Your “Welcome Back to Work!” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Anyone ever all set to go on a vacation, and then suddenly the morning before have someone dump a giant project on you? This happened to me two Thursdays ago, with the kicker (a few fan bases recoil in horror at that word) being that I had prepared for this and had sent the person everything they had asked for prior to that date. They knew I was going, and yet, the morning before, needed everything done before I left. Shockingly, my boss recognized this, and basically backed me up in saying, “You’re shit out of luck and jolly well fucked.” So away on vacation I went, up to Seattle for a family wedding (THERE WAS DRAMA!) and then Vancouver, where I got to drankin’ with BeerGuyRob and the BeerGuy/GalDogs. One of those things was more enjoyable than the other, and I’ll let you obviously infer which it was.

Anyway, I am finally back in the office today and was all ready to have a somewhat easy day as I pick up the pieces and plow through the slog that was my inbox with my boss is in China for a week. “NAWT SO FAST!” cries that person with the project from before. They had been sitting, quietly, biding their time, awaiting my return for that exact moment to pick up where things left off. And best of all, they put zero time into working on the QUESTIONS that I sent them before I left. In fact, they found issues with nearly everything I had previously prepared all of a sudden TODAY, which they had previously approved! It’s enough to make you want to grab them by the throat and watch as your hands dig into their soft neck meat and slowly drain the life away from their hapless… Oh, uh, I mean, TO THE GAME!

Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay The Rape Bowl

Oh dear god, why did I agree to this? With the latest news from Stormy Daniel’s new book, we get an even more gross depiction of THE BEN actively hunting his prey in the natural stalking grounds of a hotel. Was there requests to come into her room and rejections? Oh yeah. Did he try and hold the door open while she pushed against it? Mmmmmhmmm. Did he hang around for some time after that door was closed and  pathetically knock while muttering “Oh come on!” YOU BETCHA. The Yinzers sit at a humorous 0-1-1 and are getting pretty close digging themselves in too deep.

Meanwhile, BloodSugarFitzMagic will likely be starting his final game for the Bucs in leau of  the Crab and Pussy Pilferer’s 3-game suspension, and has played far better than one might expect of your usual Harvard Man. 2-0, and dare I say, pushing for a chance to keep his yob? Probably not the case, but depending on how Winston does upon his return, his tenure could be coming to a sputtering end.

So what happens tonight? Well, we haven’t had a tie yet this week, and having the Steelers boast an 0-1-2 record seems like the most hilarious outcome, so that’s what I’m going for. I’m sure you’ll have your opinions, so get with it and go make ’em!

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.
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jjfozz

I’m going to be 50 in November. I’m buying myself something monumentally stupid. Stay tuned.

WCS

Mail order bride! Mail order bride!

JustStopDude

Nothing screams “mid life crisis” like a corvette or a Harley.

jjfozz

Yes, and no one would scream louder than my wife.

Spur

Green Bay Packers “stock” or Corvette.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Michael Crabtree black alternate jersey?

Brocky

A life sized replica of yourself than spins on its dick like a beyblade?

Brocky

Endzone tickets to an NFL game?

Unsurprised

A house in Baltimore?

Spur

Should be tossed for that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was a bullshit call.

JustStopDude

Seriously?!?

That is a textbook dirty hit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No, it wasn’t.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It wasn’t dirty. Helmets come into contact with one another sometimes without it being dirty. THAT’S WHY THEY HAVE HELMETS TO BEGIN WITH.

Just because they contact, doesn’t mean it’s dirty.

This is why I think this rule is bullshit. He was tackling a player, the way he’s been taught. He wasn’t trying to harm.

Football is a brutal sport, I get it. I have my reservations about whether it should be shut down completely, trust me. But if they’re gonna play it, then fucking play it.

LemonJello

Indeed. That was a picture perfect example of leading with the helmet.

scotchnaut

Helmet to helmet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh my God that stiffarm was the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever seen. And I say that as someone who once witnessed Brett Kavanaugh talking about Renate Schroeder.

SonOfSpam

Heh.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What can I say, when I go topical, I *really* go topical.

SonOfSpam

Like an anti-fungal ointment.

LemonJello

Shan’Khlor be praised!
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jjfozz

I want someone to make a kid’s movie that’s a “feel bad” movie. Like Old Yeller crossed with the Exorcist with a little Pulp Fiction thrown in there

The Maestro

They already made it. It’s called A Serbian Film.

SonOfSpam

God, that was a sexy little movie. Getting a semi just thinking about it.

SonOfSpam

Finding Nemo, except Bruce the Shark isn’t such a pussy.

Spur

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The Maestro

Fun fact of tonight’s game: Buccaneers starting quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick is a graduate of Harvard University.

Mother Puncher

Chris Conte retire bitch

SonOfSpam

Anyone know where the future Mrs Vance McDonald is registered? Or has Chris decided yet?

jjfozz

They’re not “well traveled” you stupid fucktwit. They are fucking bandwagoners who have never stepped foot in Shittsburgh. stop saying that – same for the cowboys and packers and patriots.

Mother Puncher

A fuckin Oregon trail with all these bandwagoners out here

scotchnaut

Whoa! We got a scorefest on our hands?

Spur

That was not fun.

WCS

I see Chris Conte still sucks eggs.

Spur

So Winston is the issue not the rest of the team right? It’s the same line, same skill players, same shitty stadium.

jjfozz

Disney World is the biggest fucking rip off ever.

LemonJello

You have’t started paying for college yet, have you?

jjfozz

Right now I’m paying for catholic high school for the oldest, who as mentioned before, is as big a dick as a 14 year old can be.

SonOfSpam

Oh reallllly?

Wait. IS. You said IS. Never mind.

Unsurprised

A future SCOTUS justice in the making?

WCS

BACK IN MY DAY, WE LISTENED TO GOOD, CLEAN MUSIC LIKE DR. DRE AND SLAYER

EDIT: I don’t know how this posted here, it was meant for the comment immediately below

jjfozz

Millenial Moment: Friday one of the Young was playing “Jump Around” and it was cool and that line, “if the bitch steps up I’m smacking the ho” came on.

Holy christ on a crutch you would have thought someone had just proposed we sacrifice a baby to the devil.

They just about shit their pants. Yeah, it’s not the best of lines, but come the fuck on.

LemonJello

How many of them can fit in the company provided Safe Space at one time?

jjfozz

Goddamn they are the most sensitive bunch of kids. I mean I love them all, because they’re nice people, but they’re so fucking soft.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

This’ll grow those fuckers up quick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYfwoWM2uCc

JustStopDude

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WCS

The latest ride at Action Park?

LemonJello

Is this called “Nailed It! The Blair Walsh Experience”?

SonOfSpam

Someone should’ve told that kid he could dislike the ride without losing his head over it.

I’ll be here all week! (Wife’s out of town, got no choice)

ArmedandHammered

Just make sure to put the fat asses in the front, not in the back.

LemonJello

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Spur

That was fun.

WCS

Well, seems I won’t be missing much during Saul.

jjfozz

YOu ask how Trump got elected, observe how humans become such lemmings – why in the fuck would people wear giant fake beards? Just because some dude throws a ball well? Do you see? DO YOU BECAUSE I DO AND I’M GONNA FUCKING SHOVE A HOT POKER THROUGH MY FUCKING EYE

WCS

FOZZRAGE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

jjfozz

If I owned the Tampa Bay Lighting, I’d change their name to the Puckaneers. Just because.

JustStopDude

Proposal to the Commentariate.

Issue: Cannot tackle the QB without a penalty.

Rule Change: Once the QB is touched by a defensive player, the play is treated as if the QB has cross the line of scrimmage. The ball can ONLY progress forward as a running play.

This is to address the serious issue that defensive players essentially cannot sack the QB without risking a penalty, so QB’s are effectively allowed to dance around like crazy extending the play.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
jjfozz

The oldest Fozz has an attitude that is going to earn him a fucking punch right in his snotty mouth. Jesus christ, this kid is so obnoxious he makes Collinsworth bearable.

scotchnaut

I blame you.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

#methrough is a hashtag for Sam Bradford’s career now.

scotchnaut

Up by 32. I have wr Evans left and my opponent has nobody. I think I got this.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Mike Evans does bath salts and pulls a Jim Marshall

Spur
scotchnaut

I love seeing how this sausage is made.

The Maestro

Ben is clearly washed up. Unlike his dick.

jjfozz

How are you, my thirsty ravaged band of brigands?

LemonJello

Now I’m ready to run through a goddammed brick wall! FOZZ up in this mutha!

LemonJello

HARFception!

Spur

Bucs cheerleaders are wearing to much. Oh right, BEN is in town.

The Maestro

Oh man. Power’s finally back. First football in five days for me. LAY IT ON ME.

litre_cola

Wouldn’t want to say that tonight. The qb’s might take that literally.

LemonJello

Witten needs to slow the fuck down and concentrate on actually saying coherent sentences.

JustStopDude

CTE…I would be surprised if he isn’t naked from the waist down.

Spur

no flag for launching? Oh right, its the Steelers.

litre_cola

Flags for lunching? That is outrageous. – A. Reid

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Did you know Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard? So did Buddy, but he was just super shit-faced trying to walk to BU.

Spur

#metoo

litre_cola

Evenin. Any #metoo references yet?

LemonJello

HAIL BLEERGH! HIS BLESSINGS BE UPON US ALL!!1!11

Spur

Tomorrow is payday. That’s why i go to work, I remember now.

Spur

Folks.

scotchnaut

You wish, tuna fish!

LemonJello

Glad you made it.
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

OJ Simpson is a huge fan of Fits Magic

Spur

Fist Magic?

Unsurprised

Now you’re speaking Buddy’s language!

Unsurprised

So is Michael J. Fox.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Usually “Fitz Magic” is an excuse I use to get someone to try anal!

ballsofsteelandfury

I call it FizzMagic and it involves a Mentos…

LemonJello

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Wakezilla

Forget the tie, I want Fitzmagic to run wild, resulting in Tampa curb stomping the Stillers. That’ll put a ton of pressure on the Stillers to do something with Bell and will put a ton of pressure on Famous Jameis to not screw up (he will). Hilarious win/win situation!

ballsofsteelandfury

This will probably happen, but the Steelers are a bunch of arrogant assholes that would rather let Bell go than pay him what he’s worth.

Bell will report as late as he can, which is after the trade deadline, and will be a free agent next year. In order to trade him, Bell must sign the franchise offer and he won’t do that unless he’s guaranteed to get what he wants from the other team.

WCS

I don’t know if “Infectious” is how you want to describe anything in the Bucs’ locker room…

LemonJello

The Buccaneer’s Locker Room, sponsored by Amoxicillin?

ballsofsteelandfury

So, what’s the DRAMA? Did the bridesmaid let it drop during the speech that she had engaged in a Devil’s Threesome with the Groom and the Best Man and the Groom WASN’T the Best Man?

LemonJello

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s some choice rationalizing.

Unsurprised

I’m impressed.

LemonJello

49ers make a move to get FitzMagic when Rapey comes back from the Jackshack of Shame?

ballsofsteelandfury

He’s the proper shade…

herodotus450

And trade the corpse of Jimmy G. for LeVeon?

WCS

Oh, and I will be switching to Saul at 21:00.

herodotus450

Yom Kippur was last week!

WCS

As the token Yinzer here, I would find a tie hilarious.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too.

LemonJello

With all the MRSA and venereal diseases in those combined locker rooms, they should probably just nuke the site from orbit.

It’s the only way to be sure.

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JustStopDude

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Modern NFL pass rushing in gif format…

LemonJello

That’s FOUR Roughing the Passer penalties by my count.

Spur

I wish Dak had that pocket poise.

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