Your “Sunday Night Is For The Birds” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Banner image from NBC Sports

Evening, degenerates.  Your usual sot/introducer was unable to cobble together enough enthusiasm to slog through three of these open threads today, and who can blame him? I climbed out of the content mines juuuuust long enough to hit 30,000 feet and write up a little something from my skychair, where I am mercifully prevented from gorging on NFL crumbs. Let’s quickly take a look around the league to see what’s been afoot today:

 

In the early games, the Titans beat up on their imaginary friends (but at least Tom Savage got a participation trophy), Ravens made the Lions look like almost as big of a joke as their failed stadium implosion, Brett Hundley needed overtime to defeat Crabby McRaperson’s creamsicle wannabes, the Vikes’ running game overcame the mighty Falcons’ offense and its total output of three field goals, the Jaguras (is this an odd week?) routed the Clots, the Patriots earned a big win and a likely suspension (or at least fine in case Rog can’t afford to piss off both of the most powerful owners) for their biggest, stupidest animal, the Dolphins giving up a pick six still couldn’t help the Broncos in an old fashioned ass whooping, and Josh McCown embarrassed the Chiefs more than Andy Reid at a dinner table.

And in (former) home cooking, Robbie Gould beat the bad news Bears 15-14 with seconds remaining in a game that featured a whopping 15 pass attempts from franchise quarterback Mitch Trutitsky. Janaene Garofolo wasn’t asked to do much and obliged (26 of 37 for 293 yards, no TDs, and one INT) in a game that was exciting only if you love kicker revenge porn.

That poo-poo platter left unbalanced leftovers for the afternoon games, which were only just starting when this plane took off.  Since United’s “Your internet purchase is processing” was still showing when I landed, I can only assume that Cleveland won handily, YO! Gabbert Gabbert gabbed it, RAMMIT! Rammed it, Geno Smith rolled over and played dead, and our DFO Vegas Crew is Scrooge McDucking it after the Saints and Raiders held up their ends of the smartest six team parlay the MGM’s sports book has ever seen.

 

 

Oh, you don’t say. As of this writing, the jury is still out, but at a minimum Cleveland looks like they’re still Cleveland, and tWBS and company may have Geno to blame if they’re required to service a few more culinary union employees before they can pay for their rooms out there.  Seems like worse things have been admitted to being done in Vegas. Still, DAMN YOU, GENO!

Which brings us to tonight’s Aviary Assault! The Seattle Seahawks, unlike the SuperSonics of yore, don’t have a geography problem as much as a head coaching overconfidence problem. But I have to admit that the Charmslinger has put some things together this season despite A) Pete Carroll, B) Blair Walsh, and C) Russell Wilson being a complete douchetool. Meanwhile, the Philadelpia Iggles are taking advantage of a solid backfield platoon, an above-cromulent season from Carson Pirie Wentz, and a putrid NFC East to pretty much lock up the division week 12.  Tonight, they go head to head or talon to talon or whatever birds do. I know we have both Eagles and SeaChickens fans here at DFO, so keep it clean(ish). My guess is the Iggles roll with another Blair Walsh Project missed kick factoring into the outcome. But hey, what do I know, I’m just writing this from a large mechanical bird.  Tied it all together, NAILED IT.  Anyway, in the meantime, eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die. I think Dave Matthews was singing about being forced to watch the Bengals play when he wrote that, right?

Anyhoo, as of a few hours ago the Eagles were only favored by 3.5.  The Vegas bunch should get back to the sportsbook! And for the rest of yas, TO THE COMMENTS WITH YOU!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right
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At least one of us is doing the Scrooge McDuck.
Dollar, dollar bills y’all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

Those are some nice gams.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Elmer Batters; leg connoisseur extraordinaire!

Wakezilla
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If you take away the points and take away Seattle’s big plays, the game would be close? You don’t say, Collinsworth?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[mind blown gif]

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
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Spur

Never Forget! FUCK YOU PHILLY
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
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Can we talk about the fact that they haven’t shown any fish throwing at the fish market? Was that part of the tax cuts?

Wakezilla
Member

MLS playoffs is still happening? Jesus, no wonder they can never get any traction in North America.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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What I like about this Amazon commercial with the smiling singing boxes is that’s very accurate. You don’t see any people in the shots because they’re all being taken to ambulances.

Wakezilla
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Only way to make it more accurate is to have mayor’s sucking Bezos’ cock while they tell him everything the city will give him if Amazon brings a factory to their city.

Spur
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Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Will quickly and effectively remove your penis.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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So are the Eagles bad now?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The worst 10-2 team in teh leeege.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

evar.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

today.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

rite nows.

Spur
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Spur

the ded Ertz should be the main concern. The guy is their Witten/ Novacek.

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

Have to drop them to 6 in the NFC power rankings

Spur
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Spur

one more drink, let me enjoy this

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
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Al and Cris talking about imaginary power rankings. Why is this a thing? Why is this becoming more popular?

Spur
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Spur

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Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

I wish Hippo was still alive to write about this.

Gratliff
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Season over

Gratliff
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Let’s see if we can get some Breesus bullshit going here

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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Spur
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Spur

My grandparents put the world right, i want my turn. Finding a trust fund brat in Vegas will be super easy.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
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Sadly my dream of marrying Meghan McCain to get my paws on her mother’s money is now dead.

Wakezilla
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Beerguy Rick: Did those Iggles fans change their jersey for a Hawks jersey? Twelves are pretty loud tonight

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

h

ttps://gfycat.com/AdvancedGoldenDuck

h

ttps://gfycat.com/SentimentalImportantCony

Wakezilla
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If Wilson gets the Hawks into the playoffs, can you not give him the MVP?

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

Brady will still get it.

Spur
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Spur

yes, this pleases me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This game is not going how I want, but at least I am having, dread, anxiety, and apprehension for work tomorrow.

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Wakezilla
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Me too. On the plus side, I got a six pack I’m going to down within the next hour or so

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Good times.

King Hippo
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SAME!! My only hope is I will somehow die on the highway going on. FINGERS CROSSED!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We are livin’ teh dream.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Its stupid; I am not driving a supply truck in Iraq; self-built stress is the best stress.

Gratliff
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I think the Eagles have been up his ass every passing down and he’s still doing it

Gratliff
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Jesus fuck doug

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am liking the sound of this porn movie!

litre_cola
Member

That was a forward pass!!!

King Hippo
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your weiner coach is a weiner

Spur
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Spur

that’s what the government wants you to believe. Wake up Sheepeople!

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

PHI definitely stepped on their dicks not challenging that one.

Gratliff
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Wilson is so fucking annoying

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

They got away with that one.

King Hippo
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Charm. Slung.

King Hippo
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/a little forwards

Gratliff
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Ertz is concussed

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Doughnut.

Spur
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Spur

Anna Kendrick’s movie roles keep getting worse, This bolds well for an artistic nude screen.

ballsofsteelandfury
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I’m Bart Scotting that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Were they ever good outside of being in Up In The Air?

Spur
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Spur

Rocket Science

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

My bad. I meant to reply to you directly about her bad movie roles.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised
Gratliff
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THAT’S MY QUARTERBACK

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

And once again the drive stalls when they get closer in.

edit. or not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s what she said.

Gratliff
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Carson Wentz, my god

litre_cola
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I thought that he was going to fall over.

Spur
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Spur

negative sir. that building was taken down with explosives.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Controlled demolition.

Spur
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Spur

It appears Dakota boy has some charm too.

King Hippo
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fuck, that was pretty sweet

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

How did he throw it that far?!? Incredible.

Spur
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Spur

throwing dried cow patties in Dakota trained him for this moment.

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

You know who I would love to see in a career destroying sex controversy…Bob Costas.

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Are we sure that was pink eye and not say an underling that maced the shit out of him in Sochi?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Since Matt Lauer is a depraved predator, then Costas has to have killed more hookers than Craig James

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d much rather see the holier-than-thou Fox “News” assholes get it than the holier-than-thou libtard.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

They already took down Ailes and O’Reilly. Sean Hannity is the spawn of Cthulhu, so he’s not fucking anything human …

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MOAR talk show Trumpeters need to go down… so to speak.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Doing nothing all day has been exhausting.
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Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

I wouldn’t call her nothing.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Lynda Carter from her 1990 Playboy shoot. Truly a wonder.

Spur
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Spur

gangbang on Russell

Redshirt
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Welp, that one GIF that going to be Quoatabled.

Spur
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Spur

I wonder how many Seahawk fans can tell me what position Shaun Alexander played.

Shogun Marcus
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His parents. …maybe.

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

RB

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

He was that president they made a musical about because he was black right?

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Spur
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Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

So who has #1 seed in NFC if MIN and PHI have equal W-L records?

Gratliff
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If they both win out, Minny takes it

Viva La Tabula Raza
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, Magary will be short-stroking that shit all over the internet.

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

MIN

Redshirt
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It would go to the 5th Tiebreaker: Strength of Victory. I’m too tired to figure that one out.

Redshirt
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Why go for it? Three yards is a stretch.

Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

ratings

Gratliff
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Well shit

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