The L. A. Rams were a very fine team this season, then got the Super Bowl end of a really, really bad no-call in plain sight. Now the Rams are on the verge of thoroughly validating Roger Goodell’s sick obsession to have a team in LA. The other team is the Patriots. Again. And really: at this stage, what can impede New England being in the Superb Owl next year too? I can only think of nuclear war or the Doomsday Clock being managed by Andy Reid.
Every fanbase has asshole fans. C’mon: if you won’t talk shit about other teams and fans… If you can’t muster an earnest jerkwad at someone else’s celebration of a missed field goal–well, why even bother with sports. But Pats fans, ALL Pats fans, come off as extra insufferable because they have the worst quality: titles.
If results were the standard, New England is the top sports franchise, I dare say, in the world.
Devil in left shoulder: Tch, what’s with this praise shit?
Angel on right shoulder: [takes loooong drag of a joint, coughs, falls to ground]
It just SUCKS to have every beef with the Pats get resolved by the lowest of low blows for sporting arguments: facts.
[Puts out angel with shoe, picks up joint]
Belichick and Brady have been the constant in nine Superb Owl teams. In recent runs, the Pats did not resort to splashy free agent signings, like Corey Dillon or Randy Moss, or one-year rentals like Revis and Brandin Cooks. They just sign players who buy into the coaching, play six games in a crap division, and get enough time to prepare to the Divisional Playoffs. It feels like the NFL is rigged; all week I was thinking about players who left New England and continued on to notable careers. Found two: Asante Samuel and
Via giphy.com
It used to be fashionable to call Super Bowl Champion Aqib Talib a “punk”, after his time in the Bucs, self-inflicted gun trouble (twice), and ripping off the gold chain of the upstanding sportsman that goes by the name of Michael Crabtree (also twice). Talib was two years on the Patriots, then got together with Wade Phillips in Denver. This season, both are with the Rams, while the Donks defense without Talib and Phillips now resembles the post-No Fly Zone Lybia. Talib was injured on Week 3, had ankle surgery, and returned on Week 13. The Rams defense allowed more than 30 points without Talib, less than 19 with him, which I saw on Patriots Wire and other propaganda arms. Talib is a defensive captain, which still riles up folks who think “Captain Talib” is a much worse dishonor of the title than “President Trump”.
Here’s another sickening title: Superb Owl Champions New England Patriots. Not that it’s undeserved. Tom Brady has to be one of the two top quarterbacks to have played in all 99 NFL seasons. The Pats OL coach, Dante Scarnecchia, has taken scores of cogs and produced very good lines. There’s only so much you can do with stealing defensive signals from the Jest and taking off a few psi off a ball. (The only smoking guns; even the Guerrero thing is kinda lackin’.) Nine Superb Owls is too much for a counterargument about CHEETIN. Besides, everyone has seen the Pats executing ably any damn gameplan or play, regardless of players. Fuckers.
For the record: I do not like Tom Brady, but I gotta give him props for not surrendering his cellphone—especially after creaming the Clots, with regulation balls, on the second half of the Deflategate game. Me? I wouldn’t surrender my cellphone TO ANYBODY. Would you? Why not? You got nothing to hide, right? You certainly scrubbed thoroughly the search for Divine’s birth date and the subsequent wormhole entry into dogshit porn.
More dogshit: asshole Pats fans cry “They hate us ’cause they ain’t us”. Well… Nawt really! Bob Kraft got grifted out of a SB ring by Vladimir Putin. Josh McDaniels is a dirty competitor and an execrable human. As a head coach in Denver, he got busted for videotaping (after Spygate, mind you), then stiffed Indianapolis by backing off an agreement to become their head coach this season. That McDaniels got buzz for head coaching gigs this year outside NE is yet another example for how little integrity counts for NFL business. But hey! Put it in the pile on top of bad officiating, byzantine game rules, and signing proven flotsam over Super Bowl Quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Yeah yeah, “World Corrupt”, stop the presses.
The Championship games two weeks ago were dynamite. The Rams-Saints result was a very bad look for the NFL, but it was not an unjust outcome. The crowd was very hostile and the Rams defense did a hell of a job against Brees and All-World RB Alvin Kamara. (Hey, the Saints offense got cute AF; that’s not on RAMMMMITTTT.) The Patriots offense will execute, but the Rams defense got Aaron Donald, Dante Fowler, and Ndamukong Suh with something to play for. I’ll give Suh a reprieve for this game, because taking out the also crafty Pats requires some edge. And, really: who are we to judge Suh?
Via giphy.com
I think the Rams defense is capable of giving the New England offense a shaftening on par with Stan Kroenke’s to the city of St. Louis. Getting blown out Bills-style in would be a welcome comeuppance to the move to LA. To pile on DTZM’s takedown, Bastard Stan eludes any feeling of empathy, as he is composed of the worst qualities of a cucumber: seedy AND slimy. DFO wishes him a fictional trip to Hoboken, wink. On the other hand: Rams lose, Brady gets One For The Cock. Pft. ?. With all results being utterly hateful, the “Super Bowl LIII Experience” (hype, ads, halftime and all), is reduced to an overproduced U.S. Senate committee hearing.
But the game will be great. The Patriots do not get blown out, not with those coaches getting two weeks to prepare. And, hey, the Rams did prettay, prettay good in a bad crowd at New Orleans to a Saints team that looks better than New England. I don’t think a blowout could come in the other direction: that Rams defense is nasty, though Patrick Peterson could get picked on more than a chocolate box in the Intensive Care Unit. Worth mentioning that Bill Belichick is a stubborn, stubborn man. He refused to put Malcolm Butler in the last Superb Owl—“competitive reasons” my ass. Total spite move. But my favorite was the benching of WELKAH for the most engaging and entertaining Patriots press conference to date (re, feet), and then losing the Divisional at home against the Rex Jets. Sean McVay did not seem reckless by going for it late in that 4th and Goal against the Saints and choosing to tie. It’s a fabled matchup: young guy vs. ogre.
Predicción: Pats not making the AFC Championship will seem like the Good Old Days while Brady is in NE and they play in that kindergarden for clumsy kids called the AFC East. BUT, this one goes to the Rams.
LAST DAY OF THE SEASON. Let it out!
PUNT PUNT BO BUNT
One first down? GETTING IN GEAR!
I’m just waiting for this game to end so I can go to sleep, wake up, go to sleep again and wake up in a wheelchair feeling like a million bucks with a bottle of hydrocodone
Best of luck, don’t RG3 yourself 🙂
Too late for that lol
If you can get that bottle of hydrocodone to Ryan Leaf you might be a millionaire!
LOOGIT ALL THOSE PUNTS
Making me think of that CHOX – Bears game from a few years back.
Last year’s Super Bowl thread was 2352 comments, the current DFO record..
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2018/02/04/last-call-pats-iggles-sb52-open-thread/
Nawt fair, that game had overtime.
/Right?
No, it just felt that way. Eagles won after Dreamboat fumbled in the clutch.
That game had Tom Brady failing to rally from behind like the failure of a human being that he is
But Gisele railed his behind later, to teach him a lesson.
Nawt fair, that game was interesting.
Fixed that for you.
Behold, the culmination of the year of offense in the NFL!
True Detective starts in 6 minutes.
Sounds better every second.
I love the acting, but the script is weaker than S2
Nothing weaker than Vince Vaughn loafing
Vince Vaughn as a gangster was hard to believe.
I think this episode will really take off.
What I’ve said every episode.
There are some really strong characters though.
Not an unfair take, but the ending of last week’s episode has me all in the rest of the season.
Dorff has been amazing, and should win awards
The kid’s Dad has been rock solid as well.
Wasn’t the True Detective the friends we made along the way?
Time is a punt circle
Brady has lost focus since his wife went back to Brazil to join one of Bolsonaro’s rainforest death squads.
Really glad we’re making up for the 1 punt in Super Bowl LII
They laughed at me when I said 6-3 Rams in OT.
HOLY SHIT I FORGOT, U R TEH ONE!!!
Just a guess on 3rd down, pass to Edelman.
FUCK FUCK FUCK
.
when Jewkah goes over 200, we get to see his man meat?
is just a tightly rolled up copy of the Constitution
I don’t have the doctored one with a leg-thick flaccid dick.
YOU STILL HAVE TIME
“The Hammer of Justice!” – Ben Krassenstein
So the game has completely lost my dad’s attention, he’s now playing with the dog
Your dad is the true winner here.
SJW.Goodell
“Inspire Change” is what Ryan Leaf tries to do when he’s panhandling.
Another reminder to not watch the Grammys.
Grumble grumble I’ll watch your grammy grumble grumble.
It would be just perfect if the only record in this game was for longest punt.
Maybe also fewest points.
Fuck you and your damage control Verizon.
Word.
Brady calling an audible using the word Reagan just reminds me of how angry his statuesque ass isn’t just broken on every drop back
it wasn’t even REAGAN SMASH!!
“Maybe it was ‘ray gun’?” – Eli Manning
This Punt. This Punt is the BEST PUNT
RECORD BREAKING SUPER BOWL! So, this game is JUST like last year’s record breaking Super Bowl with 1150 yards of offense.
So apparently the founder of Barstool Sports got arrested tonight inside the stadium. I guess God is just and fair, after all.
There were even betting odds on it, if my sources are correct.
STOP TRYING TO PRE-EMOTIVELY MAKE US NOT HATE YOU. 😀
We can’t hate him for this much shit of a game. Well, not as much. Well, we still can.
If the police want to shoot him 18 times in the back I will take their word for it that it was warranted.
this game is Football AIDS
Hawtest punt evah
It’s very fitting that this Super Bowl will own a record for the longest punt.
I should clean more often, to make it easier to distinguish intruder’s fingerprints if necessary.
Also, some lady who used to live here (I used to get her mail, I’ve lived here about a year and a half now) accidentally ordered a bunch of crap and had it sent here. I was around for the mattress, so I was able to decline delivery. I’m left with one small box that was left at my door via UPS, do I return it to a UPS store? I’m really not excited about going out of my way for that, but I have my own crap, don’t need other people’s additional crap. Haven’t opened it, assume it’s nothing good.
If you’re ordering a mattress, how the fuck do you not double check the address field?
Right?! I don’t know what the fuck I would have done if I came home and found a goddamn mattress sitting by my door. I understand autofill address fields, but WOW!
These 3 and outs are impossibly fast
Goddamnit Goff. Some situational awareness would be nice.
Jared Goff might be the first QB to get benched in the Super Bowl.
That’s 15 yards for a blow to the head on Brady.
I just hope Bobby Shmurda gets a chance to play an upcoming Super Bowl.
“I been sellin c-” *Roger Goodell tackles him from behind*
This game is such shit
What is [DFO] record for comments?
it’s over 1,000, that’s the best i can do.
I think we’ve topped 1300 once and 1100 twice, but don’t quote me on that.
BANNER for irony!
That is what I thought. Someone will know
Internet Dad is busy with his Kroenke voodoo dolls. He can’t tell us today.
No comment
Never thought I’d be looking forward more to this episode of true detective than the rest of this game
Redd Kross > Karly Kloss
Karly Kloss 😛 Taylor Swift
In a fight?
Where does Kriss Kross fit in?
Kriss > Red Kross, Kross < Karlie.
Right cross > Karly Kloss
Current status of the Superb Owl:
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Punt inside the 5? This is absolutely ending in a safety.
What makes you think Mr. Statue would allow himself to be sacked on one of his standard issue 47 second dropbacks?
Christ.
I’m back! And have missed absolutely nothing.
You’re the real winner.
Lemme catch you up.
Edelman got loose for a 1st down on 3rd and long, then the Patriots failed to convert on 3rd and 2 because the refs aren’t calling holding on any defenders, so there was another punt.
I was good without knowing.
Finally, the defense stayed within 5 yards of Edelman.
Is Suh concussing himself on Brady’s knee, ending both careers, too much to ask?
I’m being recruited by a startup called ‘Snowflake’
I’m amused
Better than Facebook
Heh
Yay headhunting!
Wait, Vontaze Burfict is a recruiter?
Are you in tears, libtard?
Yes, let’s talk about the passion of Edelman, while not mentioning him missing 25% of the regular season because he got caught using PEDs.
Well, Passion ™
underrated brilliance there!
Just like how we talk about belichik’s supposed ability to turn around players with “character jssues” and not mention Aaron hernandez
This has not been a very Superb Owl thus far
Oh look Edelman is open.
I love that Roger Goodell has delivered us his first unwatchable Super Bowl in hopefully Tom Brady’s final game.
WHY IS TALIB NOT ON HIM
Fuck this front-running Atlanta crowd.
Sherman was right
Sherman is always right, If the NFLPA was smart they would have him be their president when he retires.
Atlanta so lame they’d rather have la and wagoners than new Orleans in their town
I’ve always assumed the Super Bowl was only attended by corporate sycophants anyway.
Guh