Your “Sunday Night Is For The Birds” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Banner image from NBC Sports

Evening, degenerates.  Your usual sot/introducer was unable to cobble together enough enthusiasm to slog through three of these open threads today, and who can blame him? I climbed out of the content mines juuuuust long enough to hit 30,000 feet and write up a little something from my skychair, where I am mercifully prevented from gorging on NFL crumbs. Let’s quickly take a look around the league to see what’s been afoot today:

 

In the early games, the Titans beat up on their imaginary friends (but at least Tom Savage got a participation trophy), Ravens made the Lions look like almost as big of a joke as their failed stadium implosion, Brett Hundley needed overtime to defeat Crabby McRaperson’s creamsicle wannabes, the Vikes’ running game overcame the mighty Falcons’ offense and its total output of three field goals, the Jaguras (is this an odd week?) routed the Clots, the Patriots earned a big win and a likely suspension (or at least fine in case Rog can’t afford to piss off both of the most powerful owners) for their biggest, stupidest animal, the Dolphins giving up a pick six still couldn’t help the Broncos in an old fashioned ass whooping, and Josh McCown embarrassed the Chiefs more than Andy Reid at a dinner table.

And in (former) home cooking, Robbie Gould beat the bad news Bears 15-14 with seconds remaining in a game that featured a whopping 15 pass attempts from franchise quarterback Mitch Trutitsky. Janaene Garofolo wasn’t asked to do much and obliged (26 of 37 for 293 yards, no TDs, and one INT) in a game that was exciting only if you love kicker revenge porn.

That poo-poo platter left unbalanced leftovers for the afternoon games, which were only just starting when this plane took off.  Since United’s “Your internet purchase is processing” was still showing when I landed, I can only assume that Cleveland won handily, YO! Gabbert Gabbert gabbed it, RAMMIT! Rammed it, Geno Smith rolled over and played dead, and our DFO Vegas Crew is Scrooge McDucking it after the Saints and Raiders held up their ends of the smartest six team parlay the MGM’s sports book has ever seen.

 

 

Oh, you don’t say. As of this writing, the jury is still out, but at a minimum Cleveland looks like they’re still Cleveland, and tWBS and company may have Geno to blame if they’re required to service a few more culinary union employees before they can pay for their rooms out there.  Seems like worse things have been admitted to being done in Vegas. Still, DAMN YOU, GENO!

Which brings us to tonight’s Aviary Assault! The Seattle Seahawks, unlike the SuperSonics of yore, don’t have a geography problem as much as a head coaching overconfidence problem. But I have to admit that the Charmslinger has put some things together this season despite A) Pete Carroll, B) Blair Walsh, and C) Russell Wilson being a complete douchetool. Meanwhile, the Philadelpia Iggles are taking advantage of a solid backfield platoon, an above-cromulent season from Carson Pirie Wentz, and a putrid NFC East to pretty much lock up the division week 12.  Tonight, they go head to head or talon to talon or whatever birds do. I know we have both Eagles and SeaChickens fans here at DFO, so keep it clean(ish). My guess is the Iggles roll with another Blair Walsh Project missed kick factoring into the outcome. But hey, what do I know, I’m just writing this from a large mechanical bird.  Tied it all together, NAILED IT.  Anyway, in the meantime, eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die. I think Dave Matthews was singing about being forced to watch the Bengals play when he wrote that, right?

Anyhoo, as of a few hours ago the Eagles were only favored by 3.5.  The Vegas bunch should get back to the sportsbook! And for the rest of yas, TO THE COMMENTS WITH YOU!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.

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Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

So, the Horse Guards officer that fathered the bastard Harry with Diana sprayed his seed in the USA too?

Spur
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

I was in Kabul when the 10th anniversary of Diana’s death was in the news; I asked the British guys that provided my security detail if they were all solemn and stuff, they responded fuck no, that coont fooled around on Prince Chuck and there was no way that Charles was the father of Harry, look at a photo of that Hewitt guy, fookin’ ginger and all.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Gratliff
Member

When did fair catch interference stop being a thing? That’s like the third time I’ve seen that today

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think the Seattle player was blocked into the receiver by another Eagle.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

It’s not a set distance anymore, but a judgement by the official (I think?) because we needed more subjective, potentially game-changing moments.

litre_cola
Member

This is what I have come to expect the last 35+ years

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Hail Satan!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The Rock is a Republican,,, ppl forget that.

Petronel
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Petronel

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Is port 666 blocked or open?

Petronel
Member
Petronel

Depends – ya need to play Doom?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Castle Wolfenstein

Gratliff
Member

Aw, yes. Pressure.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Damit where is the Wentz passing TD!????
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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Aaaaaaaa
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LemonJello
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LemonJello

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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King Hippo
Member

juuuuuuuuust a bit offside

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

She really like cocaine.

Gratliff
Member

A nice upbeat bumper song

litre_cola
Member

Well shit, just sat down again and saw that. Jesus.

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

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rockingdog
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rockingdog

LOL no shit!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s a murical! Mineral water won me the lottery!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Fake News! Doesn’t work if you were born befro 1 AD!

Petronel
Member
Petronel

Well, that’s at least one potential COPPA violation there (assuming people aren’t lying about their ages, which is a big assumption)

nomonkeyfun
Member

It’s a sting to get Roy Moore.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

The recreation of the 9-11 attack for a celebration in the end zone is of questionable taste to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait, wut? I missed it!

King Hippo
Member

GOD, I wish someone would do it. Especially the SeaTruthers with a Pete Carroll twist!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Beams don’t melt, my son.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Hahahahaha

Bet that is what president pumpkin spice thought it was

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

I doubt if he watches the games beyond viewing the National Anthem and taking down the names of the players that knelt. He then switches back to Fox News.

King Hippo
Member

yeah he don’t strike me as the type for sportsball. NAWT enough talk about HIM.

Gratliff
Member

o no

King Hippo
Member

Keeping the pressure on RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!?? Oh yeah

Gratliff
Member

ticky tack horseshit

King Hippo
Member

BLEERGH LIKE NARRATIVE

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

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FUCK YO FLAG REF!

King Hippo
Member

PEAK CHEFS

Petronel
Member
Petronel

Early Hanukkah gift.

King Hippo
Member

BEATS SOCKS amirite??

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Interesting strategy – letting C-Hox backs and receivers run all over so they’re tired in the 2nd half…let’s see if it pays off for the Iggles.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

Old man hot teak…if I was an NFL coach and I saw one of my players leaving his feet during a run, I would bench their ass.

It almost never leads to extra yards, it grossly increases the risk of a fumble and an injury, and it makes you look like a glory boy.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

GLOOORRRRY BOY

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

But since he’s more likely to get injured, that means it’s more likely you wont have the gloreee boi on your team much longer.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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nomonkeyfun
Member

So that’s what made him go blind.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Why u overthrowing Aghular? shit!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, it was the masturbation.

Gratliff
Member

Brandon is clearly the superior Graham

litre_cola
Member

What about cracker? Those are delicious.

Gratliff
Member

Only if it’s in the form of small teddy bears

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Why are there still singing competition shows and is it me or are they actually making more of these fucking things?

Shogun Marcus
Member

It’s like forests. They get overcrowded, cleansing fire, regrowth.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

They’re cheap to make and probably get just enough viewers to justify their cost.

litre_cola
Member

litre_cola
Member

I won my $$$ league this afternoon! 2K, the missus thinks 1k!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

So… is it possible yet to watch the footedball game without instinctively reaching for the hemlock?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

That’s right Blair Walsh Project – hit those FGs now, so everyone isn’t expecting the bed-shitting when it really counts…

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Philly Defense better show up. Lets go!!!!!

King Hippo
Member

Here is the quandary – Philly has one weak spot (as you see today) – pass defensing. But the 2nd best side, by far (Minny), is not ideally suited to attack that weakness.

The 1/4 and 2/3 matchups in the NFC will be super interesting to watch.

Gratliff
Member

4 man rush every down, constant QB pressure, 7 men in coverage can’t stop the pass. Philadelphia, folks.

King Hippo
Member

I do not think it’s a FATAL flaw, but that’s how you try to beat Philly. You attack them passing, and probably with tempo.

If RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! were just a bit better offensively, their philosophy would be closer to what’s needed. Breesus would need a vintage performance.

Gratliff
Member

I’m legit terrified every time the ball is in the air. Their corners have been so bad for so long, even though they’re better now, it’s still panic-inducing.

King Hippo
Member

the problem….of course is fucking Dreamboat. You need #OddWeekJaguras to get ’em

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

You got to think outside of the box against Philly…like trick them into doing something stupid like making Chip Kelly head coach again.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

That astroturf looks like hot garbage.

Its bad enough that it hurts players at a higher rate, but when it looks like the shit you see at mini-golf…seriously…vacuum that shit once and a while and get the color right.

Gratliff
Member

Charmback may die if he stops moving his legs for a tenth of a second

King Hippo
Member

Wilson is legit intelligent, got his degree from State in less than 3 years (and you have to actually do the coursework at State).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Intelligent? He is diligent, but he will not be building rockets or will I be looking to him for sensible policy matters.

Gratliff
Member

But his water has the good brain bubbles, though

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I typed in “stupid mineral water commercial” and it was all Alex Jones videos.

King Hippo
Member

Think he was high school valedictorian too, or close to it. Parents both have masters degrees.

Just…uh, lives in a bubble a little bit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe it is cognitive dissonance; but saying his lord and savior influences fucking football games is fucking idiotic, along with the mineral water bullshit. jesus fucking christ.

King Hippo
Member

well, yeah, but lots of people have beliefs in that realm. I am willing to make allowances for illogic/blind spots that way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You certainly are.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I think the average football fan, and I of course include myself in this, could not possibly understand, let alone master, an NFL playbook or even diagnose pre-snap coverages on the fly.

These meatheads are a bit smarter than I think we ever want to admit.

King Hippo
Member

yeah, especially ANYBODY who could start as a rookie and not shit himself

King Hippo
Member

Also, I would posit that smarts is what makes MOST of the very good to great ones special. It’s definitely what sets DAK! apart.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you seen Dak lately?

King Hippo
Member

It’s not that he’s stupid, he’s just pressing. He’ll work through it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did I say stupid? You put him on a pedestal and he is good if everything is going their way in a game plan; if you put him behind or take away the run game he is average at best. But in today’s NFL that is pretty good.

King Hippo
Member

He had to plenty on his own in the playoffs last year and was spectacular. Rodgers just one-upped him/scored last.

I’ve thought he had something special since he was at Mississippi State, and he surely didn’t have everything on a silver platter there.

It’s just opinions and shit. I think he will have a very good career. Time will tell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think he will too; with the right coaches and GM……. oh shit; it’s JJ! Maybe cooler heads will prevail in the draft room. He can improve that part of his game. There is just a lot of Dak sucking out there which ignores his flaws.

King Hippo
Member

For all Jones’ flaws, they’ve always invested in OL, which is the most important thing. I’m not sure Dez is coming back as anything super useful, that will be the 2nd thing that needs doing.

In the meantime, IF DAK! is as smart as I think he is, then the hard lessons from the interim period will be quite valuable, and he will be forced to shore up his weak spots.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[ thinks of another certain team that failed at the OL…..]

King Hippo
Member

hee hee, JUST A LITTLE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and teh QB…..

King Hippo
Member

#SwagWagon!!1111

Shogun Marcus
Member

Situational intelligence. JFF or Rapey Jameis (two of many examples) cannot do ANYTHING else besides footbaw. And JFF dun fucked that up.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Obviously.

I will say this, having been to many NA meetings over the years…there were more doctors and lawyers in those meetings than dumb asses…

Smart people are not immune to bad decisions.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He is a great QB, athletic plus an aptitude… and put on a team with loads of talent is one thing; but he is no fucking Einstein.

Shogun Marcus
Member

You been looking at my dating history?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are correct, sir!

King Hippo
Member

and if either of them were smarter (given their athletic gifts), their careers would be MUCH farther along

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, with those two I would venture into the calling them “stupid”…….

King Hippo
Member

See, THERE we agree! 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stupider?

King Hippo
Member

I’d say JFF is dumber, since he couldn’t stay in the League. But if Rapey Jameis was smarter, he’d probably be a serial killer, not an MVP candidate.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He seems to have a bit of pathology combined with his narcissism. Charming.

King Hippo
Member

yes, but points above the ded murder-y TE, he seems to have enough base level intellect to suppress his KILL/RAPE urges after that close shave in Tally

Shogun Marcus
Member

I still maintain he will NAWT do well post-football. Orange jumpsuits.

King Hippo
Member

yeah, FREE TIME

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sure; he is diligent and works hard; see below.

Gratliff
Member

You can tell the booth is paying attention since they didn’t even acknowledge the fumble on the return

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Gotta stay on script and hit the talking points on cue.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Seattle is one of those places I have worked at where they take pride in talking down to me for coming from the South…when holy shit you go inland from the coast and it gets crazy redneck.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

A good friend of mine is from Seattle and went to UW and he’d tell me about the absolute dregs of society coming in from parts inland for Seahawks games.

It’s also rich that people from the PNW would shit talk the south for being racist when that region is and has been a hotbed for white supremacists.

King Hippo
Member

I drove up the coast of Oregon and Washington, took the ferry to Victoria, BC. The WA part of that…interesting, to say the least.

All the purty shit was OR. I referred to WA as OR and BC’s inbred cousin.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I’m not sure if its Washington or its Oregon, but one of those two had on their books (and I think its technically still there), that black folks can’t own land.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/retropolis/wp/2017/06/07/when-portland-banned-blacks-oregons-shameful-history-as-an-all-white-state/?utm_term=.8bdc932a746e

Portland, Oregon apparently.

HOLY SHIT They did not ratify the 15th amendment until 1959!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Yeah, Oregon wrote a ton of racist shit into its state constitution.

No one in that region of the country can justifiably talk down to the south.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How they treated Warren Moon is a prime example.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Chris Pratt? I watched him in “Hell or High Water” this morning and really liked it. My enjoyment would have been seriously reduced if I had known he was a Seattle fan.

King Hippo
Member

It’s SO WEIRD for the Iggles to be the white hat side…

King Hippo
Member

I would be ded by my own hand within a week if I let myself bet parlays

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

So, I have an important question that only the experts here can answer:

Beer or bourbon for tonight’s drink of choice?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Obligatory: yes.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Bourble

King Hippo
Member

it should be a good game so I’d go beer to stay upright

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

the stadium is “pulsating,” Al? How about “throbbing.” Use your thesaurus!

King Hippo
Member

I bet Iggles when it was still 5, and was quite happy with that.

Gratliff
Member

Jesus Christ, Doug Marrone.

hippofant
Member
hippofant

Bwoop bwoop bwoop: This is your Carrie Underwood protection service, with some classic Faith:

Beerguyrob
Member

Am in my seats at the Seahawks game. There are an inordinate number of Eagles jerseys here tonight.

Looks like the fairweather fans took the opportunity to sell their tickets. Mine are $115 each for tonight, and sold roughly $50 about cost, less $15 as commission. So, almost not worth it.

And that’s all you need to know about post-2013 fans.

Gratliff
Member

I took the boy bowling yesterday and saw an entire family at a birthday party rocking Eagles jerseys. I live in mid-Michigan. The bandwagon is back, folks.

King Hippo
Member

well, it’s not like Meeeechigan has a pro team no more, now that you can’t have 200 kids on scholarship like back in the Schembeckler days

Wakezilla
Member

Watchout for car batteries. I’m guessing they’re conceeding defeat on this year and trying to reduce their down payment for next year.

yeah right
Member

Now that I’ve got some real money interest on the late game.
Go Seattle.

Gratliff
Member

RODNEY HARRISON ONCE AGAIN THE VOICE AGAINST DIRTY FOOTBALL

Beerguyrob
Member

Umm…

Gratliff
Member

Chris Pratt: Now bad.

Spur
Member
Spur

No

Gratliff
Member

That’s a chawx jersey and a new dogshit jurassic world trailer. Now bad.

Spur
Member
Spur

Andy Dwyer gets a pass.

yeah right
Member

Fucking Raiders. That last field goal by the Giants cost the Vegas crew 5,700 bucks.
Motherfucker.

Spur
Member
Spur

Your contribution to the new Raiders stadium will be celebrated.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

kind of happy I replaced Newton with the Carson Wentz

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Time for the Hue Jackson Coaching Performance of the Week Update…

Hue Jackson is now 1 for 27 as a professional football coach.

He actually gets paid currency to do this for a living folks…

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I had the game in LA and the quintessential Hue moment was when they showed him studying the play chart and he looked confused.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Rod Marinelli, who was of course the Head Coach of the infamous 0-16 Lions, went 10 for 48 as the Lions Head Coach, including an actual almost respectable 7-9 his second season.

If we include all of Jackson’s professional head coaching experience, including the 8-8 season with the Raiders, Hue is 9 for 34.

Marinelli has a .208 winning percentage…Hue is .209 and I really do not see how he can get a win before they finally take him outside of the stadium and discretely put him down…

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

NAMESAKE MENTION!

/drinks

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