Huzzah for life distractions!

#10(E) Minnesota (+5.5, +210) v. #7(E) Louisville (12:15, CBS)

Don’t bet the over/under on “Minute Man” Pitino crowd shots.  You don’t want to die of liver failure this early in the tourney.

#14(E) Yale (+6.5, +250) v. #3(E) LSU (12:40, truTV)

Oh, the taeks about these fine, upstanding, future white criminal Yalies, as opposed to the ruffian Negroes of the Bayou.  But LSU is without its suspended head coach (they think he’s paying folks, imagine that!), which seems vaguely important.

#12(MW) New Mexico State (+5.5, +225) v. #5(MW) Auburn (1:30, TNT)

Here comes the first of everyone’s predicted 12/5 upsets, but Aubie is used to playing folks that call theyselves Aggies.  Also, I have a mild pro-Bruce Pearl feeling about this dance.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to twirl the ballroom with that handsome devil!

#13(W) Vermont (+8.5, +380) v. #4(W) Florida State (2:00, TBS)

Look, when Scowlin’ Leonard and his Seminole Band go down in flames, I can officially quit caring about my brackets.  So, like 4:15 EST??

#15(E) Bradley (+18.5, +1625) v. #2(E) Michigan State (2:45, CBS)

The namesake of many Commentist Party illuminati, but their line does nae make it appear that The Valley is much account this year.  You know Sparty, they lose right away, or they at least make the Flacco Eight.

#11(E) Belmont (+3, +140) v. #6(E) Maryland (3:10, truTV)

I was all hype for betting on this, but that payoff is kind of disappoint.  Looks like many #HAILGAMBLOR devotees have the same wanking motion opinion of Fear teh Turtle as Hippo does.

#13(MW) Northeastern (+7, +255) v. #4(MW) Kansas (4:00, TNT)

Fuck Northeastern (not to be confused with Northwestern, who lost about 10 too many games to make it), they are who spawned Jim Calhoun.  But fuck Kansas MOAR, obvsly, not that it will matter much today.

#12(W) Murray State (+3.5, +150) v. #5(W) Marquette (4:30, TBS)

Murray?  Present!  And I am disappoint by my payoff yet again.  But who doesn’t want to bet against Wojo?