Outside of Aaron and his family no one much knows why he and his family are estranged. In tonight’s episode of Wildly Irresponsible Speculation, I thought I/you (down below) might throw some ideas together as to the reasons. I’ll use some of my own experiences and those of people in the public spotlight to whip up some ideas.
-He was regarded as little other than a tool to accrue wealth for the whole gang. (MacCauley Caulkin)
-His porn star parents were extraordinarily disruptive on-set during his nascent film career. (Thora Birch)
-When he was kidnapped his family refused to pay the full amount of the ransom and he lost a part of his ear as a result. (J.P. Getty III)
-Now that he’s successful, his family thinks of him as a real, live ATM. (Dana Carvey)
-Father introduced him to coke and incest. (Mackenzie Phillips)
-Father accused him of having ‘mental issues’. (Angelina Jolie)
-Mother took him to court to get her monthly allowance raised from $7,500 to $10,000. (Leighton Meester)
-His mother’s spaghetti wasn’t really that good. (Eminem)
-His father tended to be very preachy. (Madonna)
-His parents were, in his words, “Tearing him apart!” (James Dean)
-His dad would walk through the house at all hours yelling “STELLA!” (Christian Brando)
I’m sure y’all can think of more. TO THE GAME!
Pack/Pats:
Edelman is in and Gronk and rb Michel might be out. They’re thought to be game-timers. Green Bay has been creative at getting pressure and that has resulted in 3.3 sacks per game to date. Clinton-Dix is gone so there may be some shuffling in the secondary. If you know what’s good for you, turn the damn audio off.
You’ve got something in your teeth.
“People who grew up in the 80s” are pushing 50. Adjust your nooses accordingly.
Keep your noose eye on the noose prize.
Boomers.
So N*E beat the powerhouse Chefs without incurring any penalties. Yet Cris and AL can’t stop telling me how great the 3-3-1 Packers are.
So why exactly are all of the staff’s wearing army gear this week?
Because it’s no longer Boobs month, now it’s Military month
Now, now, if the quagmire in the Middle East has proved anything it’s that there are plenty of boobs in the military.
Don’t blame boobs for that. No primary or secondary sex characteristics are responsible for the travesty of US policy in the Middle East.
Something something fealty, something something coup, something something uprising
Because all of our regular military are fighting off the invasion of MS-13 caravans so football coaches are now our acting military.
Salute to Service month. It’s supposed to get us used to seeing people in uniform in situations you usually wouldn’t see them in, for when martial law is instituted by that crazy fucker in the WH after the elections.
They’re celebrating the Commander in Chief spitting on Gold Star Families.
The Packers and the Patriots on the same field?
But who will the referees tilt the field towards!?
THEY BE WINDMILLS
If you’re a dude and can pull off yellow spandex, DO IT, it’s hot
honestly, even if you think you can’t pull it off, go for it, it’s pretty damn hot
Done and done
https://www.lightinthebox.com/en/p/unisex-zentai-suits-lycra-spandex-yellow-zentai_p4880636.html?currency
Buy one for every male family member. You’re doing them a favor, especially if they aren’t currently getting laid.
/buys 100 for myself
Even white guys?
I clicked on a few of those and literally none of them would fit me.
They’re stretchy, give it a go!
I take that back I found that barely accommodates my height.
DOOOOO IT
I love all cheese, but while there are fantastic French, English, and Other, cheeses, the lack of Wisconsin cheese would be noted and missed. GO PACK!
The Patriots have contacted their legal department regarding that offsides call.
I like how this photoshop respected seams
This really is one of my favorite photoshops anyone here has ever done.
Fun fact about this Photoshop: They are very few images of people in suits with their arms outstretched, and that had NOTHING to do with my decision to cut off the sleeves.
Bailiff: All rise.
Tawmmy: FACK YOU FACK YOU FACK YOUUUUU!
*Tawmmy rants for five minutes about Aaron Judge before held in contempt*
bahahaha!
I don’t understand the defense pulling the offense to a false start. Like, the o line moves on the snap. If you’re a guard, you shouldn’t be flinching unless the ball os snapped.
Remember 20 years ago when Ahman Green was sposeda bring balance to the Packer offense?
FUCK BALANCE GO DEEP… I never knew the Packers adopted John Holmes’ official motto.
So this is the future of the NFL – the football equivalent of a 1990 Denver Nuggets game.
Wait, Paul Westhead is going to grab his balls every time a team hits 100?
Candle Robb
Is it me or doesn’t that Rogers commercial seem very pedo-y?
You know what I love about the Packers?
THEY AREN’T THE GODDAMN COWBOYS!
“This is the top comment ever. We shall assign it number…..zero.”
-NBC Producers, waiting for the opportunity to reboot The Apprentice
I mean Paula Cole couldn’t get away with “Where have all the Packers gone?”, right?
Although I can!
In a month or two when I’m doing some mundane task at work, this is going to pop into my head and I will sing the words “Where have all the Packers gone?”
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
Yippee yo, yippee yeah
I will wash your cheesehead while you drink all the beeeeer
Where is my Bart Starr poster, where is my Don Beebe teeeeee?
Where is my Reggie coaster? Where have all the Packers gone?
Them Fighting Words! You get to hate watch them tomorrow. Double J pays good money for it.
I’m almost never home early enough to watch the Monday night game, so I get to hate do other awesome stuff while wishing them poorly and checking the score to gloat if they do shitty when I get home
Nathan Peterman is to quarterback what Nathan Peterman is to opera.
Also what Nathan Peterman is to cooking steak, doing taxes, and driving a manual transmission.
Now, now. Nathan Peterman can’t as bad a castrato as QB.
He’d be even more of a master of turning over balls if he’d had this operation earlier in his life.
I just realized I’m rooting for the Packers tonight without any hesitation.
…
This is the timeline we are in.
The most I think about it I see that while I despise Tom Brady on several levels, I only dislike Rodgers because he’s really good and beats the shit out of my team at will.
Cheese wave!
And that was when George W. Bush realized he was pro-gay marriage.
I am rooting for the Patriots sort of because I believe they are the only ones who can stop the Chiefs. And then I am hoping they lose in the Super Bowl again. I am playing a very dangerous game here.
I’m not.
“We’ve never seen a team move so fast!”
Chip Kelly, “Ahem, did you see how fast I got those black guys off the roster?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygE01sOhzz0
SWEET FEET WHITE!
Shit, I never took Madame Zeroni up the hill and sang the song… eh what’s the worst that can happen?
Annual Fog game? Or is this just bullshit cannon smoke from people who couldn’t even spell Andrzej Tadeusz Bonawentura Kościuszko
I don’t kniw, but I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
Well, you will when there isn’t all this fucking traffic! (So, never.)
Eh, that’s nae fog
“Ya mean that Kostko guy? I love the prices at his store!”
Big Ben honored Pittsburgh’s Jews with his cleats today, and his criminal past by defeating a young person’s access to a brown victory.
Clay Matthews has no control over this defense.
Also, Clay Matthews is WAAAAYYYYYYY overrated.
And SUPER CREEPY LOOKING
Josh Gordon on that deep pass attempt (artist’s conception)
melt that cheese
So…yeah, 1 is actually not a prime number. It can’t be, it’s the identity for multiplication and a lot of shit falls apart if you consider it a prime.
I know lots of people are bad at math, but goddamn, maybe check Wikipedia for 1 second before making dumb jersey intros?
Is it numerology or digitology? LITERALLY every combination of digits exist so why would that mean anything?
The entire definition of prime doesn’t work if 1 is a prime. You can’t do primal decomposition.
Two absolute truths. You can’t win a land war in Asia or a math argument with Dok.
Fun fact, I actually had almost this exact argument with an algebra Prof my Sr year in college.
Did he retire immediately after?
Nope, but he had major brain surgery the year before?
CAN SOMEONE REMOVE THIS POSSIBLY DRUNK NERD?
May I suggest buying me enough drinks that I pass out? That’s low friction and everyone wins!
Take off the brace despite being insanely successful with it? Rodgers going to get his shit amputated by the end of the game for it.
Frederick Md (also known as Fredneck) has a Civil War medicine museum. I’ve always meant to go, but if we have an on field amputation, maybe I won’t have to!
As a rule, anything west of Baltimore is a waste of gas. I lived in Cecil County for a decade, and you couldn’t walk 3 feet without tripping over an important revolution-era building. Sort of took the history part of it for granted.
“This was the building General Washington came in to visit troops recovering from serious wounds, but it serves a greater purpose now.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a bus stop.”
stop showing your ass to the camera Rodgers, we dont want any
I hope Brady’s career cheating becomes as clear as Lance Armstrong’s just so the SNF crew has to admit it’s GOAT*.
Oh who am I kidding? They’ll be like all the assholes who said, “Barry Bonds was a ball of gamer even without his cheating!”
What the fuck is this Tafoya segment?
12 inches for Dirk Diggler.
Enya on SNF…
That is all
It would be the best thing ever if they thought they were booking Enya and NWA showed up instead.
Especially if yer Raidaz were playing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMZi25Pq3T8
found a funny?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5maXvZ5fyQY
Who’s Collinsworth going to suck off? He has too many QBs to pick from.
Well Scott Zolak is probably there too and close to his proximity.
It’ll be like Brett Kavanaugh’s favorite drinking game!
/As Rikki would say in response to this, fuck Brett Kavanaugh
There is one thing you didn’t win today Yeah Right…….
Oh shit. My DFO fantasy team sucks ass. I was so juiced on reality I didn’t want to look.
Gavin Newsome will most likely be the next CA Gov. And I don’t think he’s awful. But the reaction of the ‘Berkeley Liberals’ I know to him kinda turn me off.
He’s going to be perfectly cromulent. But he’s still a little gross.
Cox is from San Diego, and I stilled voted for Newsome. I’m not a fan of either.
I’m kind of amazed at how everyone loves Kamala Harris, despite her pretty shitty prosecutor record. I mean, I’ll generally support her as better than the opposition, but she’s pretty shit on a lot of human rights issues 🙁
Horseshoe theory is no theory to me.
Can we just not have opening music? Is there anyone that these fucking things actually convince to watch the game?
I would actually rather watch ads, so that’s a net win for everybody
Foxboro is one of the few stadiums I would be really hesitant in attending a game at. And that’s one of the legit reasons I have for hating the Pats.
It would be a lot to deal with.
Even after moving I still keep in touch with/have a kinda weird relationship with Pat’s Fan, and he’s said he wouldn’t take a kid to a game there.
I went to the old Foxboro stadium when I was a kid. Even to a ten year-old it was awful.
I’m of the personal opinion that Rodgers >> Brady, but I suspect Rodgers is far more likely to be horribly injured in this game than Brady
been jammmin….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heqMtBJxfVg
A Cubs blogger whom I’ve actual met and consider a pretty good guy online and offline received this mail for writing something about Addison Russell that was probably pretty measured considering what can should be said about that malignant piece of shit. The blogger received this in an email and let me say “telling on yourself” doesn’t begin to cover it.
Tin Patriots man will probably die from lack of skin oxygen I hope
It’s been known to happen.
Yes! Thank you for getting my reference.
I just hope that guy at Gillette didn’t go with the full body paint job. Not a nice visual.
I hadn’t seen this one before, but I’ll be stealing it
No no, what I said was, “Repeal; and replace?”
Too bad the Eagles didn’t hear you ages ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlR6ujpB89k
Who has two thumbs, only one up his butt, and just won a FOUR TEAM PARLAY?
THIS HERE MOTHERFUCKER!
WOOOO!!!
CONGRATS!
This has been a ridiculous day for the right household. DJ TAJ had one bet on the Steelers money line. Eldest brother had three individual bets on the Chiefs, Vikings and Chargers and also parlayed them plus he took the over on the Saints Rams. I had the Miami/ Jets under plus the 4 teamer with Falcons, Chiefs, Carolina and Chargers.
It’s raining up in this house!
Y’all nuts 😛
Hell yes. Especially right about now.
Not a single loss!
Time to buy some filly minyan for the next Sunday gravy.
I’ve been meaning to cook some lobster.
I demand a 10% finder’s fee for the Jets/Miami under.
I will buy the first round at the next get together full stop.
“Are the Chargers good enough”
no
Chargers can’t keep it up because they aren’t ever not flaccid
Mother and stepfather were Commie stooges who managed him after he was brainwashed in Korea and set him up as an assassin – Laurence Harvey in Manchurian Candidate
I could never get iver Angela Lansbury playing mom to Frank Sinatra’s contemporary pal / stooge. Lady’s been typecast forever!
No shit. She was a real hottie.
I get to root for Evil tonight. Oh Rodgers, from hell’s heart i stab at thee!
I like your style.
Bedtime!
Anyone else want to come over and tell me where we should hang art?
toilet
What did Art do?
Over the grill
Grill? What am I, a Rockefeller?
you have a mantel?
Just evenly space it over whatever open wall space you have
Sure he’s made some mistakes, but why did you dig up Mr. Modell’s body?
Father had a taste for cross dressing and infanticide (Marvin Gaye)
gotta have “flash” gordon and james white go off. come on guys!
I love this intro and i did NOT know Thora Birch’s parents were porn stars.
There is a clip of her and John Holmes in a scene where they are sitting on a couch, both fully clothed, talking about his “problem:” his dick is too big. The acting in this scene is so atrocious that it’s actually painful to watch. I’ll see if I can find it; if it cuts before they start fucking (which is also pretty bad) it is absolutely SFW (except for the horrible acting part).
I’ve shared this information with Lady BFC and her mom. They weren’t impressed.