Your “Something Ugly This Way Comes” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

He had a couple of angry scars that I couldn’t take my eyes away from. I barely knew him but we had this deal going for about a week now and the money was good. I’d play the out-of-towner that made a few bucks off this ugly-looking guy that was doing this 3 card monte thing. When I left folks in the crowd would ante up and when they lost they would blame their own hard luck. After all, that was the only thing they’d ever known their entire lives-and what the hell were they doing hanging out behind the burnt-out warehouse on Westinghouse Street anyway? Improving their lot in life? Not likely. Plus, the old man was very good. He had all the looks in his inventory-he could be surprised. He did a fantastic, “sorry for your luck” face. His exasperation at losing was worthy of a young Keitel in Mean Streets. He hadn’t gotten this far on luck.

We met, like we always did, in the alleyway in the middle of 3rd Street. He said the action had been good and he slipped me $200. This was great action, best I’d had in quite some time… But my nerve-endings were doing that thing again. He turned away with what for him would pass as a smile. The piece of rope that had seen more than a few things fit snugly around his neck. I got the usual scratches on the face as he flustered about. He went down relatively easy-I’d give it a 5 out of 10. When I went through his pockets I found exactly 200 bucks. It’s not often you find a straight-shooter like that. Oh well, time to move on. I raised my flask to the moon and yelled, “TO THE GAME!”

 

Bal/Pit:

What time is it? It’s Hayden Hurst time! “Who the fuckballs is Hurst?”, you so elegantly screech. Well, if you must know, he’s the first round rook te that is playing for the very first time tonight. A Ravens Nation holds its halitosis breath. The last time rb Collins lugged the ball vs. the Steelers iffy run D he got himself a measly 120 yards. I’ll bet Flacco’s room temperature gogurt that he gives him the rock a whole whack of times at the outset of the game. It’s the kind of treatment a lousy run D deserves.

Do your thing, tiny dancers.

 

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Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna check ticket prices for the rest of the season. Raiders fans are good people, and Raiders games are THE BEST TIME EVER.

Dolph Ucker

Chris: “This is turning into a Ravens-Steelers game.”

That’s quality commentary, right there.

litre_cola

Do you know how much money he makes for this shit?

Dolph Ucker

I don’t.
Want to know.

Doktor Zymm

Just got home, OT really adds a good bit of time don’t it? Just realized, but pretty much everyone I talked to today was within a year of my age, creepy or no? I guess I should make a gin and soda? I think I have gin, not gonna open a bottle of wine. And I should eat a cheese or a nut or something. Jasmine green tea is pretty shitty at warm car temps

Mr. Ayo

Gin and cheese is a great dinner.

What percentage of OAK attendees are contemplating, much less having, such a dinner?

Gatoraids

Order take out PF Changs to feel like you own the Raiders

Wakezilla

Maybe we can get Dok to convert to become a Raiders fan. They’re less racist than DC’s team

fleshwound_NPG

those pillows are just too fancy to sleep on

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Mr. Ayo

Yeah, I prefer them natural.

fleshwound_NPG

but I wouldn’t mind taking a short nap, tho

Mr. Ayo

Woah, I didn’t say I wouldn’t.

Wakezilla

They don’t look comfortable. Might give you back problems over time

fleshwound_NPG

So close to “you’re gonna challenge that shit?”

JustStopDude

I’m out boys. I need to get up early. I’ve got to prep for this trip to Europe.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I just can’t see Bill Cowher driving an Audi A7.

Spur

Good good, fuck the Steelers

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, dang. WTG Ravens. You coulda put this away more or less but you had to go and Raven it up.

Horatio Cornblower

My son is trying to work through his college physics assignment and just asked if I could help.

I haven’t laughed that hard since Brett Kavanaugh claimed he never blacked out.

theeWeeBabySeamus

P = M x V

There’s also Boyle’s gas law, but I don’t remember the symbols and I ain’t looking it up right now.

Viva La Tabula Raza

A few years ago, there were a couple of Pats fans that knew it by heart.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, now that was fucking funny.

herodotus450

Just tell him Isaac Newson (probably) died a virgin, should clear that physiics thing right up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What?

– Ozzie Newsome

fleshwound_NPG

met my now wife not long after dropping physics, so yes.

herodotus450

Plus physicists can’t solve the three body problem smgdh

herodotus450

Shoo! You stay away from Kate Beaton! She will be mine some day! Here go chase this
https://xkcd.com/182/

litre_cola

Is that Barry Switzer’s son?

fleshwound_NPG

nah, he ain’t even piggybacking a dynasty

litre_cola

I bet they fucking looove him in Yinzburgh. Because, well, you know.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Barry Switzer would beat the crap outta that kid.
So would I if I could get away with it.

U*NC jerkweed with a huge attitude problem.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

God I hate Hue Jackson so much but that overturned call was so bad that even *I* am feeling pity towards him. If something similar had happened against the Raiders I would not have been surprised if a fan jumped the barriers and ran out onto the field and stabbed the head referee.

fleshwound_NPG

probably why the refs did that, 0-4 and downed by the browns would be mad max shit exiting the black hole

(okay, that’s not much different than usual)

JustStopDude

Robbery warrant issued for tonight’s @Browns game @NFL “officials”.

Ok. We can’t do that. Just sayin’.

— Cleveland Police (@CLEpolice) October 1, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Dunstan

“But we will just shoot the black ones.”

fleshwound_NPG

down 14-0 yinzers need to hire someone quick to clean up this mess

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/makes a mess quickly
//takes off pants

(not necessarily in that order)

JustStopDude

Interesting thing from last week. I had two electricians and an electrical engineer come in for training on drives.

During one of the breaks, the one older dude started talking about his kids. He was out of Texas and him and his wife foster kids.

I’m fucking always amazed at people that can do that. Its on par to me with just giving a kidney to a random person.

Doktor Zymm

The Raiders chant thing reminds me of the end of thr Warriors, but no one follows with ‘come out and play’

Doktor Zymm

Huh, just realized I haven’t had any food today. That’s the problem with the west coast, the games start too early and it’s just boozer

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Problem?

litre_cola

Did the same thing at the Raider game I went to. Ended up in a Chinese restaurant where no one spoke English. It was great.

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I lived in AZ, I loved it. Go out and bike or hike at sunrise, then get back home and start cooking while early games are on. Food ready just in time for lunch at start of late games. Eat like a pig, then drink.

Then drink some more.

Petronel

Flip side of that is that they end early enough that you can watch the whole thing and still make it to bed at a reasonable time if you have to be at work early the next morning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe….work. Like any of us does any work on Mondays.

You so crazy.

Spur

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Wakezilla

Wowza

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, that does look like a nutritious breakfast.

Horatio Cornblower

2/10, way too many carbs. I mean, just look at the number of muffins!
/awaits avalanche of ‘butter her muffin’ jokes
//???
///Profit!

yeah right

Just enough muffin.

Redshirt

HA! FUCK YOU, PORTER! FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS WITH A METAL RAKE!

litre_cola

You could get splinters from a wooden one

Redshirt

Um. Good point. I’m going to have to run some simulations in the lab.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. “The lab.”

Mr. Ayo

Poor puppy.

Redshirt

You two twisted my job into something much darker than I intended. Well done!

Redshirt

I just love how all runningbacks are imitating LeVeon’s hesitation behind the line style, not realizing that they don’t have Bell’s vision or his acceleration.

JustStopDude

Hue Jackson Browns record update.

His winning percentage as a head coach for the Browns is now .069

This man actually gets paid to win football games…

The Maestro

Nice.

Mr. Ayo

Nice!

Dunstan

Or to tie them!

fleshwound_NPG

that’s a little bit nice

Horatio Cornblower

Nice

litre_cola

Nice gig if you can get it.

Doktor Zymm

Pretty sure I lost my voice. Can barely talk at the moment, doubt there will be much there tomorrow

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I must admit I am feeling some regret about not joining you.

Doktor Zymm

It was a damn good game

Col. Duke LaCross

Worst Vance, McDonald or Duke?

Mr. Ayo

Joy

Doktor Zymm

Something we can all agree on, Fuck the Ravens

Redshirt

I can agree, but I’m in the “Fuck ’em both” camp, so its a technicality.

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY I WAS ROOTING FOR YOUR BENGALS HARD (lol…hard) TODAY. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE RECIPROCITY THERE BUDDY BOY????????

Redshirt

Are we talking Shitbirds or Squeelers?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am a native Baltimoron, Sir!!!!!!

Redshirt

That’s what I thought, but I wanted to confirm.

Baltimore is in a race with Cincinnati, so its hard to root for them. However if they score another TD, it becomes a blowout of Pittsburgh and that changes thing entirely.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I should vehemently disagree. But I can only mildly disagree.

But fuck the Orioles for sure.

fleshwound_NPG

Peezy not happy being down 14-0 already

THAS DISRESPECT!

JustStopDude

Watching the Browns derp for an entire game and then watching the Ravens…

THEY AREN’T EVEN PLAYING THE SAME GODDAMN SPORT!

hippofant

That’s because Baker isn’t ELITE like Flacco is.

Doktor Zymm

Only jive suckers leave early. RAIDERS! Also, Browns fans are super nice and Raiders fans are pretty nice to visiting fans despite the rep

hippofant

Flacco with the Cutler move. Nice.

The Maestro

This Lamar Jackson fellow seems like he may have a future in this sport, folks.

Redshirt

So an ass-fondle is an NFL tackle?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought Ass Fondle was a nickname for another of Kavanaugh’s high school buddies.

fleshwound_NPG

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fleshwound_NPG

that was quite a strip, but i’ve seen better…

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Redshirt

I haven’t seen a stripping like that since a party in 1982.

Mr. Ayo

We’re going to need to see your calendar to believe that.

Mr. Ayo

/Checks bets
//Deeply sighs
///Open notebook
////Writes game over

litre_cola

Yep. Thought Ben would show up.

JustStopDude

What the fuck just happened?!!?

Redshirt

WTF-down!

fleshwound_NPG

[in very bon scott ac/dc voice]

“she’s got the jack”

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Redshirt

Antonio Brown dropped a pass?! I didn’t even know he knew how to drop a pass!

Horatio Cornblower

My first round pick this year.

Expect career lows in all categories for him.

JustStopDude

How is it that the Ravens ALWAYS have a good kicker?

They have never had a problem with kicking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
JustStopDude

Billy Cundiff. You had one “bad” year with that guy. Other than that, the Ravens have always had money at the position.

Hell look at the kickers that the Ravens have cut. They all still play in the league.

Claymaker

Having Flacco stand out there makes no sense at all to me. Why not put somebody in who might be sorta useful?

Redshirt

The least they can do is have him run an end around, let them think about a WR pass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RTD: [sees Browns get first down with 1:30 remaining]

RTD: [doesn’t bother to watch the challenge because obviously he got it]

RTD: [takes dog to the dog park to experience some good cheer]

RTD: [comes home and calls up fantasy scores]

RTD: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Redshirt

Someone inflate the crash pads. Rikki’s on the roof again.

fleshwound_NPG

stocking-clad babe pics posted reminds me, I haven’t done that in a while

sorry

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Mr. Ayo

Go on…

fleshwound_NPG

guess it was too much to ask the browns to go 1-1-2

Redshirt

5-5-6 is still in play. That’s as close to 3d-500 as they can get.

fleshwound_NPG

no, they need to do what you said earlier: 4-2-13 afc north champs

Redshirt

4-2-10. Unless you want them to go to Super Bowl with a 1-2-13 record.

fleshwound_NPG

YES

Redshirt

By my calculations, the Bengals and Ravens will have to go 7-9 and the Steelers will have to go 6-9-1. Though, if the Steelers go to 7-8-1 that will trigger a tie-breaker.

Claymaker

There were three legitimate tie opportunities today and we weren’t even blessed with one.

litre_cola

Good to see Al is already drunk

Mr. Ayo

My name’s not Al… Oh wait.

LemonJello

Always drunk. Much like Sterling Archer, I think the aggregated hangover would kill him if he stopped drinking.

Spur

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Wakezilla

Hnnnnnngh

...

Y’all ready for some football?
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Horatio Cornblower

if that isn’t the apotheosis of “This fucking guy”, I don’t know what is.

...

All of the guys like him share one fatal insecurity: they can not laugh at themselves at all. Everything they think and do and believe is very smart and serious and if you laugh at them they’ll lose it.

Redshirt

Don’t forget humility. They lack it.

hippofant

Fuck this ahole.

...

He’s revealed himself to be more and more insane with each new statement. Not sure which is my favorite: his all-beef diet or the fact he claims apple cider kept him awake for 25 straight days.

hippofant

His very FIRST statement was fucking insane.

“No, I won’t call you by your preferred pronoun. I will only call you by your one true gender! Because if I don’t, the cultural Marxists will cause the collapse of Western society. This is so important, I’ll do this even though the notoriously oppressive Canadian government is going to throw me in prison!”

This asshole has directly made my life and the life of my students stupidly more difficult because his particular brand of insanity is apparently shared by a lot of idiots in the world.

Spur

So the Cowboys were the only NFC East to win today comment image

...

I don’t think any division/league in any sport can be properly described as hell division except the NFC East. There are no likable teams.

Gratliff

It’s a very strict quota of one

...

I’ll have to wait for tomorrow for the Cubs to fully infuriate me. Today, I can just bask in the Bears somehow being good and pretend Hellworld is on break.

Horatio Cornblower

I just learned Alfred Morris isn’t dead.

LemonJello

Any update on Generalissimo Franco?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m told he’s still dead.

I’m Horatio Cornblower, and you’re not.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Oh hai guize!?!!??!?! I’m making a nice chicken-spinach-swiss quiche with grated cheddar on top tonight! What are you all making?

Redshirt

Quinoa, squash, steak, goat cheese.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

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Horatio Cornblower

Reheating last night’s ribs.

LemonJello

Andy Reid recognizes those words, just not in that order.

Fronkenshteen

Needing positive results from the rat birds offense, both on the ground AND through the air, will truly make you question your judgment and system of personal values.

Horatio Cornblower

Comes back home from a long day of yardwork and errands, (and, if I’m being honest, stopping at a friend’s shop where beer(s) may have been consumed), to hear Jim Nantz mention Saquon Barkley and Walter Payton in the same breath.

Fuck. Everything.

LemonJello

Fuck. Everything.

“THE BEN NOT FALL FOR THAT AGAIN. M-O-O-N, THAT SPELLS CONSENT! HARF HARF HARF.”

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