Your “We Need To Talk About Tevin” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Ehh, I’ve talked about him enough. Besides, there are other things to vibrate the vocal cords about. Like, why the heckfire are you gonna watch this oh-so-entertaining shit show? Let’s talk about your childhood-did you fall out of a tree as a youngster? Did you hear your parents make grunting noises through that paper-thin wall your bed was resting against? He wasn’t trying to hurt her, you know. (most likely) Did you take an overnight trip with your best buddies to go see a dead body? Did Mr. Cuddles talk back to you? Did your older sister play “Cheeseburger in Paradise” on repeat while she did your nails? Were you told that “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” was a documentary? Did Uncle Touchy earn his nickname during the celebration after Joe Montana hit Dwight Clark in the end zone? Did you get an erection when you heard about the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion?

If you answered, “I’m not sure” to any of these questions…whoo boy! I don’t think you deserve to have Tevin Coleman on your fantasy roster. He deserves much, much better. Shall we wander over to the tilt at hand on this Thursday “Ya got anything better to do? I didn’t think so” night snoreperience. TO THE GAME!

Them Jets/Them Browns:

Binary code for these two squadoo’s combined record at this point (11011) can be translated loosely as “at least we’re not the Giants, haha” And yet, they still are who they are. Let’s let them off the hook for a wee bit and see how things go.

Amen.

 

 

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PetroneltheeWeeBabySeamusBrick MeathookMoose -The End Is Well NighMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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Brocky

So when do we officially get tired of seeing that play?

I’m gonna guess it’s when new england runs it on a Sunday night game, Collinsworth praises Tom brady for just standing there catching the pass.

In that moment collinsworth abandons all pretext of being impartial, leaves the booth, and spends the rest of the game trying to chase brady down so he can suck his dick.

….

Where was i going with this?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

If he had dropped it, would it have been a cleveland steamer?

Wakezilla

That was quite the razzle dazzle play

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

That was excellent footballing

litre_cola

That was absolutely fantastic. Total college offense.

King Hippo

desperate times, yada yada

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Brownie Special!

Wakezilla

Should have gone for the single, Hue

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Horatio Cornblower

Touchdown Browns!

There’s something you don’t hear every season.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Great try there Browns.

Wakezilla

That’s an accurate throw

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litre_cola

Now that was a fucking great catch

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Holy damn.

Wakezilla

Never takes notes? Maybe Darnauld is dyslexic?

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Wakezilla

Aikman had a 4.0 GPA? His nerd really wanted to be liked

Horatio Cornblower

High school QB in Oklahoma? That’s an automatic A whether you go to class or not.

Brocky

Wasn’t this the entire plot of a king of the hill episode?

Smithchez
Smithchez

It would only make sense for the Jets to go on to lose this game 15-14 on 5 field goals that barely go in, capped off by a 64 yarder as time expires.

Wakezilla

No Browns kicker is capable of doing that. They can barely kick an extra point

theeWeeBabySeamus

How do you know this? They rarely have to try to do that.

Wakezilla

Have you seen the past few weeks?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

That’s what you get for not going to Njoku

King Hippo

pretty awful mechanics on that 3rd down toss

litre_cola

Needed that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Alright, Browns might be in field goal range for Zayn

Smithchez
Smithchez

No team is ever out of field goal range when they play the Jets.

King Hippo

SUDDEN CHANGE!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Smithchez
Smithchez

This is a real clinic the Jets are putting on.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hawt Taek: Josh McCown has fabulous hair.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh you bastard. Now I have to go masturbate.

Meh, I was probably gonna anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just heard on the radio that a fan caught a live possum in the stands.

Spur
Spur

Oh shit the Finger bang South Park episode is on

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Safety! The Gods demand a safety!

Spur
Spur

I have set the rooms AC to its lowest degrees I left the bathroom sink dripping. I want snow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

More like Bayer Mayfield amirite?

King Hippo

YES!!!! Feed Njoku.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

MOAR NJOKU!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

If Baker Mayfield gets hurt by the end of this game, will that be enough for Hue to get canned? Because winning means nothing to this franchise.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Maybe if he were a different hue, he’d be safe

Spur
Spur

I can’t get the game in my room. At least it’s not a real game

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

It’s nice that you’re positive, but technically it’s a cell.

SonOfSpam

So Gavin Newsom is using “California Stars” by Wilco in the background of a campaign ad.

As a middle-aged white guy, I love this song and will vote for him.

King Hippo

#ThePauls’ special teams coach may want to start packing up

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Thats at least 2 ligaments torn

King Hippo

but think of teh scripts yo!

King Hippo

That was very good quartered backing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Okay. Hi. Bye.

I still hate football and everything it touches except you all.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Ok, show the Commentists, on Moose’s next gif, where the bad football touched you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Football touched me when I was 10. Fr. Football went away for a long time.

Claymaker
Claymaker

Goodnight, gents. Pray for those of us who are forced to start Carlos Hyde.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Watching Jeopardy:

Alex: “…he inspired this most famous literary miser.”
Old guy contestant who’s gonna lose: “Who is Silas Marner?”
Alex: “That’s a terrible fucking guess. What a dick.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I have absolutley no clue what the joke is here

SonOfSpam

Ebenezer Scrooge is the famous miser. Silas Marner is just awful, guess-wise.

Also, I’ve been drinking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

So there’s really no joke, just a pissed off loser (me).

jjfozz

“And then this gigantic frozen chunk of shit was ejected from a 747 and it fell on top of Michael Irwin, and you could hear Fozz orgasming from miles away.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I missed you, Fozz.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Crikey, motherfucker!

Redshirt

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Halftime in Cleveland, or as I like to call it, “Buddy takes a shit that mortifies all involved”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

But enough about the Ryan boys …

God damn, I missed you most of all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

C’mon, Bud Light. Just come right out and call us fags already.

SonOfSpam

To be fair, you currently have my cock in your mouth.

jjfozz

I hate it that King Hippo’s dick tastes like shit.

entropy

Baker Mayfield looks like one of Mr Hankey’s kids out there. He’s literally 2/3 the size of every other player.

(God damn you Jets you will NOT lose to Baker Fucking Mayfield)

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nbd, just a Browns fan catching a possum tonight at the stadium pic.twitter.com/MxMWFWh4jS

— Busted Coverage (@bustedcoverage) September 21, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

theeWeeBabySeamus

tWBS’ halftime rant for the week…
(I know a lot of you are attorneys so please don’t take offense)

I have freaking had it with dealing with incompetent attorneys. In the past coupla months, no fewer than five of them have annoyed me greatly by failing to do their damn jobs I’ve paid them to do.

And one is still vowing to have me murdered.
Granted that one lives in Australia, is more or less insane and a Nazi, but still…

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR DAMNED PROFESSION PEOPLE??? DOES NOBODY DO THEIR JOBS????

King Hippo

JD is by far the easiest doctorate, let alone masters’ degree, that one can possibly obtain.

Why do you think so many Commentist Party members have one? Law school was maybe 20% as difficult as my undergraduate program (Environmental Engineering).

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve just learned that technically, an imaginary person owns my house, because the attorney in question put someone else’s name on the deed transfer. And granted, when I called the court about it they were understanding (and also giggled a little bit) but still….goddammit.

litre_cola

Imaginary person? So on of us owns your house?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, you can have it. I now understand why people recommend to rent rather than buy these days.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

You are like a yellow porch light.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

But I want to friends with the DA not represent my client!

Smithchez
Smithchez

I’m of the mind that there are only two types of people who become attorneys.

1. Those genuinely interested in the intricacies of the law and how different precedents and interpretations shape the very society in which we live.

2. People who didn’t know what else to do with their lives and just fucking LOVE the idea of beginning sentences with “Well, actually….”

Spur
Spur

I’ve seen 4 ladies of the night. One offered Spur 150 for a great time. I just want to go home

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Spur 150 is what David Robinson calls his spunk

litre_cola

Great time? She is going to go to work for you tomorrow? That is how Spur can have a great time.

jjfozz

“There’s life here in this stadium.” Yes, but that life is lived by people who have no lives.

King Hippo

I am pretty sure I would be going to sleep if nae for Mayfield

litre_cola

I just thought the same thing. I want to see this play out . That, and Gamblor.

Redshirt

Just imagine the reaction if they send Taylor back out there in the 2nd half.

SonOfSpam

Browns-Jets matchup was in the first draft of West Side Story.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just heard sanctimonious PK say the P*ts are a PROUD franchise and should not do business with Josh Gordon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s INFURIATED!!

Redshirt

One of their assistant coaches supposedly said they can win without Brady. I say the trade deadline hasn’t past yet. Prove it!