Your “More Games? The Sacrifice Worked!” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

He looked quite unimposing as he stepped off the bus. I was sitting on a bench nearby and he asked me,  “where am I?” I said, “somewhere you probably don’t want to be’. “Story of my life. You got a smoke for an old man?” I gave him the last one I had. “Anything to do around here?”, he asked hopefully. “Nope”, I replied.

We ended up walking towards the park and I told him that I had a can of beans that I’d share with him if he was hungry. “You’re a good man. I hope to return the favor one day”, he drawled. We got a fire going just as the sun was going down. I poked a few holes in the can and set it near the fire to warm. “Hospitality like this doesn’t come round too often. You don’t have anything strange up your sleeve, do ya?” Feeling the pressure of the small knife in my back pocket I smiled and said, “not up my sleeve, no”. He laughed, “that’s a good one, right there”. He relaxed and laid his head on his bunched-up jacket. I told I had to take a leak and walked out of his line of vision to do my business.

“It sure does feel like things might… might be turning aroun… Gar! Phhh! Hunnggg!” I had pulled his head back, exposing his wrinkled, stubbly throat. The knife went easily. I worked it around a little. He struggled a bit but this wasn’t exactly my first ride. I held him tightly with my other arm then gradually relaxed as he came to the realization that the end was a cold, hard fact.

It was a bit cool, I noted to myself as I got into my car, changed out of the shabby clothes I was in and headed for home. With the chillier weather coming I guess I’ll have to find a place indoors for the new friends that I make. I took a long pull on my flask and yelled to no one at all, “TO THE GAMES!”

Chiefs/Chargers:

Joey Bosa is in a walking boot, people! The only question left as far as Dandy Andy’s pre-game ritual is concerned is: beef or chicken? Either way, “The Supping from the Gravy Boat” really brings the team together.

Hawks/Broncos:

Perfectly cromulent Case Keenum leads the Broncs into battle vs. them Seattle folks but methinks that the play of youngsters, Freeman, Sutton and Chubb will be a better indicator of success.

‘Dacteds/Cards:

Alex Smith? Sam Bradford? I’m so confused.

‘Boys/Panthers:

The fella that put the “ass” in Dallass, de Gregory, was flagged for a ‘substance-related relapse’ last month. My prediction-after he’s finally released by the Cowboys he’ll latch onto one more team and then be a distant memory in two year’s time.

 

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Gratliff

Refs giving Dak plenty of flags to respect

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

On NBC’s scroll: “CLE: (0-0-1) best start since 2014”

...

Browns fan: Please, I’d give anything to end this losing streak.

*monkey paw finger closes*

King Hippo

CHJ with the yuuuuuuuge sack!

/phrasing

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Somebody call DonT, these Titans are overrated two years in a row.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Cards suck. I said their games would not be competitive after the first half in their preview. I am right.

Just got done painting in the laundry room. Gonna shower as I prepare to listen to some fans stroke out on post-game Cardinals Talk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Funny thing is Rocky wasn’t the only one who messed up and killed Apollo.

The Ring Doctor could’ve stopped the fight at the end of Round 1 or anytime in Round 2 before the TKO.
The Referee could’ve DQed Drago in Round 2 the instant he made contract with him and threw him out of the way.
The Referee could’ve stopped the fight at anytime for a TKO when it was obvious that Apollo was being outclassed and was at risk of serious injury.

tl;dr Rocky can’t be expected to do everything!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

not the fucking point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

but do carry on, please.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Remember how Clubber Lang was the top contender, then he beat the fuck outta Rocky, then Rocky got the improbable win in the rematch, and then Clubber just kinda disappeared after that? That would never happen.

Inorite????

– M. Tyson

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

loltits

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who has two thumbs and is already out in Suicide League?
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(thanks for nothing, Birdcano)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

pick ur method yet?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I been trynna drink meself to death for two years now. Who knew my liver was superhuman?????

King Hippo

Leaving Las Vegas (Extended Director’s Cut)

theeWeeBabySeamus

I rewatched that recently. It was a little too close to home these days.
But Elisabeth Shue is still yummy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

How many people are still at TEN@MIA? How many of them are drunk?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And Dion Lewis is vulturing Derrick Henry points. WTF, Titans?

King Hippo

YOU DO NAWT NEED!

Wakezilla

Gotta love Rivers padding his numbers at the end there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what they say, the thicker the cushion, the deeper the pushing in order to create life and glorify Jesus’s name.

Redshirt
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Shut up, bird.

Gratliff

Larry Fitzgerald, perpetually deserving better

Redshirt

That’s the title of his NFL Network special.

ThePirateSloth

Throw the gotdamn ball Wilson.

fleshwound_NPG

she doesn’t even have a chair at her desk

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She does have a nice seat, however.

King Hippo

VON MILLER, have a motherfucking day!

that is 5

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

“Sounds like we’re having an OK day, then”

Seattle’s O-line

Mr. Ayo

Germain Ifedi pictured:

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Wakezilla

Me 2 minutes ago: “Why don’t the Clippers kick the field goal and have more time for the TD?”

/watches the field goal miss

Me 30 seconds ago: Ohhhhhhhhh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Um, why is Yo Gabbert Gabbert playing in Miami?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fleshwound_NPG
Redshirt

When did Wendy’s Twitter hack Titans’ Twitter?

Redshirt

Has TEN@MIA reached Halftime yet?

King Hippo

they skipped it!

Gratliff

Rivers is going to firebomb his locker room

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Some boffo clock management, Shitty Clippers!

/then the miss LMAO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

I have Brees and Kamara and I’m outscoring most of our league two to one. But of course I’m playing the only fucking guy having a better week than me. I hate FF.

King Hippo

Now, time for Von and Chubb to send Charmslinger to nanobubbles-land

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Clippers wideouts can’t seem to catch. Good thing that’s not important for wideouts

Gratliff

Unacceptable defensive performance from Carolina.

Romonobyl

Finally.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

No idea why Keenum threw that, but worked out.

Mr. Ayo

OUT OF BOUNDS.

King Hippo

It’s-com-PLETE!!!

Mr. Ayo

Damn rigged games.

Doktor Zymm

Are there any spectators left in Miami?

Wakezilla

Were there any to begin with?

King Hippo

That is some weak-ass “roughing”

King Hippo

BUTT!!!!!

Gratliff

In 3 weeks, there’s just gonna be 22 skeletons out on the field in Miami

Redshirt

Damn that was a good PIT@CLE game!

King Hippo

It’s always nice to see a tie, and see The Ben fuck up.

Redshirt

I was listening on the radio. The Browns radio guys were acting like it was the first time they’ve even seen joy and happiness.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Are we sure it wasn’t?

King Hippo

THERE WE GO

fleshwound_NPG

that is an incredibly old phone she is using

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theeWeeBabySeamus

No, YOU hang up first.

Romonobyl

First minute is only $10…call now!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HIPSTER!

Wakezilla

Classic Andy Reid play call

Horatio Cornblower

Taking my wife out to dinner, but I have strategically persuaded her to go to a Mexican place*, because all the staff is from Mexico so I’ve got a 50-50 shot of seeing the Cowboys 0-1 start to the season.

Unless the staff is made up of those Mexicans who root for the Raiders.

Then I’ll probably just get stabbed.

*All kidding aside, it’s a really good place that does not fuck around with their margaritas. Two of ’em and you’ll be wobbling. Three and you’ll start for the Browns.

Gratliff

That’s a solid euphemism for shitting your pants

LemonJello

Four, and you can own the Colts.

Horatio Cornblower

Seven and a handful of Percocet and you already own the Colts.

Wakezilla

Not going to happen, but, if Charmslinger get this Hox squad to 8 wins, he should be the MVP

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’d still be a phony asshole

Wakezilla

100% correct and I still won’t like him as a person

King Hippo

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Charmslinger delivers!

Romonobyl

When does curling coverage start?

Gratliff

Sucking ass to own the libs
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King Hippo

Funny thing is – I agree with that statement 100%. I’d just add “but I fully support the right of anyone else who feels otherwise to do as their conscience leads them.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup

Redshirt

Agreed with the addition, but I’d also add “…and rather than villainize those who protest the Anthem, lets sit down and discuss our differences like adults so we can come up with solutions to the problems they are drawing attention too.

Horatio Cornblower

One of the good ones, if by “good ones” you’re not including people who can hit a TE who’s wide open more than 15 yards from the line of scrimmage.

King Hippo

It’s quite annoying how RZ has decided to devote the least amount of time, by far, to the most competitive match of the window, by far.

Donks 20, SeaTruthers (near midfield cause can’t get a stop on 3rd and 11 UGH) at the quarter break) 17

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

I had less enthusiasm for the start of the regular season than usual, I don’t see that changing any time soon.

fleshwound_NPG

She is sitting on the chair wrong, that could damage the armrest

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Horatio Cornblower

2/10; there’s no way that fireplace is properly vented.

Wakezilla

That’s a WCB claim waiting to happen. No thanks.

Wakezilla

Antonio Gates sighting!

Horatio Cornblower

You’re at a basketball game?

Wakezilla

Watching the Clippers on the tele

Horatio Cornblower

/Walks in to thread
//reads Scotchy’s opening

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Gratliff

Sam Bradford has been a starting QB for what feels like forever and he’s been terrible every time I’ve seen him play