So, last week, King Hippo took you through the beginning of the English Premier League (EPL). In addition to the EPL, the French league, Ligue 1, started last weekend.
Here are the standings for both leagues:
Meanwhile, La Liga and Serie A BOTH start this weekend while the German Bundesliga starts play next weekend.
Here is today’s full schedule of fun footy games (all times Pacific):
If I was you, I’d begin my day with Chievo v Juventus to see how Cristiano Ronaldo adjusts to the Italian league. My guess is he’ll adjust pretty well.
You may have noticed I did not include the EPL games. I mean, what is this shit with NBC Sports Gold costing extra money? None of the other leagues cost extra money if you already have a cable/satellite subscription! What kind of obvious blatant greed is this?
/ is told ESPN + costs extra too.
Oh, go fuck yourself, ESPN! We’re watching Chelsea-Arsenal.
Then, I’d move on to Villarreal v Real Sociedad and then Barcelona v Alavés.
Then, you’ve got Cruz Azul v Leon, Pachuca v Lobos BUAP, and then Monterrey v Pumas. That’s a full well-spent Feria de Fútbol!
Btw, for future reference, here is a handy dandy list of the leagues and their broadcast homes:
EPL – NBC and Telemundo, TSN
La Liga – BeIn Sports
Ligue 1 – BeIn Sports
Bundesliga – Fox, Sportsnet
Serie A – ESPN +, Bet365
If you’re a certain Hippo-type with a sportsbook that allows you to parlay games in multiple leagues, here’s the Balls Multi of the Week:
Juventus to Win
Barcelona to Win
América to Win
That should net you a moderate, but tidy profit. (1.42 as of this morning!)
Enjoy the games, everyone!
We’ll this game just got interesting
yooooo gunners getting it done. this first half has been kick ass!!!
These ARSEholes woke up finally.
OK, I don’t mean to be insensitive, but….
One of my nephews just sent me this link. And I’m not sure why.
https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/korn-singer-jonathan-davis-estranged-wife-found-dead-at-39-report/
Sounds like you.
“I just trusted everybody, and I got screwed over a lot of times. I’m still trusting and get screwed over all the time,” he told Spin magazine. “So now I always kind of look out for myself first and make sure I’m taking care of my kids. Other than that, everybody can f—k off.”
Holy shit, you’re right.
Hello mirror.
I love Anita Cobos…
I’m very happy you didn’t say “Anita Bryant”.
Shouldn’t you wait for a regular season game for a moment of silence for Tony Sparano?
So… Arsenal sucks big gigantic cock, huh?
Btw, preseason football thread is up. Cool people that like fútbol stay here. Addicts desperate for methadone go there.
These ARSEholes couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.
So..NFL practice in 8 minutes? Sounds pretty good by comparison.
Morata puts it in.
Is it me or do the Gunners have a “Visit Rwanda” ad on their sleeves??
No, that’s correct.
“Have a genocidally good time!”
Anybody know of any good hotels there?
What a total ARSE of a shot.
speaking of merde…
Ha! They deserved that.
Holy merde, Chievo got level?
“awful, schoolboy defending from Arsenal”
once again, love the incisive, biting commentary on these matches
That should translate to dating sites.
“Awful schoolboy kissing from Ryan. Absolute rubbish. “
HA!!!
Blues rollin early!
oh, that was poor, Arseholes. Just poor.
Welp…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAhAz7JU0dg
Almost a BILLION views? JFC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tmd-ClpJxA
We like sportz!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEVdca9U9LM
Cherries (who I bet on to win the 2nd half and the match) saved Hippo’s #GAMBLORMORNING, up like 4 bills now.
Wooo!
Update that got damn table and tell me who’s on top!
Two matches and no draws? What kind of strange parallel universe are we living in?
#ChampionsLeagueCherries
You host the Toffees next Saturday! Should be goals in that one fo sho.
I never knew that Hitler, Stalin, Tito, Freud, Trotsky and Freud all lived close to each other and had coffee houses in common in Vienna in 1913.
I feel like I could write countless stories about this and connect it to WWII.
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21859771
Funny…. I’m having a conversation with Tito right now.
You said Freud twice.
I like Freud.
I’m sure it was Freudian.
afternoon funny:
Jesus has returned, and he tis a good boy.
12/10. Would worship.
Judas dog just gon’ sell him out for 30 pieces of kibble anyway.
Is Sandio Mané hurt? I don’t see him I. The starting lineup or as a sub. Night off?
Good morning, shitmo….
/might have drank too much last night
//checks clock
///whew
GOOD MORNING SHITMONKEYS!!!!!!
I even had 6 minutes to spare.
Wow, my fucking head hurts.
There’s no “might” here. Fortunately, morning vodka is a thing.
It’s now past noon.
DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!!!
Chin up buddy. Some days start slower than others. There’s always 9am tomorrow to aim for.
I could always claim I’m still on West Coast Time.
Wait, that would make it 6am I think.
Never mind.
Good morning! Greater footy news: A.J. McCarron out for several weeks with a hairline fracture in his collarbone.
Tyrod Taylor DTD with abdominal strain after laughing too hard
Someone check on Litre.
Great free kick for the Spurs!
Tottenham is the worst kind of ham.
And I love ham.
I take this back. WOO HOT SPURS!!
Fun fact: Harry Kane is the nickname for my penis.
This Fulham defense reminds me of old movies about the French in WWII.
Dammit West Ham!
Comeback Cherries strike again
NFL Network has games at 1, 4, 7, and 10 today. That’s 12 hours of preseason footy.
Call litreCola at work!
Hioly shit, Fulham.
pretty amazing shit
In case anyone has forgotten, Mark Hughes is a CUNT!
TWBS ain’t that bad. Oh wait… Carry on.
This is what I get for not waking up until past 11am EDT I guess.
Also….fuck you, Balls.
I don’t have a team, but if I were to adopt one, it’d be Crystal Palace. I have a soft spot for the nights spent drinking gasoline vodka in the woods.
What I’m saying is CP is most definitely going to the Champions League and will probably win the EPL this year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVMyXDsadLQ
West Ham WOO!
Did you bet yeah right a Rum Ham?
I like the Hammers, but not enough to wager spiked pork.
Now, when you get Litre’s Mighty Whitey in teh Rum Ham Derby…
The “Apocalypse Now” incident defines Trump better than anything else.
A) He told a group of combat veterans, who were there to request the VA do more to study and treat the effects of Agent Orange, that enough was already being done in this area.
B) INSISTED that Robert Duvall’s character was talking about Agent Orange in the iconic scene where the line is “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!”
Newcastle won’t be good again until they’re sponsored by the beer again. Those were the days…
By the way, as I haven’t been around in awhile (I wish I could blame work, but I was just playing way too much Madden with the wife) – are there any plans on a DFO fantasy league or two? I’m just asking, because I want to know if someone from you will be laughing their arses off for me drafting a QB in the first round or will that be left to just my coworkers XD
I believe the answer is yes. I’m thinking there will be a post on that next week.
Hmm i can’t decide between the West Ham and the Full Ham.
Just go with the Rum Ham
Also a Totten Ham apparently
oh MEN, wait until you see that Everton WOO!!! set piece on the halftime highlights. You won’t see more clever Lesser Footy all season.
Who got the second?
Richarlison
Goddamn! Is that 3 or 4 so far?
he gots 3
Afternoon gents, I hope that you’re all nice and drunk to begin this glorious football day?
We are all GOONERS today!
/except Rocking Dog
//but we still like and accept him
So, you’re trying to tell me that y’all are so drunk that you’ve gone off the deep end… Yay? Seriously,tho – put your money on Chelsea, ’cause I’m not sure if my lads can win (because y’see, I’m optimistic for the score and every time I am happy, they find a way to fuck me over XD)
I bet on a Draw, the odds are right and that’s pretty common for these Derbies.
Eh, I prefer my “they always find a way to fuck my happines over” premonition, but that’s not stopping me from putting on a retro Bergkamp jersey, get the beer flowing and bribe the kids into staying outta my hair for 90 mins 😀
u was rite
Tottenham keeps missing glorious chances
found a funny:
me finishing telling what I did on vacation: and that’s bout it
coworker: that sounds an awful lot like Grease
Cardiff playing this post-match, earning a bit of grudging respect:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfpRm-p7qlY
Barcodes gifted a free kick in position for a golden chance for a winner…and chuff it badly enough to shame a 9-year old.
and then gifted a penno at the death…and it’s saved
LOLBarcodes
Interrupting this footy post for more footy. To nobody’s surprise, the All Blacks defeat the Wallabies 38-13.
Could be a rugby update, could be a trump tweet.
YES, the Brits are having the same snit about “you’re not allowed to have a tackle anymore in modern futbol” – i.e., see that Barcodes sending off.
It’s the Barcodes, though, so FUCK ’em, plus the only shot we had to avoid nil-nil
Aretha could bring the funk too, you know.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RjRGI_FdWnk&list=PLq1eZxCGFAr14jVXlfuY83Bs-twaBcHb2&index=20&t=0s
I’m glad the Giants cooled Kerryon Johnson off last night. It’ll keep his ADP lower than I think it should be. Still don’t think he’ll be there in the 5th round, though.
Another case of the coverup being worse than the crime:
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-military-housing/
$717 billion we just gave the military.
Holy shit! A bear took out our bird feeder & suet cake cage last night. Smashed the shit out of both. Bent the goddamn post they were hanging from straight to the ground. It’s been raining like a bastard all night & morning, and you can see where he plopped his fat butt down in the mint and chowed down. Spooky. That thing hung a foot from our living room window!
[Looks down at suet encrusted shirt]
Uhhh right, bear, right, those bastards!
Both Sportsnet and TSN show the EPL, the only way they get you is when there is a good game that is on Sportsnet’s pay channel.
I am going in to work as I see Fulham away to Spurs as a lost cause. Will I be watching at work? Damn straight but I will have to keep my blind rage in check.