It’s a New Sexy Year Friday!

Sort of. Work with me here. The timing of the holiday is such that this is the last Sexy Friday of the year of our Lord 2017.

And yeah, go fuck yourselves with that CE crap. Taking away the religious angle, the commonly accepted chronology is based on the estimated birth of Christ.  We are also well into the Hebrew year 5778 but you don’t see that on a calendar.

Holy shit.  I stand corrected.

We are also about to start Buddhist year 2561.  Which is exactly 543 ahead of the Gregorian calendar, so still based on the same commonly-accepted reference date.  Anyway, I will concede that we should be using BC (Before Christ) and AC (After Christ) instead of AD.  AD made sense when people spoke Latin and that hasn’t happened since the days of Spartacus.

 

Did I mention this was Sexy Friday? You may have also noticed that this is Balls, not tWBS.  I have taken over today’s Sexy Friday post as our esteemed colleague, tWBS, needs a break from looking up hot women for your pleasure.  I felt bad for him so I decided I would take today’s post.

For today’s theme, I have chosen to let you in on a Balls annual tradition: The Balls’ New Year Resolutions Challenge.

Until my friends moved away to different parts of the country, we would gather together the week before the New Year at a bar and write down all the things we were going to do/accomplish in the new year.  There were rewards as well as punishments laid out as incentives.  We all signed and then set about accomplishing the tasks.

It was actually a highly effective thing as, while we never completed every single thing on our lists, it encouraged us to try to better ourselves.  I like to think it worked.

So, I share these resolutions with you, my imaginary Internet friends.  Keep in mind that these resolutions are in line with what my friends and I used to do.

TO THE LIST!

#1 – Read a book for pleasure

To the readers among us, reading ONE book seems like a simple thing.  In fact, my friends and I would challenge ourselves to read several.  As you get older, though, and time moves faster, it is harder and harder to find the time to read.  So, my challenge this year is to read one complete book (more than 250 pages) during the calendar year.

#2- Travel to a place I’ve never been

For some of us, this is more difficult than others (looking in Dok’s direction) as we may have already traveled to a lot of places.  For others, it may be difficult because of money or work/school obligations.  Regardless, travel is a worthy pursuit that opens up our eyes and enriches the human experience. You don’t have to go far.  Just go somewhere you haven’t been before and experience new people and places.  It’s worth it.

#3 – Have a new sexual experience

It doesn’t matter whether you currently have a partner or not.  There are always new things to do/try.  Heck, maybe finding a new partner will count!  In any case, the mantra of Sexy Friday is that sex is a good thing to be enjoyed and beauty is found everywhere and should be appreciated in all its forms.  So, whether you like black,

Asian,

Latino,

White,

or any combination thereof,

you should try to celebrate the beauty around us.

#4 – Give back

This could mean volunteering, donating to charity, or participating in a fundraising event. I myself run an event that benefits homeless children.  It doesn’t take much effort and the money raised goes to a good cause.  We all have causes important to us (Don T and the people of Puerto Rico come immediately to mind), so it doesn’t matter who you give your time and/or money to, just give.

#5 – Learn a new skill

It can be anything.  You can learn how to drive a manual car.  You can learn useful phrases in a foreign language.  You can learn how to play an instrument.  It doesn’t matter.  One of the greatest things you can instill in people is the desire to be life-long learners.  You are never too old to learn new things.  It keeps your mind fresh and your personality more interesting.

***

So, there you have it.  5 out of 5 should not be too hard, right?  If we are all here by this time next year, I’ll follow up and let you know how I did.

I hope you all are able to join in and achieve some of these for yourselves or create your own resolutions. Feel free to publicly challenge yourselves in the comments!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Cassandra Peterson still makes my little beast-heart go pitter-pat.

h
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Romonobyl

Hello private window my old frieeeeend…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, there you have it. 5 out of 5 should not be too hard, right? If we are all here by this time next year, I’ll follow up and let you know how I did.

“Being here by this time next year” is one of my goals

SonOfSpam

Damn, I hear that. Not as clearly as I used to, but I still hear it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

If this game gets (more) out of hand, we got BRUINS BASKETBALL at 8:00 Pacific. WOO PAC-12!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

She doesn’t understand the concept of an electric range.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, she’s fine; she used the microwave for the tea.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think I know her.
And by “know” her, I mean have searched her video catalogue occasionally.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

“What’s that smell? I don’t remember sauteing salmon”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

‘Sup Ilsa?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I plan to look like that tomorrow morning.
/looks in mirror

AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I haven’t eaten at a Jack in the Box since the first Taco Cabana opened here in San Antonio around 40 years ago. However, I fully approve of their bid to cultivate the business of stoners.
https://thetakeout.com/whats-in-snoop-dogg-and-jack-in-the-boxs-4-20-stoners-1821647424

Romonobyl

Just try eating a six pack of Taco Bell crispy “tacos” sober. YOU CAN”T!!

rockingdog

Sooooo many CHURROS!!!! YES!

Spur

tacos and fries are only edible with under the influence. NV has had legal weed for a year now and the state hasn’t gone to anarchy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

True Story…

In Vet School, I had a professor who was a tOSU alum. Nice enough guy and very knowledgeable in his field (cardiology). But he never missed a chance the say THEEEEE Ohio State University. Finally one day I told him that was getting old as hell and was everyone from there as annoying as him?

Fortunately, I was already failing that class so it didn’t matter.

(j/k, I wasn’t failing and didn’t fail…the rest is true)

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’d make a big deal of my university’s name, if I could only remember where I went…

It was the Eighties, man!

WCS

We’ve seen what you’re capable of…. I’m pretty sure you spent significant time with Hunter Thompson.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am proud of my former capacity for random drug use too.

Romonobyl

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Darnold deserves Cleveland

Spur

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JustStopDude

You know…I think its all time we admit that instant replay has been an utter disaster for the sport and both college and the pros should immediately get rid of it.

1) It slows the game down too damn much

2) It muddles the fuck out of play calling. This whole “Is it or isn’t it a catch” bullshit has gotten out of hand because we can watch the same fucking play from 15 different angles and slow it down to a quantum physics state of both being and not being at the same fucking time.

We didn’t have this problem before. Its easier to accept a bad call in real time than seeing an asshole stare at a screen for 10 minutes and then blow the call again.

herodotus450

Somebody get this guy a new onion for his belt

rockingdog

Troi Boiz gonna roll! 2nd half team guys!

Viva La Tabula Raza

And now they have OSU right where they want them!

herodotus450

It’s ok, they’re just still on West Coast time. Second haflf!

Mr. Ayo

Nice dress.
h
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Romonobyl

At first that looked like it might be safe for DFO.

At first…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That gif lasted longer than I would with her

WCS

Big 12 (ish) basketball is going to be slog of a season.

Spur

make Ohio State throw and you can win.

herodotus450

“Yeah, right.”
-Penn State

herodotus450

There are still coach’s challenges in college?

King Hippo

they are rather prehensile at this point

Horatio Cornblower

That is an Andy Reid-level challenge right there.

Mr. Ayo

WHAT IS A CATCH?!?

King Hippo

(JV) CATCH, which is slightly different. NO WAY is it a varsity catch.

Romonobyl

Entirely depends on your opponent.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My mom says I’m a catch.
But she kinda has to say that.

Mr. Ayo

Well, she certainly was.

SonOfSpam

No, just because you caught something from her…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t tell my mom I laughed at that.

King Hippo

Would be nice if these chucklefucks didn’t have their hands all covered in chicken grease.

herodotus450

Hey that’s a good idea espn commentator, I would like to watch this game from different camera angles and such. Except yuor streaming effort is nonexistent and inevitably crashes every time I switch views.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

For some of us, this is more difficult than others…

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You have no idea…

Senor Weaselo

Things George of the Jungle gave us: That gif.

Romonobyl

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Spur

oh no. Ohio State is playing a team that can fight back! Ohio State fans did not plan on this. Can they play Northeastern Iowa again?

King Hippo

Let’s see if the Troi Boiz actually fight back first

theeWeeBabySeamus

/waits for the Ron Howard voiceover

Horatio Cornblower

Just got back from seeing Episode 8 of Star Wars and I have to say, no spoilers, but having that CGI scene of Princess Leia getting anal was in really poor taste.

...

THAT’S NOT A LEGITIMATE FORCE POWER, CANON HAS ESTABLISHED SODOMY IS IMPOSSIBLE USING THE FORCE!

Spur

i want to know why no one kicked the shit out of Poe.

Horatio Cornblower

This.

SonOfSpam

Wait, I’m confused…she was sodomized with a cannon?

King Hippo

the “But She’s My Sister!” series always has such great production values, tho

Fronkenshteen

That was an outtake from Soapdish.

Spur

underrated movie

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Still have only made it through an hour of Rogue One. That is some craptastic movie-making.

Spur

Darnold is going to love it in Cleveland, its just like LA

King Hippo

Uppity Rosen will just have to make do with Manhattan, serves him right FOAR being such a gloree boy

Spur

come on. When they are “real americans” they aren’t uppity, they have “concerns”

Romonobyl

So…I wonder what did people in BC time did for a calendar since C didn’t exist yet. Would have been a real bitch to have to count backwards, guess that’s why they don’t time old-ass soccer like they do modern ‘merican football.

Horatio Cornblower

“Oh, have I not died of the common cold yet? Must be a new day.”

Romonobyl

The original anti-vaxxers.

Senor Weaselo

Praise to Gilgamesh!

Romonobyl

Yeah, they were too busy boiling all the flavor out of meat.

Spur

Can the Cowboys draft this Bosa?

Horatio Cornblower

Short answer? No.

Spur

needs more Song Girls

JustStopDude

I will never understand why a kid would pick Ohio State over a coastal school.

The weather in Ohio sucks so even the hot chicks are basically covered 9 months out of the year like its Kabul. Its polluted as fuck. Its racist up there as fuck.

Spur

Free tats and the fear of being alone.

King Hippo

still plenty of white chicks who hate they fathers!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Little known fact: the Wright Brothers invented the airplane so they could get the fuck out of Ohio.

herodotus450

Maybe a hurricane murdered their parents.

Horatio Cornblower

I suspect that Big Ten alumni can be just as generous as their coastal brethren.

Romonobyl

I also understand the area is suffering from something of an opioid crisis, although some of you might have a different interpretation of “crisis”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nicely done, Mr. balls. But does it count if next year I finish the book I started more than three months ago?
Meh.

Now on to the important stuff. What time does the Arizona State game start? I’ve been looking forward to that one all week!!!!
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King Hippo

VERY angry at myself for not betting harder when spread dropped from 6.5 to 5. DAMNIT

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m still trying to not bet the Iowa State/Memphis game.
It’s really difficult.

Spur

Folks

King Hippo

goddamnit, Troi Boiz

...

lol

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herodotus450

Did Schiano ever get hired anywhere else?

WCS

The GNC at the Buckeye Mall.

Senor Weaselo

Practice more, finish my trio, be less incompetent socially… the usual.

King Hippo

GO. RECLUSE.

the other stuff really quits mattering

Senor Weaselo

I can’t go full recluse. Teaching elementary school children gets to you if they’re the only people you see for a couple weeks straight.

herodotus450

Is there a prop bet for “worst coin toss evar”?

King Hippo

I still have no idea why tOSU is favoured by so much. They think they are too good to be playing in this game. To me, that is NOT a “can of whoopass” formula.

herodotus450

Vegas expects them to be pissed off, I guess. Also Barrett had surgery a week before the Wisc game, so he might be healed by now.

...

Online is shit, except for you guys.

HOW THE FUCK YOU BOYS DOING?

WCS

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...

She’s smart. Will she be my wife?

King Hippo

already hitched to real-life Charlie Day

...

Son of a….

JustStopDude

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WCS

Meanwhile, Arkansas…

JustStopDude

Florida actually…

Senor Weaselo

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue…

JustStopDude

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Fronkenshteen

http://www.southmag.com/olivia13.jpg

Kevin Harlan made this.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, no overtime.

King Hippo

nope, they cover, so they push for me (I bet spread and ML)

Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t understand gamble speak, except the “cover the spread” part. Makes my brain hurt. Plus, I have an addictive personality and if I learned how to gamble, I probably would, to excess.

King Hippo

boy, NW sure doesn’t care about saving timeouts to try and score if UK makes this 2-pointer

WCS

Ufford’s about to go full Vincent D’Onofrio in the lav…

King Hippo

nice shot?

King Hippo

Kenfucky Lives??

King Hippo

It’s been about 12 years since my last New Year’s resolution, which was to stop making New Year’s resolutions. It took. I do not believe in self-improvement, nor hope FOAR the future.

FUCK EVERYTHING

/yes, I am looking AT YOU, Texas A&M, bunch of worthless steerfuckers. Ain’t much happier with Kenfucky.

//at least mah wolven sort paid off when I quadrupled down on original $50 bet this afternoon. Sparky really sucks wee-wee.

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