Good morning Lesser Footy fans!

We’re at match day 34 and there are some key fixtures occurring today. First, here’s what you might have. . .

*The screen goes all blurry and the sound of white noise can be heard. The camera is now clear and all you can see is a courthouse. A nearby door opens and a man in a prison jumpsuit walks in-front of the camera*

Aaron Hernandez: iHola putos! My name es Aaron Hernandez and I would like to take time out of my busy schedule to discuss something serious with joo. It breaks my heart to hear that recently,more cheeldren and teens are Aving sueecidal tots and eggsperts cannot peenpoint why.   Dis es truly deesturbeeng and just another reason why China keeps surpassing us.

Do you think those kids over in China just quote unquote tink about sooeecide? No, they keel themselves as if their appeal to get out of murder Juan es going to be rejected. That adds up to  287000 jooths per year. That’s more than the cities of Newark or Orlando. Personally, I blame L’il Xanax.  He gets you depressed, but his music isn’t eneryetico enough to go hang around until somebody finds your body a few horas later. At best, his music makes joo want to cross da street, which is some tooty fruity bullshit. Mami and I used to do that for fun on a Domingo evening.

So reemember keeds, don’t cross da street or go down da highway. Cut your troat or hang around. Muchas gracias. Now eef you excuse me, I got a pina to shove up mi culo. If you seen that pina video floating around on da twitter, joo no wat I’m talking about. PAZ!

/the feed goes back to Wakezilla

Wakezilla: Here are today’s fixtures.

2 Key games:

A) Hot Sperms vs Highlighters

Hot Sperms have been blessed with a cup cake game against the Human Highlighters. This should be an easy win for them, resulting in the Sperms being (temporairly) in 3rd place.

The main even fixture today is West Ham

vs United

Thoughts: Ole and his in-game management have been very questionable over the past 5 or so matches. It has cost United a lot of points and I’m starting to wonder if teams have figured him out. Pogba has been playing CDM lately because the rest of the team of midfielders have been as the French say, les incompetent. As a result, United hasn’t been scoring as much. Funnily enough, a lot of United fans have been criticizing Pogba for not scoring, despite being a CDM and you know, not a striker.

Over in la Liga there’s nothing much happening today. If you want to witness a blood bath, Huesca is playing Barcelona.

Meanwhile, over in Serie A, all three matches are YUGE

1) SPAL vs Juventus

Thoughts: Juventus needs a draw and they will clinch their 8th straight Serie A title. Meanwhile SPAL is in danger of being relegated.

2) Udinese vs Roma

Thoughts: Currently 6th and in a Europa Group League Qualifier position, Roma needs to get a win as teams below them are breathing down their neck.

3) Lazio vs AC Milan

Thoughts: Three points separate 4th place AC Milan and 7th place Lazio. A win by Lazio would put them in a Champions League spot.

If you want an interesting, albeit depressing read about racism in Lesser Footy, check this article out that was released yesterday.

Enjoy the games!