Your “We Need To Talk About Tevin” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Ehh, I’ve talked about him enough. Besides, there are other things to vibrate the vocal cords about. Like, why the heckfire are you gonna watch this oh-so-entertaining shit show? Let’s talk about your childhood-did you fall out of a tree as a youngster? Did you hear your parents make grunting noises through that paper-thin wall your bed was resting against? He wasn’t trying to hurt her, you know. (most likely) Did you take an overnight trip with your best buddies to go see a dead body? Did Mr. Cuddles talk back to you? Did your older sister play “Cheeseburger in Paradise” on repeat while she did your nails? Were you told that “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” was a documentary? Did Uncle Touchy earn his nickname during the celebration after Joe Montana hit Dwight Clark in the end zone? Did you get an erection when you heard about the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion?

If you answered, “I’m not sure” to any of these questions…whoo boy! I don’t think you deserve to have Tevin Coleman on your fantasy roster. He deserves much, much better. Shall we wander over to the tilt at hand on this Thursday “Ya got anything better to do? I didn’t think so” night snoreperience. TO THE GAME!

Them Jets/Them Browns:

Binary code for these two squadoo’s combined record at this point (11011) can be translated loosely as “at least we’re not the Giants, haha” And yet, they still are who they are. Let’s let them off the hook for a wee bit and see how things go.

Amen.

 

 

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King Hippo

Give those of us who started #ThePauls D a Hail Mary turnover

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Uncle Ed says, “I’m just glad to have a Browns-Jets matchup that doesn’t result in Puerto Ricans selling memorabilia commemorating it for 17 years”

Spur

One more day of hell of Reno

SonOfSpam

Ew. Who’s kid did you jack off in front of?

jjfozz

DFOers, what happened with the whole “boobs make me cry” thingy that was going on last week? Can’t remember the name of the DFOer, something to do with feudal Japan?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Oh, lemme explain.

(touches earpiece, listens intently)

I’ve just been told that I will not explain.

jjfozz

Shit, I forgot that the jist – gist -jyst- whatever the fuck, was that it was over. Sorry for bringing it up.

Sharkbait

Oh Browns.

Spur

Folks

SonOfSpam

That was a weird-ass kick. Also the best Browns play this season.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

it REVERSE hooked

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Relax; she had a bad burrito for lunch.

SonOfSpam

Does that mean anal’s out of the question?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depends….. are you German?

SonOfSpam

Part of me.

/points at crotch area
//pulls Wienerschnitzel corn dog out of pants

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait; all the mustard is gone.

King Hippo

he gon’ miss

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

And then that kick off. Browns gonna Brown.

jjfozz

The middle Fozz Spawn is playing fullback this year, he is built like a brick shithouse. It is hilarious watching him run.

Redshirt

That’s the dumbest rule. It should be “If the offensive player bats the ball forward in an obvious attempt to forward the ball with no attempt to recover.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“The results are back, and you have what’s called ‘Super Crabs.'”

Mr. Ayo

That rule needs an exception for fat guy rumbles.

Sharkbait

FAT GUY RUNNING!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Fucking booooo

Petronel

OK, that was funny. Good hustle

King Hippo

daggum Sassy Ref, ruined his career highlight

Petronel

You can take away mah yardage, but you can’t take away mah MEMORIES!

(Until the CTE kicks in anyway)

Gratliff

LOOKIT THE BIG LAD

Redshirt

God damn it. Couldn’t you have waited ten damn weeks!

King Hippo

FAT GUY rumbles for 9!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

That was fucking awesome

King Hippo

I put $50 on #ThePauls ML (+325). BELIEVELAND

jjfozz

Baker drops back, slips, tears every ligament in his body

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Instead of asking for the rookie QB they should be asking for a new offensive line.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

(Vader voice)

OH, ITS TIME! ITS TIME! ITS BAKER TIME!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D2LQioyTOM

Smithchez

If this isn’t a Mayfield TD drive, I’ll be absolutely stunned.

jjfozz

You won the game Baker, you can have your choice of any woman in Cleveland . . .or you could set your dick on fire. Either way.

Mr. Ayo

That’s gonna be a tough evaluation when they ask him to say his name.

King Hippo

oh, and he comin!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

LOL oh yeah I get that look.

Mr. Ayo

She’s almost there too!

Sharkbait

Baker is on the phone yelling “Trade me right fucking now”

Smithchez

“Bring me my blue fucking medical tent!”

jjfozz

Damn, i thought htat sticker on Manning’s jersey was something he got for coloring inside the lines

SonOfSpam

It means he had lunch without hurting Olivia’s nipple.

jjfozz

Are millienials so fragile that they have to shop for clothes online? I mean, there are plenty of safe space dressing rooms in stores.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?????

/cancels LL Bean online order

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least they are not on your lawn!

Wakezilla

Stupid Browns fans. Don’t break Mayfield so soon.

SonOfSpam

“Break” and “Baker” are anagrams.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Huey Lewis shoulda gotten an Oscar.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heheheh…Huey Lewis is a funny sumbitch.

SonOfSpam

Bummer about his health issues. Always a fun live show.

jjfozz

“they’re ready to see some success” . . .keep fucking waiting

King Hippo

yeah, and I’d like to have sex that doesn’t involve a complex internet search now that the assholes shut down backpage

King Hippo

FEED HIM TO TEH WOLVES!!!111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

If brown fans rioted and burned the city down, would it be any different from what it looks like right now?

Sharkbait

I think land value would improve.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Reduced demolition costs.

Mr. Ayo

It would match the river. Great idea!

Redshirt

No don’t. I don’t think ODOT has the money to replace the overheads on all signs on I-71 North, I-77 North and I-80/90 East and West from “Cleveland” to “Flaming Ruins”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

oh, this is just delicious. Try a long FG, you dumb fucks

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

What the hell was that?

King Hippo

A woopsie-doodle

jjfozz

All political and other shit aside, I fucking hate the shit out of Kapernick.

King Hippo

He is a smug, dumb piece of shit. NO QUESTION.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I love watching football nude.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unfortunately all the other patrons at this sports bar have no such free spirit.

SonOfSpam

Fucking puritans.

litre_cola

Isn’t that one of your amendments?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Sharkbait

See Antonio, just twerk, no pumps.

JustStopDude

Browns getting a first down…
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SonOfSpam

Can’t believe that electric showman didn’t win.

Sharkbait

Such bravado.

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Redshirt

I liked Will Ferrell as George W. Bush on SNL:

“Twist in plot, I’m the smart one!”

jjfozz

Bartender, I’ll have a Todd Haley.
What’s in it?
Two ground up Marlboro Reds, a teaspoon of Copenhagen, three ounces of Yukon Jack, a chunk of burnt rubber, served in a rusty Hormel Chili can

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure that’s a Tomsula.

Smithchez

Pressure was working every single time, so why not dial up a 3 man rush there?

Sharkbait

Boss Tood is really looking a Google Maps to find the fastest way out of the stadium when he retires at halftime.

litre_cola

Landry is so good, he must be pissed about getting doubled every down

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I would LOVE for her to stab me to death.

jjfozz

You know, if the browns other color was yellow instead of orange, there would be plenty of “corn in shit” jokes that we could make.

SonOfSpam

Candy corn.

You’re welcome.

Sharkbait

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Claymaker

My wife is watching a Spanish historical drama on Netflix and Barcelona during a grain riot in the mid-14th century is kind of how I imagine the concourses will look after the game if the Browns get shut out.

Horatio Cornblower

What’s the nudity factor? Asking for everyone here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Claymaker

I haven’t been paying close attention, but so far not good.

The opening scene is seriously straight out of Tombstone, where the local lord shows up to a country wedding to Prima Nocta all over everybodys’ ass, except they decide to get graphic with the rape aftermath. The hot Catalan peasant wife didn’t even get naked.