Your Maybe Jim Irsay’s A Brony” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The Bills are going to retire Thurman Thomas’ #34 jersey.
    • He joins Jim Kelly & Bruce Smith in that elite bracket.
    • To fully recall the Thurman Thomas experience, they’ll make sure to leave his helmet in the locker room.
  • David Tepper’s final bid price for the Panthers was $2.275 billion.
    • Not that all-cash up-front wasn’t a huge selling point, but one of the reasons the lower-priced Tepper bid was accepted is that one of the other bidders wanted to move the team to South Carolina.
      • Jerry Richardson was not having that as his legacy.
        • Just strained race & gender relations for him!
  • The full quote just says it all: “New Colts offensive coordinator Nick Sirianni is giving players written tests on the team’s offense during minicamp.”
    • As a reminder, Andrew Luck scored a 37 on the Wonderlic.
Question 1: How fucking ridiculous is this?
  • John Fox – new ESPN analyst.
    • See if you can spot the part of the announcement that made ESPN’s spokesman choke:
      • “John has led two different franchises to the Super Bowl and he has a great football acumen, just the kind of experience and perspective we were looking to add to our NFL studio coverage.”

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Jets at Golden Knights – 9:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Warriors at Rockets – 9:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Yankees at Nationals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
  • MLS:
    • Whitecaps FC vs. San Jose – 10:30PM | TSN

As of today, there are 21 days left in my school year, and then it’s beer selling season.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The new home exercise device is selling like hotcakes.

Senor Weaselo

That’s a goal right? Wait no, the Jets player wasn’t entirely in the net across the goal line.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

CBS is doing a Murphy Brown reboot? And a Magnum PI reboot? Uh, why?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because they suck eggs?

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Because you touch yourself

litre_cola

Just had to make the decision to put my best friend down. Fuck me.

Senor Weaselo

I’m sorry to hear it, Litre.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Oh no! Sorry man.

WCS

Shit. Truly sorry to see that.

Fronkenshteen

Dammit. Sorry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man, that is heartbreaking. So sorry.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh no, oxypug? Sorry dude.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

So sorry.

Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

Sorry to hear that. That is a hard thing to do. Truly sorry.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, I don’t think even the Warriors can erase this deficit.

Senor Weaselo

Not in 4 minutes at least.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Just rushed oxipug to the emergency vet. Fuck.

Fronkenshteen

Sending positive thoughts. Hang in there, man.

WCS

That sucks. Hoping for the best, bud.

King Hippo

I go to brush my teeth, miss the fight. Stupid hygiene.

nomonkeyfun

spot the part of the announcement that made ESPN’s spokesman choke:

Bobby Starr hasn’t repressed her gag reflex as much as one of those flacks.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

36000 ft above Laughlin NV this morning, looking up the Colorado River towards Hoover Dam and Lake Mead. This area is currently the center of the ice hockey universe.
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Senor Weaselo

Viva Laughlin!

Gratliff

Still maintain that Bowfinger was the last good movie by either Steve Martin or Eddie Murphy

King Hippo

you just don’t hear “spearchucker” very often in one’s daily life no more

/again, has never worked for Jerry Richardson

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I had forgotten how fucking idiotic Cubs Twitter is, but they’ve all lost their mind over this not-especially frustrating game.

King Hippo

when did I miss Bomber point?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Like 2 seconds before Knights point

King Hippo

but thanks FOAR update, been GAMBLOR worshipping

King Hippo

/no longer seems super relevant

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

KNIGHTS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That TNT show “Claws” seems like it would be better if all the parts were played by cats.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

That applies to every TV show.

King Hippo

good luck getting the cats to join teh union, though…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just by listening to Coke’s “sharing” ad I thought it was a PSA about herpes or something.

King Hippo

it can be two things

King Hippo

Every time I bet on the scum-sucking Cubs, they lose. I would try to raise funds to keep this tire fire burnin’ but the other DFO #BFIB seem to have abandoned me to teh wolves.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Yeah even I don’t bet on this team they make me mad enough as it is

King Hippo

just seems like you will start whipping everyone’s ass any instant, I want to at least be compensated for my agony

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Lord help me, I reactivated my Twitter.

ballsofsteelandfury

WHY?!?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I need the content, man.

King Hippo

do we not give u enough #content here smh?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I NEED MOAR AND IT NEEDS TO BE DUMMER

Gratliff

Ask and ye shall receive

Redshirt

I could defend Republican values. Choose Life. The Right to Bear Arms. The whole thing.

You want dumb; I can provide!

Senor Weaselo

Can I just have the bear claws instead of the whole arm? I still want opposable thumbs.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

In all seriousness, there a dozen or so people I really like who I follow and I’m interested in how they’re doing. I’ll probably shut it down in a week or so when it’s driving me mad again.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Lord isn’t on Twitter.

LemonJello
LemonJello

On purpose?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

WIFE: Oh darn I have a loose thread on my sweater.
ME: (waiting for the right time to tell her I bought a sword) Allow me m’ lady.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I haven’t seen a group of jets flying around, yet accomplishing so little, since the skies over Iraq in the early nineties.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have to say, California is freaking awesome.

I mean where else can an old fart like meself have a big bag of legal weed literally within arm’s reach, and the hot naked 27 yr old chick who sold it to him asleep in his bed?

CALIFORNIA!!!!! WHAT A COUNTRY!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Report on the sister front though?

theeWeeBabySeamus

She has an older sister. Married. She does have a gay brother about your age tho. He is pretty cute to be honest.

I’m not helping, am I? But then again, did you really expect me to?

Senor Weaselo

He’s not my type, but I’ll give you points for effort.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But, but….you haven’t even met him yet.

Oh yeah…never mind.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I’m doing training today and one of the kids that I recently got finished training calls me up. So I walk out of the room to take the call.

Shit for brains is working at a site with a bunch of our other people, basically the kid is just supposed to be shadowing senior engineers while they work. Well moron calls me up because the site warned him they do piss tesst (standard at fucking industrial sites) and he was wondering if he failed, would he be in trouble.

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you be?”

“Its legal here”

“So is fucking booze and if you are on a site intoxicated, we will shit can you”

“Whoa really? I thought I would just get in trouble”

“YES TROUBLE! TROUBLE AS IN WE WILL FIRE YOU! Kid…if you are going to piss hot, you need to get out of there, come back, and fucking get your priorities straight. If you remain on the site, you will get caught. Its not safe for you to be working.”

“Man…JSD…you used to be cool”

“Fuck it…I’m just reporting you to management” and I hung up.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I could do this kid’s job and the last science class I took was Astronomy in 2002.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate you so fucking much.

theeWeeBabySeamus

FWIW, I don’t blame you a bit. I’d hate me too.

This shit is even freaking me out, dude. Still can’t figure out why this lovely lady wants to hang out with me.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh shut up and enjoy her company!

Senor Weaselo

And maybe don’t show her Goddess. Or this site in general. Not for a while at least.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have you ever seen the beginning of the movie True Romance?

Ha ha, no, just kidding. None of us would spend that kind of money on you!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

When you get home, we’re going to have a long conversation because I am too old to not know shit about fuck when it comes to women.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

As he sinks into a molten Hell pit, the heat will finally free John McCain to lift his arm up to give us all all one last thumbs up, which quickly becomes the bird, reminding us that even in death he was a son of a bitch who lived to see others die and suffer.

litre_cola

Know how you score goals? YOU FUCKING TAKE SHOTS. NOW SHOOT ON THIS PP.

King Hippo

Bombers politely disagree, eh?

litre_cola

Hit the net is now trending in Manitoba.

blaxabbath

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening, degenerates

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nazis hate us.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m comfortable being on the other side there.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hope we all are.

King Hippo

God help me, I bet on the fucking Cubs to win tonight. But +160 only down 1 with a man on 2nd? I’m not made of stone ppl

herodotus450
herodotus450

Sure, Nevada doesn’t have state income tax but ppl forget about their whore tax.

King Hippo

I hate that I work in a customer-based industry, where I can’t respond to passive-aggressive nagging with “you’ll get it when I’m good and goddamned ready to send it to ya.”

WCS

So, you’re saying they haven’t got that thing you sent?

King Hippo

And unfortunately with it being the electronic age, I can’t rub mah purple Hippo balls on it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is Litre out on the ledge yet?

litre_cola

What a fucking bullshit start. These fucks are skating like they were in sand. Having Ehlers out changes two lines and slows the team down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooo, that’s a….yes?

litre_cola

Havent slept more than 3 hours a night the last 3 nights due to offspring. I AM A LITTLE ON EDGE! to answer your question, I may go play in traffic.

WCS

Looked like the peyote James Neal took before warm-ups just kicked in.

LemonJello
LemonJello

He looked like Trent Green’s life flashed before his eyes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What up, ppl?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/looks down

Nothing

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Damn…its like the Jets are like that drunk on the strip that makes the mistake of grabbing the ass of a cocktail waitress…

Gratliff

These Jets, I call them Flight 93, but I can’t finish this joke without spiraling into a very dark place

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nor can they finish the game any other way.

Gratliff

Less of a spiral and more of a, oh god, my soul

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A very dark place…like the back seat of a Volkswagen?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Vegas not fucking around tonight, it appears.

litre_cola

This could make for an early bed time for me if it gets ugly. I am trying to look at a positive of this shit start.

Spur
Spur

shit start, its only 6pm. Best Coast life

litre_cola

Jets had a shit start. I am sleepy and could sleep now but my shitty hometown needs me yelling into the dogbed my support from the living room.

/baby is sleeping you see.

WCS

That must’ve been what going to Ren Faire with Hunter Thompson was like.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

HST was a treasure. I’ve seen this reposted following Tom Wolfe’s death, and it’s beautiful.

March 3, 1971
Woody Creek, CO

Dear Tom…

You worthless scumsucking bastard. I just got your letter of Feb 25 from Le Grande Hotel in Roma, you swine! Here you are running around fucking Italy in that filthy white suit at a thousand bucks a day laying all kinds of stone gibberish & honky bullshit on those poor wops who can’t tell the difference . . . while I’m out here in the middle of these goddamn frozen mountains in a death-battle with the taxman & nursing cheap wine while my dogs go hungry & my cars explode and a legion of nazi layers makes my life a goddamn Wobbly nightmare…

You decadent pig. Where the fuck do you get the nerve to go around telling those wops that I’m crazy? You worthless cocksucker. My Italian tour is already arranged for next spring & I’m going to do the whole goddamn trip wearing a bright red field marshal’s uniform & accompanied by six speed-freak bodyguards bristling with Mace bombs & when I start talking about American writers & the name Tom Wolfe comes up, by god, you’re going to wish you were born a fucking iguana!!

OK for that, you thieving pile of albino warts. You better settle your goddamn affairs because your deal is about to go down. “Unprofessorial,” indeed! You scurvy wop! I’ll have your goddamn femurs ground into bone splinters if you ever mention my name again in connection with that horrible “new journalism” shuck you’re promoting.

Ah, this greed, this malignancy! Where will it end? What filthy weight in your soul has made you sink so low? Doctor Bloor was wright! Hyenas are taking over the world! Oh Jesus!!! What else can I say? Except to warn you, once again, that the hammer of justice looms, and that your filthy white suit will become a flaming shroud!

Sincerely,
Hunter

King Hippo

I read a book of HST correspondence once. It did NOT disappoint.

Gratliff

So I guess my question here is when the Knights inevitably sweep the snake-bitten Caps for the Stanley Cup, how fucking hateable will every “lifelong Golden Knights fan” be?

King Hippo

I fucking hate babies too ,, smh

Gratliff

Also, that Knight vs. Jet light show is hte best thing that’s ever happened in hockey. I’m sorry. It’s true.

Senor Weaselo

Two-word rebuttal: Snoop Dogg. Alternately, three-word rebuttal: Chance the Rapper.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, it’s true. Pretty awesome.

litre_cola

I didn’t think I had it in me to hate the Knights but after watching that bag of flaming shit I hope the Jets throttle the fuck out of them.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Mmm. Love that hate.

LemonJello
LemonJello

So, Medieval Times On Ice opens the ice fitbaw now?

King Hippo

the owner is a first class weirdo

Senor Weaselo

I was wondering how they’d have a knight fighting a jet. That’s like bringing a sword to an aerial dogfight.

King Hippo

I guess in retrospect, we are lucky we didn’t have Mistuh Richardson re-enact a “Happy Plantation” or do a minstrel show pre-game…

LemonJello
LemonJello

Song of the South Pre-Game Auction?

King Hippo

Instead of Sir Purr, Uncle Remus!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It’s great that these party organizations are called out on being nothing more than means to redistribute money to worthless consultants and their answer is just shrug and keep doing it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I am forcing myself to stop shitposting about it on Facebook. I knew Ben Ray Lujan (the chair of the DCCC) and have been shitting on him and the DCCC for months because I have FB friends who know him, work with him. I used to be FB friends with him on my original account before I moved and he became a congresssman. Frankly I never liked him anyway because he’s a poster boy for nepotism, but for my own sanity and for want of not continuing to be a totally insufferable and cynical asshole I have to stop because it’s useless at best and makes me a shithead to friends and acquaintances and people I’m ostensibly trying to work with at the worst.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’ve held to the prediction the Dems will fall just short of retaking the House and will lose ground in the Senate despite winning Nevada and Arizona and it’s looking like an even better bet since Trump’s approval is ticking up the general ballot has the Democrats short of the threshold they need for a majority.

But hey, there’s no shortage of super smart Democrats who will explain to me that I don’t understand politics.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This tweet storm summarizes why I think it’s totally possible that Dems can’t break through to take back either/both houses. The bottom line is that you can’t break through the Fox News bullshit bubble ensconcing way too much of the country.

https://twitter.com/drvox/status/996510800813539328?s=19

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It’s not the Fox News bubble that’s the problem because those people never did or haven’t in a long time voted Democrat.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bullshit. There are plenty of people in the country that are being spoon-fed straight lies about both this President and Democrats. It is not unreasonable to think some of the folks might vote differently if they weren’t under the impression that the sky is red.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I don’t think most of the voters who either didn’t vote (the ones worth pursuing) or flipped after voting for Obama are extreme Fox News consumers.

The Democrats do themselves no favors when Pelosi goes on TV and says people don’t want a new direction for the country.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

But the only way to do that is to actually converse with people. In person.

litre_cola
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

My wife

LemonJello
LemonJello

I’m sure they’d let her use the bathroom if she had just bought something first…

rockingdog
rockingdog
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

There’s no way that frog spinner can damage DUCK!, it’ll be a tough fight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh said the firm paid Cohen’s company for legal advice related to U.S. accounting procedures, including bookkeeping rules required under government contracts.

Cohen has appeared on a number of SAR forms filed with the Treasury Department, that’s a *kind* of accounting…

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

We live in Hell World, but one of its few gifts is a real life version of Lionel Hutz and that he’s a lawyer to the stars!

scotchnaut

My precious Aunt F. was cremated today. The executors of her estate have no public celebration of her life planned for an individual that touched the lives of hundreds of people in our community. I went through the very same thing when my dad passed. I just don’t understand. I would be so proud to host a celebration of a life so well-lived. Fucking narcissists can’t stand it when it’s not about them.

Don T

Sorry about your aunt.
Aboit the other stuff, celebrate people in life! That’s what I* say.

* Per these folks:

WCS

That sucks. Condolences.

blaxabbath

Some of the most disgusting things I’ve seen people do has been in response to others dying.

King Hippo

deffo brings out the best and worst in people

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Almost always the worst.

scotchnaut

In my experience, it strips off the veneer of the individuals involved and reveals them for what they really are. There doesn’t seem to be very many quality people in my orbit. I hope that isn’t the case with other people here.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

DIY

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

On a non-asshole note, I also extend my condolences for your loss. I hope that you are able to do something, but at the least you always have the knowledge and memory of her being so important and special to you and so many others.

Senor Weaselo

Sorry to hear it Scotchy, it’s been a rough year for everyone it seems.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll raise a beer to your Aunt right now. Celebrate the shit out of her life however you want.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

And now the comedy stylings of Anne Frank:

“Do you know why the German Wehrmacht girls are in the Netherlands? As mattresses for the soldiers.”

“A man comes home at night and notices that another man shared the bed with his wife that evening. He searches the whole house, and finally also looks in the bedroom closet. There is a totally naked man, and when that one man asked what the other was doing there, the man in the closet answered: ‘You can believe it or not but I am waiting for the tram.’ ”

“A man had a very ugly wife and he did not want a relationship with her. One evening, he came home and he saw his friend lying in bed with his wife and the man said: ‘He does and I have to!!!!’ ”

And finally my favorite one:

“A man and a woman had a relationship, and after a few months the woman’s belly was getting disturbingly big. Then, the man called a doctor who said: ‘It’s just air, Mrs., just air!!!” The man replied: ‘I am not pumping air, am I?’ ”

https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/15/world/anne-frank-diary-pages-revealed-trnd/index.html

herodotus450
herodotus450

Jerry Richardson afraid that South Carolina will split up an institution for selfish, racist reasons? You’d think all those statues would have warned him about that…

WCS

scotchnaut

Feeling not great-

scotchnaut

There’s more than this, right?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

If you think this is bad, wait until you get to Yuggoth.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They have another song: “Two weeks of Vacation with no Money and too Burnt Out to Enjoy it Anyway”

scotchnaut

I do believe that was a tune by The Moose Fathers.

King Hippo

Raises hand for “just waiting to die now”

scotchnaut

Don’t you want to know that your kids are headed in a positive direction first? They’re still in high school aren’t they?

King Hippo

They ain’t (positive direction).

scotchnaut

That’s your last challenge. After that you can lie down.

/no, I haven’t thought along your lines at all many times
//the kids have to do better than me-I won’t accept anything less

Don T

Sounds enticing. No children!