As you may remember from last week, our resident Evertonian, King Hippo, is in recovery after the shock of the hiring of Samuel “Fat Sam” Allardyce as Everton’s manager. Not knowing the history of this asshole, I did some cursory Wikipedia research and found out exactly why Hippo hates him so.
Consider him a Roger Goodell-like weasel with a Jeff Fischer-like ability to get jobs he has consistently proven he cannot excel in.
So, a few of us have promised to pitch in and take over the Saturday morning soccer open threads. This weekend, however, is the start of Bowl Season, so Mr. Hippo WILL make a special appearance later on today to preview the days’ JV Footy games. No doubt there will be gambling advice.
For now, I will walk you through
/ starts walking and talking
the action on tap for today in the fast kicking
low scoring hold it hold it world of fútbol.
I will NOT be calling it Lesser Footy as it is clearly not. Roger Goodell can go fuck himself.
Anyhoo, while Mr. Hippo devotes his time and energy solely to the English Premier League, I’m more of an International soccer slut. I’ll watch a game from any league that’s on TV. Preferably broadcast by a Spanish language network. Because this:
Also this:
This video.
FYI, that video above is funny as fuck if you understand Spanish. Also slightly NSFW if you don’t believe the announcer that claims that was a shadow… actually two shadows.
So, what’s on this morning? Funny you should ask! Unfortunately, the Mexican League wrapped up the Apertura season earlier this December with Tigres winning the title over Monterrey in an All-Monterrey derby final.
Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, soccer on TV. In case you don’t know, there is a great app called Live Soccer TV that tells you what games are being broadcast on TV and over the Internet. Anywhere.
And when I say anywhere, I mean ANYWHERE. Anywhere games are being played and anywhere they are being broadcast.
Seriously, it’s amazing.
Here are today’s selections for the US:
All times are, of course, Pacific because that’s the best time and that’s where I live.
As an example, here are the EPL listings for Canada:
And here is La Liga and the Club World Cup:
And so on and so on. Truly an amazing app. And it’s FREE! Here’s a link:
http://bit.ly/LSTVAPP-ANDROID
I’m pretty sure they have one for IPhone.
That’s all for me. Enjoy the hot action on the field and in the stands.
Pants forbidden!
[…] gotta say I’m in Balls’s Camp: I think there’s nothing lesser about fútbol. But goddammit, there’s only three games left in […]
LMFAO…I fucking knew I shoulda bet UNC-G +8.5.
Fuck.
And no Hippo, not watching. Just happened to see the score.
I saw score too, chuckled. Was on ESPN ticker.
I miss Liga
The Trump administration is prohibiting officials at the nation’s top public health agency from using a list of seven words or phrases — including “fetus” and “transgender” — in any official documents being prepared for next year’s budget.
Policy analysts at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta were told of the list of forbidden words at a meeting Thursday with senior CDC officials who oversee the budget, according to an analyst who took part in the 90-minute briefing. The forbidden words are “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”
This is amazing. Eliminating words.
Please see below. I linked an article that calmly goes through the facts, but still reads like an Onion story. Holy shit.
I wonder where they got the idea? I think it was the 20 years of Reagan, Bush, and Bush where Republicans did the same thing.
Reagan Administration was practically forced at gunpoint to acknowledge AIDS, but had no problem before then making jokes about gay men dying of something.
Lucky for me I’m plusgood at Newspeak!
JV thread is now active, BTW. May also serve as Bearistocrats!/Fuck Lions RiveBrog, depending on when nite thread goes up.
Yoga; apparently it can be for anyone, anywhere.
See? That’s sturdy.
All Christmas media is bad. Christmas is bad.
teh proper nomenclature is Shitsmas mah dude
no ofense meant to ACTUAL non-Republican Jesus, who would fucking HATE all this rampant consumerism bullshit.
Most self-proclaimed Christians, and evangelicals in particular, are as Christian as Anton Fucking LaVey in that they both acknowledge Jesus existed, but at least laVey was honest about being a wicked asshole.
“Stupidity—The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. Satanists must learn to see through the tricks and cannot afford to be stupid.”
― Anton Szandor LaVey
Man City leading. In other news, sun has also not yet imploded.
Are they still on a winning streak? what is it now 9 games???
15. They drew their 2nd match, home to Everton (went down to 10 men in like the 30th minute at 0-1, dominated play thereafter). 15-0-0 since, at least in the Prem.
15? WOW!
yeah, to bet against them is like betting on the Washington Generals at this point. They had like 75% possession with 10 men v Everton, too – it was embarrassing. Miracle point, really. Maybe pissed ’em off.
You have Roy Moore’s attention.
Way too old.
There’s still time.
Isn’t it constantly imploding? I don’t really understand how the sun’s nuclear reactions work.
There’s also the whole implosion v explosion thingy. Dunno, I made a VERY SHAMEFUL C in my highest level Physics course at NC State, the only one I ever made IIRC.
Just let me have my nihilism
Don’t make me go all science-y on you.
I’m not drunk enough yet.
I know. Would be a Shitsmas Miracle! Though would technically like to see A.A. Ron @ RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! NFC Title game, to face the Jaguras in the Superb Owl. Then let it all end.
Isn’t Man City a bar in San Francisco?
certainly should be
And their rivals Man U should be a university-themed gay porno. /no ofence, DFO will make sure the sex is SUPER HAWT
The nutcracker….what the???? pshhhhhhhhhh……..more like the ButtCracker. Am I rite? Who’s with me….
ex-wife had us see that as a family once, BORING AS FUCK even as someone who appreciates classical music
For the first time in 8 years there is no Nutcracker this year!!!
Eldest granddaughter wants to try volleyball instead of ballet.
Thank you Jesus!
I can just see you beating up every dude with a camera or visible phone at her games.
Pssst…whatever you do, don’t tell him that the day I met up with him last May for drinking and such, I spent a few hours beforehand taking pictures of the local HS beach volleyball action.
Honest to god tho, I thought they were college girls and stopped taking photos when I found out otherwise.
“High school? ppsssst!”
-Roy Moore
Dude, you tried showing me the pictures.
Ball torture is a whole genre tho.
If a dad ever asks for help in a Home Depot he is immediately escorted from the store and paraded through one of those lines where all the other dads line up and turn their backs on him
I have never been able to find anyone to ask for help in a Home Depot.
One of my idiot redneck family members works at Home Depot.
That should tell you all you need to know.
I can always find an employee at the cash register to take my money. They never know where anything is at though.
At the Ace Hardware near my place they have old guys working there that know where every damn piece or part is and how to put these things together. I usually go there first unless I know exactly what I want or need lumber.
[hardware shopper mode; off.]
“He said “wood.””
I go to Tractor Supply whenever possible. They know their shit, and they have some very cute and sturdy young ladies there. Who also know their shit.
very cute and sturdy young ladies there…….
just wanted to repeat that.
It’s worth repeating.
Ooooof.
Does he have ten fingers?
She.
And I think so.
Second question …
I bought my DeWalt power tools there and was just wondering….
That would require Home Depot employees to exist.
if anyone NEEDS help in a Home Depot, it’s a “man things” moe-ron like myself, but I surely try hard to avoid it. Also Moose’s point below, when one resigns oneself to asking…easier said than done
A whole post on maybe maybe not lesser footy and no jokes about the Bears playing today?
Wow, I didn’t know the ToiletBowl was today!
Edit: I wonder if FatStafford vs Truthbiscuit may actually qualify that as the NarcolepsyBowl
Thank god my students are running late today. I just opened up another tab and saw that I surprisingly forgot to delete my history. That would have been a little awkward.
Were you on Cat Fancier.com?
Why would they see it? Why don’t you use Incognito mode?
Reading some of the reviews for The Last Jedi (which was good), particularly the comments (why are you doing this, stupid?), and holy shit do the nerds get angry at minor bullshit. Even as a fan of the extended universe who will forever hold it against George Lucas for making the prequels instead of Timothy Zahn’s books which will forever be episodes 7-9 for me, it’s weird to me how obsessive people are about the details. My only real problem with the movie is they didn’t refer to computer hacking as “slicing”. Other than that, everything fits in the universe in some way. People just want to hate things.
Absolutely! Things that don’t matter, things that if they’d do just a tiny bit of research would be explained, irrational, broad, silly hate, etc. It makes people feel superior to these thing and communal to those that hate with them. People are great.
I’m not much of a fan of Star Wars, but see the movies with my dad because what the hell else are we going to talk about? Anyway, in terms of storyline, what happened in terms of why there’s another rebellion? Didn’t the rebellion win after number 6? So how did things get shitty again?
Even before Disney blew up the extended universe and stripped it of canon status, the war didn’t end at 6. In the Zahn books, Grand Admiral Thrawn is the last surviving admiral of the Empire and takes command of the remaining forces a full 5 years after the end of Jedi. He leads a series of successful counter attacks after finding a missing fleet of Katana dreadnaught ships with cloaking capabilities.
That being said, I’m not read up on the new canon, but this should help delve into it.
https://screenrant.com/star-wars-events-between-return-jedi-force-awakens/
The Nerds are back on their bullshit.
The Internet: People just want to hate things™
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=mxVo5mjK4eg
Heads up guys, some french guy just sailed around the world solo in 43 days.
AND BOY, ARE HIS ARM TIRED!
*this pun does not work here.
What the hell is going on here???
I am guessing here, but I would assume group sex homemade or cheap porn with the cat [Spot] asking the same question you just did, but with sound affects.
I’ve seen things man….bad things which can’t be unseen….
fightin’ fuckin’ it’s all teh same…
But it is a lot of seasick masturbating….so maybe it does.
HE AMBIDEXTROUS TOO?!?
I’m not my own supervisor!!
Truer words……
“Damn it.” -Phineas Fogg
That is damn good work. Phineas had no GPS tho.
Cool article.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20171213-the-musical-side-of-my-dads-dementia
another cool article.
http://www.sixthtone.com/news/1001386/why-once-loved-mcdonalds-now-has-an-image-problem-in-china
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/cdc-gets-list-of-forbidden-words-fetus-transgender-diversity/ar-BBGNo02?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=ieslice
Policy analysts at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta were told of the list of forbidden words at a meeting Thursday with senior CDC officials who oversee the budget, according to an analyst who took part in the 90-minute briefing. The forbidden words are “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”
LOL its like they want to piss off scientists.
Idiots are one thing; when you have to go to extreme lengths to PROVE you are idiots; that is a whole new level.
Luckily, proofs are only a misdemeanor.
Physics class nightmare induced.
fascism is the new black!
The sad thing is that this is the same shit previous Republican adminstrations have done.
Speculation-Lorenzen Wright’s wife hired the pastor of a church to kill him?
http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/21781112/sherra-wright-robinson-arrested-connection-death-former-nba-player-lorenzen-wright
Hot taek: Die Hard and Frozen are not Christmas movies. Neither really address Christmas and could have just as easily taken place anytime.
Life of Brian is more Christmas than those 2.
I would totally commit Snowmanslaughter to go to dinner with her.
Hah, you want a proper Christmas movie? Escape to Victory.. no idea why, but it’s become a goddamn staple of the holiday season 😀
Balls recommends Love Actually.
I have never seen, and never will see, Frozen.
I actually tried to take the niece to see it, and then later to watch it on ppv. She refused both. I’ve never been more proud of the little idiot.
good on you!!!!
I KNOW; fucking Nazis, right?!
I would say thank god for only having a son, but I saw Cars 2 six times and it made me wish for Owen Wilson’s death.
hahahaha 6 times wow
A drop in the ocean next to the viewings of the original Cars. Well, the second original Cars. Not Doc Hollywood. I bitched about the ripped off plot every time I saw it and no one cared.
I don’t know anything about it other than it is a typical product placement kid movie. What is so controversial or devastatingly horrible about it?
There’s nothing particularly evil about it. It’s just the worst Pixar movie in a walk. Disappointing given their track record, especially around the time it came out.
Just looked it up; it has a Kristen Bell nude scene? I’d see that.
*May not be getting accurate information.
Well, Pixar’s M.O. has always been including something to make it worthwhile for adults
Minions or gtfo.
Get me my machine gun. I wonder what their insides look like……
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
God Damn It
Are you trying to start WWIII?
She’s cute, but then I see this and I return to thoughts of beating to death the man who thought this was a good costume.
How is it not?
It’s hideous. It’s just ugly and dirty and faux-edgy dumb.
$575 worth of bets placed, including $100 moneyline on…..
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!
/only NFL bet of the week
$200 on Boise +7, $100 +245 Moneyline
$100 on CO State -3.5 (+105)
$75 on Arkie State -3 (+105)
You really do need an intervention Art.
nah, just needed something to take my mind off work depression, and this was way better than going to a strip club and/or getting shitfaced
[calculates $575 in strip club…..]….[Guesses Hippo already has nice couch.]
But you get angry and depressed when you lose.
/also hate myself after the strip club experience
//hangs over very badly
///I feel GREAT when I win/break even, plus I am generally better at JV – plus dumb luck says I probably won’t miss on everything
All-righty.
hey, I’m not saying it’s a good idea just that ah hate mahself and all impulses are self-destructtive so what the fuck
Yep, you are not hurting someone, maybe except slave labor bookies.
Also; DO you have a nice couch? $575 would also get a nice Lazy-buoy for teh teevees.
oh yeah, my couch is super nice. Only thing I lack is one of those uber-supportive Swedish recliners but those are like $3k. Problem is with the PeyPey neck, nothing is really comfortable without constant change
Swedish recliner; hopefully with a happy ending.
Art Schlichter jokes? I love you guys.
I considered Boise moneyline, but I have enough riding on the Bears today already. If they manage to win, I’ll screw around tomorrow with the grand that brings in.
Fat Stafford could die at any moment due to his blowed up throwing hand, plus I have Fuck Lions D/ST in money league, so not a bad bet.
But the Bearistocrats! coming through 2 weeks in a row…
I got ’em at +230 before the lines narrowed.
“The lines narrowed?!?!?” OH NO!!”
-Jim Irsay
But I also am starting Theo Riddick in DFO league sooooo….
I should go buy some booze.
Let us know what booze you get.
OOOh we get some hot Carolina AT&T v Grumbling State. Is that where Belicheck went to school?
And no mention of Scotland… Hangs head and goes back inside.
Isn’t that ’cause Scotland never had more than 2 sides that were worth a shit, then 1 of said 2 basically went bankrupt in a Ponzi scheme and is now essentially Villa/QPR-caliber?
Well Hearts was owned by a Lithuanian gangster so they have that going for them.
I will give Scotland its proper due in an upcoming post…
https://entertainment.theonion.com/nation-dutifully-gets-in-cars-stands-in-line-watches-1821332268
The weirdest part of the new Star Wars is when Chewbacca turns toward the camera and lights up a Marlboro.
That’s good product placement. Question, is Chewbacca a “bear”? He is hairy and always in the company of his partner Han.
He should quit; just think if the fur caught fire.
How’re we doing today? I’m working 9 hours today, so, I’m. . . not doing too well.
/stupid Vancouver being expensive
I have had a terrible week at work. Everybody shit on Hippo week is never my favourite, thank fuck I’m not German I wud be even MOAR of a pariah ,, smh
Oh man, that’s brutal. I’m glad I’m not in your predicament. I have a lot of people going to me for help–apparently I work with a lot of people who can’t take more than 5 seconds to think through a fucking problem– which I normally wouldn’t mind except I’m really busy myself.
yeah, I’ve been crazy busy too and thought I had been doing a good job keeping crucial strategic clients happy…the shitting was especially dispiriting
/this is why one should have no pride in career, I mean I try not to but I like doing my best for my clients whatever the disdain for corporate masters
https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/940423513638363137?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.avclub.com%2Fajax%2Finset%2Fiframe%3Fid%3Dtwitter-940423513638363137%26autosize%3D1
Her friends are pretty hot.
Breaking: Ivanka Trump declares war on Christmas. Turns out her husband wasn’t one of the good ones afterall, SMH.
Lots of photopshop editing and she’s still barely human
Boom!!!!! MArcos Alonso with the goal!!!!!
Chelsea takes the lead!!!!
Sam Allardyce is what would have happened had Pete Rose not been banned from baseball. Interesting.
Pretty much. Same level of fat, stupid, self-importance.
This looks fun…
What are they going to do in the middle of the lake? I didn’t see any paddles. How are they going to get back to shore-swim? Why are kids so stupid these days? When I was a kid I was really smart.
Throw Ted in the lake and then get the paddles that are stored in the bottom of the bot (so nobody gets impaled on impact) and row back…..Ted really had to go.
I was smart when I was a kid too; I have the scars to prove it.
[looks for gif of being impaled by a paddle]
I’m thinking sitting behind Melissa is the way to go…. slide forward on impact “Ooops.”
It looks like the boat pooped itself.
/Watching “Four Christmases and a Wedding” to see if Markie Post can still ‘bring it’.
Was sexy lady during the Night Court days
Why is your phone trying to sell you Ivanka Trump’s Ruffled Scuba Sheath? Also, that sounds funny. Good price tho.
I thought her ruffled sheath was daddy’s.
http://image.oregonlive.com/home/olive-media/width600/img/trending/photo/2017/12/15/paijpg-452ba423f561a859.jpg
Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday fellow kids!
https://boingboing.net/2017/12/14/cheap-sellouts.html
Some got some nice presents already.
He is quite the joker.
https://boingboing.net/2017/12/09/literal-mustache-twirling.html?utm_source=moreatbb&utm_medium=nextpost&utm_campaign=nextpostthumbnails
“EVERYTHING IS FOR SALE-AMERICA MUST GO!”
You got it.
Great return on investment.
I was thinking the very same thing-“that’s all it cost?”
10 to 1 over, say five years? Sweet!
Kevin Hart is on SNL tonight. Ill probably catch that tomorrow morning before NFL football…..
Yes!!
Got some coffee and done with snow shoveling.
GOOOOOOO CHELSEA!!!!!
Woof. Thorough ass kicking at Lester. Oh yeah, I saw it. The DirecTV came to my house today (José, pictured):
Where do things stand in the battle of DonT vs the billing department?
Hey! There’s NFL tonight!
chuh chuh!!
Ya, totally forgot and picked up a bartending shift for a Xmas party. It will be lucrative but I DO THIS EVERY YEAR ON NFL SATURDAYS! I swear I forget and say hell yeah I could make some bank and BOOM Gooddell and his fucking Saturday games.
Coffee brewing. Morning dump engaged. Had a dream where I ate a spider that turned out to be alive and then ended with myself and Ted Nugent trying kill each other while Steven Crowder tried to keep the peace.
Did the spider lay eggs on your pancreas? That’s my biggest concern. Them rent-control regulations are a pinko scam.
I am hoping Ted died a terrible death.
Thats heavy…… hahahah yikes!
The dump?