuust long enough to hit 30,000 feet and write up a little something from my skychair, where I am mercifully prevented from gorging on NFL crumbs. Let’s quickly take a look around the league to see what’s been afoot today:

 

In the early games, the Titans beat up on their imaginary friends (but at least Tom Savage got a participation trophy), Ravens made the Lions look like almost as big of a joke as their failed stadium implosion, Brett Hundley needed overtime to defeat Crabby McRaperson’s creamsicle wannabes, the Vikes’ running game overcame the mighty Falcons’ offense and its total output of three field goals, the Jaguras (is this an odd week?) routed the Clots, the Patriots earned a big win and a likely suspension (or at least fine in case Rog can’t afford to piss off both of the most powerful owners) for their biggest, stupidest animal, the Dolphins giving up a pick six still couldn’t help the Broncos in an old fashioned ass whooping, and Josh McCown embarrassed the Chiefs more than Andy Reid at a dinner table.

And in (former) home cooking, Robbie Gould beat the bad news Bears 15-14 with seconds remaining in a game that featured a whopping 15 pass attempts from franchise quarterback Mitch Trutitsky. Janaene Garofolo wasn’t asked to do much and obliged (26 of 37 for 293 yards, no TDs, and one INT) in a game that was exciting only if you love kicker revenge porn.

That poo-poo platter left unbalanced leftovers for the afternoon games, which were only just starting when this plane took off.  Since United’s “Your internet purchase is processing” was still showing when I landed, I can only assume that Cleveland won handily, YO! Gabbert Gabbert gabbed it, RAMMIT! Rammed it, Geno Smith rolled over and played dead, and our DFO Vegas Crew is Scrooge McDucking it after the Saints and Raiders held up their ends of the smartest six team parlay the MGM’s sports book has ever seen.

 

 

Oh, you don’t say. As of this writing, the jury is still out, but at a minimum Cleveland looks like they’re still Cleveland, and tWBS and company may have Geno to blame if they’re required to service a few more culinary union employees before they can pay for their rooms out there.  Seems like worse things have been admitted to being done in Vegas. Still, DAMN YOU, GENO!

Which brings us to tonight’s Aviary Assault! The Seattle Seahawks, unlike the SuperSonics of yore, don’t have a geography problem as much as a head coaching overconfidence problem. But I have to admit that the Charmslinger has put some things together this season despite A) Pete Carroll, B) Blair Walsh, and C) Russell Wilson being a complete douchetool. Meanwhile, the Philadelpia Iggles are taking advantage of a solid backfield platoon, an above-cromulent season from Carson Pirie Wentz, and a putrid NFC East to pretty much lock up the division week 12.  Tonight, they go head to head or talon to talon or whatever birds do. I know we have both Eagles and SeaChickens fans here at DFO, so keep it clean(ish). My guess is the Iggles roll with another Blair Walsh Project missed kick factoring into the outcome. But hey, what do I know, I’m just writing this from a large mechanical bird.  Tied it all together, NAILED IT.  Anyway, in the meantime, eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die. I think Dave Matthews was singing about being forced to watch the Bengals play when he wrote that, right?

Anyhoo, as of a few hours ago the Eagles were only favored by 3.5.  The Vegas bunch should get back to the sportsbook! And for the rest of yas, TO THE COMMENTS WITH YOU!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation's capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
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King Hippo

this weiner coach is dumb enough to kick a FG here, ain’t he?

Spur
Spur

It Ertz!

Spur
Spur

Seriously get the fuck up, i need some points.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Why is Seattle playing prevent already?

King Hippo

ratings

Spur
Spur

The Philly fucks are no under pressure here come the dropped passes.

Spur
Spur

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Gratliff

Eh. Just a matter of odds at that point.

Gratliff

That pile flip didn’t go as well as he’d hoped

King Hippo

I double-checked, and there are no random-ass 5-7 JV sides in post-season exhibition games this year

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Alright Pete…over think this and fuck it up!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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welp

Gratliff

The first step on the road to therapy

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Germans are weird as fuck.

(No, I don’t recognize her. Stop looking at me like that.)

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Rudolph is looking might tasty this year.

Spur
Spur

Gratliff

fack

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Oooh, poor defensing there Iggles.

Gratliff

12th man extremely angry that they aren’t getting legit calls to go with their bullshit ones.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Two NFC South teams and yet neither one gives us the chance to call it a Falcon Punch.

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litre_cola

This is a conspiracy! The refs are jobbing this!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The messicans ur takin’ our inside jerbs!!

Redshirt

Why is the good Philadelphia Eagles team losing? Its not the playoffs.

King Hippo

banner? or is there a Redshirt maximum?

Wakezilla

Seattle’s hipster ladies gave them a ride of a lifetime last night?

King Hippo

As tonight, I usually quit writing Hippo Thoughts around 10-10:30. It rarely matters, and I find nobody really gives a fuck.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

We all care very much Hippo.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s the spirit!

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King Hippo

#IntoTehVoid

Redshirt

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King Hippo

#Back2Ohio

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I always enjoy them, for whatever that is worth.

litre_cola

Read it 1st thing when I get to work monday morning.

Redshirt

(cue a defiant Hippo tomorrow refusing to share his thoughts of the cheap shot to Russell Wilson in the 4th Quarter that resulted in a bench-clearing brawl, a riot, arrests and a NFL game ending in a forfeit)

King Hippo

#InverseJinx

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Prince Harry needs to work on ball security

Spur
Spur

litre_cola

This is depressing me.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Evergreen comment.

Gratliff

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

King Hippo

JEEBUS, Iggles

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SCIENCE BUUUUUUUUURN!!!

Spur
Spur

I need an Ertz down please

Gratliff

Apparently video evidence was not enough

Spur
Spur

Dude, we all saw the towers fall.

King Hippo

DID YOU REALLY!!??111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jet fuel cannot melt spots.

Gratliff

Has forward progress always been as complex as it’s been the past few weeks, or is this more “what is catch” bullshit?

King Hippo

we need GPS

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And no refs

litre_cola

Is this where the robots take over?

King Hippo

YES. Officiating and sex and NO MOAR JOBS

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

If we’re lucky

Spur
Spur

Go for it for plucked pussies

King Hippo

guessing he would have needed a timeout anyway

litre_cola

He learned from the best.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Kick a FG, cowards.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Or waste a timeout on a zero chance challenge.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

When did Philly hire Andy Reid back?

Gratliff

Never been this nervous about a 10-1 team down an entire touchdown

Spur
Spur

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Wakezilla

Here’s my hot taek: Eli should sign with the Browns, under the assumption they draft defense in the first round, take them to the playoffs so he can solidify his place in the Hall.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That’s a Hell of an assumption for a team that doesn’t know or care that it kills all of its first-round QB picks because they don’t have a fucking O line protecting them.

Wakezilla

They got a couple of decent o-linemen

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did they? I stand corrected.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Marshawn had a notice that he had to provide a urine sample. He got out of interviews by saying had to to go give his “ding ding sauce”

Gonna leave u with this nugget.
Im out.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I cannot fucking believe the way Gronk is getting defended.

He knocked a guy out of the game on a bullshit, bush league, BLATANT dirty foul.

He basically threw a fucking punch.

litre_cola

Imagine if it was Vontaze.

Shogun Marcus

He’d be out for the remainder, and maybe the first four the next.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Hell…imagine if it was any black player.

Cam can’t even be pouting in the post game news conference after a tough lost. If he did something like this? Mother of god…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck Gronk and his meathead frat boy bullshit schtick. Frat boys are rapists and drunk and nepotistic assholes. Why anyone thinks people who act like that are amusing is just sickening, but especially for a piece of shit like Gronk who offers nothing of value as far as I can see in terms of amusement or admiration. He’s a fucking douche and he gets fellated by idiots not because they’re too stupid to know better, but because they can’t be bothered to care.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I cannot muster the interest for the 2nd half, so I will call it a night.

Later, Taters!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Adios.

Spur
Spur

When Vegas gets the Raider Stadium, the Vegas Bowl may start getting big.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

Sick! Porche with an electric roadstr? Cool!

Spur
Spur

Am liking this bird on bird violence.

King Hippo

fucking weiners

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Punt?
*writes Game Over in notebook*

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Spur
Spur

Back Up Spurs lost by 3 to the punk ass Thunder. Moral Victory.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Yep. Admirable comeback, just not quite enough…

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Since I missed the earlier conversation, I’ll just note that Oregon was founded with the intention and declaration that it be a white separatist state. The section of the state constitution barring Asians from owning land was only officially repealed while I was in law school here. It’s why Oregon is the only western state in what used to be Mexico that isn’t a community property state.

In summary, Oregon is a land of contrasts – that is, white people and the people the white people hate.

King Hippo

I just learnt there was a lot of Klan in Oh-ray-GAWNE. Now makes MOAR sense.

/ferget HAY-elllll!!!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The largest Klan chapter ever was located in . . . Anaheim, CA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Colorado was run by the clan for quite some time also.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MAGA#####

King Hippo

no shit??

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
nomonkeyfun

And they ran Indiana in the 20’s.

King Hippo

that was in the documentary I saw

Shogun Marcus

I learned it on a ghost tour in Indy. Head dude was seriously evil.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Those Fat Humps aren’t just filled with gravy, but White Power™ gravy.

Shogun Marcus

Biscuits and gravy…white gravy! THEY’RE FLAUNTING IT RIGHT IN OUR FACES SHEEPLE! LOOKING GLASS!!!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Mike Pence was governor in the 20s, too!?!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nixon was from Orange County. Go figure.

King Hippo

Orange County was like the bellwether of conservatism until like the last 10 years. Hooray, brown ppl! Also education.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Well, B-1 Bob is gone, but Dana “Putin is my BFF” Rohrabacher represents the holdouts in Huntington Beach.

Spur
Spur

add that all this is in living memory. Progress was made but we must stay vigilant.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Every black person I know who’s been to Eastern Oregon felt genuinely threatened every moment they were there.

Gratliff

This Verizon commercial is fucking horrific

rockingdog
rockingdog

Im not sure what the point of that is.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think the message is that eventually we’re all going to have nickel-sized transponders surgically implanted in our abdomens.

King Hippo

somewhere in the chain, somebody rubbed their ass on your food. It’s our job to find out where.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

It’s our job to hide it

King Hippo

I mean, LAWSUIT!!