Oh men! (and the occasional Nel and Dok visit!) There is some good stuff this weekend. And if you want to be primed for the full RedZone dopamine rush, you need to limber up on Saturday.
If you want to wake up early and count the teeth (o/u – 60% of capacity), Liverpool are hosting Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN). Realistically, it will just be a 2-hour Jurgen Klopp blowjob. Make sure you have Scope at the ready, DonT! 😀 Christ knows that if I unfortunately wake up, I’mma go to ESPN+ coverage of Mighty Whitey hosting West Brom.
Chelsea at Wolves is the highlight of the 10:00 window, though you need NBC Gold (or a dodgy Belarussian stream) to watch. United hosting Foxy Footy is also on Gold. VERY surprising not to televise both Chelsea and United, against decent opposition, on the same weekend. Spurs and Palace (sneaky, train wreck of a draw is possible) are the NBCSN offering. NO THANKS!
12:30 spotlight dance dips into JV NFL time, which is good, because it’s a snuff film – angry Man City at Norwich. Remember when Other Trash Birds briefly looked competent and exciting? Didn’t last long.
Continentally, one might theoretically enjoy Juve/Fiorentina (9:00, ESPN+) and/or Barca hosting Valencia (3:00, BeIn). Oh, and Bayern visit the Red Bulls in HAWT Nazi action (12:30, FS2). That’s…pretty good shit!
Sunday Funday brings a quality doubleheader, with the Hippo/yeah right Derby to start (9:00, NBCSN), followed by Arsenal at the Moose Hornets (11:30, NBCSN). The desperate Moose Hornets – classic “banana skin” match.
Likely, we get more interesting fixtures, which one of the Crack Lesser Footy Team will note in the comments. To the perv content!
Litre_Cola’s Obscure team that Hippo (probably) bets on!
Today we stay in the East and profile Football Club Anzhi Makhachkala ( Футбо́льный клуб «Анжи́)
NC State (-7) at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)
The Hippo/tWBS/WCS Derby may be an eyesore, but huzzah for local interest! Neither side can pass downfield worth a flying fuck, and the commentary will no doubt center around how lunch pale! all the ‘Eers be. Plus, being a significant home dog to the likes of my Shitty Wolves will no doubt piss them off. JUST GREAT.
Maryland (-7) at Temple (Noon, CBSSN)
The One Where Fear teh Turtle Crashes Back To Reality
Kansas State (+7) at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)
The real game of the window, two 2-0 sides that nobody really knows anything about. Shit, I don’t even recall if Unded Bill Snyder still ghouls along the sideline. All three matches of the noon window an even 7-point spread, which I find soothing.
Alabama (-infinity) at South Cakalaky (3:30, CBS)
Means MOAR, my hairy white ass. This here a 3-team league this go-round. Wake me for LSU and UGA.
Southern Cal (-4) at BYU (3:30, ABC)
America’s MOST and LEAST sexualized cheer squadrons! Oh well, I am amused.
Iowa (-1.5) at Iowa State (4:00, FS1)
Cornpone Derby, always a fun watch. Staggered kickoff time, too!
Florida (-8.5) at Kentucky (7:00, ESPN)
Extremely lopsided historical rivalry, has produced some bananacakes in recent years.
Florida State (+7.5) at Virginia (7:30, ACCN)
Semenholes have no business being 1-1 (ie, should CLEARLY be 0-2), more than a TD underdogs to a pedestrian Wahoowa side. I’m sure much Reacting Reasonably is going on throughout that shithole state.
Oklahoma (-23.5) at UCLA (8:00, Fox)
Laughing at Chip Kelly never gets old. What a fucking joke he’s assembled at Westwood Klavern.
Texas Tech (-2.5) at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)
You fall asleep during the evening slate (understandable) then wake up, paw away the dried-up drool, and enjoy this sure-to-be-wacky tweaker fixture. September is awesome, y’all.
Georgia-Arkansas State is my first snuff film.
Can’t say I see the allure.
Well there’s your problem right there. It should be more powdery than filmy.
Looking at my fantasy team and I currently have both Harf Harf and AB on my bench. Surprised autodraft didn’t just grab Crab Legs and complete the set.
Proposed Team Names:
Implied Consent
The Implication
We never did do a fantasy naming post…..
Scope? Pft. Totes declassé.
Listerine or Death!
I would chose death over Listerine Original.
Expected 3-1 in the lesser footy match. Did not expect 3 to Norwich
haven’t checked the LiveBet on this, bet City still favoured
Can’t stand the boxing analogies for a football game. No non-time traveller is more familiar with boxing than football.
Maryland channeling their inner older, more mature Jesus by NOT going crazy at Temple.
This is banner-worthy. Also, I told y’all MD was gonna faceplant!
holy cats, Norwich LEAD??
by TWO????
Banner ACC Saturday – VPI trails Furman, Citadel/Team Pretend Army up on GT
So, everything normal?
UConn Football Facts twitter was making fun of the ACC earlier. UConn. Football.
Wasn’t antonio brown on that masked singer show? Maybe that can be his defense against the rape claim: “If the fursuit don’t fit, you must acquit.”
This Fall, Eject ’em ALL in Morganhole
Pitt and Paedo State currently in delay, waiting for the home side to get out of the showers.
+ several rhythmic slaps
West By God Virginia is some good raftin’
To Starkville we go!
Is there anything better than running power tools while suffering from a hangover?
Yes, there are many things. Practically all things, in fact.
taking a “morning after Indian food” dump?
Running a wood-splitter while hungover is it’s own special kind of hell.
Fuck it, I’m going to the gym and sweating this shit out.*
/Vomit. I’m just going to vomit.
chugging coffee until I vomit works for me. Then, all the Pedialyte
Chopping wood with a massive hangover… Basically it was chop with the axe, dry heave, wait for the world to stop spinning, chop…. 😀 Fun fact, that was the last time I got completely obliterated at high school and I learned a valuable lesson – just because a bathtub is a bigger target than a toilet to puke in, it doesn’t mean that I’ll hit it any better 😀
“When I chop wood I like to pretend that each log is Paul Owen’s face.” – Fitzpatrick Bateman
Chainsaw. And I have the scars to prove it.
How the fuck you doing boys?!?
Can Maryland continue the insane scoring? Will I master my demons and stop drinking? Will I ever send off that child support payment?
So many exciting questions!!!
If you keep holding off on those payments you could be recruited to run against Trump in the republican primaries
sooooo much Seven Nation Army in Morganhole
If I have to think about this, you have to think about this…
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EEX2X_hWsAInrY1?format=jpg&name=360×360
Well,that was a dog of a match. Glad United got the win,but Jesus that was brutal.
Drinking to excess after 50 is less and less appealing. Not even hungover, since I stayed up late and pumped in some Gatorade and water, just fucking tired as hell.
Or maybe it’s just that I’m over 50 and should talk to Frank Thomas about my low-T.
/Nope, it’s drinking 7-8 high octane beers and expecting to get a good night’s sleep, past experience and sleep science be damned
I *wish* I could down more than six beers without being on death’s door the following morning. I had a mere half a bottle of wine last night and I still don’t feel great.
For a team up 4-0 Tottenham is playing some remarkably dirty football.
Natitude pitcher Stephen Strasbourg taking on PSG on BeIn
I thought for sure United would get killed tonight. Yet, somehow they’re still winning despite not creating any chances since the PK.
I’m not a fan of the “go in the fetal position and pray to God they don’t score” system Ole has got going on. It’s too much pressure on de Gea
Lester comes up small when there’s any sense of expectation
Constitution Avenue, Washington DC
See the Bible quote in the center panel beneath “AMERICA”? That was in a crossword puzzle I did this morning! I totally got it! I had no idea it was about sodomy though, and I don’t even know what doing HR-5 is (do any of you porno fans know?); anyways I should read the Bible more because it seems exciting and this guy makes some good points:
So…buggers and ded fetuses did 9/11??
I don’t know why these guys are out protesting shit when they could just stay at home and design album covers for bands that make you want to run through a brick wall.
My matcha won’t fully dissolve, no matter how much I stir. This is the worst thing the Japanese have done to us since 1941.
That late penno awarded to Virtus Entella made my morning bright indeed. Just need CSKA Sofia and Maribor to come good, now.
Sgt. Friday really hated his new low flow shower head
In today’s performance of American History X, the role of “burglar breaking into Edward Norton’s house” will be played by Crystal Palace
an inordinate amount of snuff films this window
Only gonna get worse with City v Norwich
I have to switch to my Derby JV match against WCS, though
Lesser Footy sides tend not to pull the goalie mid-match, but Wolves may wish to consider it.
Meanwhile in Case De bk109:
“Daaaaaddy, why is Mommy angry?”… Of course I check immediately the ManUre score an’ I start laughing…
“Mommy’s not angry, mommy is regretting the bhajis for lunch, but is waiting for the half” XD
I guessed it was the Martial brand Mommy’s Little Helper
No, it was the industrial-grade HAWT N Spicy Indian food wifey ordered for takeout for lunch, because she didn’t want liver and onions 😀
they just showed Ole, looked like he was holding in a growler himself
Chelski are Guilty Remnant FC this morning
clearly, it’s freaking Wolves the fuck out!
Your weekly reminder that Son is good at football
MOAR LIEK Ho-Lee Fuk amirite??
Heung-min Son and Stacked-min Daughter smh
COYS
Also, sadly enough – I have never figured out how to bet the Rooskie or Polish leagues. Still, enjoyed the tale!
penno to Commintern FC!
Good morning folks, and welcome to a wonderful weekend of “moving shit around in the garage”. We bought a new (used) car and now I have to make it fit in the space that was previously inhabited by a Mini Cooper.
Since the Brexit-lovin’ Midlands cunts got their point:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BermIHe03zU
I said earlier that you should bet on the draw.
yup, woke up too late. I lied and set the alarm for 8:30, but hit snooze 4x
I got a morning meeting then we’re free til our flight out tomorrow afternoon. I was all stoked bc our hotel has free beach stuffs – towels, chairs, toys, etc – then my wife turns on the news and this dick weatherguy is like, “everyone should go to the beach today!”
People are afraid of Huntington Beach and won’t come here, right?
I mean sort of? School is back in session so even though it’s the weekend families have shit to do that will thin out their numbers as far as the beach is concerned. Soccer practice and that sort of stuff.
Good.
I don’t need any white males killin’ me today!
You should be fine of you’re at the State beach but it will be hectic if you’re at the City beach near the pier.
Unrelated: wow, 12.15% of the survivors in the Yahoo pool went for the Panthers, so we’re already under 200k survivors a week and a game into the season 😀
50 to 100 rubles for a ticket to an Anzhi game, basically a dollar. If you want to spend 2 dollars bring vodka.
A flight to Dagestan from here would be $1700
Does that include the bribes to the local constabulary to make sure you are able to leave?
Define “here”, because that seems a little steep, mate :p And for the record, Dagestan wasn’t nearly as bad as you make it out to be… Though to be fair, the 4-star hotel’s reception warned us how to react if there was a Chechen kerfuffle (and there was an AKM upon request)… I REQUESTED 😀
Calgary Canada, connect in London, Moscow then a sweet Aeroflot to Dagestan.
Isn’t flying anywhere from Canada to anywhere outside Canada a standard $1700?
Except Phoenix, Las Vegas and Palm Springs from here.
Well, that seems odd, because I found a flight chain in a month that’s 320 Euros via London and St.Petersburg.
You can play a bit with the options at skyscanner (something or other), with the ICAO codes being YYC and MXC 😀
I used Kayak.
Road trip?
Pass, I am considering a stopover in St.Petersburg on my way back from a work thing in China in like a month, because I really want to see the Potemkin and the Winter Palace (without a tonne of mouthbreathers around me)
Not quite winter yet that would be perfect.
Also no violent revolution.. that is always a plus in my book!
I just realized the sun never sets on the DFO Empire! We’ve got bk109 in Europe, Why Eagles Why in Australia, and the rest of us perverts in North America.
Nice!
We’re like the bloody British Empire, only without the inconvenient little massacres of the locals who have the temerity, of … well… not being us AND we’re saner than whatever the bleep is happening atm at Westminster XD
Hey, did you put your tips in for the EPL pool?
Most of them.. I was 10 minutes late on the Liverpool game, but I’d have lost that one because I was seeing it as a Newcastle upset victory 😀
Ok, cool. I saw you didn’t have a pick for that one and thought I’d ask.
And once my attractive cousin calls me back, we’ll have the inbred part down too.
Silly goose, you know you can’t get pregnant from anal sex, right?
Will Farrell is at Craven Cottage today. Weird.
After’noon pervs, pervettes and pervsicles… How’re you this fine very extended Friday (technically I clocked in at work at 8AM yesterday and I’m still on the clock, despite HR whinging as usual about overwork, burnout and “the fuck is wrong with you”‘s 😀
Mornin, afternoon, evenin. You are in Sweden right, so afternoon!
Dublin, lol. Sweden is only holidays and/or whenever wifey wants to visit her family 😀
I knew there was a Swedish connection!
More than a connection, lol… I am thanks to the magic of the way citizenship works over ‘ere, I’m dual Irish/Swedish, without being born in either XD Best part, turns out that Ireland and Sweden are basically the only countries where language and knowing the local culture and history aren’t actually required… Which I found out after wifey tricked me into writing a 20 page essay on the Great Northern War and the way it still shapes Scandinavia today XD
Since when does HR care if anyone is burned out? That’s great if they do!
Good early morning from a dark LA toilet!
Because thanks to the magic of overtime rate multipliers, I’ve technically had weeks when I’ve been working for 200 hours, lol . And it’s less the problem with the burnout, more about the liability issue if I show poor manners and die at work (because then there’s no sane judge on the planet that would believe them that I ACTUALLY WANTED to work that much XD )
Wow! Good on ya!
Pretty sure that’s like the double-plus-ungood version of … well… good for me, if only because they started deactivating my accounts and passes AND work cells when on holiday 😀
At least you get overtime…
Overtime, stock options and a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally good performance bonus. And I still shiver some nights, when I lie awake that this whole thing was a cosmic one in a million shot that started with being roommates with the right guy at college 😀
GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL
That was a hell of a game in Brisbane!
Yikes, only 2 up on BFC. I want my gently used ben-wa balls!
The last three games will be tough to tip!
Kans-ass won?
The hair here is outstanding.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ZJui3aPoQ
Out standing in a field?
/that’s an old Kansas joke
Did I bet on Fulham? Yes I did as I will never learn. Hippo if you are up bet on a draw.
Mornin. Decilitre only got up at 445 this morning!
-Hey, the US grabbed the coveted 7th place spot by manhandling some Poles!
Lucky them, I usually end up in jail when I do that.
You really need to stop going to that airport bathroom, who do you think you are a senator?
…just a state senator.