JV NFL Thread – Where Has All Teh Good Matches Gone?

Fuck everything, another shitass International Break is upon us.  And is JV NFL breaking out the good vintage bottles to ease our suffering?  Fuck and No.  Your platter of turds follows:

Florida at Vanderbilt (Noon, ESPN)

Some peoples would have you believe that the Gators have turned the corner and are now legitimately good.  Those peoples will be noticeably quiet after said Gators lose to Vandy.  Yes, this is a thing I bet on.

Iowa at Indiana (Noon, ESPN2)

Bet you didn’t expect these sides to be 4-1 and 4-2, respectively.  Still, watching this fixture will give your eyes a sad.  But pickins is slim.

Oklahoma State at Kansas State (Noon, ESPNU)

The Battle of Who’s MOAR Disappoint and/or Loser Becomes the Side Most Likely to Almost Lose to Kansas.

Georgia at LSU (3:30, CBS)

The first of today’s two real games (both at same time, of course), featuring a good Georgia side on the road against an angry Bayou Bengal side.  If’n this was at night, I’d favour LSU outright.  Still think they beat a 7.5 point spread at home, but UGA pulls it out late.

Washington at Oregon (3:30, ABC/ESPN2)

Not sure I believe either of these team’s deserves to be ranked as highly as they are, but still quite watchable and interesting a matchup.  Should be a night game, fuckos.

West By God Virginia at Iowa State (7:00, FS1)

I put money on Fuckers du Cousins (+7 at +120) to make this interesting.  The late slate is fucking garbage.

Wisconsin at Michigan (7:30, ABC)

Two boring as fuck teams that sportscasters love to jism over.  Michigan will likely murder Bucky Badger.

Colorado at USC (10:30, FS1)

Not a strong tweaker slate, even.  But the Buffs are unbeaten and a 7-point dog going into Watts.  Mildly interesting, I’d say.  At least there will be Song Girls.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

“Oh Vandy, you came and you gave without taking, (the points from the easy field goal). Oh Vandy.”

-Barry Manilow, modified

theeWeeBabySeamus

Every time I watch Vandy in any sport, I always think it would be funny if Lionel Richie showed up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrBx6mAWYPU

theeWeeBabySeamus

@Hippo, what was lines on UF/Vandy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, the UGa portion of my multiple personalities is worried ’bout that LSU game.

Spur

Did Tebow or Urban Liar curse Florida? Florida can’t field a decent team since they left.

Spur

Tomorrow’s England game wont start early? It says 10am local. WTF? having that super early game was awesome.

scotchnaut

If you’re a fan of ‘no-name’ products but don’t want to shop today, just check out the Sens/Kings tilt at 2. Due to injuries something called Mikael Boedker will be playing on the top line! Yeesh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So the first half of UF/Vandy was a clinic on sportsmanship, huh?

Senor Weaselo

SPORTSMANSHIP! *silent*
BOOKS! *also silent*

ballsofsteelandfury
yeah right

Fantastic. They also have great food trucks on Saturdays. It’s good to see them getting love.

scotchnaut

I think it might be cool to hang out on the grass at the one end of Vandy’s field.

Spur

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scotchnaut

His face got that ‘been out too long in the sun begging for quarters’ look about it.

Fronkenshteen

Which, if any, of tomorrow’s fixtures have your antennae a-twitchin’, Hippo?

Fronkenshteen

I was eyeing up the Donks, but now that Kupp and Cooks are starting, I got scared off.

Spur

Kupp not dead?

Wakezilla

It’s amazing how many American politicians and media have found their moral compass now that the Saudis aren’t willing to buy more boom sticks from Lockheed Martin and Raytheon. Maybe if we start blaming the Saudis for Climate change, we might actually save the planet before we all have our skin melt like Raiders of the Lost Ark in 25-30 years.

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Spur

or accountable for 9/11 or funding Wahhabism

Unsurprised

funding Wahhabism

That gets a little too close to having to accept blame ourselves.

UNLESS … Blame England. This time we invade Canada successfully.

scotchnaut

Okay, I did all the literature and history quizzes on sporcle (not really but quite a few) and now tis time for beer and football. Huzzah!

scotchnaut

What’s all this then? Don’t even think stuff like that.

Fronkenshteen

Tomorrow’s parlay:
Chefs +160 @ NE
Tits +118 vs Ratbirds
Bolts/Factory – UNDER 45.5

$5.00 gets me $51.68

yeah right

I’ve got a 3 teamer with Bolts, Panthers and Falcons all straight up. Ten gets you 48.

yeah right

My thought.

blaxabbath

Where you all betting again? Superbook will only let me deposit with BTC and fuck that when it’s this low.

yeah right

Bovada for me.

Spur

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Spur

Gophers looking good here.

Spur

let me DREAM Hippo! Let me Dream!

Spur

Morning Folks.

Over easy eggs are underrated.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Calling them underrATEd makes me think you didn’t clean your plate. FINISH YOUR EGGS.

Viva La Tabula Raza

As long as the whites are cooked, Runny albumen is gross.

yeah right

I make breakfast potatoes where the potato is cut into half inch slices and pan cooked with some butter and olive oil. Add some onion slices, salt, pepper and cayenne. Cook sloooow, about 30 minutes until mahogany brown. Some bacon and eggs over easy, Hell I can handle sunny side up, a piece or two of toast and you are golden.

Fuck it, I’m going to have that for dinner!

yeah right

Mr. Hippo, just finished The Last Policeman. I ordered the last 2 books of the trilogy before I finished.

The concept is staggering and to have a tight whodunit while it’s wrapped in this monumental approaching cataclysm is…

Fuck. I’m speechless.

Thank you for the recommendation good sir.

blaxabbath

It’s a mystery?

yeah right

As it turns out yes. It’s a small mystery in a massive concept.

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo

Afternoon lizard people. In what can be described as “hell freezing over,” I’m eating lunch at noon after having an orientation for a teaching job where the students will call me Mr. Weaselo instead of Mr. Senor (if that was my real name) after all but sealing it with, I’m just gonna use the term here even if we’re not official, Senorita Weaselo. (I am contractually obligated to say no, we did not bang.)

Make peace with the deity/deities of your choice, is what I’m saying.

Senor Weaselo

But I specifically said we didn’t!

Unsurprised

Congrats on finding a Senorita Weaselo while I was away.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder what they top their pizzas with, there in Ann Arbor. Probably best NOT to know

Senor Weaselo

It’s called marinara, dammit!

Brick Meathook
Wakezilla

I’m going to work, I’m at least 69% still asleep and the train is moving slower than Ketchup out of a bottle. I see today is going to be one of those kinds of days.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Another nice thing about the rain is that I don’t have to walk the dog. She doesn’t wanna go, and I don’t wanna take her.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s interesting to look at the AV Club’s coverage and see that every single episode for the last two years has received between a B+ and a C grade. That sounds dull as fuck.

Wakezilla

That’s how I felt two years ago. People who watch it now probably just watch it out of habit, ala Simpsons

rockingdog

Found a morning funny:

My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word ‘unemployment’.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Unexpected rainy mornings in LA are the most wonderful thing.

Brick Meathook

Yesterday I did errands everywhere and it was sunny, clear and beautiful. I took a nap at 3 PM, and awoke just after dark to rain, thunder, and lightning. Awesome!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it possible that all those ribs I ate last night are the reason why I don’t have much of a hangover this morning? Honestly? Could it be?

Ian Scott McCormick

There’s friggin leaves falling on the field. They’re in a stadium and they’re getting autumnal looking leaves. So picturesque. I bet hacky writers would describe the air as “crisp.” I should have taken up rugby. Seems peaceful.

Ian Scott McCormick

Hung ooooooover.
Also, this soccer match is a goddamn mess. [checks channel guide].
Ah, this is rugby. That explains that.

Ian Scott McCormick

I was forced to being awake. We cosleep with the youngin, and her diaper tapped out.

ballsofsteelandfury

Correction: the Coli is Watts-ADJACENT!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m not sure you want ML on this one. USC is coming off a bye and the Buffs are due to shit the bed.

Also, for future reference:
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theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s easy. Between the 405 and the 210, cover your ass. Everywhere else, whitey is king.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Of course there are exceptions to this rule. But if you’re wandering aimlessly between the 405 and the 210, and make a wrong turn, shit can change in a hurry.

Or so I’ve heard “from a friend”. Whose name does not rhyme with tWBS.

Brick Meathook

Also remember:

North of LAX = Brick Meathook
South of LAX = Yeah Right

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I assume you mean the 110?

ballsofsteelandfury

Funny that the non-Angeleno answered this one…

His friend is incorrect, of course.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah.
You guys have too many freeways for a human to keep up with all the right numbers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/sighs heavily

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the city of Los Angeles should crush and then annex Beverly Hills.

Brick Meathook

That’s an interesting border between Playa del Rey and Westchester. This interests no one but me.

yeah right

When I lived in San Diego the cool kids lived west of the 5. In LA the cool kids live west of the 405.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The second part of your statement surprises me.

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