Welcome to Monday Night! In which we have the last game of the week and it happens to be a good one if you like the colour “light blue”.
This also works if you like teams that are stuck in the middle
of the mediocrity zone that is a .500 record.
Both teams have a 3-4 record and ASPIRE to reach the magical .500 mark.
On the one hand, you have the Cowboys, led by a tin of canned ham
and on the other you have a duck that continuously ducks to avoid getting hurt
by big fat defensive linemen that are only stopped by what basically resembles this:
So, what i’m saying is, we have a wonderful game ahead of us.
At least the game is in Arlington, so the crowd shots should be pleasant to watch.
Did you know there is a Victoria’s Secret store in Jerry World? I can sadly report that the last time I was there they basically only sold PJs, sweats, stuff like that. No thongs with a big Star covering up the hoohah.
Missed opportunity, JJ!
Enjoy the game!
That mom in the NFCU commercial totally wants to watch her son bone his girlfriend.
And if Pornhub has taught me anything, she gonna join in.
“Do it like mommy showed you”
I bet my wife wishes I would hold her as much as the Dallas offensive line.
Prolly not……
I’m not sure I phrased that right.
LOL LOL LOL
They predicted this in 1462:
Shakers. TAKE MY MONEY.
Two different hole patterns?
One salt, one pepper, ya big dummy.
I don’t WANT milk droplets on my eggs.
Well, if you are not comfortable with something we can arrange a safe word.
Yeah, something I can PRONOUNCE this time. I don’t care if it IS third reich cosplay night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=26&v=KN6U3lHeC0s
Sean Lee hurt?!?!? What’s next, sunset?
do this in memory of ME
Right? Self-centered messiahs are totally my turnoff.
The brand HAS lasted a long time.
That’s so creepy and fucked up.
Gotta go to midnight mass, brb.
How can I plus one this more than one?
You can give it a plus three and a plus one at the same time.
OH, an he double down with a trinity joke, people!
Sean Lee hurt? That’s unpossible!
I’m scared too.
So. Much. Leftover. Candy!
come on TITS! get an interception!!!!
[sets destination in google maps]
Hmmmmm, interesting.
At least this isn’t on a major network, less campaign horseshit.
HA, I just saw back-to-back LOCAL ads railing against sanctuary cities
/espanol feed, may want to fire your ad director there
was that the new Fergie ?
Spanish halftime show guys don’t get to broadcast from the game, apparently. Nice athletic shoes though, Lalo y Pablo!
Suzy broke out her Mr. T starter kit.
I thought I was watching the footballing channel?
I probably should have done this post, but I’m so devoted to the Cowboys that I completely forgot the game was on and went to see Free Solo instead.
Very disappointed that Han never made an appearance, but Alex Honnold is out of his fucking mind. My hands were literally sweating.
Free Solo? Is Hope in jail again?
She’s leading me to alley to rob me at gunpoint
Yeah, worth it.
29 more points from Dak and I win
Oh Suzy…how much I would disappoint thee.
DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!
Woo hoo! The game is halfway over!
How often do you think double J uses the term boy in a derogatory way?
Boy oh boy is that a tough question!
“it’s not disrespectful. It’s what my daddy taught me to call ’em. Love my daddy. He really knew how to keep the broads in line.”
How often ya reckon he directly addresses a black fella?
Usually when he needs his car brought around front.
No, that’s his son-in-law.
Figure out how often he says “boy” and multiply by three.
At least as much as Foghorn Leghorn.
Wide open. Bad Tits.
Sounds like a bottom to top description of my prom date after too much Irish Cream
I will never understand how Scott Walker lasted this long.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
And all it’s going to cost us is a Great Lake.
This is terrible announcing but I do not wish harm on Booger or Witten so I guess that is an improvement?
It’s not Cris or Troy, so that’s an automatic upgrade.
It’s kind of weird how I’m instinctively turning my arm so my cat can do a better job bathing it for me.
Don Jr is going to be working the barrel 6 days a week.
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/west-wing-insiders-brace-for-the-mueller-storm/amp?__twitter_impression=true
defense!!!
I CALL MY PENIS DION LEWIS BECAUSE IT’S SMALL AND POWERFUL AND GETS IN THE END ZONE!
I call mine Ray Lewis because all it wants to do is STAB STAB STAB!!!!
I call my dick Flacco the Flaccid
I call mine Gus Frerotte because it ran into a wall & now doesn’t know what to do.
Well, I hope the rumor is true and Garrett is fired if he loses this game
Oh, that would be nice…
ol Devil Horns JJ!
The hmm yes indeeding will be plentiful
MAYBE!
Ivy Leaguers do NOT get fired, my good man. They merely depart to pursue other, more gentlemanly disciplines. Like playing hide the salami with the help.
I hear Cleveland needs a new Head Coach….
Maybe we get rid of Harbs and finally get Garrett, who rejected us way back when. After that happens, I start shoving heroin directly into my cortex
Trade you Harbs for Garrett. Double J will throw in some Heroin and coke.
Where will J-squared find another purebred mouth-breathing yes man?
Please tell me there is curling coverage on The Ocho…
Triple Coverage and not a single fucking guy puts his hand out. The Dallas Cowboys.
bahahaha!
Love to see that instinct is still there. With the Redacteds loss yesterday a Cowboy loss would be delicious.
Mexico does a lot of things right:
Hello ma’am, I have a meat stuffed burrito I want to share with you.
Applebee’s using a lesbian love song to push its shitty food. I’m sure their target audience has no fucking idea what that song’s about. Otherwise, there would be a lot of pale, fat, schlubby people picketing Applebees across the land.
With plenty of parking for Subarus.
I like Mariota. This game was is not fun.
I think it would be a kick ass idea to set one of those classic 70’s disaster movies in the Dallas stadium. a Cast of thousands! And everyone rooting for all of those cowboy fans to fucking die in a cyclone of fire
SURPRISE TWIST ENDING! it’s not actually a film at all
Fast track this fucking thing in HOllywood. I’ll send over a briefcase full of oxcycontin
WOO!!
Can i snort those?
I bet that artwork flames up nicely.
I think Jerry Jones would burn longer than a tire fire.
Me: “Should I bet $350 on the Pens game to not go over 4.5 goals at +1000?”
The dumb woman that I live with: “Yeah, go crazy!”
Me: *Bets $25. Literally one minute later the Devils score making it 4-1*. “You’re the worst.”
so bet $325 on it not to go over 5.5!
Amari Cooper is the only ex-Raider I’d like to see fail.
“I have a fan!”
The ESPN graphic folks are really going to town: Mariota as a surfer, Cooper as a piano player — they even teed up Jason Witten as some sort of announcer!
Joe Flacco as an employee at a vanilla ice milk stand
“Vanilla? Slow down!”
Dez to Cincy?
No way Brown pays for him.
No way Brown pays for trim.
Interesting, the Bengals haven’t had a malcontent at wide receiver in years. A.J. Green has never once thrown a punch at this head coach.
Give him time…
I can’t agree with the whole “vote the entire tick [INSERT PARTY HERE] no matter what” strategy. It seems poorly thought out and a waste of a person’s votes.
Christ on a Corvette, do about five fucking minutes of research to figure out who is the best choice.
Only Americans could find a lazier way to vote than not voting at all.
I met some of those people yesterday, sitting behind me at the game. They had the energy to haul their ass 100 miles to century Link, but don’t have the will to fill in a mail-in ballot for the mid-terms.
Because I’m sure they’ll televise the football games in the holding camps, like the ones in the original Red Dawn.
The “documentary Red Dawn”, according to voters who believe either Trump will lock up all liberals or believe Trump was elected to avoid conservatives being locked up by the Hill-Bot.
I got a sample ballot online, much easier that way.
I research every single year. This year, I did vote for every Demmycrat (following said research), and I feel kind of shitty about it. But then I remember Trump.
I usually spread it out a lot, especially with the local stuff. I wrote my own name in for prez 2 years ago, I guess should have campaigned more.
I know I would do a shitty job, but have voted for my cat(s) for multiple local and statewide offices. Sometimes only moe-rons is running, or someone unopposed. I have to REALLY like you not to write in my cat if you’s unopposed. Just ain’t right.
Thank God Amazon passed on Chicago.
What are the two cities?
Columbia and Rapture.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsQuTCycrwI
New York (Long Island City) and Arlington, VA (Crystal City).
odd choices, to me. But who cares, I guess. Maybe I could have gotten some downstream real estate work had they picked Charlotte.
It was always all about massive tax subsidies and it’s not surprising NY and VA gave the most.
nobody grifts like that Cuomo guy
I was going to work with Amazon for a Christmas season work around school. I had to sit through a shitty orientation before they gave me a schedule that was the direct opposite of what I wanted and conflicted with school. I basically told them to shove it and still got $66 for showing up. Yay.
NAMESAKE MENTION
no en espanol, que lastima
This game needs a lesson in maturity.
Wait, they got across el 50? Quien es??
That’s how the Titans work. They lull you to sleep and the next thing you know they have put up 3 field goals in a row on you.
That’s how tits work too.
At least according to the documentary, “Total Recall”.
My wife brought home this ugly ass wicker looking pumpkin. I am goign to throw it out tonight. It is hideious.
They make fire for a reason. Make her watch.
burn it!!!! yea!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHGntwEikUQ&t=9s
there are Mexican (presumably non-union) equivalents of the annoying Boost Mobile commercial ppls
They are less annoying in Espanol though.
the behind-counter lady is quite fetching!
I’d also like to know why when I’m watching Telemundo and hit the SAP button it doesn’t switch to English translation? SHENANIGANS I SAY!!!! BUILD THE WALL!!!!!
I like to watch Chinese soap operas that have subtitles in different-Chinese and Korean.
Mexican game shows are also a trip. Not quite Japan-levels of insanity, but close.
Yup! I love the gratuitous almost-nudity aspect.