After six games, does anyone really know what this team is? They’ve been run over by Bawler, tore HOTLANTA apart by the sinew, and tied against the freaking Browns.
THE BEN has either been the probable Hall-Of-Famer he most likely is on good days, and looking more like Nate Peterman on the off ones. It’s like he’s decided to become Eli Manning’s entire career in six weeks. He’s either THE BEN that won two Super Bowls, or, he’s Cliff Stoudt floating picks to the Chiefs (BETTA CALL SOMEBODDDDYYYY).
Le’Veon Bell still hasn’t played a down. James “Don’t Just Say I Beat Cancer” Conner has been brilliant. He’s really been great. He’s not a Lev Bell, David Johnson, or Zeke Elliott, but, he’s still good for four yards, at minimum, and he’s shown the ability to be “the guy.” All of this is based on the concept the offensive line can/will stay healthy. Yeah…. I’m pretty sure every single guy on the o-line has been hurt already. The backups? Hurt too. Good times. We’ll see what happens, but, I’m not positive.
The wideouts? Antonio Brown is still a demi-god on the field, while traumatizing children off it. He bitches and moans whenever he doesn’t get 19 catches for 358 yards and 17 touchdowns in a game. Who is supposed to keep in check? THE BEN. This will work out fine. Juju Smith-Schuter seems like another great find in the draft, a genuinely fun dude who enjoys life on and off the field. Yinzers will break him soon enough. Vance McDonald and Jesse James at tight end (gitity) are fine, but the haven’t blown anyone’s dicks off. The less said about the o-line, the better.
Guys getting hurt on this offense is akin to the Drumpf White House having turmoil. Mike Tomlin, and Herr Hairpiece may say things are fine, but, everyone paying attention knows better.
For defense? Jeebus wept. Artie Burns’ surname is very apt. The secondary is… well, it’s to the Stiller’s standards for the last 25 years. Just. Plain. Shitty. This defense continues to true Yinzer Way since 1993, of BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ and hope to God it does something, so our sorry-ass defensive backs don’t actually have to do anything. I’ve seen some truly shitty secondaries, and this right up with them. It’s either go with the pick, or, let up a 40-yard play. There isn’t much in-between.
Then there’s the special teams. Kicker Chris Boswell has gone from Tiger Woods circa 2000, to, well, modern day Tiger. Yeah, occasionally, things might work out, but…. hold your breath. Jordan Berry punting is the same as some Division III walk-on: sometimes good, most of the time terribad.
To recap, especially in regards to the upcoming schedule? Who the hell knows. This team could/should/would be 5-1, at best, or 1-4-1 at worst. Nothing about this team makes any sense, and it probably won’t for the rest of the season. Cast your dice, and you’ll probably be right.
Best caste: 11-4-1
My guess: 10-5-1, strange playoff spot that brings.