Good morning everyone!

Damn glad to have you here.

Have you ever taken on a really detailed project, like for work or some shit? Maybe you had to move once and you only had a very short time to do it? Or I know! Your kids finally went to bed on Christmas Eve and you realize you’ve got a whole fuck-ton of toys to assemble.

Yeah, I like that one.

What I’m blathering on about is holy good goddamn do we have a lot to cover today so I’m gonna get out in front of this shit, get all proactive and get fucking rolling.

We’ve got a lot to do and we’ve got a short time to get it done.

For Memorial Day I grilled burgers.

For those of you who remember, I did a pretty damn detailed Sunday Gravy about building the better burger a couple of years ago.

Remember this?

Well sir, this past Memorial Day we came up with this.

And in order to achieve this we actually did (takes deep breath)…

This.

Along with this…

We also did this…

And even went so fucking far as doing this.

Goddamn right we did.

In order to achieve this level of insanity and have it all come together for Memorial Day I started the whole process two fucking weeks in advance.

I know!

I ain’t saying that you have to do all of these steps. I’m not even saying that this is something any sane person would attempt but if you’re curious how any or all of these components came in to being, then here we fucking go.

Component 1: Homemade Dill Pickles

(1) large English Cucumber – if you have or prefer a different variety use that instead.

3 cups water

1 cup of white vinegar

1 tablespoon of pickling spice

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 tablespoon of salt

3 cloves of garlic smashed with skins removed

1 bunch of fresh dill.

Special equipment: Mason jar(s)

Put the water, vinegar, sugar and salt into a saucepan and bring to a boil. Stir a few times to incorporate.

Meanwhile slice the cucumber into what is that? About 1/4″ slices? Sure. Note: You can peel the cucumber if you prefer but I discovered that after a couple of weeks of pickling it didn’t really matter all that much.

Smash and peel the garlic too.

When the brine has come to a boil, remove from heat and let cool completely. We’re not trying to cook the pickles here.

Start adding the slices of cucumber to your Mason jar like so.

You don’t want to overcrowd the jar but at the same time I found out that after a few days of refrigeration and absorbing, I could have added more slices than I did. As a first time pickler – of the cucumber variety – I erred on the side of caution. I filled the jar about 1/3 of the way then put a clove of garlic and some dill, then filled the next 3rd and did the same etc. Now carefully fill the mason jar with the fully cooled brine. You will probably have some extra. Fill all the way to the top of the jar then fit the center part of the lid tightly on top, screw the outside ring lid on just as tightly then sock these fuckers away in your refrigerator for at least one week and they can be safely consumed for up to a month.

I found that after 2 weeks of pickling the flavors were close to fully developed. I sampled after 1 week and while it was good, it was still a little too much cucumber and not enough pickle. Be sure to write the date of birth on the top of the lid.

As someone who isn’t the biggest pickle head out there yet still finds them harmless enough, these were really goddamn tasty. Dill forward with a nice punch of garlic. Very solid pickle.

Final pickle note: know where the idea to make pickles came from?

Damn right! This came as a result of having leftover pickling spice from when we made this.

Our made from scratch corned beef. You all should be pretty aware that I really do try to use up all of the random shit that I used for other recipes and as someone who is full blown obsessive/compulsive just seeing that jar of spices in my cupboard actually DROVE me to make pickles.

This was my very first attempt and it felt quite successful. My Grandmommie used to can and jar and pickle all the fucking time and after all these years instead of turning into my grandfather, yep, I turned into my fucking grandmother.

/sigh

Enough of that! We still have tons of shit to do!

Now one week after making the pickles and still a week before Memorial Day we decided to make…

Homemade Ketchup…Seriously

/recipe inspired by inspiredtaste.net

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

1 medium onion, sliced into half moons

2 garlic cloves, chopped (about 1 tablespoon)

One 1-inch piece of ginger, peeled and chopped

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1/4 teaspoon ground allspice

2 tablespoons tomato paste

1 (28-ounce) can whole tomatoes or crushed

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

Salt and fresh ground black pepper

Get a big ass pot going over the stove, medium heat.

Slice up that onion.

Then get after that garlic and ginger. Mince nice and fine.

Heat up the oil in the pan and then add in the sliced onion. Cook this until lightly brown, about 8-9 minutes.

Next, add in the garlic, ginger, allspice and red pepper flake.

Let this cook down for a couple of minutes, then add in the tomato paste. Cook until the tomato paste caramelizes. Maybe 3-4 minutes more. Next add in the tomatoes with their juice, the brown sugar, vinegar and the salt and pepper.

Reduce the heat to low and let this cook over a low simmer for 20-30 minutes. I went a half hour to allow the flavors to mingle. Lastly add some additional salt and pepper if needed.

Now.

The fun part.

We gots to blend this fucker. If you have an immersion blender, like my bad motherfucker right there, this will be a breeze. The recipe gives suggestions for blending in a conventional blender so it can be done but it sounds like some treacherous shit if you’re working with a hot pot of ketchup. Work in small batches and all that.

Then here we fucking go.

Let the ketchup cool completely, then place in a size-appropriate storage vessel, tag it with the D.O.B.

And store in your refrigerator for up to a month.

Yes, that’s a lot of goddamn ketchup so you’ll find yourself making foods that go good with ketchup just to get after it. The ketchup is very tasty as well and definitely leaves itself open for adaptation. I fucked around with the heat on one occasion by adding in a good scoop of my chile tepin to a scoop of the ketchup and that was really fucking nice. You could fuck around with various spices and herbs too. It’s a nice base entry level homemade ketchup.

Definitely better than the store bought shit.

Finally! Memorial Day arrived. The good news is I had 2 of today’s disciplines already made and chilling while I got to the speed round.

Sorry to disappoint anyone who wanted the recipe for homemade buns again. It’s up there in the Building a Better Burger link dammit. It’s also the same recipe that I used for homemade rolls both here

from Easter

And here..

From our smothered steak menu.

I just separated the dough into 8 pieces instead of 16 and made them, you know, bun sized.

But to show you that there was no cheating, first I did this.

You know with the bloomed yeast and the sugar and flour and the 10 minute knead dealie.

Then after a 2 hour rise, the punching down shit and the dividing whoosis, we got to here.

Then another rise got us all the way here.

The about 18 minutes in a 375 oven got us to glory.

One advantage of doing all of these homemade bread attempts was how fucking flawless the bread prep was this time. Dough consistency was perfect, both rises went off without a hitch and the end result was fucking epic.

Here! I sliced one for you!

Motherfucking Burger Time!

These buns are incredible and I probably will keep making them. Holy shit the aroma while they’re cooking and that homemade yeasty, slightly sweet homemade bread taste. Yeah, that shit is worth it.

Well, it wouldn’t be full on fucking madness if we didn’t…

Grind our own burger meat. I’ll tell you what, that goddamn Kitchenaid earned it’s fucking paycheck when this day was over. It did the bread thing AND the meat thing you goddamn glorious bastard you!

Let’s get to the grind.

Today we are using a big slab of chuck roast.

See all of that glorious fat? Oh boy oh boy! Since this is still probably only 90 percent lean to 10% fat we will need to step up our fat game by adding…

/wait for it

BACON!

Yep this motherfucker was about 70% ground chuck to 30% ground bacon.

FUCK YES!

One thing I’ve learned about the grinding game is to cube up the roast to make it easier to grind. It’s also key to remove any gristle or silverskin from the meat first. It tends to stick in the grinding gears. Cube it up to a good size that will fit the hopper of the grinder.

Next I chopped up the raw bacon and mixed it with the chuck chunks. Then grind away me hearties!

The end result gave us a nice, I would even say “smooth” bowl-o-meat.

I didn’t feel there was a need to add any “extenders” or binders to the meat, such as an egg or bread crumbs or what have you and they cooked up nicely but next time I may tinker with that. This time I simply formed into patties and seasoned with salt and pepper.

Next we fired up the charcoal grill.

This next part will come as absolutely zero surprise to anyone who has ever grilled burgers over an open flame. You know how hamburger meat tends to flare and get all smoky and shit during grilling? Guess what adding bacon to the party does?

That was one smoky motherfucker! We certainly weren’t troubled by any wasps or bees during this moment. Be sure to close your windows during grilling people. Just throwing that out there.

Now that these bad boys have been grilled let’s get to building that beast.

Get your bun sliced.

Get one of them patties on there.

That’s our ketchup next to the burger.

Don’t forget your pickles!

Slather on some ketchup, top with a couple of pickles.

And go to fucking burger town!

FLAWLESS VICTORY!

As someone who can take or leave pickles they just fucking WORKED here. Every component. What do I need to say.

Goddamn delightful. Every bite! As always do one, two or as many of these recipes as you like. Every one is rock solid.

Finally, there was one little thing left that I wanted to try.

Remember last week when we did the short ribs?

I actually made that the day before Memorial day for a reason!

I’ve been musing over the last 2 years since I got on this made from scratch burger deal about making a signature Sunday Gravy burger. You know how every fucking chef out there has their own “signature” burger.

Why the fuck can’t we?

Here’s what I came up with.

This time, I’m gonna toast that bun right on the grill.

Grab another burger patty, this one without the American cheese because we are going to add…

Some aged English cheddar.

/starts to drool

Lastly? I saved some of those glorious slow roasted short ribs from the day before for this EXACT reason.

The short ribs, mushrooms and some of those roasted garlic cloves go right on top of this fucker giving us…

/DRUMROLL

The Sunday Gravy Burger!

I may or may not have had to change the undies after this amazing bastard. Holy shit, it’s practically just fucking stupid to do this.

Practically?

You know? There’s a fine line between showing off and straight up fucking insanity and I’m pretty sure that line was crossed today. As idiotic as it may sound this was really fucking fun to do. It helped that I spread it out over 3 weeks because holy shit.

Hope I didn’t scare anybody away after this.

Thanks for reading along you wonderful food voyagers!

Actually I can say I appreciate your tolerance while my complete lunacy was fully on display.

Have yourself a good rest of the weekend and I’ll see you next week.

PEACE!