NFL Notes:
- Another day, another Chief’s one-day retirement contract: Middle Linebacker Derrick Johnson
- He was a KC first-round pick back in 2005, and was on the team until March 2018, when he was cut.
- He played six games with the Raiders, which likely convinced him to retire.
- He retires as the team’s all-time leader in tackles (1,151), while adding 14 interceptions, 27.5 sacks and 40 quarterback hits.
- He was a KC first-round pick back in 2005, and was on the team until March 2018, when he was cut.
- As the horse qualifying the integrity of the barn door, John Elway says he believes Drew Lock has what it takes to be groomed into the Broncos potential long-term starting QB.
- Previous times he has said this include Brock Osweiler, Paxton Lynch, and Case Keenum,
- Meanwhile, current plan Joe Flacco sits in a corner eating his ice milk.
- One QB situation unfolding faster than expected: Arizona.
- He might’ve been drunk at the time, but GM Steve Keim told an interview on Thursday Kyler Murray will be the Cardinals Week One starter versus Detroit.
- The money quote designed to appeal to the Briarwood Country Club: “We didn’t draft him one overall to ride the pine.”
- Good news for the cast of “That’s My Raiders” – the injury to Isaiah Crowell means that the Raiders are likely to re-sign Doug Martin.
- In seven NFL seasons, Martin has rushed for 5,356 yards and 30 touchdowns. He has caught 148 passes for 1,207 yards and another two TDs.
- In 2018 with the Raiders, Marin had a team-high 723 rushing yards, along with 18 catches for 118 yards.
- Martin would be expected to carry the load until the Raiders feel #1 pick Josh Jacobs is ready to take over full-time.
- In seven NFL seasons, Martin has rushed for 5,356 yards and 30 touchdowns. He has caught 148 passes for 1,207 yards and another two TDs.
CFL Notes:
- The CFL draft is tonight!
- nine teams + eight rounds = 72 players being selected
- TSN’s draft primer is here.
- The draft order in the first round is:
- Toronto Argonauts
- Montreal Alouettes – Selection forfeited via 2018 supplemental draft selection
- Hamilton Tiger-Cats
- Edmonton Eskimos
- Winnipeg Blue Bombers (via BC)
- Winnipeg Blue Bombers
- Saskatchewan Roughriders
- Ottawa Redblacks
- Calgary Stampeders
- The projected first overall pick is expected to be Shane Richards of OK State.
- It’s a sexy pick because he O-Line and he’s Canadian.
- His agent, Johnathon Hardaway, was one of the lawyers who got the charges dismissed against the Duke lacrosse players.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: both are Game 4s
- Bruins at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | NBCSN / CBC (CBJ leads 2-1)
- Sharks at Avalanche – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Sharks lead 2-1)
- NBA:
- Raptors at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- MLB:
- Red Sox at White Sox – 8:00PM | MLBN
- Blue Jays at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
- CFL:
- Draft – 8:00PM | TSN / tsn.ca / cfl.ca
Hopefully, some of those 49 undrafted early-departures from college will find homes here, otherwise they got terrible advice and made a life-alteringly bad decision to leave school early. Moral: don’t believe your own hype.
I can’t believe how badly I fucked this up.
Benito M.
— Italy, 1943
Really puts things into perspective. If they haven’t strung you up by your ankles and stuffed your genitals in your mouth, then you haven’t fucked things up as badly as that guy.
Heh. You know what, that actually makes sense and it makes me feel a lot better. Thanks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpXArn3hII
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6s8k0aMbNA
HEY! HEY! HEY!
Go AVS!
Agreed; luuuuukeeeeeng gud!
C U N T(he) Next round:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuWJ0cNdTBU
Is it too late to send them back to Minnesota?
Oh Yeah:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLZBhlTXHuo
Anybody doing anything for the Kentucky Derby on Saturday? I think I attended a Derby party once years ago but it was fairly lame.
I do have a bunch of leftover fresh mint, so some juleps are not out of the question
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm4BrZjY_Sg
You’re spending days in the desert, you’re bored out of your mind, and you didn’t name the damn horse?
I am glad to see Jan getting a more prominent role again in a Toyota commercial.
She had to take a break while preggers.
The fact that you know that makes me feel slightly better about myself.
Glad to help.
Odd that the baby doesn’t even look like me.
It’s for the best. Also, congrats.
Looking forward to that Jeff Van Gundy meltdown getting quoted every single time someone says someone is having a good game
I am off tomorrow to take the spawn to the dr at noon. Sooo he goes to daycare and I can go back to sleep ? Hello red wine.
Evenin commentists, I hope booze is plentiful and cheap.
When you’ve already paid for it, and it’s just sitting there in your bar, it’s effectively free. Sunk costs are the drunk’s best friend.
Yeah and Mrs Cola was just mean so scotch it is.
“In victory, you deserve it; in defeat, you need it.” Churchill was referring to champagne, but it applies just fine to scotch.
Joe Thornton’s playoff beard is the definition of insanity. He does it every single year and expects a different outcome.
Sharks gonna Shark
I’m gonna beat your ass and ….. whooooooooaaaaa!!!!!!!!
OK, I’ll get you next time.
That ends up being a misconduct for busting your dumb ass.
There is a penalty for “butt-ending,” but that ain’t it….
I’m pretty sure Embiid is fueled entirely by spite
“DAD! The Jonas Brothers are playing in Anaheim in October”
“…”
“DAD! Did you hear me?”
“…”
“DAD!!!”
“Yeah, but I don’t think there are any tickets left.”
“They haven’t even gone on sale!”
“…”
“DAD! Did you hear me???”
“Pretty sure they’re gonna die in a plane crash before then, and I don’t like paying for ticket insurance.”
Now that’s good parentin’
Wow. Raptors have really fallen a long way since game 1
– God, 68 Million years ago
If the goalie;s team (Hershey) isn’t named “the Squirts” what are we even doing?
LMFAO
Slapstick Dog will do anything for a larf.
Not a goal!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTPUE9W0Bg0
Why the hell is Little Sheldon still on TV? Who the fuck watches this?
Who watches anything on network television?
Old people and horrible people and horrible old people.
There’s some good news and bad news-
Good News: “Little Sheldon” will be canceled soon.
Bad News: “Moderately-Sized Sheldon” will be a runaway success.
Love anything as much as Toronto loves not succeeding in the playoffs
The A on his sweater is for ‘Atarded
LOL
“Hockey sticks. How do they work?”
-Juggalos
“The Boston make smash to a hope of jacket fitting goodly in time.” [knocks head against wall repeatedly]
-Columbus Bluejackets’ autistic hockey announcers
Boston playing well, looking like they got a Robert Kraft special before the game
Goddammit Columbus.
No BJ’s for anyone tonight I guess.
Always the chance that someone takes advantage of the opportunity to cave Marchand’s face in.
My mother hates when I crack my neck. Earlier today she told me…
Mom: I read a story last night about someone cracking their neck and having a stroke.
tWBS (mumbling): Last week I read a story about someone murdering their mother and burying her in the back yard.
Mom: What?
tWBS: What?
/dying to make a salami/ham/turkey/monterey jack/mayo sandwich on fresh sourdough bread with butter
//eats a small chickpea salad instead
///”Help?”
Sounds good except for the “jack/mayo” which I assume is homemade.
Chickpeas kinda look like little butts, so you got that going for you.
Yeah, but I haven’t found one yet that can handle my pounding.
CIA: Mister President, would you prefer to be shot in the head or the neck?
JFK: Are those my only choices?
CIA: No. How about both?
Come on Buddy, you can do it….
When they put Ronald Reagan on the American and Canadian money, I hope they use this picture:
Reagan SMASH!!!!
“Don’t make me angry, Mr. Gorbachev. You wouldn’t like me when I’m…. what was I saying?”
you were reciting Buffalo Bill speech from Silence of Lambs, da?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA0X4SliFJI
h
ttp://www.frockflicks.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/tumblr_nasvoaZBrM1tfzfzyo3_r1_500.gif
He’s having the WORST day ever.
He’s gonna have to fix that ceiling. I wonder if they’ll supply the nails?
Fortunately, his day job is carpentry. He’ll have it done in 3 days.
I am definitely glad I don’t have his cross to bear.
The fuck is Simon??? Slacking asshole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiiky9SXl7Q
apropos(?) of nothing below…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK8sxngSWaU
If I don’t believe my own hype, then who will?
Try an elderly white person; those fuckers will apparently believe anything.
/realizes what he just walked into
//eh, fuck it.
If the teller is white.
An excellent point. I would also add that it can’t involve climate change.
Perhaps any science.
Hey if the Orchids of Asia video ever gets released I think we need to refer to it as the “Kraft bio-pic”. Because of all the DNA, you see.
Speaking of punches…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCOvjkbEn3c
Thanks for posting this; brings back a great time watching that epic fight. I realize it is nostalgic in nature saying this; but you won’t see anything like this these days. MMA can be close sometimes. That said; I’ve watched a lot of mismatches and bad fights over the years during that era.
Check out this fella’s analysis of all three Ali/Frazier bouts-if you’re disappointed I’ll give you my first born.
Was just watching that……
Plus last time I sold a kid I only got twenty bucks, barely enough for gas in the truck.
Huh! You’re preaching to the choir, brother! Listen, there’s a new load of squealers coming out of Atlanta later this month… DM me. Thai teenagers are trading way below value right now-get going before the market heats up!
[places large long bet on Brooklyn chess prodigy being Grandmaster before the age of 16]
“REALLY? I know where they can get a good job.”
-Bob C., Boston.
That Kronwall gif was especially prescient now that the Blue Jackets just scored a goal after the puck bounced back onto the ice off the netting. Kronwall did the same thing (I think it was him, def a red wing) a few years ago.
Take a nap….
Get a haircut too you fucking hippie.
RIP Chewy. He’s getting his well deserved medal in Heaven right now.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/05/02/entertainment/peter-mayhew-star-wars-dead-trnd/index.html
I hope Chelsea Handler is handlering it ok.
That is a 1st Class Comment.
Sometimes we forget how much better the Canadiouns are at broadcasting hockey than NBC; it’s like comparing an 18 year single malt scotch to drinking the piss of an alcoholic hobo.
American hockey announcers sound like dogs that have just learned to speak and are super excited about where the puck might be going next.
Yeah, but most Americans sound that way irrespective of hockey.
The local guy here who does the Avs radio is good, but……. yes.
But… laser puck!
oddly enough, NBC is somehow able to obtain the BEST Lesser Footy broadcasting group in the world. Our coverage is vastly superior to Europe’s.
smh that’s what happens when you don’t keep your stick on the ice
No but seriously, how do they spend that much time in the butterfly position?
Yet another runaway, nothing crazy on Jeopardy.
That dude is really pissing me off. I know all that shit but my brain doesn’t work so fast these days.
A conversation with my mentally unstable brother, I call it being a Bomb Squad Technician. It requires cunning, a lot of split-second life-or-death decisions, but if it ends with nothing blowing up in your face, you smile, praise the deity of your choice, and walk away.
Well, that didn’t last long. Time to find something new and hopefully permanent.
Getting on the plane for Seattle. Recommendations please.
#12s
Ivar’s. It’s both in the airport and at the wharf. Get the clam chowder.
If you are going to a Mariners game, Pyramid Brewing right across the street will serve you well. Or Henry’s Tavern down the street – it has an outdoor beer garden.
If you are up by Pike Place watching fish get tossed, Pike Brewing is quite acceptable.
Don’t?
Elysian has a brewpub