Your “I Can’t Even Dress This Pig Up Nice” Wednes…oops…Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

It is a dark & barren wasteland this evening, my friends.

NFL News:

  • Brightening up his suspension is the fact that Jameis Winston & his fiance have had a baby.
    • Antonor Malachi Winston was born five days early.
      • Antonor is after Winston’s father.
      • Malachi is after the family’s favourite book of the Bible.
        • It means “My Messenger”.
  • In what appears to be a dangerous endgame, Gareon Conley is suing the woman who accused him of rape prior to the 2017 Draft.
    • He was never charged, but she has filed a civil suit against him.
    • He’s claiming damages on the basis the accusations cost him draft position and endorsement deals.
  • Actual good thing: Leonard Fournette picked up the tab for a student short on tuition at LSU.
    • The student, Jhane Lowsoo, told the Sporting News she needed $10,000 to cover her fifth year at LSU. She was working two jobs to cover her tuition but a financial aid program in Louisiana stopped covering the balance.
  • It makes sense now that I read it: Falcons rookie RB Ito Smith is named for Judge Lance Ito from the OJ trial.
    • His legal name is Romarius, but picked up the sobriquet when his cousin said he looked “like the judge on TV”
    • He’ll need OJ’s help to crack a backfield that has Devonta Smith & Tevin Coleman.


Tonight’s sports & entertainment:

  • CFL:
    • Tiger-Cats vs. Roughriders – 9:00PM | TSN
  • MLB:
    • Rangers at Tigers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Angels at Mariners – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • WNBA:
    • LA Sparks at Minnesota Lynx – 8:00PM | ESPN2
  • WSOP:
    • 2018 Main Event: Day 2 coverage – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • FLIX: Carlito’s Way – 8:00PM
  • TNT: Captain America: Civil War – 8:00PM
  • ABC: Take Two – 10:00PM
    • Hey, it got Rachel Bilson back on TV, plus the wife/girlfriend might like it for the Cibrian factor.

SUCH ANGULAR JAWLINES!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

So… who’s less competent and more corrupt, so they can head the EPA? Russ Cargill?

/Yes I made a Simpsons movie joke!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ito Smith is my new favorite non-Bear in the NFL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I hope the corgi’s name is Shane.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT is a deep cut, folks.

SonOfSpam

The thing stoma fetishists wanna hear most of all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Too deep.

-EMO Nellie

theeWeeBabySeamus

something something Nicole Brown Simpson something something

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

-Elon Musk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Hey, when abortion is outlawed, gotta do whatcha gotta do.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was gonna go with “Do it yourself enema”…. but yours is more topical.

Bravo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Why not both? Enough lake for both holes!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Looks like Washington.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Lieutenant DAMN LOOKIT THOSE BEWBS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lt. Dan!!!! You’ve got 3 legs.

SonOfSpam

DO YOU HAVE THE POISON VAGINA LIKE JENNAY?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s in forensics; they all have foot fetishes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Tryin to pull-start that thong.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That thong hath a good beat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I may have just become moar interested in professional wrestling.

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DAMMIT ALEXA, I WARNED YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU IGNORED YOUR HOME RESPONSIBILITIES!!!

I mean look at the floor, you haven’t vacuumed in over a week!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

See, now that’s how you clean a damned floor!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I can’t compete with that ring rope.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Pushing rope.”

SonOfSpam

It just ended a few weeks ago, but I miss Archer already.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough that what my ex-girlfriend said…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Does anyone else here watch UnReal?

Cause, uh, my wife does. Not me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

-Blair Walsh

SonOfSpam

The hurdle has a base on one side for a reas-

Never mind. You’re doin just fine Wendy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tonight’s cocktail is gin and some lemon-elderflower soda from Trader Joe’s. It’s basically a gin and tonic with St. Germain. It’s nice.

SonOfSpam

Good lord, that’s a white post. And I’m practically Powder.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, when a guy who lives in Orange County tells you you sound super white…

SonOfSpam

I mean, I’m so white (HOW WHITE ARE YOU?) that when I get invited to a BBQ I bring a tuna casserole.

SonOfSpam

I’m so white, when the waiter asks what kind of salsa I want with my chips, I answer “ketchup.”

litre_cola

This one is excellent.

SonOfSpam

Tellin ya, I’m really white. My high school teacher gave me a C-plus on an essay, and I went and shot up the cafeteria!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Damn! SNAP!

blaxabbath

That’s our Son!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m so white that my high school tennis team almost got into a brawl with a rival tennis team from a town named Glastonbury.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m so white I got into a rap beef with Eminem.

SonOfSpam

And your rhyme started “My name is Rikki and I’m here to say…”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I watch CBS.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m so white I believe minorities get treated fairly in the criminal jus…….

Damn I can’t even get that one out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m so white that I live in Connecticut but am terrified I will lose my job to an illegal immigrant.

SonOfSpam

All those Guatemalans crossing the Rhode Island border…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I watch British detective shows.

SonOfSpam

If I was any more white, my Buick would have truck nutz.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“NCIS is a good show.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m so white that Kevin McHale invited me to a political fundraiser at his house.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[inhales SonOfSpam]

– Michael Irvin

SonOfSpam

“Aw, man…”

– Aaron R., not getting the reference

SonOfSpam

Any hoc-key fans on tonite? If Karlsson goes to the Lightning, I guess they’re great instead of good. But does anyone in the Tampa area give a shit? (Asking honestly…have no idea about their fan base, other than Gary Sheffield’s difficult upbringing.)

litre_cola

I need some JFF, someone hurt Massoli!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HIS NAME IS YUKON JOHNNY!

litre_cola

That liquor is just awful

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As is Johnny Manziel.

litre_cola

It is 10-9 in a CFL game yet I am watching. I am a junkie, just strap it to my veins.

Shogun Marcus

ABC’s Take Two? I remember that show! It was called Castle! Oh and before that Moonlighting!
ABC: If it ain’t broke, remake it!
But what about rebooSILENCE! That NEVER happened. Watch The Conners!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

No mention of Silk Stockings? smgdh

Shogun Marcus

That was abc?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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CBS and USA Network

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Aaaaand yard goes Goodrum.
Mmmmm, rum.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

So this moronic film ends where people are celebrating the random folks on the space station surviving the space station exploding. Its like two people got saved.

Meanwhile countless millions were killed in the lead up to the final scenes.

Redshirt

But…they’re safe! They survived the explosion!

Redshirt

Dirt Bengals are just like the Bengals. They started historically bad, but they’re on a tear that everyone’s confused. Now we don’t know if they’re a young team putting it together or if the Sports Gods are f*cking with Cincinnati fans like usual.

SonOfSpam

It’s possible the Reds are finally finished paying karmically for Marge Schott.

litre_cola

As I child I thought that she was a nice lady because of her dogs. Then I got older and learned more. Poor dogs having to share space with her.

King Hippo

Mathematical odds being what they is, good chance them dogs was racialist too.

SonOfSpam

And the Dirt Dolphins just blew a 9-0 lead to the Dirt R*dsk*ns. YEAH JEETS.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

In their defense, the game’s not over yet.

SonOfSpam

True. More time to fall down further (now 14-9).

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wow, those player meetings really work.

SonOfSpam

And Trea Turner has 8 RBI for the Dirtskins. He’s the leadoff hitter.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And more importantly, an NC State Alum.

/gets pummeled unmerciful

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

So this stupid geostorm thing is causing Dubai to get washed away with a tidal wave. Now I am all for that but it shows people on the beach running from the wave….

You can’t swim on the beaches in Dubai. For one thing…despite its advertising campaign, Dubai has Sharia Law. So you don’t see women in bikinis unless its in a hotel pool area. Secondly, no one swims on the beaches. For one thing, its ungodly hot, not just the air, but also the water. Thirdly, most of the sewage of the city gets dumped right into the water, untreated.

Unless you want hepatitis, you don’t swim in the ocean there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So more or less, they’re running from a wave of shit?

Yeah, been there.

Redshirt

Watching Civil War and I noticed a big flaw in the “Avengers are to blame for collateral damage” argument.

I’m using the four examples they gave.

Battle of New York (Avengers): They didn’t start the fight; SHIELD did. If they didn’t get involved, Loki’s army would’ve won and Thanos would have two Infinity Stones.

Battle of Washington DC (Winter Soldier): They didn’t start the fight; SHIELD/HYDRA did. If they didn’t get involved, HYDRA would’ve won and 7 million people would’ve died.

Battle of Sakovia (Age of Ultron): They did start this fight, Stark and Banner. if they didn’t try to clean up their mess, every human would’ve died.

Also, if they didn’t create Ultron, Vision would still be JARVIS, and Thanos would’ve lost because they would’ve had no reason not to destroy the Mind Stone when they realized Thanos’ evil plan leaving him one stone short. And that other thing at the end of Infinity War wouldn’t have happened. Boy, they really screwed that one up.

Battle of Nigeria (Civil War): (My favorite) They started the fight, but that’s to stop a biological weapon from getting into the hands of terrorist. If they didn’t get involved, the biological weapon would’ve most likely killed people. Also, Scarlet Witch failing to contain a suicide bomb explosion. If she did nothing, people would’ve died, including Captain America.

I can make the same arguments for all three Iron Mans and the first Captain America.

My point in this rant is, no one brought up the whole, if they didn’t get involved, the world would’ve either been conquered, enslaved, or turned into a lifeless wasteland.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I think I stopped watching superhero movies after Deadpool.

I don’t get why the made a movie based on the Civil War comic story line because good lord it was fucking retarded in the comics…I can’t imagine its any better on film.

Redshirt

Its worth checking out. Its a condensed version of Civil War, but it more plausible. Also the Airport Fight Scene is a geek out moment and its great. Spider-Man stole the show and he was only in there for maybe 8 minutes.

Also, if you haven’t seen Infinity War, go and see it. Now!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The most recent Spiderman movie is enjoyable. The stakes are nice and low compared to the apocalyptic nightmares that are happening in every other hero movie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, back to The Americans . Finally found the time to binge the last season.
4 episodes to go and this shit is getting good.

Dammit Stan, wtf kind of Thanksgiving toast is that? No wonder every other country hates us.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I definitely didn’t see THOSE fireworks last night.

Ooooooh!!! Aaahhhh!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Japan finally got around to executing Aum Shinrikyo.

You think death row in the US is bad…read up on the Japanese legal system. Its fucking brutal.

Horatio Cornblower

Why the delay? did he hide in the jungle for 30 years, thinking his trial was still going on?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

They usually take this long.

But its brutal for those on death row. There is no contact with the outside world. You just sit in a tiny room. They don’t even tell you the date. Just one day they open the door and hang you. Then about a week later, they tell your family and the press its done.

Senor Weaselo

Is seppuku not an option? Actually probably not, why would you give a prisoner a blade?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Himmmm Geostorm is on cable. Should I? It can’t be that bad…

theeWeeBabySeamus

What channel?

Hey, I made it thru Day After Tomorrow …. how much worse could this be?

Then again, that did have Emmy Rossum in it. She’s neat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

See? A hot chick who will stick caramel corn up her nose to make you laugh is very difficult to find….
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herodotus450
herodotus450

[unzips]
Oh, caramel corn
[rezips]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Where is the free toy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s that buzzing sound?

Redshirt

Ugh, Day After Tomorrow couldn’t have happened for multiple reasons. If you can survive that, you can survive anything.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I’m getting Cinemax for free for a couple of days on sling. So I found it there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wasn’t Malachi the name of the really most fucked uppest kid in Children of the Corn?

/calls Stephen King to confirm
//is told the restraining order is still in force

But yeah it was!!!! Seems about right for a Jameis spawn.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

It was. For that reason it’s a name any rational person would avoid.

So you’re also right that it’s a perfect name for Jameis McGropyhands to stick his kid with.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Scott Pruitt did retire thouhg

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

This just in: Dirt Lions not good at DirtBall.

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s the battle of Gallo vs. Goodrum

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Yup. My TV was muted and I still heard that homer Gallo lazered into the right field mazzanine.

scotchnaut

Cottage cheese and cracked blacked pepper? So simple. So good.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Wait….isn’t it Thursday?

scotchnaut

“Hush, hush.”

-Til Friday

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

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Redshirt

WCS

blaxabbath

Charlie’s illiteracy is one of the best story arcs in television.

ballsofsteelandfury

/ checks calendar

Ummmm… this is awkward…

No es Jueves?

scotchnaut

Charlie Day doing Robert DeNiro? There’s nothing funnier-

WCS

Al Pacino

scotchnaut

Harvey Keitel.

WCS

Michael Madsen

scotchnaut

John Cazale.

WCS

Christopher Walken

scotchnaut

*goes All In*

Meryl Streep

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cat Stevens.

Horatio Cornblower

Kenny Loggins

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

IT’S BACK ON NOW!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well the gay porn fanfic came to a screeching halt.