It’s a New Sexy Year Friday!

Sort of. Work with me here. The timing of the holiday is such that this is the last Sexy Friday of the year of our Lord 2017.

And yeah, go fuck yourselves with that CE crap. Taking away the religious angle, the commonly accepted chronology is based on the estimated birth of Christ.  We are also well into the Hebrew year 5778 but you don’t see that on a calendar.

Holy shit.  I stand corrected.

We are also about to start Buddhist year 2561.  Which is exactly 543 ahead of the Gregorian calendar, so still based on the same commonly-accepted reference date.  Anyway, I will concede that we should be using BC (Before Christ) and AC (After Christ) instead of AD.  AD made sense when people spoke Latin and that hasn’t happened since the days of Spartacus.

 

Did I mention this was Sexy Friday? You may have also noticed that this is Balls, not tWBS.  I have taken over today’s Sexy Friday post as our esteemed colleague, tWBS, needs a break from looking up hot women for your pleasure.  I felt bad for him so I decided I would take today’s post.

For today’s theme, I have chosen to let you in on a Balls annual tradition: The Balls’ New Year Resolutions Challenge.

Until my friends moved away to different parts of the country, we would gather together the week before the New Year at a bar and write down all the things we were going to do/accomplish in the new year.  There were rewards as well as punishments laid out as incentives.  We all signed and then set about accomplishing the tasks.

It was actually a highly effective thing as, while we never completed every single thing on our lists, it encouraged us to try to better ourselves.  I like to think it worked.

So, I share these resolutions with you, my imaginary Internet friends.  Keep in mind that these resolutions are in line with what my friends and I used to do.

TO THE LIST!

#1 – Read a book for pleasure

To the readers among us, reading ONE book seems like a simple thing.  In fact, my friends and I would challenge ourselves to read several.  As you get older, though, and time moves faster, it is harder and harder to find the time to read.  So, my challenge this year is to read one complete book (more than 250 pages) during the calendar year.

#2- Travel to a place I’ve never been

For some of us, this is more difficult than others (looking in Dok’s direction) as we may have already traveled to a lot of places.  For others, it may be difficult because of money or work/school obligations.  Regardless, travel is a worthy pursuit that opens up our eyes and enriches the human experience. You don’t have to go far.  Just go somewhere you haven’t been before and experience new people and places.  It’s worth it.

#3 – Have a new sexual experience

It doesn’t matter whether you currently have a partner or not.  There are always new things to do/try.  Heck, maybe finding a new partner will count!  In any case, the mantra of Sexy Friday is that sex is a good thing to be enjoyed and beauty is found everywhere and should be appreciated in all its forms.  So, whether you like black,

Asian,

Latino,

White,

or any combination thereof,

you should try to celebrate the beauty around us.

#4 – Give back

This could mean volunteering, donating to charity, or participating in a fundraising event. I myself run an event that benefits homeless children.  It doesn’t take much effort and the money raised goes to a good cause.  We all have causes important to us (Don T and the people of Puerto Rico come immediately to mind), so it doesn’t matter who you give your time and/or money to, just give.

#5 – Learn a new skill

It can be anything.  You can learn how to drive a manual car.  You can learn useful phrases in a foreign language.  You can learn how to play an instrument.  It doesn’t matter.  One of the greatest things you can instill in people is the desire to be life-long learners.  You are never too old to learn new things.  It keeps your mind fresh and your personality more interesting.

***

So, there you have it.  5 out of 5 should not be too hard, right?  If we are all here by this time next year, I’ll follow up and let you know how I did.

I hope you all are able to join in and achieve some of these for yourselves or create your own resolutions. Feel free to publicly challenge yourselves in the comments!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
Subscribe
Notify of
600 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go cook some beans.
Or something.
Have a nice night you degenerates…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyCEexG9xjw

yeah right
theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t believe he’s gone. RIP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4JFqfqIPKA

theeWeeBabySeamus

One of Beastie’s favs? Yes, I think so.
(keep one eye open buddy boy)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuN6gs0AJls

yeah right

I do love me some Pretenders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjXnhT3jXM4

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hella nice pick.

yeah right

Big 80’s shit right here.

Do you know how I can tell if you’re Scottish?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uWjuconWM0

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s a damn shame they’re viewed as a one hit wonder.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Duran Duran is a guilty pleasure, yes.
But this song rocks (as do a few others so shut up you)….
Great bass and drums on this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcAXKxtZVcw

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, that audio is turrible. Just watch this one instead…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCjMZMxNr-0

Beastmode Ate My Baby

(Probably surprisingly) I like Duran Duran.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rawr!!!!
Oh shit…sorry, sorry.

Unsurprised

Good one! Again!

yeah right

Lord help me I do love this band.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzd1CjZc75M

theeWeeBabySeamus

As everyone should.

yeah right

I actually owned a DEVO energy dome.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

I just noticed the sexy men, and so how is Dok? Did she make an appearance earlier?

Anyway, I just dropped back in to say good night.

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think she’s still crossing time zones.

yeah right

I don’t have many assurances in life but one thing I do know is that Dok is going to be just fine.

https://vimeo.com/70051022

Unsurprised

She’s either going to rule or kill us all. Preferably both. Order doesn’t matter.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She might herd and eat us. I’m not saying she will. But she could.

Because we’re dumb.

yeah right

Quite possibly my favorite 80’s song from one of my favorite bands ever.

I saw them this past year! With the Violent Femmes!

It was life altering.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMplIrSlg8E

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh hell yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe….I hate it when…

Never mind.

Unsurprised

A dipped Trump

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s ice cream; it tastes good, so no.

Unsurprised

pthbbt

theeWeeBabySeamus

I totally never got stoned and listenedededed to this back in the late 80s.

yeah right

That’s nice!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Susanna’s anorexic phase sadly.
Fortunately she recovered better than Karen Carpenter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I know it has been a while, but does Janay Rice play blackjack?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

She never knows when to hit.

theeWeeBabySeamus
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Drinking my first Karl Strauss beer.

Well done.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

yeah right

They make a fine red and a solid IPA.

I should know.

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/549/262/ef7.gif

yeah right

Greetings DFOers.

Welcome to eighties night!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwF9dRQnHXM

yeah right

It’s a good thing we’ve evolved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTOQUnvI3CA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Right.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Speak fo’ yoself white boy.
I’m still Homo habilis over here.

Oh look, a screwdriver.

Mr. Ayo

I guess we’re not literally flinging shit at each other.

yeah right

Distance – gravity.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Make me.

Mr. Ayo

You do you and we’ll just be over here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

*eye contact intensifies*

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is that Eli’s mom?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bring a different connotation to “juice box.”

yeah right

I’m feeling just…

Capital!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruWPc_9AqPM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

yeah right

High everybody!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Norm!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Standard deviation!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Nobody expects ficus-indica.

(Yeah, I know that cartoon is a Saguaro cactus. Fuck saguaro cactus. Saguaro sucks. It’s also an Arizona plant, and Arizona can eat my ass.)

Mr. Ayo

High!
comment image

yeah right

I would do savage savage things with that ribeye.

Mr. Ayo

Too late, it’s already gone. A5 wagyu.

yeah right

That’s a sexy fucking cut of meat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you lost your marbling?!?!?

Mr. Ayo

The tenderloin was better. But no complaints on this one.

Unsurprised

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/aa18f22f4b771cc8d31e78be8c4e1332/tumblr_p1jdw4dL291us6ycco1_400.gif

NSFDFO; extreme weirdness; no titties.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Perfectly fine. Feel free to embed it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I had some shock value; didn’t want anybody who has been drinking to throw up a little.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or get the boner that will have them questioning themselves for days.

Unsurprised

Poor thing. It must be lonely.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Nick Nolte.

Unsurprised

Wow. I never really thought of him as a Nebraskan before, but holy shit. If I ever had an image in my head of what one would look like, that’s it.

He also looks like he definitely played high school football and maybe some in college. If not for a team, he played every weekend somehow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

But she was aiming foar the green one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Empl. opportunity; balloon holder.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good vision and quickness a must?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s Romania; she can find more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

What is…things never said on the U*NC campus?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised

Haha. Fuck him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They should put it out with shots of tequila.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bacardi 151.

Unsurprised

I know it’s stupid, but just looking at them makes me hate them.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I still think USC will come back in the 3rd half, after they clear the field from this intermission show.

litre_cola

That is why the wr’s were showboating?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Chin pencil accidents are a huge problem.

Unsurprised

Indeed.

Redshirt

I’m finding it funny seeing how subdued the Ohio State players are. They’re acting like this is the football equivalent of getting a sweater for Christmas.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It pretty much is.

Redshirt

If the first New Year’s Six Bowl Game is any indication, it will be blowouts against teams that are obviously overrated and no right being there.

Unsurprised

The Notre Dame Conundrum

herodotus450

No points from either squadron in the second half?

Horatio Cornblower

Urban Meyer’s wife is already holding him up to keep him from collapsing after overdoing the medication.

JustStopDude

I cannot believe I stayed up for this…

montythisseemsstrangetome

What, this postgame sideline interview with Urban Meyer and his nodding wife?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does she have palsy?

Horatio Cornblower

The answer to the question baffling these announcers, how can Iowa score 55 on OSU when a hot USC team can’t get more than 7 is pretty simple: The PAC-10, (12, 14, whatever), has been overrated for years.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

If I’m on the committee I’m not thinking about whether or not I should have had OSU higher than 5, I’m wondering why I have USC ranked #8.

They have flat-out mailed this game in, and they did not use enough postage to do it.

litre_cola

It would be returned to sender or destroyed. #themoreyouknow

King Hippo

I trust Canadia Post to put this one out of its misery for us all.

Redshirt

I said the same thing when they made them #8.

montythisseemsstrangetome

If I’m on the committee I’m spending the money that these college players have earned for me.

JustStopDude

comment image

litre_cola

Why is that guy still showboating?!?!?!

King Hippo

one presumes he was dropped on his head a lot as a small child

Horatio Cornblower

I’m going with “he’s an idiot”

Unsurprised

His Christmas bonus was bigger than he expected.

Redshirt

If I’m an Ohio State player, I’m going up to him and pointing to the scoreboard.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Oh, just place the football any old where, Line Judge.

Unsurprised

Heh. “Sara Sampaio having a coregasm.” https://gfycat.com/ShabbyCreamyHusky

Unsurprised

In classic tradition, this should end with a horse shitting out death all over USC.

herodotus450

Radio announcers are actually enteraining during this whole thing: “…and Darnold has his feelings hurt.”

King Hippo

oh FFS, finish this shit sandwich already

Redshirt

“#21 came of the bench”

The fight was in his bench!

Horatio Cornblower

These officials are fucking idiots.

Unsurprised

Evergreen.

montythisseemsstrangetome

“No, no, the OTHER #21.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is this really about the Vegas thing again?

Senor Weaselo

Oh, JV footy.

Redshirt

Points to Darnold for holding back an Ohio State player. He was trying to defuse this shit before it started.

litre_cola

He doesnt show enough fire durrrr

Unsurprised

He left it all in the Cuyahoga.

Unsurprised

Gah. Wrong team.

Darnold left all his fire in the California woods.