Before I begin – a big shoutout to Horatio for helping work up ESPN blowhard Darren Rovell on the Twitter.
I know when I drink $33 of booze to forget no one will dine with me I always bitch about the $1.68 insurance charge.
— Horatio Cornblower (@HoratioCornblo3) October 2, 2019
That’s unfortunate. If you’re that upset about $1.68 for the kitchen staff’s health insurance a few drinks might do you some good.
— Horatio Cornblower (@HoratioCornblo3) October 2, 2019
That’s good enmity.
NFL News:
- Jon Gruden has opinions about the injustice of Vontaze Burfict’s season-ending suspension:
- “I’m not happy about it — at all. I don’t want to say anything else, I’m obviously upset about it.”
- This latest suspension (his fourth) is Burfict’s 15th bout of league discipline in his eight years in the league.
- According to ESPN, Burfict has led the NFL with 23 personal fouls and 15 flags for unnecessary roughness since entering the league in 2012.
- Feeling somewhat superior about his own team’s headshot is Bill Belichick, who probably thinks the league should buy Jonathan Jones flowers for not killing Josh Allen.
- “Allen’s a big runner, he’s a strong guy, he’s hard to tackle. He certainly broke several tackles against us. Jon turned when he hit him, he didn’t lead with his head, he didn’t have that posture.”
- A counter-argument is provided by the Bills’ Micah Hyde:
- “If one of us had did that to [Brady], we wouldn’t have been in the game anymore.” Hyde said.
- Mike Florio has observed that Todd Gurley is upset about his current role on the Rams.
- In a statement that will surely improve media relations with the Rams, Florio says:
Clearly, he’s not the player he recently was. Whether it’s a knee that has an “arthritic component” or a conscious decision to de-emphasize his involvement in order to save him for later in the year, Gurley doesn’t like what’s going on.
Tonight’s sports:
It’s back, baby!
- NHL:
- Senators at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Capitals at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Canucks at Oilers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
- Sharks at Vegas – 10:30PM | NBCSN
- MLB:
- AL Wildcard Playoff:
- Rays at Athletics – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- AL Wildcard Playoff:
- NCAA:
- Women’s College Volleyball:
- Missouri at LSU – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- Texas at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU
- Women’s College Volleyball:
- Wrestling:
- AEW – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA
- 2019 Rugby World Cup:
- Georgia vs. Fiji – 1:15AM | NBCSN / TSN
- Ireland vs. Russia – 6:15AM | NBCSN / TSN
Be thankful, dear friends, for the Lord has rewarded us with sports every night of the week, from now until the Superb Owl.
Well this is indeed an unusual time of the week to be here but I’m really happy right now and filled with music.
Fuck yes. Hollywood Bowl!
Fuck yes these guys.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bccKotFwzoY
Just fucking kill me now.
Here’s something I got wormholed to find. I actually bought these guys album back 50 years ago. Haven’t checked what it’s worth on eBay. Probably 3 or 4 bucks anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yesyhQkYrQM
But this was my favorite song from that album. Kind of pre-configured Oingo Boingo’s Only a Lad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohq4Z8WNge4
this is something i did not know existed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2Vv9sB2aMg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7euBjyjPpbo&t=215s
So, Tom Petty played an old song (I love listening to his show on the previously mentioned app, it makes me feel like the fucker is still alive) by the Guess Who, a band that figured prominently in my youthful music fandom. Randy Bachmann could play awesome riff, and Burton Cummings (I know, right?) has such a phenomenal voice. I had all their singles on 45 as a pre-teen/early adolescent. Best Of The Guess Who is just a great album. So, now I’m on a youtube Guess Who channel and time travelling back to the early 70s and thinking about the time Mary Hood gave me my first handjob behind the shrubbery at one of the temporary trailers that served as classrooms at the Karamursel Common Defense Installation DoD School, next to the Teen Club (3 ping-pong tables, 3 bumper pool tables, 2 foosball tables, 1 full size pool table, a snack bar, and a convenient getaway spot out by the school trailers for making out with similarly hormone-charged teen girls, like the crazed adolescent that I was).
So, was I triggered by the Guess Who song? Guess so.
PSH is so awesome in Almost Famous (“Untitled” edition).
Well, if the A’s pull a comeback on the Rays, I ain’t gonna see it; transferring my phone over to Tom Petty Buried Treasure on the Sirius XM app for accompaniment whilst I hang here and read up on The Reckoning by Halberstam. Those sneaky Japanese shits!
I feel like I should be making fun of Billy Beane’s squad doing jack shit but I did that to the Nats yesterday and then they managed to come back.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/percy-harvin-smoked-weed-before-every-nfl-game-he-played-to-combat-his-anxiety/
Considering that I’m watching the past two Stanley Cup champs in this game, I’m still confident on saying….
Both of these teams have sucked tonight.
Sup
*raises glass*
Hello granddaughter-in-law of a plumber
I do have a pipe that needs some work.
Giggity.
“Girl”
Thanks, Google.
Who is she? Why did she take a bath in bronzer?
Brandi Rhodes. Former WWE announcer type, married to Cody Rhodes, and does wrestling things here and there.
She’s pretty
Don’t know if it has been mentioned yet but the Diego Maradona documentary on HBO might be the greatest sport bio doc ever. Diego Maradona can best be describe if you put both Michael Jordan’s and Dennis Rodman’s life and career in a 5’5 Argentine man.
Don T was saying that. He said it was great not a lot of sit down stuff but was something something spanish, I think it meant really good.
DVR’d it. I’ve heard so many great things about it.
He got so deep in gambling debt with the mob he got Kim Jong Un whacked by Madonna?
More like Jordan’s and Ric Flair’s careers. (I think Maradona owned a brothel in Napoli at one point
Both the Jets and the Sharks and NHL teams, ppl forget that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9z33lasnkU
found a funny:
Cute girl at CVS: can I help you find anything?
Me, 45 minutes into search for butthole cream: no, I’m good
Just buy some Vicks Vaporub or Ben Gay.
Everyone ready for maximum #BFIB tomorrow? WOOOOOOO!!!!!!
RAMMIT V HEAUX is better Hippo, if it was Jets v Clots you might have me.
Fuck everything.
.
As TX resident, heartily concur with your final sentiment there.
I figure she should have got at least 50, because that’s probably about how many years of his life she stole from him. I don’t use this word often except when I’m chatting with Brits, but fuck that cunt.
Edit: WTF happened to the comment I responded to? That’s weird.
I deleted it.
Well, I ain’t deleting mine…
Just saw last week’s It’s Always Sunny. So, so good.
He had me at gash, Charlie. He had me at gash.
HOLY SHITBALLS, KIDS!! TEMPTATION ISLAND IS BACK!!!!!
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT!
Never watched it. I only know it vicariously through you, unfortunately.
I even change the channel when the commercial for it comes on.
KIDS TEMPTATION ISLAND! I THOUGHT THEY SHUT THAT PLACE DOWN!
— B. Clinton, Chappaqua, N.Y.
What I’ve seen of AEW’s TNT show has been good so far with the extreme exception being Skinny Kevin Smith and Old Jason Mewes. Kevin Smith was never meant to be under 250.
Trump’s behavior these last couple days reminds me of when Science Officer Ash flipped out in that one scene in the original Alien. (about 1:45 in, couldn’t find a shorter version)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75MGd3ri_3w
He didn’t flip out. He was programmed that way.
Are you referring to Science Officer Ash or President Trump?
Marlins Man needs to fuck off far away.
That’s a lovely….ummmmm….bracelet.
What bracelet?
Can not overstate how much I enjoy the Lucha Bros
Breaking news: Stephen Gostkowski done for the season. Can’t wait for Cody Parkey to hit a game-winning 43 yarder against the Bears
I just hope they can get a replacement that can make an extra point on occasion.
How dare you
ATTENTION BITCHES: it’s Fat Bear Week* at Katmai National Park! Go to facebook and vote!
*actual bears. Not Bearistocrats linemen or anything in the Scott Thompson line.
What about Bears quarterbacks?
That’s Fat Titty Week
Tony Schiavone is on my TV in 2019 and I’m not overly fond of it
That being said, PENTAGON JR AND REY FENIX ON TNT
Needs to be httpSThat’s pretty impressive. It doesn’t even look like either pushes off to make that flip.
Wanderlust
Your annual reminder that Jessica Mendoza – without ARod bitching things up – is a pretty capable announcer.
MENDOZA!!!!!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vyANa71gvU
She has a nice pussy too.
I, of course, mean that in the most professional, non-offensive, gender neutral way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkChbEu3hKE
If Toronto were a real fanbase, they’d have already written a “Rhyme of the Ancient Marner” by now instead of having me come up with it first.
Florida Man as always is trying to make the world a better place.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/2019-10-02-florida-man-cutting-brake-lines.html
Just trying to liven up folks’ morning commute is all.
Internet Dad is downing an entire bottle of tequila and chasing that with a 24-pack of Budweiser watching this banner raising.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=355Fk8drgZE
Ice #BFIB!! Fredbird abides.
When I was 16 I bought this album based solely upon the strength of the first line of this song. Truly a killer album.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E2MyRsApm0
I grew up reading the Birds of Prey comics and I’m a huge fan of Cassandra Cain. So of course, I’ve seen the trailer of “Birds of Prey”, and while I still have my reservations, I’m trying to keep an open mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqon0nVWA4A&t=1m15s
It seemed to be missing something. Like, say, everyone other than Harley.
No, they were there. Only in split second flashes.
That’s exactly what “Birds of Prey” was. Oracle hogging every page with a panel or two of Black Canary and Huntress doing something.
Fair enough. Margot Robbie is hot af, so the more the merrier.
I love that Rovell replied just to make sure he had the last word.
Got to support the #brand
Anyone who can afford $84 for a single, solo meal should have the good sense to not complain about anything, ever.
In short, I hope the bloodletting comes for him, and that well soon.
Says the gambler.
that’s to get me OUT of my mountain of crippling debt!
fuck you, YOU have a problem
Yeah, Hippo is one in a million.
You too can learn the secrets of “Making Riches Through Sports Gamboling”
The entire CD set for a mere $199.99 (you will make that back after your first Jets game.)
Come to the buffet and seminar at the Best Western, Canadian Room, near 7th and Kennedy Street.
I thought that was where the furry ‘pile’ was going to be?
It can be more than one thing.
It got shaved off the ticket at the last moment.
At the risk of diluting my own submissions’ chances to win, quotables responses felt light this week. Don’t miss your chance to get the approval of blax*!
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2019/10/01/2019-quotables-week-4-submissions/
*offer does not apply to Republicans
WELL FINE, THEN!! I DIDN’T WANT YOUR APPROVAL ANYWAY, DAD! I mean BLAX!!
in the middle of week long migraine, unable to think of funny things
Same as Scot Adams, but decades long aneurysm
Herodotus450,
Your team is the Red Wings, correct?
Aye. They don’t play till Saturday, what’m I supposed to do until then?
Heroin?
Welp, I’m on another plane. And this one is having a/c issues so I’m melting. As soon as we can push back and take off, it’ll be better. Does that mean my fellow passengers will move with alacrity? No, they will continue to camp in the aisle until they’ve removed their fourth backup iPad charger from their suitcase.
I’m on the same plane and just ripped a cabbage fart. Lemme know when it reaches you.
Oh it reached me
(watching the news about Texas cop who shot a black man getting convicted)
Me: “I understand why everyone is chanting “Black Lives Matter”, but how do they know if she’s racist?”
TV: “The Defendant had text messages that read, ‘Not racist, but…'”
(turns TV off)
Me: “Thanks TV. That clears it all up!”
you TV talks to you?
After the third or fourth drink.
That’s not the only thing TVs can do.
?w=1024
The 80s were a strange time.
“how do they know if she’s racist?”
I know you live in Ohio, and may not be familiar with Texas at all, so here’s a truism you can take to the bank:
All white Texas cops are racists. In fact even most of the black and brown cops are racists.
Its ironic that racism isn’t racist.
Too lazy and buzzed right now to do some clever paraphrase of Alanis Morrisette about racism instead of rain on your wedding day.
Isn’t that an unfortunate circumstance? Don’t you think?
Police Union Decries Egregious Carriage Of Justice In Amber Guyger Murder Conviction
Ottawa with the lead! Might be the only time all year, better savor it.
You are a stinker. And you always will be!
it’s against the Leafs
Go Sens
Rovell couldn’t be more of a pud.
Had to google rovell because I’d never heard of him. No big loss, what a dick. Nice troll HC.
Not recognizing Rovell’s #brand is the ultimate insult.
I call him Bill Deadwill.
Cuz he dead.
Legitimate interest among older St Louisans in organizing a trip to deface Bidwell’s grave
dude, Hippo always up for a grave pissing
I’ll go for the lulz