NFL News:
- There were five roughing the passer penalties in Week 4.
- It’s down from the 11 per week they averaged the first three weeks of the season.
- Defensive players are still looking for clarify on the “body weight” issue.
- Richard Sherman has the answer.
My question is why won’t they just put flags on the QBs? They would rarely hit the ground then. Guys would be able to grab the flags and that would be a sack. Guys are losing thousands of dollars just doing their job. Something has to change.
— Richard Sherman (@RSherman_25) October 1, 2018
- After last night’s performance, including that ridiculous left-handed shotput pass, people are starting to use terms like “gunslinger” and “Favreian” about Patrick Mahomes.
- If, of course, you’re willing to ignore – like the refs did – the time clock running out beyond the “one-beat” most linesmen give the QB.
- As apparently confirmed by the ref to several Broncos.
- Why, it’s almost as if someone on this very site had predicted that & written a series on such events.
- If, of course, you’re willing to ignore – like the refs did – the time clock running out beyond the “one-beat” most linesmen give the QB.
- As widely reported, Le’Veon Bell is returning to the Steelers in Week-7.
- At their bye week, so he gets paid & avoids contact.
- However, the Steelers could go the hilarious route (because they’re quite cross with him)& apply for a roster exemption for Bell, and either deny him his paycheque or force him to negotiate a percentage before he returns & signs his franchise tender.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- NL Wildcard – Rockies at Cubs – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet
- NBA Preseason Basketball:
- Cavaliers at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT
- Raptors at Jazz – 9:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Nuggets at Lakers – 10:30PM | TNT
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- the “go home” show before the Super ShowDown in Melbourne, AUS.
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Just a reminder that, starting Wednesday, October is the bestest month in sports, because hockey starts, baseball playoffs start, and the NFL is in full swing. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!
The problem with the small bears is no one knows who’s the captain since everyone technically has a C on their jersey.
Same problem with the Kansas City NFL team.
Oh God Fucking Damn It.
Holy shit, MLB isn’t even pretending they don’t want the Cubs to advance. That is horrendous.
/Taps earpiece
I’m told by SonofSpam that the runner is an idiot and slid in over the bag. Will retract this if they come back from commercials for shitty beer and show a close-up of said dumbass slide.
They won’t.
No, chances are excellent I’m wrong about this. Retract nothing, and double-down if necessary.
Sure thing, Mr. President!
YOU TAKE THAT BACK
WE VOET!!
?w=650
Is…is that the outflow of a woodchipper?
because if it is, that’s even dumber than it looks, and that is a really high bar!
Yes, because the Cubs aren’t good for ratings like the Rockies.
Unless I misinterpreted what you’re saying.
Or, as a Yankees fan, you have unreasonable empathy for uber-popular teams?
No, I’m saying that the Rockies are getting screwed, because, from every replay I saw, that runner beat the throw to second by two feet, and MLB upheld the out call. It didn’t even look close.
Naturally, the announcers have nothing to say about this. Goddamn cowards.
Ok, good. I’m glad I fucked that up, preserving my faith in you.
YOU ARE THE FUTURE!
Well the future is probably a dystopian hellscape, so at least I’ve got the right figure for it.
Small market teams always bring the rating up……
Safe by a mile at second.
This is why replay is a necessary evil; the umpires are fucking terrible.
I think he shoulda been, but he slid in with his foot higher than the base. Because he sucks.
WHAT!?!?!
Have they replaced the umps with NFL refs?
They also replaced the clubhouse coffee with Folgers Crystals. Let’s see if anyone’s old enough to get that stupid reference!
“Folgers crystal is worthless.” – Ryan Leaf, referring to his dealer Pierre “Froggy” Folger.
I like how you gave his dealer a French first name and an appropriate nickname. What’s his backstory, or are you saving that for a Leaf/Raiders post HOLY SHIT THAT’S A GOOD IDEA.
“Cishek” is Latvian for “Tekulve”
Getting ready for the second set of enormous thunderstorms to roll through. Hoping the power holds up through this set.
At least, when the latest thunder rolled, the dog stopped glaring at me because he wasn’t getting a walk and just curled up in his favorite chair. Learn to read a radar, dog, it was never gonna happen tonight.
Jason Heyward is forever playing up to his contract. (His contract says “please fail a lot”)
ROCKTOBER!
That’s Racktober.
Racktoberfest
OK, I’ll admit my misapplication mistake.
Jesus fuck, Rockies-catcher-I’ve-never-heard-of.
Classic bad-field, can’t-hit catcher.
Gary Sanchez has a twin?
Ain’t no baseball party like a catcher’s interference party.
Rikki – please to explain, yes?
To be clear, that balk thing was completely ripped off from Jon Bois.
Well, he’s still getting that sweet-ass Waltons residual cash, so fuck him.
“Catcher’s Interference? I don’t know about that.” -Jacoby Ellsbury
he probably doesn’t now, given all of his concussions.
No, Ellsbury’s the hip, or something. Frazier’s the concussions!
I’ll take two more of those, please.
Pitchers like Ottavino and Mike Leake who have single-digit jersey numbers shouldn’t exist.
That is an really weird thing to hate on. Sorta like some of tWBS’s VERY specific fetishes.
I know what I hate, and I hate that.
All those things.
Yeah, fuck Babe Ruth.
He was ok on the Red Sox.
The original Rocket Mortgage ad included the Baylor mascot buying some Rohypnol off the internet.
Don’t worry, Ken Starr fixed all that.
Red Rocket Mortgage tries harder.
YAY dog boner jokes.
We need to diversify. Especially with Andy Dalton playing well.
After following some Cubs fans on Twitter during the regular season, I am really rooting for the Rockies to pull this one out.
Luckily, there are no Rockies fans on Twitter or anywhere else.
That’s Rays fans. Sorry, fan.
Rockies fans really try, but they can’t hold a candle to the assholishness idiocy of Cubs fans.
People who do that really do deserve to swallow glass.
Isn’t Almora one of those fish that clings to another fish or something?
No you’re thinking of George Romero.
Romero? BUILD THE WALL LOCK HER UP GET $400 MILLION FROM YOUR DAD AND CLAIM YOU’RE SELF-MADE
http://time.com/5412525/kate-middleton-plants/
I know everyone here likes to keep up on the important news.
I really hope all these royal cunts (gender non-specific) get HuntaAIDS and die.
I’d hire him over Patrick Swayze.
This guy might be dead now too.
Yeah, unless the date of that GIF is “today” then that’s a good bet.
Shit. My tits are bigger than his.
The Masturbating Bear next to him, not jackin’ it for once.
I see that military recruitment ads are becoming less help-y and more explode-y.
They should’ve just stopped with the Marines dragon slaying one and changed the uniform at the end for each branch
Well, help-y isn’t drawing in the sufficient number of soulless psychopaths they need to keep maintaining the blockade in Yemen that’s starving a million people to death or piloting the drones that nuke weddings from low orbiting platforms.
I don’t normally tout my own jokes (more than once per thread) but I think my Gruden one on the Boltman-Predator video is worth checking out, ICYMI.
Nothing could be more insanely batshit and nihilistically hilarious as his real bullshit-laden testimony.
All banner quotes should require pandering immediately after.
I don’t think either side wants to win this “series.”
Well that was dumb.
That was some fucking stupid baseruning
They scored that a base hit? Jesus.
official scorers are America’s true snowflaeks
Have to think they’ll correct that at some point. The ball even hit his glove.
Base Hit Jesus.
RIP Dirt Donkeys
Small Bears curse is BACK!
PLEASE GOD
dumb motherfucking RF
There is what I’m assuming is a bug outside my window that’s making a noise that sounds suspiciously a lot like a Predator. If I suddenly go missing,, I’ve failed in my attempt to convince him Dean Spanos is the deadliest prey and he still holds a grudge over this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uggLvpFGQs
With that McFadden jersey I’m impressed the Predator stayed healthy long enough to make it into the ring.
“Why didn’t the Predator activate his franchise-issued self-destruct device?” – Jon Gruden
BANNER THAT SHIT
Oh shit that reminds me…
I’m surprised the Predator didn’t pull out a knife or three.
ARod just said that Lester is feeling sexy.
Did he say it shirtless in front of a mirror?
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/seahawks-linebacker-mychal-kendricks-suspended-indefinitely/ar-BBNQTV2?OCID=ansmsnnews11
What, did he accidentally walk past a dispensary?EDIT: Turns out real life is stupider.
BALK RULES! IMPORTANT!
1. You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that.
1a. A balk is when you
1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the
1c. Let me start over
1c-a. The pitcher is not allowed to do a motion to the, uh, batter, that prohibits the batter from doing, you know, just trying to hit the ball. You can’t do that.
1c-b. Once the pitcher is in the stretch, he can’t be over here and say to the runner, like, “I’m gonna get ya! I’m gonna tag you out! You better watch your butt!” and then just be like he didn’t even do that.
1c-b(1). Like, if you’re about to pitch and then don’t pitch, you have to still pitch. You cannot not pitch. Does that make any sense?
1c-b(2). You gotta be, throwing motion of the ball, and then, until you just throw it.
1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have the ball up here, like this, but then there’s the balk you gotta think about.
1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Balk hasn’t been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn’t typecast as that racist lady in American History X.
1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse.
1c-b(2)-b(ii). “get in mah bellah” — Adam Water, “The Waterboy.” Haha, classic…
1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. A balk is when the pitcher makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the baseball and field of
2. Do not do a balk please.
Banner…if we don’t mind extending the mast head 754%
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/guyspeed.com/files/2013/04/bullpen-fart.gif
HAHAHAHAHA
Stolen Valor: the Jon Bois story (directed by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly)
Fairuza Balk is all kinds of sexy in my balk.
Slowpitch is weird but sexy in Korea.
But only when there are runners on.
Never forget!
Is this a balking pitcher?
Thank you for reminding me that as stupid as football is, there is at least one dumber and more awful sport out there.
On the radio there was a LOT of Mahomes ball washing; seems odd as he is too brownish for the jock sniffing media to do this. Maybe they are just gearing for the fall.
His hair is getting more Kaep by the day…
Media people are as blind as they are stupid.
Just wait until a fight breaks out in a nightclub (that he left an hour earlier). Then the hot taeks will arrive.
the kid is really fucking good. The media REALLY is trying to get me to hate him, though.
The fact that even I don’t hate him (yet) should say something.
They avoid Tyreke Hill’s pregnant girl friend punching as much as they do THE BEN rapist subjects.
Did A Rod just call a guy Desmond Howard? Jesus these guys are bad. Give me Joe Buck for beisbol please.
Rockies Cubs, eh? Looks like Larry Walker and Sammy Sosa have the night off, eh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jHptb7N-PI
speaking of shit I did not bet (and never would have in a billion years) how about Everton castoff Nikola Vlasic scoring in the 2nd minute for CSKA Moscow v. Real Madrid, and it holding up for all 90?
Still can’t believe our Young Boys got taken to the woodshed.
— Joe Paterno
edit-drunker than fuck.
hey, it’s Tuesday. Who ain’t??
Holliday’s starting? Bold strategy, Cotton.
Woah, it just kind of worked?
I want Lester to lose his mind on this umpire. It will happen by the 4th inning.
Confucious say “man cannot lose what man do not have”
That is a bullshit call, should have scored blackmon.
It’s alright. Lester is still pitching. They’ll be fine.
I should have bet on the Asshole Small Bears to ensure Dirt Donks trimuph.
As soon as the Rockies scored I laid money on the small Bears
Whoa slow down there Jerry Richardson.
Ivy controversy already!
I may or may not be in line for my first attempt at Monkish. Don’t tell Horatio.
They’ve been known to Increase The Fog Significantly. I hope you didn’t drive.
I’m still fighting a cold or flu or whatever, so this is all going right into the fridge/a box to Connecticut.
[Snaps fingers] “Mailing germs?! That’s a great way to do it!”
— Greg Schiano
Arizona peeps (so, Blax), you going to the Taco Festival?
That’s no way 2 talk about Lilith Fair ,, smgdh
Song you want played at your funeral? Consider the floodgates open…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI0y1AMGQ_M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIitQNXVgb8
I’ve given this thing way too much thought. Probably this one more than the others:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTrH8ODyyps
this also works:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbckIuT_YDc
I would have also accepted Drown Me Slowly.
Something not sad. I was raised that death isn’t a time for sorrow; Its a time to celebrate a life completed and a soul gone to Heaven.
My grandma had us have a toast over her grave at the end of the ceremony. I’m going to have the same done at the end of mine.
but we are all hell-bound ,, smh
and in all serious, I’d rather not have a funeral at all, I find them more than a little creepy. REALLY don’t want any corpse display. But I will be ded, so really doesn’t matter much to me anymore, I guess.
Eric Idle answered this question on Colbert last night in reference to everyone using “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” His response? “Sit on My Face.”
As for me I’ll get to this later tonight when I can get to the compy. Because I STILL haven’t gotten my hard drive swapped because I’m lazy.
Open with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6sqI3nWJig
Roll credits with this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUSKX_aYhoY
This somewhere in the middle there
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMmTkKz60W8
Wedding or funeral, it still works.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GZuzlmpbOs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ao0lyPjYQw0#dialog
Not my final answer, but this is the first thing that came to mind:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEIceHIxvtI
My answer would be either something I’ve written or one of the movements of the Bach Sonatas & Partita. If I want to be a dick, either the Chaccone or the C Major Fugue.
/This has been your “It’s culture, you assholes” post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nZNHeZHX9E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdcFNunR5YM
https://youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=JanefBLU5MM&feature=youtu.be
Ooof. Being a lawyer is harder than it looks.
-A Caveman
In my first fantasy league I’m 2-2
In my second fantasy league I’m 4-0
In my third fantasy league Jennifer Aniston won’t take “NO!” for an answer.
Well, since I’m such a nice guy, I guess I’ll do you a favor…
P.A. Announcer: “Pitch hitting for Scotchnaut…”
Me at work today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6vvHprobZs&t=5m44s
Except you’re working on trying to get to zero hearts, not two?
And PSL is back!