Have you ever gone to your favourite bar and there’s a “Takeover” by a brewery where they offer special beers that are very rare or hard to find?
That’s a pretty cool thing isn’t it?
Yeah, this post is nothing like that. You will get a glimpse into the mind of Balls, which is a scary enough proposition. To make matters worse, I’ll be doing this while sober.
I know.
My aim is to take you on a journey from which you’ll return like this:
Let’s begin.
Has anyone seen the Bob’s Burgers Porn Parody? Before, Linda’s accent annoyed me, but once I saw Tabitha Stevens portray her in the parody, all of a sudden it’s not annoying anymore. Kinda sexy now, actually.
I must say that Anthony Rosano as Bob kept me giggling when I wasn’t cumming. Man, I should write reviews for AVN, shouldn’t I?
Btw, did you know there is a company called Cumming?
And that Alan Cumming
not only hosts Masterpiece Theatre on PBS but was in Goldeneye with Famke Janssen and OHMYGODIWANTTODIEINHERTHIGHS!
Although I have to say my favourite scene in the James Bond movies is when he’s on the floor with the wife of the guy he beats in poker in Bermuda and he just leaves her there on the floor panting and hungry for his…
caviar and champagne. Great scene.
Speaking of great Bond film scenes, the Macau casino scene was beautifully shot and lit. The colors are amazing
and Séverine was just flat out gorgeous
Yes, I did buy that shade of lipstick and nail colour for a lady friend. But I digress. The colour was also fabulous in Atomic Blonde
I mean, seriously folks, if you’re not putting effort into setting the mood when you get sexy with your partner, you’re missing out.
As you should.
It’s the little things that make a big difference. Like the little man in the boat.
I mean, I don’t comprehend how someone doesn’t want to eat pussy
and ass
amirite?
Oh, never mind. You can lead a horse to water… hey speaking of!
Man, I miss the Benny Hill Show!
And Porcel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz9gF0_srak
Está destruido?
Todavía no pero dame unos minutos y….
tWBS: DUDE!!!!!!!
Balls: Oh shit. What are you doing here?
tWBS: I figured I better check in. Good thing I did. I asked you to sub in for me this week. But holy shit, dude!?!?!?!!?
Balls: What????? I was just simply saying how….
tWBS: You’re doing it wrong!!!!!!!! Holy shit. OK, just watch and learn…..
Balls: Is that????
tWBS: You’re goddamned right it is!!!!!! And as you can see, from this position, there is easy access to both doors. Just look how happy she is. And you want her to cook you breakfast? Give her one of these then….
tWBS: I guarantee you that the omelette will be at least four eggs, and she’ll probably blow you while you’re eating it. Because as you said earlier…. If you put in the effort, the payoff is there.
Balls: OK, that egg gif is kinda creepy to be honest.
tWBS: Yeah it really kinda is. Here, let’s get back to what matters then.
Balls: Niiiiiice. But I have a bone to pick with you.
tWBS: Hehehehe….you said “bone”.
Balls: OK numbnuts, I’m serious. You said I was doing it wrong. I firmly disagree.
tWBS: Firmly, huh?
Balls: You know what I mean.
tWBS: OK, fine. You got me there. There is no wrong way to do it. Other than just not doing it…
tWBS: … because trust me, all the girls love Colonel Angus. Once they get a taste of him….they’ll settle for nothing less.
Balls: Wow, you really went there.
tWBS: You sound surprised.
Balls: No. Not really.
tWBS: And for the beginners out there? The late great Sam Kinison was not wrong. It’s a good starting point for those who aren’t terribly experienced. Capital “T” is your friend…
tWBS: … But trust me either way. You make her cum at least twice before she even sees your dick…? You put forth that effort…? Well, let’s just say you’ll be remembered.
Balls: Agreed. When her back arches, when that neck extends back….? When she bites her lip….? That’s when you know.
tWBS: Damned straight, my friend. And if you’ve ever successfully licked a pussy right off the bed? And then still kept going in spite of the minor trauma of you both hitting the floor?
Balls: Niiiiiice.
***
Balls: So what should we do now?
tWBS: Hell if I know. We gotta end this somehow though, huh?
Balls: How about a countdown? Top Ten Taints.
tWBS: I’m listening.
Balls: Our own personal fantasy Top Ten Taints we’d like to taste if….well, ya know.
tWBS: Works for me. I’ll even start….
#10 – Miranda Kerr
Nominated by – tWBS
Balls: Wow, you didn’t have to think too long on that one.
tWBS: It’s not my first time wishing I could get a taste of that, you know?
Balls: You might have to become a Collingwood fan.
tWBS: Geelong is my history, but to get a lick of her….? Worth it.
***
#9 – Elle MacPherson
Nominated by – Balls
tWBS: Sticking with the Aussie theme, huh? But yes, she is pretty amazing. Nice pick.
Balls: To be clear, I’m talking about “present day Elle”. She’s one of the few celebs who has managed to get hotter as she’s aged, and hasn’t been tempted to screw herself up surgically. Plus, I guarantee she tastes good.
tWBS: Acknowledged.
***
#8 – Eiza Gonzales
Nominated by – tWBS
Balls: Nice.
tWBS: Right?
***
#7 – Camila Mendes
Nominated by – Balls
tWBS: Well, well, well. Lookit you with the early round steal. Nicely done.
Balls: Snooze you lose. Also, obligatory:
Moose knows why.
tWBS: Fair enough. I really need to start watching that show.
***
#6 – Mary J. Blige
Nominated by – tWBS
Balls: Interesting pick.
tWBS: I’m nothing if not interesting.
***
#5 – Alicia Silverstone
Nominated by – Balls
tWBS: Whoa. Very nice.
Balls: Again, to be clear, I’m talking “present day Alicia”.
tWBS: OK, ok. But just to be fair….
Balls: You do realize she was only like 16 when that was filmed. Right?
tWBS: Ummmm….I guess I do now!!!!!
Balls: MOVING ON!!!!!!!
***
#4 – Naomi Watts
Nominated by – tWBS
Balls: Nice.
tWBS: I think she’d taste great. And I’m also a little curious to hear the noises she’d make while….well….ya know.
***
#3 – Rachel Bilson
Nominated by – Balls
tWBS: You sonofabitch!!!!!!
Balls: Hehehehehehe.
tWBS: Good pick.
Balls: Inorite?
tWBS: Fine. Well….take this…..
***
#2 – Margot Robbie
Nominated by – tWBS
tWBS: Shit. Why is she laughing?
Balls: You even have to ask?
tWBS: Shut up. Last pick is yours. Try not to fuck it up.
***
#1 – Emmanuelle Chriqui
Nominated by – Balls
tWBS: Wow. Not what I was expecting, but that is a high value pick. Color me impressed.
Balls: 
tWBS: Yeah, yeah, I get it. But we left a lot out. We’re gonna have to do this again…sooner rather than later.
Balls: It’s cute how you think we’re not gonna get blackballed for this.
tWBS: Nah. We’re like the devils on everyone’s shoulders. They need us. We’ll be fine. Probably.
Balls: Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. We’ll be fine. But just in case, let’s get one more in….
tWBS: 
Balls: 
Balls and tWBS (in unison): Have a great weekend folks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy468aoZADo
–
I don’t even think she is a real detective.
Go go gadget belt!
Stupid Sexy SQUIRREL.
.
I will never get tired of that monkey picture.
theonion:
L’Oreal Suspends Production Of Irresistible 2-Step Lip Color Stick After Lab Rat Seduces Way Out Of Facility
NEW YORK—Warning that the sultry, long-lasting product had been instrumental in the company’s biggest security breach to date, L’Oreal has halted testing of their Irresistible 2-Step Lip Color Stick Friday after a lab rat wearing the compelling cosmetic seduced its way out of their facility. “At approximately 8 p.m. last night, a rodent wearing a testing formulation of L’Oreal’s 19-1664 ‘rosewine’ lip shade successfully beckoned to an unsuspecting guard and distracted him with its perfect, pouty mouth, bewitching him long enough to reach his keyring, unlock its cage, and escape,” said L’Oreal CEO Jean Paul Agon, who emphasized that production of the color stick would be halted until an internal investigation could determine how the rat was able to not only stun over a dozen officers with its craveable come-hither look, but also leave the head of surveillance blindfolded and tied to a chair with his boxers around his ankles. “Until we find out exactly how test subject number 445 ended up with lips so luscious that every member of our security team was powerless to resist them, it would be egregiously irresponsible to release this product to the public. You must understand: No matter how fast it scampered, no matter how many guards it kissed, this rat had a perfect pucker that was impossible resist. We will not allow a lip color this sultry, this durable, this dangerous, to be sold. Because it’s not worth it.” At press time, Agon had warned residents who lived around the L’Oreal facility to take extra precautions while out at night, as the rat’s no-smear lip color stays flawless for up to 12 hours
My biggest fear in life is that the president might stumble onto the notion of the International Date Line, that China is literally ahead of us, they are in the future and we’re stuck back here yesterday in the past.
“What do you do as a photographer’s assistant?”
Ripley and Hicks watch from the park bench.
That drag queen on the right did a great job with her Sandra Bullock makeup.
I should just ignore the bullshit [edit]
NCAA Baseball is stupid.
Imma go pout for a while now.
I’ll have the Bowl of Puppies.
“Bowl of Puppies” is adorable but “Basket of Pussy” has it’s charms.
Amshelek!
pussy selfie agrees.
Oh, I’m going to go cycling for the first time in my life. If I don’t survive, someone’s gonna have to become a Bengals fan to cover for me.
Slow down there bucko, it’s not like you’re going riding in the bed of a truck, you’ll be fine.
I’m 25 pounds overweight and I have the core strength and stamina of a non-cursed mummy.
So many days off in both sports finals. In my day it was every other night!
/fastens onion to belt
/walks on to lawn
/shakes fist at clouds
This is going to end with Trump giving them Alaska, Hawaii and another state to be named later. Mark my words.
Please be Texas, please be Texas, please be Texas…
Just got done putting the ACs in three of the bedrooms, as today is the first “too humid to sleep” night here in CT. Turned on the TV in time to see Betances doing Betances things, but Schoop may have done him a HUGE favor.
You can learn a lot from your big sister.
Okay, I know this is coming out of nowhere, but…has anyone seen Jim Caldwell lately?
He will resurface in that new league that starts next year. Book it.
My vision is primarily movement based, so no.
He’s still standing in the corner as always
Did you check your lamp?
Btw totally agree that if you reject giving oral, you’re a bad person. Get in there and give it the old college try. If not, some of us love it and are quite good at it.
If you can’t turn yourself into a glazed doughnut twice a day you are worthless.
Yep I loved getting down there since my teens. It is very appreciated and DJ Khaled is a fuckwit.
Too bad LeBron James has self-control. Any other person and we would’ve found out if a player can get a Personal Foul against their own teammate.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/celtics/2018/06/01/the-internet-having-some-fun-with-lebron-james-reaction-smith-blunder/zsL5bWliU9U4IHsqyZSgJM/story.html
Inside JR Smith’s brain while dribbling it out:
Work went well this week.
Holy shit. There’s a joke here I REALLY want to make. But I won’t.
Just know that I am LMFAO’ing right now.
Well now you gotta tell the joke.
I would if I could.
Photo is still cracking me up, fwiw.
She was even hot with a bad middle eastern accent
*hotter
I’m just gonna leave this here. Gentlemen, you both surprise and disappoint me:
And unfortunately no, I do not have access to that cheaply made ms paint job I did from last year. I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to pull off the data from the old lap too, but still
Disappointed because Balls didn’t send you a picture of Jennifer Connelly’s vulva?
Yeah, me too. Jerk never sent it.
I have a picture of a Jennifer Connelly’s vagina…
If I recall correctly, you get a pretty good look at her nether region in that one movie where she’s naked on the beach.
The exact film title escapes me
The Hot Spot
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099797/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_42
The debate was is if it was a body double when she turned around. However, you see her perfect front in it’s glory topless. Bad part is Don Johnson is in it.
Just do what I did with my VHS copy of “Under Siege”. Brave up and power on through.
I just legtimatley expected a throw back joke. Obviously I’m in the wrong, but still, would have been fucking hilarious.
Cant i just play someone to take the old laptops I have apart and put it all on 1 external? My current laptop has no storage.
It is pretty damn nice:
This was a grievous oversight and you are absolutely correct.
I want to get irresponsibly drunk but it’s just hot enough to make me doublethink that.
I want to get irresponsibly drunk at my 10-year reunion either today or tomorrow but I have to work Saturday and Sunday. I still owe myself one session of getting irresponsibly drunk from my de facto ex getting engaged, and that was in January! The Weaselo Grind sucks sometimes.
I guess I’ll get twice as drunk for the both of us, you’re welcome.
At some point I’ll make it up to me. Might take a while but I’ll remember.