Outside of Aaron and his family no one much knows why he and his family are estranged. In tonight’s episode of Wildly Irresponsible Speculation, I thought I/you (down below) might throw some ideas together as to the reasons. I’ll use some of my own experiences and those of people in the public spotlight to whip up some ideas.
-He was regarded as little other than a tool to accrue wealth for the whole gang. (MacCauley Caulkin)
-His porn star parents were extraordinarily disruptive on-set during his nascent film career. (Thora Birch)
-When he was kidnapped his family refused to pay the full amount of the ransom and he lost a part of his ear as a result. (J.P. Getty III)
-Now that he’s successful, his family thinks of him as a real, live ATM. (Dana Carvey)
-Father introduced him to coke and incest. (Mackenzie Phillips)
-Father accused him of having ‘mental issues’. (Angelina Jolie)
-Mother took him to court to get her monthly allowance raised from $7,500 to $10,000. (Leighton Meester)
-His mother’s spaghetti wasn’t really that good. (Eminem)
-His father tended to be very preachy. (Madonna)
-His parents were, in his words, “Tearing him apart!” (James Dean)
-His dad would walk through the house at all hours yelling “STELLA!” (Christian Brando)
I’m sure y’all can think of more. TO THE GAME!
Pack/Pats:
Edelman is in and Gronk and rb Michel might be out. They’re thought to be game-timers. Green Bay has been creative at getting pressure and that has resulted in 3.3 sacks per game to date. Clinton-Dix is gone so there may be some shuffling in the secondary. If you know what’s good for you, turn the damn audio off.
You’ve got something in your teeth.
Why would anyone not go for it here?
I’m sure McCarthy had to think about it, because he’s an incompetent baboon.
There’s no need to bring baboons into this.
38 isn’t “pretty cold” Al.
Al lives in the Bay Area where an inch of rain causes school delays
I think 65 is cold. That’s in normal degrees, not metric.
Yeah, you can’t punt in this situation knowing that the Patriots offense will be gifted at least one first down via a bullshit defensive holding call.
Get the ball to Davante in the end zone
Ooh, that’s a very generous spot
Fun fact: “generous spot” is what Eli Manning thinks the expression “g-spot” refers to. He’s never heard it used in context.
Is Rodgers calling these plays, or is McCarthy? Because down by 14 and a series of runs and dump-offs, with Rodgers as your QB, seems pretty fucking dumb to me.
I think we know the answer. THE BEAV should be tried at The Hague for Crimes Against Humanity.
I have to believe that Rodgers has the ability to change the calls, though.
It’s entirely plausible that any and all audibles drawn up by The Beav are equally shitty.
There were like 40 P*ts players on the field. . . a little late on that flag
This is stupid.
alright mr james white. like 35 more yards and im all set….. come on buddy….
BUT THEY DIDN’T AND THEY AREN’T CRIS, FUCK YOU!
I believe Bill Belichick is the guy from Deadpool that recruits people that have no hope and then turns them into mutants that can catch a pass and not fail drug tests.
Yeah, pound a glass of water between shots of Crown Royal. You’ll be fine to drive home.
I’m okay with Josh Gordon doing a good.
So here’s the question: if Rodgers had a competent coach and offensive line, how many more Super Bowls than Brady would he have won? 8?
id guess 2
Probably two, yeah.
Still entirely depends on who’s around him, but at least equivalent.
Josh Gordon hit that seam and ripped it like his Tuesday afternoon bong sesh.
Cris praising Tom Brady for the Packers DB brutally missing a tackle.
Seems about right.
Tawmmy GOAT has the power to cause cornerbacks to whiff — NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Browns definitely didn’t need that guy
(obviously good for him)
I assume making good life choices while on the Browns is basically impossible.
Bob Kraft out recruiting for his next girlfriend from among the widows of deceased veterans. Or their daughters.
So, your Dad was in the “Wermacht”?
Loved the ending of last week’s Sunny, with Rob McElhinney, (or however you spell it), saying “they did it” like he still can’t believe it happened as the credits roll.
That was a neat 4th wall break. That was posted immediately after the game before it could really sink in.
Now, a tie in THIS game would be something.
It certainly would be now.
GO VARIOUS CATCH MEN! Or not…., never mind
FINALLY they get to Rodgers.
Remember, if he threw it to Brady it would’ve gotten dropped!
SorryThankyou Sharkbait, because DFO fantasy
I’m pretty sure I know how The Grinch ends, but thanks anyway.
Up by only .84 because of the Edelman pass. No more Edelman!
bahahaha! james white you magnificent bastard!!!!!
Damn, I go pee and THIS is what I come back to?
Sure, Julian Edelman was a quarterback in college, but did you know Chris Hogan played lacrosse?
Also, Antonio Gates, basketball, Wichita, etc.
Morrison, in that replay, is doing the exact opposite of what Cris is talking about.
Williams with one heck of a hit
That’s a hell of a tackle right there.
Got a neighbor who collects cars.
C’Mon check ’em out!
And another with power tools.
“Look at this beauty!”
But nothing comes close when I break out the REAL hardware.
Look at this sexiness!
Ooh baby. That’s a well-seasoned machine right there.
I’m tumescent.
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@kanwetwitty
15 Dec 2016
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internet guys: The 1 thing you need to cook is a Cast iron. the 1 exercise is deadlifts
(me with giant ass scraping out a fucked up omelet)
Yeah, the one exercise you need is a deadlift if you want to do it wrong and fuck up your back.
Deadlifting is a great exercise as long as you’re not an asshole about it.
Which rules out roughly 4/5 of the people who try it.
Your ass better be doing curls before you fuck with this cast iron skillet.
Can you write a post on how to properly care for cast iron? Particularly the part where you make the people in your house actually respect the fucking thing and not put it in the bottom of a cabinet and then put a wet pot on top of it like the orange one currently sitting in my cabinet?
First rule of cast iron skillet ownership is! Nobody touches that skillet but me!
Second rule: See rule number one.
Third rule is: This fucker is heavy enough to inflict damage on anyone who didn’t follow rules 1 and 2.
Ooh, trickeration.
Hot taek: The NFL should really try and do something about scheduling all-timers to play against each other. Hard to believe Brady has been in the league for close to 20 years and this is only the second time he’s playing against Rogers.
You’re good… you’re good…
That’s goddamn hilarious.
That’s tough; hand smacking down on the ball right after you took a helmet to the point of the elbow.
That’ll be $30 an hour, and you have to wear the collar.
The safe word is “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”
Jeebus, I picked a poor weekend to watch TV in California
Not a fan of dialysis ads?
Your vote could KILL ME!
That actually makes me want to vote yes.
Just imagine if your vote could kill old white people!
Watch it!
But you’re one of the good ones!
I got your back Balls, it’s all good.
That’s what I was thinking. 1,000 people dead, eh? How many are due a pension? Just asking…
Eh, my parents have had full lives.
I wish
I’ve fucked up my ankle in exactly that way. If he’s out 3 days I’ll eat one of my many lovely hats.
Oh, I’ll bet he has access to treatment* you and I can only dream about.
*chemistry sets
I wince everytime they replay it. That’s at least 5 weeks, right there.
I’ve walked it off, and it it’s bad it’s still no more than a week. That’s a simple twist. I’ve also had a bad high ankle sprain that I really should have gone to the hospital for. This is not that, he’ll limp for a couple days and be fine.
The Browns really do suck.
It’s like a Simpson family reunion
Here’s the 2018 World Champion Red Sox, still talking about the Yankees, for reasons that aren’t clear unless you have a really small penis.
your image is bugged
imgur sucks.
But it’s actually showing up on my shit laptop
Hit refresh; it’ll go away.
Fuck, Al, he just completed a pass to Patterson on the previous play. Put down the flask, you’re at work.
He has to work with Collinsturd. It’s a miracle he’s as sober as he is
I REALLY hope Nathan Petermanitis is impacting Tom Brady
Needs about eleventy billion more pick-sixes.
If you can’t win on merit, stack the judiciary.
Wheel yourself on outta here, FDR.
*pops a wheelie and back rolls into the fireplace*
Fuck Brett Kavanaugh. Fuck that stupid piece of shit right to hell, where he belongs, and where he’ll be after he dies.
If they had any balls, the Democrats would impeach him and Gorsuch and Roberts all for perjuring their asses off in their confirmation hearings the moment they took back the Senate.
(Assuming they ever take back the Senate)
I don’t agree with the most of the positions taken by Gorsuch and Roberts, (and please, ask me about my qualifications to discuss the finer points of Constitutional law!), but neither of them did anything that would keep them off the Court.
Kavanaugh, on the other hand, is at minimum a lying sack of shit whose penchant for perjury should have been enough to have him arrested on the spot, let alone denied confirmation.
THIS. Gorsuch is actually not awful, if you a Constitution fan.. Kav….should die in a fire, and I only say that about people I really, really hate.
Not to mention the fact that he was a political hack on Ken Starr’s team should have been disqualifying in the first place.
Control of the Senate doesn’t matter – all they need is to control the House of Representatives, to begin impeachment proceedings. And conviction in the Senate takes 2/3, so again control is irrelevant. But I sure would like them to hound Kavanaugh’s ass relentlessly, which they absolutely can do.
Oh I’m up for hearing after hearing after hearing about everything he lied about. The Supreme Court has no credibility while he’s on it.
Goddamnit, refs, save some of this for the AFC Championship Game!
You know what? if the officials are going to keep doing this for Brady, someone needs to go full Jim McMahon on him, pick him up when the play is over and spike him on his throwing shoulder.
I can live with that.
I’ve endorsed this policy for years.