NFL News:
- The Bills are going to retire Thurman Thomas’ #34 jersey.
- He joins Jim Kelly & Bruce Smith in that elite bracket.
- To fully recall the Thurman Thomas experience, they’ll make sure to leave his helmet in the locker room.
- David Tepper’s final bid price for the Panthers was $2.275 billion.
- Not that all-cash up-front wasn’t a huge selling point, but one of the reasons the lower-priced Tepper bid was accepted is that one of the other bidders wanted to move the team to South Carolina.
- Jerry Richardson was not having that as his legacy.
- Just strained race & gender relations for him!
- Jerry Richardson was not having that as his legacy.
- Not that all-cash up-front wasn’t a huge selling point, but one of the reasons the lower-priced Tepper bid was accepted is that one of the other bidders wanted to move the team to South Carolina.
- The full quote just says it all: “New Colts offensive coordinator Nick Sirianni is giving players written tests on the team’s offense during minicamp.”
- As a reminder, Andrew Luck scored a 37 on the Wonderlic.
- John Fox – new ESPN analyst.
- See if you can spot the part of the announcement that made ESPN’s spokesman choke:
- “John has led two different franchises to the Super Bowl and he has a great football acumen, just the kind of experience and perspective we were looking to add to our NFL studio coverage.”
- See if you can spot the part of the announcement that made ESPN’s spokesman choke:
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Jets at Golden Knights – 9:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Warriors at Rockets – 9:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- MLB:
- Yankees at Nationals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- MLS:
- Whitecaps FC vs. San Jose – 10:30PM | TSN
As of today, there are 21 days left in my school year, and then it’s beer selling season.
The new home exercise device is selling like hotcakes.
That’s a goal right? Wait no, the Jets player wasn’t entirely in the net across the goal line.
CBS is doing a Murphy Brown reboot? And a Magnum PI reboot? Uh, why?
Because they suck eggs?
Because you touch yourself
Just had to make the decision to put my best friend down. Fuck me.
I’m sorry to hear it, Litre.
Oh no! Sorry man.
Shit. Truly sorry to see that.
Dammit. Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh man, that is heartbreaking. So sorry.
Oh no, oxypug? Sorry dude.
So sorry.
Damn! Sorry brother.
Sorry to hear that. That is a hard thing to do. Truly sorry.
Okay, I don’t think even the Warriors can erase this deficit.
Not in 4 minutes at least.
Just rushed oxipug to the emergency vet. Fuck.
Sending positive thoughts. Hang in there, man.
That sucks. Hoping for the best, bud.
I go to brush my teeth, miss the fight. Stupid hygiene.
Bobby Starr hasn’t repressed her gag reflex as much as one of those flacks.
36000 ft above Laughlin NV this morning, looking up the Colorado River towards Hoover Dam and Lake Mead. This area is currently the center of the ice hockey universe.
Viva Laughlin!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vtonEFBeZk
Still maintain that Bowfinger was the last good movie by either Steve Martin or Eddie Murphy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yrx2bv_LoG0
you just don’t hear “spearchucker” very often in one’s daily life no more
/again, has never worked for Jerry Richardson
I had forgotten how fucking idiotic Cubs Twitter is, but they’ve all lost their mind over this not-especially frustrating game.
when did I miss Bomber point?
Like 2 seconds before Knights point
but thanks FOAR update, been GAMBLOR worshipping
/no longer seems super relevant
KNIGHTS!
That TNT show “Claws” seems like it would be better if all the parts were played by cats.
That applies to every TV show.
good luck getting the cats to join teh union, though…
Just by listening to Coke’s “sharing” ad I thought it was a PSA about herpes or something.
it can be two things
Every time I bet on the scum-sucking Cubs, they lose. I would try to raise funds to keep this tire fire burnin’ but the other DFO #BFIB seem to have abandoned me to teh wolves.
Yeah even I don’t bet on this team they make me mad enough as it is
just seems like you will start whipping everyone’s ass any instant, I want to at least be compensated for my agony
Lord help me, I reactivated my Twitter.
WHY?!?
I need the content, man.
do we not give u enough #content here smh?
I NEED MOAR AND IT NEEDS TO BE DUMMER
Ask and ye shall receive
I could defend Republican values. Choose Life. The Right to Bear Arms. The whole thing.
You want dumb; I can provide!
Can I just have the bear claws instead of the whole arm? I still want opposable thumbs.
In all seriousness, there a dozen or so people I really like who I follow and I’m interested in how they’re doing. I’ll probably shut it down in a week or so when it’s driving me mad again.
The Lord isn’t on Twitter.
On purpose?
found a funny:
WIFE: Oh darn I have a loose thread on my sweater.
ME: (waiting for the right time to tell her I bought a sword) Allow me m’ lady.
I haven’t seen a group of jets flying around, yet accomplishing so little, since the skies over Iraq in the early nineties.
I have to say, California is freaking awesome.
I mean where else can an old fart like meself have a big bag of legal weed literally within arm’s reach, and the hot naked 27 yr old chick who sold it to him asleep in his bed?
CALIFORNIA!!!!! WHAT A COUNTRY!!!!!
Report on the sister front though?
She has an older sister. Married. She does have a gay brother about your age tho. He is pretty cute to be honest.
I’m not helping, am I? But then again, did you really expect me to?
He’s not my type, but I’ll give you points for effort.
But, but….you haven’t even met him yet.
Oh yeah…never mind.
I’m doing training today and one of the kids that I recently got finished training calls me up. So I walk out of the room to take the call.
Shit for brains is working at a site with a bunch of our other people, basically the kid is just supposed to be shadowing senior engineers while they work. Well moron calls me up because the site warned him they do piss tesst (standard at fucking industrial sites) and he was wondering if he failed, would he be in trouble.
“Why the fuck wouldn’t you be?”
“Its legal here”
“So is fucking booze and if you are on a site intoxicated, we will shit can you”
“Whoa really? I thought I would just get in trouble”
“YES TROUBLE! TROUBLE AS IN WE WILL FIRE YOU! Kid…if you are going to piss hot, you need to get out of there, come back, and fucking get your priorities straight. If you remain on the site, you will get caught. Its not safe for you to be working.”
“Man…JSD…you used to be cool”
“Fuck it…I’m just reporting you to management” and I hung up.
I could do this kid’s job and the last science class I took was Astronomy in 2002.
I hate you so fucking much.
FWIW, I don’t blame you a bit. I’d hate me too.
This shit is even freaking me out, dude. Still can’t figure out why this lovely lady wants to hang out with me.
Oh shut up and enjoy her company!
And maybe don’t show her Goddess. Or this site in general. Not for a while at least.
Have you ever seen the beginning of the movie True Romance?
Ha ha, no, just kidding. None of us would spend that kind of money on you!
When you get home, we’re going to have a long conversation because I am too old to not know shit about fuck when it comes to women.
As he sinks into a molten Hell pit, the heat will finally free John McCain to lift his arm up to give us all all one last thumbs up, which quickly becomes the bird, reminding us that even in death he was a son of a bitch who lived to see others die and suffer.
Know how you score goals? YOU FUCKING TAKE SHOTS. NOW SHOOT ON THIS PP.
Bombers politely disagree, eh?
Hit the net is now trending in Manitoba.
Evening, degenerates
Nazis hate us.
I’m comfortable being on the other side there.
I hope we all are.
God help me, I bet on the fucking Cubs to win tonight. But +160 only down 1 with a man on 2nd? I’m not made of stone ppl
Sure, Nevada doesn’t have state income tax but ppl forget about their whore tax.
I hate that I work in a customer-based industry, where I can’t respond to passive-aggressive nagging with “you’ll get it when I’m good and goddamned ready to send it to ya.”
So, you’re saying they haven’t got that thing you sent?
And unfortunately with it being the electronic age, I can’t rub mah purple Hippo balls on it.
Is Litre out on the ledge yet?
What a fucking bullshit start. These fucks are skating like they were in sand. Having Ehlers out changes two lines and slows the team down.
Sooooo, that’s a….yes?
Havent slept more than 3 hours a night the last 3 nights due to offspring. I AM A LITTLE ON EDGE! to answer your question, I may go play in traffic.
Looked like the peyote James Neal took before warm-ups just kicked in.
He looked like Trent Green’s life flashed before his eyes.
What up, ppl?
/looks down
Nothing
Damn…its like the Jets are like that drunk on the strip that makes the mistake of grabbing the ass of a cocktail waitress…
These Jets, I call them Flight 93, but I can’t finish this joke without spiraling into a very dark place
Nor can they finish the game any other way.
Less of a spiral and more of a, oh god, my soul
A very dark place…like the back seat of a Volkswagen?
Vegas not fucking around tonight, it appears.
This could make for an early bed time for me if it gets ugly. I am trying to look at a positive of this shit start.
shit start, its only 6pm. Best Coast life
Jets had a shit start. I am sleepy and could sleep now but my shitty hometown needs me yelling into the dogbed my support from the living room.
/baby is sleeping you see.
That must’ve been what going to Ren Faire with Hunter Thompson was like.
HST was a treasure. I’ve seen this reposted following Tom Wolfe’s death, and it’s beautiful.
I read a book of HST correspondence once. It did NOT disappoint.
So I guess my question here is when the Knights inevitably sweep the snake-bitten Caps for the Stanley Cup, how fucking hateable will every “lifelong Golden Knights fan” be?
I fucking hate babies too ,, smh
Also, that Knight vs. Jet light show is hte best thing that’s ever happened in hockey. I’m sorry. It’s true.
Two-word rebuttal: Snoop Dogg. Alternately, three-word rebuttal: Chance the Rapper.
Yes, it’s true. Pretty awesome.
I didn’t think I had it in me to hate the Knights but after watching that bag of flaming shit I hope the Jets throttle the fuck out of them.
Mmm. Love that hate.
So, Medieval Times On Ice opens the ice fitbaw now?
the owner is a first class weirdo
I was wondering how they’d have a knight fighting a jet. That’s like bringing a sword to an aerial dogfight.
I guess in retrospect, we are lucky we didn’t have Mistuh Richardson re-enact a “Happy Plantation” or do a minstrel show pre-game…
Song of the South Pre-Game Auction?
Instead of Sir Purr, Uncle Remus!
Fuck.
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/features/jeff-beals-new-york-midterms-w520302
It’s great that these party organizations are called out on being nothing more than means to redistribute money to worthless consultants and their answer is just shrug and keep doing it.
I am forcing myself to stop shitposting about it on Facebook. I knew Ben Ray Lujan (the chair of the DCCC) and have been shitting on him and the DCCC for months because I have FB friends who know him, work with him. I used to be FB friends with him on my original account before I moved and he became a congresssman. Frankly I never liked him anyway because he’s a poster boy for nepotism, but for my own sanity and for want of not continuing to be a totally insufferable and cynical asshole I have to stop because it’s useless at best and makes me a shithead to friends and acquaintances and people I’m ostensibly trying to work with at the worst.
I’ve held to the prediction the Dems will fall just short of retaking the House and will lose ground in the Senate despite winning Nevada and Arizona and it’s looking like an even better bet since Trump’s approval is ticking up the general ballot has the Democrats short of the threshold they need for a majority.
But hey, there’s no shortage of super smart Democrats who will explain to me that I don’t understand politics.
This tweet storm summarizes why I think it’s totally possible that Dems can’t break through to take back either/both houses. The bottom line is that you can’t break through the Fox News bullshit bubble ensconcing way too much of the country.
https://twitter.com/drvox/status/996510800813539328?s=19
It’s not the Fox News bubble that’s the problem because those people never did or haven’t in a long time voted Democrat.
Bullshit. There are plenty of people in the country that are being spoon-fed straight lies about both this President and Democrats. It is not unreasonable to think some of the folks might vote differently if they weren’t under the impression that the sky is red.
I don’t think most of the voters who either didn’t vote (the ones worth pursuing) or flipped after voting for Obama are extreme Fox News consumers.
The Democrats do themselves no favors when Pelosi goes on TV and says people don’t want a new direction for the country.
But the only way to do that is to actually converse with people. In person.
https://theconcourse.deadspin.com/woman-furiously-shits-on-floor-of-tim-hortons-throws-i-1826082960
Proud.
My wife
I’m sure they’d let her use the bathroom if she had just bought something first…
https://gfycat.com/gifs/detail/MeagerWindingAnhinga
There’s no way that frog spinner can damage DUCK!, it’ll be a tough fight.
Cohen has appeared on a number of SAR forms filed with the Treasury Department, that’s a *kind* of accounting…
We live in Hell World, but one of its few gifts is a real life version of Lionel Hutz and that he’s a lawyer to the stars!
My precious Aunt F. was cremated today. The executors of her estate have no public celebration of her life planned for an individual that touched the lives of hundreds of people in our community. I went through the very same thing when my dad passed. I just don’t understand. I would be so proud to host a celebration of a life so well-lived. Fucking narcissists can’t stand it when it’s not about them.
Sorry about your aunt.
Aboit the other stuff, celebrate people in life! That’s what I* say.
* Per these folks:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=rCEwtJKtsVQ
That sucks. Condolences.
Some of the most disgusting things I’ve seen people do has been in response to others dying.
deffo brings out the best and worst in people
Almost always the worst.
In my experience, it strips off the veneer of the individuals involved and reveals them for what they really are. There doesn’t seem to be very many quality people in my orbit. I hope that isn’t the case with other people here.
DIY
On a non-asshole note, I also extend my condolences for your loss. I hope that you are able to do something, but at the least you always have the knowledge and memory of her being so important and special to you and so many others.
Sorry to hear it Scotchy, it’s been a rough year for everyone it seems.
I’ll raise a beer to your Aunt right now. Celebrate the shit out of her life however you want.
And now the comedy stylings of Anne Frank:
“Do you know why the German Wehrmacht girls are in the Netherlands? As mattresses for the soldiers.”
“A man comes home at night and notices that another man shared the bed with his wife that evening. He searches the whole house, and finally also looks in the bedroom closet. There is a totally naked man, and when that one man asked what the other was doing there, the man in the closet answered: ‘You can believe it or not but I am waiting for the tram.’ ”
“A man had a very ugly wife and he did not want a relationship with her. One evening, he came home and he saw his friend lying in bed with his wife and the man said: ‘He does and I have to!!!!’ ”
And finally my favorite one:
“A man and a woman had a relationship, and after a few months the woman’s belly was getting disturbingly big. Then, the man called a doctor who said: ‘It’s just air, Mrs., just air!!!” The man replied: ‘I am not pumping air, am I?’ ”
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/15/world/anne-frank-diary-pages-revealed-trnd/index.html
Jerry Richardson afraid that South Carolina will split up an institution for selfish, racist reasons? You’d think all those statues would have warned him about that…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKGJKF0t3Gs&ab_channel=BoBalderson
Feeling not great-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO5dcW0P75M
There’s more than this, right?
If you think this is bad, wait until you get to Yuggoth.
They have another song: “Two weeks of Vacation with no Money and too Burnt Out to Enjoy it Anyway”
I do believe that was a tune by The Moose Fathers.
Raises hand for “just waiting to die now”
Don’t you want to know that your kids are headed in a positive direction first? They’re still in high school aren’t they?
They ain’t (positive direction).
That’s your last challenge. After that you can lie down.
/no, I haven’t thought along your lines at all many times
//the kids have to do better than me-I won’t accept anything less
Sounds enticing. No children!