Hot diggity damn y’all! It’s premier night for Hard Knocks on HBO!
While many folks will bitch and moan about the repetition, the tired tropes, the year-to-year story lines I am hear to tell you “Who gives a flying fuck?” To me it means football is right around the corner.
One way to look at the timeline of Hard Knocks is a build up to the actual NFL season itself. The show starts with the arrival to camp, followed by the preseason games, followed by the fucking brutal squad cut downs followed by the season finale. After the season finale it is only a matter of DAYS until the real NFL season starts.
Get some goddamn hype going folks!
Plus this year it’s Cleveland! The Factory is in the house! Tell me this isn’t must-see appointment-only train wreck viewing. Fuck yes!
Of course it will be Baker Mayfield overload. Of course there will be the wide-eyed rookies learning the ropes. Of course there will be a foul mouthed coordinator or coach – usually on the defense. But this time it’s the Browns!
The goddamn jokes write themselves!
How many appearances will Jimmy Haslem make? Two? Three? Or will he stay in his underground bunker until the bright lights are put away? Most of all we get to find out just how in the blue fuck does Hue Jackson still have his job? Is he really that dynamic? Does he still have the drive and influence to turn this sad as fuck, shit awful team into a productive unit? Will he actually show the compromising photos that he has of Jimmy H?
I MUST KNOW!
Let’s all tune in, crack open a cold one and grab a goddamn snack!
This shit is going to be…
I have no idea but I do know. I WILL WATCH THIS DISASTER UNFOLD!
I demand a montage!
Get after it folks!
The SQUEEEEEEEEEAK of the RV bloating itself is the sound of failure, which seems appropriate.
If the RV is squeakin’, don’t go a-peekin’!
/Because the QBs said you can’t
I’m watching Hard Knocks in Spanish because I changed to the wrong channel. It’s surprisingly entertaining in it’s own way, despite the fact that I don’t understand a word of Spanish.
“Cleveland Browns” in Spanish is Cleveland Browns
They tested it, but “Incendio Contenedor de Basura de Mierda de Perro” isn’t as marketable to the Latin Market.
Good to know the Browns suck in two languages.
Too bad Chad Eight Five isn’t around
(assuming the numbers hold)
On the bright side, this may be a good thing for you Dems if you lose. If you’d won, there’s a chance you’d get cocky, the GOPs would get motivated and the GOP would win the midterms.
Now that the Dems have lost, the GOPs will be cocky (hell Trump may tweet his orgasm), but the Dems will get more motivated and show up at the Midterms in force.
nope, we will just conclude all is lost and crank our Morrissey
Ah, so it will be like the protests day after Trump won.
“Why are you protesting?”
“Trump won!”
“Was some part of the election wrong?”
“Maybe. We don’t know yet.”
“So presently, you’re protesting a democratic election.”
“YES!”
“Fair enough.”
Nooooooo, those are the protest weirdos. Many of them may not even vote, they are not representative Demmycrats.
I am very much a representative Demmycrat. I barely left the house for 2 weeks, I was so depressed. An avowed racist, misogynist, and fascist had won the Presidency, drawing an inside straight in the Electoral College.
What do you do with that? How do you make the world make sense to your daughters in that aftermath?
Losing to a principled conservative (however far to the right) is one thing, no matter how much one may disagree with their politics. This was always something completely different.
And of course, I had read David Corn’s stuff (pre-election) about the Russia shenanigans and flagged it here and to a few other people, and remembering that just made me even sicker.
Whoa HOLD up, this ohio election is only effective until November? The same candydates go again in the real election in 3 months? Isn’t congress done for the year anyway? WHAT IS THE POINT?
seniority and/or TEH NARRATIVE
lead is 741. Y’all ought to RESPEK teh Hippo Maths.
/finds approximately 50392 Hippo Maths from 2016 saying Hillary would win North Carolina
you Bastard Man
Why you do dis?
impressive considering you no fingers or toes. Truly a King of the Watering Hole.
Surprised Hue hasn’t gotten his head stuck in a drawer or something yet.
Give him time.
Boss Todd is looking old.
Fast drivin’
Hard drinkin’
Marlboro smokin’
Trim chasin.
“I loved a woman that wasn’t clean.”
Does the Cleveland airport only have one terminal?
Have you ever been on a flight that connected through Cleveland? No, you haven’t.
them shacks too tidy FOAR Cleveland
O’conner is putting up a better fight then the Browns will all year.
Any interest in tipping the Rugby Championship?
/does research
I am interested.
I’ve said it before, hope to say it again; Bartolo Colon is fucking amazing.
And Felix needs to be put out to pasture.
He did give up consecutive VERY HARD hit balls last inning.
Sup
that Republican turd in OH-12, sadly
Not much. Trying to figure out why Lili Simmons doesn’t have a better career.
the #MVMarp solo shot held up, because of course it was done the right way.
Yanks have a man on third with nobody out and don’t score? I am shocked, SHOCKED, I say!
That’s why I quit the Republican Party. If you’re going to cheat and gerrymander, don’t let it be too obvious.
When I depose Supreme Chancellor Trump and become Benevolent Citizen for Life, I’m going to require that you can gerrymander (you are in power), but you can only go down to the township or city/village. If you submit a map that’s nothing but a red map with a bunch of very small blue Rorschach pictures, you’ve volunteered to be test dummy for a rail gun.
The Redshirt Pony Party.
Mandatory Pony Shows for everyone!
“but NOT sexual!” – Redshirt
I’m still hoping to see a Robot Chicken or Family Guy skit where the HuMane Seven are on Spring Break in Tijuana and Sunset Shimmer (reformed unicorn villain living in exile in the human realm) sees a Donkey Show and runs in before her human friends can stop her.
Sunset: “Get your damn hoofs off that flank!”
Guy: “Hey, don’t judge me bitch.”
(Donkey brays to Sunset)
Sunset: (gasps) “He was a virgin, you sick son of a mare!”
The Night of Long Hooves.
The Union really should have let the South leave after taking Texas, Missouri, Arkansas and Louisiana.
just what ah need, a country where it’s even harder for Demmycrats to win anything
My 11 year old just said that it’d be awesome if the Sonic guys got a TV show. Time to experience life as a childless parent.
The guy on the right plays Mike Pence on the President Show.
Hey, the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon in the ‘90s was… that’s not the Sonic you’re talking about, is it.
I wonder how much hardcore gay sex there is in the LOGO channel versions of their ads?
Mizzou is gonna overturn the Koch Bros. wet dream anti-union law, at least
h
ttps://thumbs.gfycat.com/SkeletalUnnaturalLeech-size_restricted.gif
size_restricted heh
Please let this vote end in a tie.
Danny Boy is fooked. He’s gonna lose by 500-1,000 votes.
Hey guys, my country is in a pissing match with the Saudis and I can guess which side Cheeto is going to take on this one. Maybe we can open the door to the Iranian market.
“WHAT KIND OF CONTEST? WHY AM I NOT A JUDGE FOR THIS!”
-DJT
We’re fresh out of diplomatic relations with Iran, would you like an Iraq instead?
Well, I prefer Iranian food and I can’t find a place to get kashk in this city. So I will take anything in the neighboUrhood like Iraq.
Seriously I love Persian cuisine but there are only restaurants here and not markets to buy some of the stuff to make it yourself.
On one hand…I would like to watch the train wreck of the Browns…on the other, I refuse to spend a goddamn dime on this team.
Green Party. Fuckers!
Close, but don’t like the nonviolence. I don’t want my country to start a war, but I don’t want them to be afraid to fight when necessary.
“Speak softly, but carry a big stick.”
His last load.
That’s the one porn genre I don’t get (not counting the weird ones).
“You woke me up with your ejaculate. Let’s have sex!”
To celebrate both EVO (fighting game championships) and Browns ineptitude, here is a video of a blind guy winning a SFV tournament match.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW6fmR0WcLM
So yeah…the fucking Browns can’t win a game, but a blind dude can utterly destroy people playing video games.
Can he play quarterback?
Not sure, but I am 100% sure he would make a better head coach than Hue.
After reading a couple reports it looks like all the heavy GOP districts are in. It just comes down to Delaware and what’s left of Franklin.
Another fun map, not sure what it means exactly, but my friend Gerry Mander might know.
Yeah, but I don’t think it would go completely blue. Ohio is mostly Republican.
Also, that only shows the major cities (Cincy, Columbus, Mistake, Toledo, Marietta and sort of Dayton). That’s Ohio: urban is liberal; rural is conservative.
Pretty close to 50-50
https://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/ohio
Hard to find any more official stats
I meant districts. Dems would clean up the districts around the seven cities (Youngstown included), but they’d hold on to the rural districts nine.
Ah yeah. Districts are 12-4 Repubs, (not sure if that includes the 12th) but overall population is not quite so lopsided.
Agreed. 1st District used to be a nice line through eastern Hamilton County (gerrymandering but not completely obvious). Last redistricting, the line went like it was playing Snake.
That’s why you Gerrymander. The goal for the Democrats used to be run up the votes in the cities and suburbs. Drown the Republicans with numbers, Now you those cities and suburbs are split into 4 districts.
Get rid of nonsense districts and that map would be Purple. Elected officials would have to govern by listening to the local constituents. THE HORROR THE HORROR.
Now the game is the suburbs, which changes the gerrymandering maths completely.
h
ttps://78.media.tumblr.com/1e3be02b48dbb78801860f48e1e6fcb3/tumblr_ozv935LWUY1r8k679o1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wLQNrr15sA
Despite containing all (most?) of Cincinatti, the 1st and 2nd district (see map below) Ohio Congresspeople are both repubs.
#MVMarp has made it 3-2 #BFIB with his 30th of the season. WOO!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll do that after I turn it off, then back on.
I thought the Copa del Mundo was over?
Ohio is going to disappoint us tonight one way or another.
Ha! You’re all me tonight, assholes! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Folks
a couple of SISTERS!
Hippo Maths says the Demmycrat ain’t gonna hold on in OH-12. Rats.
In Soviet Russia, wieners boil you?
Pretty sure “The 1st Ohio Congressional District” is a position in the Kama Sutra.
It looks more like a sad lack of penetration due to whiskey dick to me… What? That’s not THAT oddly specific!
So I live under the scrotum of the 1st Congressional District? Huh, that’s actually kind of true.
Good evening, Imaginary Internet Friends!
Oh HAI Jello.
Stan Mikita died. Where will Chicagoans go for donuts now?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrOGeua94FM&ab_channel=JeanRenoir
He made a helluva drill
/Apparently dfo spelcheque considers ‘helluva’ to be a word
The woman thought it would be a good idea to go get a German Shepherd puppy last week despite my clear and well stated points that it would be a bad idea considering we rent a townhouse with no yard and both work constantly. So a few days ago, the puppy started showing signs of hip dysplasia and in 5 days, I’ve already gone from “this is a terrible idea” to “we have to help this dog no matter the personal and financial cost because I love her more than family”. I also want to choke the breeder who sold it since she almost certainly knew about the hip problem. Fucking hate dogs.
“You got problems, man.”
— Mike Vick, circa 2003
Just lost my dear friend the pooch, there is a big hole in my heart right now.
Unethical breeders and paper sellers need some punishment.
I have exactly zero emotional armor when it comes to pets. It hits like someone hurt my child in even in that short a time. Read the agreement she signed and it’s basically a 48 hour return policy that requires a written statement by a licensed vet sent through certified mail etc etc etc bullshit with the full knowledge that like 90% of buyers will be too attached after 5 minutes to even consider giving it back. It’s possible it’s not dysplasia and something else yet, but very frustrating, especially given how expensive they are. When I was trying to convince her to at least go cheaper, I looked at what the shelters had and they were still like 150 to adopt, so I like that we’re turning dog ownership into a thing poor people don’t get to experience.
Similar story from a friend and a Rottweiler breeder.
I sucks to be in my house yard right now. I’ll go to the shelter and get rescued at a shelter once I get past some of this feeling.
I haven’t gotten a dog of my own accord since I had to put the one I raised before going off to college down over the phone a month after leaving because it fell slightly awkwardly and ended up paralysed. There has yet to be a human death that even touches that one. My grandmother was a fucking robot with that shit. She’d come home with a new dog on the way back from the vet.
Yeah, their was a ranch in my family and I remember the dogs, cats and horses name better than I do childhood friends. There was a lot of animal death and birth at that place, but even so the ease of attachment is a great weakness/ strength still.
I had to put one of our two cats down back in Jan/Feb, after like $3,000 of treatment looked like maybe we’d get a good remission period. I loved that little guy like a son. Had nightmares about it for weeks. Tried to show my kids that I at least had the courage to not hide from the tough decision, hold him as he passed, and look him in the eye as long as he was able. And I did.
When his adopted brother (they were fostered together before they came to live with us) dies (God help me, it better take awhile), I’m not sure I can manage to get another. These two are/were really special, and I don’t think I can commit to living to the end of another feline life cycle.
Not hearing my dog snore keeps me up at night, odd, but true.
5 Raccoons Outside Ebbing, Missouri was a weird fucking sequel
WHO’S A GOOD BOY? YOU’RE A GOOD BOY!
Gentlemen
wearer of latex gloves (hopefully)
Dr. Zaius is a fuckin’ Shriner?
the #BFIB are gonna slink back into 4th place because they just absolutely, positively, can’t do fuckall against the goddamned Marlins.
That was fast.
http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/24312555/cleveland-browns-rookie-antonio-callaway-cited-marijuana-possession
will this be soft sepia tones focus coverage Hard Knocks by Week 2?
Oh hell yes.
Josh Gordon’s teaching the younger guys well.
Jeez, CNN. Wall-to-wall coverage of one House District Special Election in Central Ohio? I know you’re looking forward to November in case America takes Trump behind the woodshed but reel it back a bit.
Also, this district went vacant in January. Why did it take eight months to set up an election for a term that will last only three months? That’s like Queen Elizabeth II passing away in twenty years and them rushing Prince Charles’ Coronation Ceremony while he’s on his Death Bed getting his Last Rites.
I’ve been cautioned repeatedly not to put any stock in the early vote totals, but seeing O’Connor up by 61% now that they are in makes me smile.
a-fucking-men, the GOP candidate here seems like even more of a turd than usual (no ofence, Redshirt)
♫ Hail to the Maise and Gold / Hail to the Brave and… ♫
Oh, sorry. I was doing something I’d do long before I support the Trump-led Republican Party.
(grabs Terrible Towel; throws away untouched Skyline Chili)
I should probably change my avatar to Sunset Shimmer)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zoLIAYZNbw
Yeah, that’ll be a shocker. That’s district avoids Columbus entirely (very Democratic) and has been Red for 30 years and for 100 of the last 118 years. That’s practically half the age of Ohio!
the political sites I follow have noted that the Obama/HillyBob numbers are really Demmycratic high water mark – no ancestral downballot strength whatsoever.
Hot Goss: TO on verge of signing with Roughriders
“Which one?”
-Teddy Roosevelt
I knew Teddy didn’t die. No way Death could’ve taken him one-on-one.
If HBO had any sense, they’d just have Mike Polk, Jr. riff on the Browns for eight episodes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYBmzPUI-Qs&ab_channel=TheMikePolkJr.Show
Woo hoo! I…oh. Different program.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDmXB0O-M_Y