Your “We Need To Talk About Tevin” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Ehh, I’ve talked about him enough. Besides, there are other things to vibrate the vocal cords about. Like, why the heckfire are you gonna watch this oh-so-entertaining shit show? Let’s talk about your childhood-did you fall out of a tree as a youngster? Did you hear your parents make grunting noises through that paper-thin wall your bed was resting against? He wasn’t trying to hurt her, you know. (most likely) Did you take an overnight trip with your best buddies to go see a dead body? Did Mr. Cuddles talk back to you? Did your older sister play “Cheeseburger in Paradise” on repeat while she did your nails? Were you told that “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” was a documentary? Did Uncle Touchy earn his nickname during the celebration after Joe Montana hit Dwight Clark in the end zone? Did you get an erection when you heard about the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion?

If you answered, “I’m not sure” to any of these questions…whoo boy! I don’t think you deserve to have Tevin Coleman on your fantasy roster. He deserves much, much better. Shall we wander over to the tilt at hand on this Thursday “Ya got anything better to do? I didn’t think so” night snoreperience. TO THE GAME!

Them Jets/Them Browns:

Binary code for these two squadoo’s combined record at this point (11011) can be translated loosely as “at least we’re not the Giants, haha” And yet, they still are who they are. Let’s let them off the hook for a wee bit and see how things go.

Amen.

 

 

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PetroneltheeWeeBabySeamusBrick MeathookMoose -The End Is Well NighMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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MikeWallaceAndGromit

BROWNS ARE GOING 13-2-1 FOR THE BAKER’S DOZEN!

blaxabbath

This has always been like one of my favorite names.

Beerguyrob

I’m enjoying the lack of sound on the NFL Network set. It’s just Michael irvin making karate chops like he’s Dolomite.

King Hippo

1-1-1. Such a mathematically pleasant record. Of course, it could also read like a racist video gamer kid ending an exclamatory sentence.

Brocky

1-1-1. Such a mathematically pleasant perfectly balanced record.

FTFY

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Gregggggg looks drunk already

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Wakezilla

Hope Clicks eternal: Browns edition could be fun to read

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You have my attention.

Beerguyrob

Jesus, I might have to make the time.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Seriously tho, sauce plx

King Hippo

I think Michael Irvin needs a bigger, tackier diamond in his ear. No reason to be such a shrinking violet.

blaxabbath

It’s funny to see all these positive homer excited Mayfield tweets. In three years they’re gonna all be like,”Always knew the BM wouldn’t develop. Bad pick.” And we’ll have these tweets to enjoy.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I saw one already comparing this to Brett Favre

King Hippo

aw, fuck off media, don’t make me hate him already

blaxabbath

Oh seriously?!

Wakezilla

Good for them!

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King Hippo

SEVENTEEN points FOAR the mighty D/ST of #ThePauls!!

Go Baker Go!!

blaxabbath

2020!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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Horatio Cornblower

“They should burn Cleveland to the ground tonight”

“It’s only one game.”

“What game?”

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Unlock the coolers!

Wakezilla

So, The Pauls haven’t won since Obama was president. That’s kind of funny

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Horatio Cornblower

Neither has the US.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

King Hippo

“Michelle says I can do it again, so long as it’s only a few years, and I get Saturdays off for marathon tantric sex.” – Barack Hussein O., Chi****, IL

King Hippo

SACK! Gimme mah point, you usurpers!!!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

But…but…the streak…

Brocky

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Beerguyrob

The Jests are the one in 1-1-1.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

RELEASE THE VICTORY POSSUM

— Matt Ufford (@mattufford) September 21, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

King Hippo

Standing there on his hind legs, downing a punt. Like a bunch of Boddy-Calhouns!

King Hippo

for once, the punt is mathematically correct

Wakezilla

Go for it!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh wait, they could still fuck it up.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Block it!

Wakezilla

Such a feel good story that the Browns got their team back this year.

Joe Buck is the worst

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The Browns could still lose this. If anybody could, it’s the Browns.

Horatio Cornblower

I was just going to call a Jets punt return for a TD, followed by Cleveland just sliding into Lake Erie.

King Hippo

doing some math and IMAGINAAAAAAATION! we could get a punt, followed by safety, followed by onside free kick!

Beerguyrob

Where were you when the Browns won their game?

/intentional

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I gotta go buy an Instant Pot, and wrap my head around the fact that the Browns did a good.

I might need to pressure cook my head in the Instant Pot to get this fact in there good.

King Hippo

I ML bet them at 3-14 because their backup QB was coming into the game. CONFIDENTLY.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You smarty.

King Hippo

made up for the Lesser Footy bets I lost at halftime

#ULTIMATELOSER

theeWeeBabySeamus

Will my head fit in a 6 quart, or do I need the 8 quart?

Horatio Cornblower

Which one?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who cares? I don’t use either one very much anymore these days.

Horatio Cornblower

eh, then go for the 6 quart one.

King Hippo

I used #ThePauls as a fill-in D/ST and they scored 14 points! Perhaps even more if Hey Darnold!! gets the ball back with a few ticks left to tard around with.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait
Wakezilla

Wooooo!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, that was just not a very good check down.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

RIOT IN CLEVELAND TONIGHT!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

So, normal Thursday schedule then?

Wakezilla

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Horatio Cornblower

That sound you hear is both the the ball landing in a Browns DB’s hands to cement the win, and the cracking of the Fifth Seal.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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King Hippo

and you were here with DFO to see IT BEGIN!!

Wakezilla

Jesus Christ, Buck has Trent Green brain damage. How many times did he say #1 overall pick tonight?

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

India is a strange land.

Wakezilla

That guy holding that sign is on par with the shit-stain soldier in Private Ryan I was talking about earlier. You want that side to win, but, damn, they ruin the pure joy.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/drops fork
//hopes

Brocky

I want Cleveland to lose solely because of that guy’s sign

King Hippo

PLEASE PICKERCEPTION, and why didn’t I bet more moneys on my hunch when Mayfield came in??

King Hippo

/that’s why I ain’t bet MOAR I guess

//NOPE PICKERCEPTION WOO

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Well asscrackers…now someone’s almost certain to win. I was rooting for another tie.

Horatio Cornblower

Still time for 2 safeties! Think positive!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

If anyone can give up two safeties in 2 minutes, it’s the Browns.

King Hippo

Pick Six puts the Draw back in play!

Horatio Cornblower

Christ, if they win this the Browns are going to set an opossum loose in the stadium every night.

https://twitter.com/i/status/1042952050580103168

King Hippo

thank of the wonderful RABIES POTENTIAL!!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s Ohio; rabies would be an improvement to their overall health care.

Brocky

I once caught a possum in alive animal trap. It had a bunch of babies, and I felt really bad about relocating it.

Horatio Cornblower

Did you relocate the babies with it?

Brocky

I’m assuming so. if one scrambled out during the truck ride over, I didn’t notice

Wakezilla

This game is looking good!

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King Hippo

Seriously, been at least a B+ since Tyrod’s brain went Trent Green.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Spur’s question about podcasts reminded me of this funny excerpt from the RT podcast, animated for your pleasure.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Forgot about RTAA!

King Hippo

clicking around the League, the guy playing our money league commish DID start Crowell. Oh, he gon be mad.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Sucks for that guy.

King Hippo

good for me? my opponent left Hyde (29.8) on his bench. His team is still really good, though.

King Hippo

In case you needed sommet else to ponder after commercial/kickoff/commercial:

https://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/this-is-nuts-3

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

BeerGuyRob, Maestro? Can I crash on your couch until this shitstorm is over?

King Hippo

From “wasn’t there” to “rough horseplay” to Beavis and Butthead “it was uh…other kids or something.”

King Hippo

ok, not-Manziel. You want to what passes FOAR a hero in BELIEVE-land?

King Hippo

How did they not expect the Enunwa play? Is Boss Todd calling defense too?

Horatio Cornblower

NOBODY EXPECTS THE ENUNWA PLAY!!!
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Spur
Spur

I need a good podcast to listen to. Suggestions?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Yes. Very yes.

Spur
Spur

Have that already

King Hippo

I bet Todd Bowles has a great one

Horatio Cornblower

Better than Jim Caldwell’s.

King Hippo

good luck finding that’un

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

What are you looking for? Comedy? Sports? Political? Science?

Spur
Spur

All. If it’s interesting I’ll listen

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Here are some of the comdey ones I listen to:

Rooster Teeth Podcast: People from a web video production company shooting the shit about what’s happening in their lives, and the lives of their fellow employees. Full of interesting characters and humorous anecdotes. Most episodes are about an hour, and they’ve been releasing one a week for 10 years.

Off Topic: Kind of a spin-off of the rooster teeth podcast. Very unfocused, centers mostly around banter between the people on it. Hard to describe because they literally talk about whatever they fell like. Episodes are 2 to 3 hours, they have about 150 now, i think.

Comedy button: Made by IGN employees, but not an official company podcast. Biggest draw is it’s absurdist humor and banter, as well as lots of nostalgic stuff about nineties nerd pop culture. Episodes are about an hour, they have about 350 episodes now

Spur
Spur

I’ll try these. Thanks

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Seconded for the Rooster Teeth crew.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
the Alpha and the Amoeba

If you want a taste of the type of stuff on the Rooster teeth podcast, they take the best parts from their episodes and make animated shorts based on them.

Smithchez
Smithchez

We Hate Movies is my go to. Just 4 former improv-ish guys riffing on shitty movies. They’re great.

King Hippo

predicting #ThePauls 21, Jest 17

King Hippo

see, NAWT all my predicciones are merde. JUST MOST

Wakezilla

Johnny Football starting tomorrow. Wooo!

https://i.chzbgr.com/full/7858252288/hB16B9351/

litre_cola

Browns are going to Browns here and continue to stomp on their fans hearts.