2015 was Mariota’s rookie season and the Titans finished 3-13, being shredded by Johnny Manziel in the process. How times change; now Tennessee stands to be destroyed by Tom Brady on his ascension to Unparalleled Excellence. That’s forward progress even Jeff Tripplette can’t deny.
Last Saturday the Titans won its first playoff game since the 2003 season. New England has had a first round playoff bye for eight straight years, and been AFC Championship perennials ever since. The line for this game has been 13.5 and more. All predictions were sanctioned by The Sure Thing Coalition, in Chalk City. Patriot haters might wanna skip this game for more uplifting fare, like the first 100 minutes of “Midnight Express”.
Yeah yeah, I don’t buy it. Crazy shit happens in the playoffs. The Rex Jets and the Ravens defeated the Pats at home, memorably. The Titans defense has been consistently OK all year and has brought more pressure on QBs in the last five games. Everyone knows how Brady gets skittish when hit–an obvious bone I gladly throw to the vast majority of NFL fans in the US:
Via @WTP sports
Being a Titans fan, I’ve had to watch their games. Tennessee was a boring team: seldom scoring in the 1st QRT; dependable special teams (spectacular punting); a D that doesn’t allow many TDs after a turnover; and, the odd long run or pass mixed between plays for little or no gain—mostly out of bunched formations. TEN beat the Browns 12-9, in overtime, and did not record a convincing win in a schedule that featured crap team after crap team. Titan coaches started to get heavy flak for playcalling after the slog that was the 12-7 Week 14 loss at Arizona. And then it happened: Mariota got healthy and started getting the chance to dictate, calling plays and improvising. This defeated the Jags and clinched the playoffs for TEN in Week 17:
Via tenor.com
That play even prompted a pro like Delanie Walker to chime in: “Sometimes you gotta overcome coaching. That’s what makes some players great when they know how to do that” (via @CameronWolfe). On the other hand, I can’t see Patriot players overcoming their coaching, because they’d stand to be cut. Or flayed.
The only angles against the Pats are: (1) the TEN offensive line has been playing at the 2016 level the last three games; and (2) the tension between Kraft, Belichick, and Brady. Seth Wickersham’s recent KBB piece was a notable entry in the “Are the Patriots / Brady DUN?” canon. (It’s never “Belichick is done”.) So the Jimmy G trade seems like a vanity move for Brady’s sake that balances the Alex Guerrero skullduggery—big deal. All of that alleged crap is inconsequential for the Pats. Unless Brian Hoyer becomes involved, or Tom Terrific fails to get a “Patriot of the Week” T-shirt after posting a 100+ QB rating in this game.
The Titans had actual drama. Stories came out that Tennessee was going to fire Mike Mularkey if they lost to the Chefs right before the game. To the dismay of many Tits fans, their own team won in Kansas City. Goddammit: why even cheer? Pining for an uncertain but “better” future instead of enjoying present playoff success is greek tragedy shit. Like, I dunno… Being more concerned with potential…
/points dramatically to a dumpster
…HEAD COACHING GIGS?
That’s right: the New England brain trust of McDaniels & Patricia will showcase tonight their genius chops against a TEN team that, so far, is -21 in points differential after 17 games. (-66 between two blowouts: Deshaun Watson Texans in Week 4, Steelers in Week 11.) Both NE coordinators might outsmart themselves, since the stakes for them go beyond eking out a win in an expected walkover:
Via InsufferableMassholes (redundant)
Yes, the Pats have playoff experience, but Tennessee has been mentally tough all season. The players saved their coach through an 18-point comeback on the road. Dick LeBeau’s record against Brady isn’t good, but this current batch of TEN DBs are decent, including former Patriot Logan Ryan. (If it’s against The Man, it’s not snitching #JustSayin) And for all that is made about Brady being the experienced one, he’s the one who has tantrums during games, not the even-keeled Mariota (40 and 24, respectively). OK, Marcus won’t be a fantasy top dog, but is competitive and aware enough to catch his own TD pass and make an actual block—instead of, umm…
Via giphy.com
For New England, Schefter reported that questionable RBs Mike Gillislee and Rex Burkhead “are not expected to play”. Pencil them down for the majority of the carries over Lewis and White. (Kidding; maybe?) DeMarco Murray is out, the only way TEN coaches would deign to give Derrick Henry more than 10 touches a game. Accountability Note: after the Week 17 win over the Jags. Henry said he “ran soft”. He did, and then ran possessed the next week in Kansas City. Henry should do well against NE, provided he doesn’t miss the blitzer that gets Mariota KILLT. But even being optimistic, the Brady-Gronkowski battery is unstoppable. For tonight, I’d trade only two Gronk receptions for 60 yards in defensive PI, gladly.
Gotta admit: the “Ooh a win over Andy Reid; how cute!” and Patriots Patriots PATRIOTS talk got the best of me early in the week. So I called it Titans 30, Patriots 27, likely after reading “we should really rest [Chris] Hogan for next week”. I’m sticking to it, and to my rationalizations above—which may turn out to be kinda inaccurate after the fact. A cordial “‘Sup” for all decent Pats supporters, the ones here and the other 7 of you. But that’s it: No. 1 FACKIN GREATRIETS fan is Marky Mark, who deserves no good will. So enough of New England. It* ends tonight!
* The Patriots reign. Alternatively, the 2017 Titans season.
Now it’s your turn. DO YOUR WORST!
Banner pics via blewiskewl.blogspot.com and @MattNicroneRPO
Apparently Tennessee has decided that their hopes to win this game will be pinned on the triple-option.
Was Romo possessed for a second there?
It’s the play-offs. He’s going to fuck up.
Demon got in there, saw how fucked up his neck is, got the fuck out.
I now imagine that’s the noise Romo made whenever he got injured.
PTSD from his own injury history?
“Drilly drilly”
– Harry Reems or whoever’s famous at that sort of thing now
I’m late to the party, but this is an excellent reference.
Stilly, Stilly
-Ryan Shazier
OSZ Flashback to last night: Popeye’s ghost pepper wings are fucking spot on.
OSZ Flashback to just a minute ago: Damn I wish I had some more of those wings.
Shilly, Shilly
Jon Hamm, in these fucking tax prep commericals.
This P*ts defense is truly awful
“Tell me about it.”
-A. Hernandez
They have a physical RB and change formation a lot. It wasn’t just home cooking in DonT’s predictifyin’
This is still the darkest timeline and there’s a lot of time left. So my hopes aren’t getting up yet.
God, how I want Romo to say Erotic Smashmouth
He’s pulling for TN and it’s pissing Jeeeem off
What’s with the foghorn? Foxborough is 70 miles inland. Fuck, I hate these jerk-offs.
You ever seen someone drive in Massachusetts? It wouldn’t surprise me one but if one of those assholes crashed a boat in the fucking Sahara.
Ended up $500 ATS for Tits (+14.0).
Winnings will go to PR relief.
Let’s keep it going.
Super Mariota
he’d be a much better character choice than that toadstool
Depends on how quickly you need to pull those radishes up from the ground
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKYVwSOe4Qo
With all do respect to the DFO P*ts fans…
TONIGHT WE ARE ALL DON T!!!!!!
I haven’t been much of a Titans fan since Warren Moon retired, but that changes now. All thumbs up for another music city miracle, and may the God of Electricity soon rain down all the kilowatts upon our island friends to the south.
Island Mexicans, one and all no ofence
I’m so in on Don T that I lost power this morning.
Dude, did you just call me a Puerto Rican? Not fucking cool.
Love the refs setting the tone for future fuckups by blowing the whistle while Walker is still on his feet and moving forward.
“This one’s for you, Triplette!”
I didn’t know all you needed to grade roads was to be a strong Walker
Hey, look who’s more alive than anyone who’s spent more than 10 minutes in a club with Aaron Hernandez!
I don’t wanna brag or anything but I ain’t bled out completely of this ol’ anus just yet!
“The V is sticking out…”
No comment needed.
So at the end of this movie 12 Strong are they going to try to leave us with the impression that the remainder of the hunt for Bin Laden and the battle against Al Qaeda lasted for another two weeks, tops?
Duh.
But Saddam made fun of Dubya’s dad!
You can let me know, because I’m never gonna find out for myself.
I’m here to support Don T, who is a veritable god among minor deities.
BLERRGH!
Instructions for Tits defensing unit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtuYWlh6fJ4
Lately, it’s good advice in general.
Related:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dcr8dm9Prkk
“Spilly spilly.”
– Yelp review of bartender Michael J. Fox
I have a bottle of Oh-ray-GAWNE wine breathing for Mariota juju, I will start drankin’ for his next drive.
/better pill up first, only sensible
Da MFA. GET YOAH AHT ON.
Tits!
“Hilly Hilly!”
– Andy Reid, huffing and puffing as he tries to get back in shape by running a course that includes an elevation change of 9′.
Hopefully this is the Tits breakout game.
Sack on Mariota!
-AT&T Marketing Department
Also, Hedley Lamarr:
Don’t you mean Hedy Lamarr?
“It’s 1874 – you’ll be able to sue her!”
“Really really!”
– the extent to which Carly Rae Jepsen likes you
I’m secure enough in my heterosexuality (however non-practicing) to say that Mariota is handsomer than Dreamboat.
Yeah, but Brady is more practiced at rimjobs.
“Gilly, Gilly”
– Sam Tarly’s (likely) last words
“Philly? Philly?”
– Vegas bookies
“Molly Molly”
– Into every neighbour’s ear at the rave
“Pilly pilly!”
– Heath Ledger’s last words
“Dolly Dolly!”
– a tearful Eli Manning being told that from now on it’s masculine toys only
I would like Los Tits to win the Superb Owl with a point differential of nil or -1.
I was expecting a flag on that play. Not because I saw anyone break the rules, but because it was 3rd down and the Patriots didn’t convert.
EROTIC!! WOO
GRONK GRONK GRONK!
Good luck HEAT for the Tits. ALL TEH Erotic Smashmouth!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4FApt6z55c
Does Romo get to announce the Masters too?
Fuck, I’d even watch then!
/would not
As one who considers himself one of the ‘decent Pats supporters,’ I am not at all overconfident of a victory tonight. I’d rather see “us” lose tonight than lose to the fucking Steelers next week. Fuck the Steelers, go Jaguars.
“Killy Killy!”
– Aaron Hernandez
BANNER!!
Tonight, we are all Tits fans.
Always have been
Save us titans. We as a nation need a win
Gor fucks sake kickoff already
Watching the pre-game panel on CBS, the question arises: Which is more patriotic, pin with flag waving in the wind, or pin with flag laid out flat like it was ironed??
Also noted: NFL Network panelists have no flag pins.
In honor of Tom Brady I had chicken pot pie for dinner and ice cream cake for desert.
Fuck your TB12 nonsense.
Fried zucchini and Chicago-style pizza here!
There you go. Fuck our arteries!
Rum and Sour Wreck (where do these growers come up with these names?) here.
I had a PJB sandwich and some pretzels.
And a meatball sandwich!
Peanut Jelly & Butter?
I found another funny:
8-yr-old son: Did you have YouTube when you were a kid?
Me: Yes, but it was only one hour a week and it was hosted by Bob Saget
Ok, that’s a bullshit poll:
I bet that they asked “Who wants Tits to win”
Also, good evenin’ pervs!