Sort of. Work with me here. The timing of the holiday is such that this is the last Sexy Friday of the year of our Lord 2017.
And yeah, go fuck yourselves with that CE crap. Taking away the religious angle, the commonly accepted chronology is based on the estimated birth of Christ. We are also well into the Hebrew year 5778 but you don’t see that on a calendar.
Holy shit. I stand corrected.
We are also about to start Buddhist year 2561. Which is exactly 543 ahead of the Gregorian calendar, so still based on the same commonly-accepted reference date. Anyway, I will concede that we should be using BC (Before Christ) and AC (After Christ) instead of AD. AD made sense when people spoke Latin and that hasn’t happened since the days of Spartacus.
Did I mention this was Sexy Friday? You may have also noticed that this is Balls, not tWBS. I have taken over today’s Sexy Friday post as our esteemed colleague, tWBS, needs a break from looking up hot women for your pleasure. I felt bad for him so I decided I would take today’s post.
For today’s theme, I have chosen to let you in on a Balls annual tradition: The Balls’ New Year Resolutions Challenge.
Until my friends moved away to different parts of the country, we would gather together the week before the New Year at a bar and write down all the things we were going to do/accomplish in the new year. There were rewards as well as punishments laid out as incentives. We all signed and then set about accomplishing the tasks.
It was actually a highly effective thing as, while we never completed every single thing on our lists, it encouraged us to try to better ourselves. I like to think it worked.
So, I share these resolutions with you, my imaginary Internet friends. Keep in mind that these resolutions are in line with what my friends and I used to do.
TO THE LIST!
#1 – Read a book for pleasure
To the readers among us, reading ONE book seems like a simple thing. In fact, my friends and I would challenge ourselves to read several. As you get older, though, and time moves faster, it is harder and harder to find the time to read. So, my challenge this year is to read one complete book (more than 250 pages) during the calendar year.
#2- Travel to a place I’ve never been
For some of us, this is more difficult than others (looking in Dok’s direction) as we may have already traveled to a lot of places. For others, it may be difficult because of money or work/school obligations. Regardless, travel is a worthy pursuit that opens up our eyes and enriches the human experience. You don’t have to go far. Just go somewhere you haven’t been before and experience new people and places. It’s worth it.
#3 – Have a new sexual experience
It doesn’t matter whether you currently have a partner or not. There are always new things to do/try. Heck, maybe finding a new partner will count! In any case, the mantra of Sexy Friday is that sex is a good thing to be enjoyed and beauty is found everywhere and should be appreciated in all its forms. So, whether you like black,
Asian,
Latino,
White,
or any combination thereof,
you should try to celebrate the beauty around us.
#4 – Give back
This could mean volunteering, donating to charity, or participating in a fundraising event. I myself run an event that benefits homeless children. It doesn’t take much effort and the money raised goes to a good cause. We all have causes important to us (Don T and the people of Puerto Rico come immediately to mind), so it doesn’t matter who you give your time and/or money to, just give.
#5 – Learn a new skill
It can be anything. You can learn how to drive a manual car. You can learn useful phrases in a foreign language. You can learn how to play an instrument. It doesn’t matter. One of the greatest things you can instill in people is the desire to be life-long learners. You are never too old to learn new things. It keeps your mind fresh and your personality more interesting.
***
So, there you have it. 5 out of 5 should not be too hard, right? If we are all here by this time next year, I’ll follow up and let you know how I did.
I hope you all are able to join in and achieve some of these for yourselves or create your own resolutions. Feel free to publicly challenge yourselves in the comments!
Cassandra Peterson still makes my little beast-heart go pitter-pat.
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ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/60ebe05e37e78a57942814bd1685651e/tumblr_ok1inb3TsN1sfirzso1_1280.jpg
Hello private window my old frieeeeend…
“Being here by this time next year” is one of my goals
Damn, I hear that. Not as clearly as I used to, but I still hear it.
If this game gets (more) out of hand, we got BRUINS BASKETBALL at 8:00 Pacific. WOO PAC-12!!!
She doesn’t understand the concept of an electric range.
No, she’s fine; she used the microwave for the tea.
I think I know her.
And by “know” her, I mean have searched her video catalogue occasionally.
“What’s that smell? I don’t remember sauteing salmon”.
‘Sup Ilsa?
I plan to look like that tomorrow morning.
/looks in mirror
AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!!!!!!!
I haven’t eaten at a Jack in the Box since the first Taco Cabana opened here in San Antonio around 40 years ago. However, I fully approve of their bid to cultivate the business of stoners.
https://thetakeout.com/whats-in-snoop-dogg-and-jack-in-the-boxs-4-20-stoners-1821647424
Just try eating a six pack of Taco Bell crispy “tacos” sober. YOU CAN”T!!
Sooooo many CHURROS!!!! YES!
tacos and fries are only edible with under the influence. NV has had legal weed for a year now and the state hasn’t gone to anarchy.
True Story…
In Vet School, I had a professor who was a tOSU alum. Nice enough guy and very knowledgeable in his field (cardiology). But he never missed a chance the say THEEEEE Ohio State University. Finally one day I told him that was getting old as hell and was everyone from there as annoying as him?
Fortunately, I was already failing that class so it didn’t matter.
(j/k, I wasn’t failing and didn’t fail…the rest is true)
I’d make a big deal of my university’s name, if I could only remember where I went…
It was the Eighties, man!
We’ve seen what you’re capable of…. I’m pretty sure you spent significant time with Hunter Thompson.
That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.
I am proud of my former capacity for random drug use too.
Darnold deserves Cleveland
You know…I think its all time we admit that instant replay has been an utter disaster for the sport and both college and the pros should immediately get rid of it.
1) It slows the game down too damn much
2) It muddles the fuck out of play calling. This whole “Is it or isn’t it a catch” bullshit has gotten out of hand because we can watch the same fucking play from 15 different angles and slow it down to a quantum physics state of both being and not being at the same fucking time.
We didn’t have this problem before. Its easier to accept a bad call in real time than seeing an asshole stare at a screen for 10 minutes and then blow the call again.
Somebody get this guy a new onion for his belt
Troi Boiz gonna roll! 2nd half team guys!
And now they have OSU right where they want them!
It’s ok, they’re just still on West Coast time. Second haflf!
Nice dress.
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ttps://thumbs.gfycat.com/FreeFinishedChimneyswift-max-14mb.gif
At first that looked like it might be safe for DFO.
At first…
That gif lasted longer than I would with her
Big 12 (ish) basketball is going to be slog of a season.
make Ohio State throw and you can win.
“Yeah, right.”
-Penn State
There are still coach’s challenges in college?
they are rather prehensile at this point
That is an Andy Reid-level challenge right there.
WHAT IS A CATCH?!?
(JV) CATCH, which is slightly different. NO WAY is it a varsity catch.
Entirely depends on your opponent.
My mom says I’m a catch.
But she kinda has to say that.
Well, she certainly was.
No, just because you caught something from her…
Don’t tell my mom I laughed at that.
Would be nice if these chucklefucks didn’t have their hands all covered in chicken grease.
Hey that’s a good idea espn commentator, I would like to watch this game from different camera angles and such. Except yuor streaming effort is nonexistent and inevitably crashes every time I switch views.
You have no idea…
Things George of the Jungle gave us: That gif.
oh no. Ohio State is playing a team that can fight back! Ohio State fans did not plan on this. Can they play Northeastern Iowa again?
Let’s see if the Troi Boiz actually fight back first
/waits for the Ron Howard voiceover
Just got back from seeing Episode 8 of Star Wars and I have to say, no spoilers, but having that CGI scene of Princess Leia getting anal was in really poor taste.
THAT’S NOT A LEGITIMATE FORCE POWER, CANON HAS ESTABLISHED SODOMY IS IMPOSSIBLE USING THE FORCE!
i want to know why no one kicked the shit out of Poe.
This.
Wait, I’m confused…she was sodomized with a cannon?
the “But She’s My Sister!” series always has such great production values, tho
That was an outtake from Soapdish.
underrated movie
Still have only made it through an hour of Rogue One. That is some craptastic movie-making.
Darnold is going to love it in Cleveland, its just like LA
Uppity Rosen will just have to make do with Manhattan, serves him right FOAR being such a gloree boy
come on. When they are “real americans” they aren’t uppity, they have “concerns”
So…I wonder what did people in BC time did for a calendar since C didn’t exist yet. Would have been a real bitch to have to count backwards, guess that’s why they don’t time old-ass soccer like they do modern ‘merican football.
I’m curious about time before the Jewish calendar. I’m guessing they didn’t bother.
“Oh, have I not died of the common cold yet? Must be a new day.”
The original anti-vaxxers.
Praise to Gilgamesh!
Yeah, they were too busy boiling all the flavor out of meat.
Can the Cowboys draft this Bosa?
Short answer? No.
needs more Song Girls
I will never understand why a kid would pick Ohio State over a coastal school.
The weather in Ohio sucks so even the hot chicks are basically covered 9 months out of the year like its Kabul. Its polluted as fuck. Its racist up there as fuck.
Free tats and the fear of being alone.
still plenty of white chicks who hate they fathers!
Little known fact: the Wright Brothers invented the airplane so they could get the fuck out of Ohio.
Maybe a hurricane murdered their parents.
I suspect that Big Ten alumni can be just as generous as their coastal brethren.
I also understand the area is suffering from something of an opioid crisis, although some of you might have a different interpretation of “crisis”.
Nicely done, Mr. balls. But does it count if next year I finish the book I started more than three months ago?
Meh.
Now on to the important stuff. What time does the Arizona State game start? I’ve been looking forward to that one all week!!!!
VERY angry at myself for not betting harder when spread dropped from 6.5 to 5. DAMNIT
I’m still trying to not bet the Iowa State/Memphis game.
It’s really difficult.
Folks
goddamnit, Troi Boiz
lol
Did Schiano ever get hired anywhere else?
The GNC at the Buckeye Mall.
Practice more, finish my trio, be less incompetent socially… the usual.
GO. RECLUSE.
the other stuff really quits mattering
I can’t go full recluse. Teaching elementary school children gets to you if they’re the only people you see for a couple weeks straight.
Is there a prop bet for “worst coin toss evar”?
I still have no idea why tOSU is favoured by so much. They think they are too good to be playing in this game. To me, that is NOT a “can of whoopass” formula.
Vegas expects them to be pissed off, I guess. Also Barrett had surgery a week before the Wisc game, so he might be healed by now.
Online is shit, except for you guys.
HOW THE FUCK YOU BOYS DOING?
She’s smart. Will she be my wife?
already hitched to real-life Charlie Day
Son of a….
Meanwhile, Arkansas…
Florida actually…
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue…
http://www.southmag.com/olivia13.jpg
Kevin Harlan made this.
So, no overtime.
nope, they cover, so they push for me (I bet spread and ML)
I don’t understand gamble speak, except the “cover the spread” part. Makes my brain hurt. Plus, I have an addictive personality and if I learned how to gamble, I probably would, to excess.
boy, NW sure doesn’t care about saving timeouts to try and score if UK makes this 2-pointer
Ufford’s about to go full Vincent D’Onofrio in the lav…
nice shot?
Kenfucky Lives??
It’s been about 12 years since my last New Year’s resolution, which was to stop making New Year’s resolutions. It took. I do not believe in self-improvement, nor hope FOAR the future.
FUCK EVERYTHING
/yes, I am looking AT YOU, Texas A&M, bunch of worthless steerfuckers. Ain’t much happier with Kenfucky.
//at least mah wolven sort paid off when I quadrupled down on original $50 bet this afternoon. Sparky really sucks wee-wee.