Seriously. With everything going on around here, I was a day further behind than I thought I was. I thought it was still Thursday.
tWBS: Hey Ma! What day is it?
tWMS: It’s Friday.
tWBS: Really? I thought it was still Thursday.
tWMS: That’s because you’re a dumbass.
tWBS: Thanks Ma. I guess I better start writing something.
Ooooops. I forgot.
So you’re not getting much this week.
Sorry, not sorry.
–
Forgettable Sports 2Nite
MLB Playoffs
Already over by the time you read this:
- Tampa Bay @ Houston Game 1
- St. Louis @ Atlanta Game 2 (STL up 1-0 at the time of this writing)
Tonight:
- Minnesota @ NYY – 7:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN
- Washington @ Los Angeles – 9:30pmEDT – TV: TBS
NCAA Football
- Dartmouth @ Penn – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPNU (yeah that oughta be exciting)
- (18)Central Florida @ Cincinnati – 8:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN
NHL
- Winnipeg @ New Jersey – 7:00pmEDT – TV: NHLN
CFL Football
- Edmonton @ Hamilton – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN2
–
Unforgettable Sexy
And also everything is random this week so I can do this quickly. No themes. I had a bunch of themes in my head yesterday I was trying to decide upon. Today I can’t remember any of them.
So this week is a free for all.
So to speak.
Enjoy…
OK, that reminds me that I forgot to go to the beach one last time before Autumn.
Oh well. It’ll still be there in the spring. With a little luck, maybe I will be too.
I’ll do better next week. Probably. Maybe.
Unless I forget to remember.
Love ya’s
–
So, the House oversight, intelligence, and foreign affairs committee chairs all subpoenaed the WH for all documents related to this Ukraine kerfuffle this evening. Not being a gambling person, I don’t know about this, but I’ve come to understand that you can go into a Vegas sports book and bet on any fucking thing in the world, including elections etc. I’m wondering if any of them are offering odds on Trump having a vegetative-state-inducing strokeout this weekend where he ends up like Elvis on the floor of the WH shitter, with a smartphone instead of an empty bottle of barbiturates in his hand.
In Nevada you can only wager on sporting events.
Maybe it’s on one of those off-shore betting websites in the Cayman Islands or something that I’m thinking of.
According to the Cum Town ad reads, BetDSI will. The problem is that BetDSI never pays out. At least not the people with the promo codes, and maybe in general. Caveat Emptor.
If NASA designed wedgies:
Also pictured: USAF jump training
Guy interviewing Soldier, Sailor, Marine, and Airman:
Q: What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
Soldier: I would stomp that fucker with my combat boots.
Sailor: Well, we navy guys don’t spend much time in tents, but I’d probably scoop it up with a piece of notebook paper and put it back outside.
Marine: I’d tear it’s tail off and eat it.
Airman: I’d call the front desk and ask why there’s a fucking tent in my fucking hotel room.
10 PM?!? IT’S SCOTCHERING TIME!!!!
Just don’t ask Ben Grimm if he wants his scotch on the rocks.
Maybe if a hooker sucks it off
And JA Happ is making it interesting again.
Hmm. I had a bunch of ass-focused images culled from Instagram, but I just deleted them the other day.
Fuck it. There’s no shortage of booty gifs here:
https://gfycat.com/@unsurprised/collections/WvcuoCw1/models-ik3K
https://gfycat.com/@unsurprised/collections/0795991334d3912346b581f6152cfc09/dance
You’re doing the Lord’s Work
Man, I really hope that the impending Trump-impeachment-inspired civil war doesn’t start with the actual shooting until after the Super Bowl. Come on Dem Congress, please drag this out for a few months.
Ruining the XFL ratings? Brilliant.
What about at the Super Bowl?
Happy god damn Friday, BTW.
Le Machine!
/revision/latest?cb=20130504210904
I miss simple bot designs.
Now fucking punjar, there was a bot you could set your watch to!
Apparently Kershaw did not appreciate being robbed of a hit so much that he decided to pay it forward.
Guy needs a ton of therapy sessions with Verlander about the postseason.
Then you said “the rapey” I thought you were talking about THE BEN.
The worst part about watching baseball on TBS is having to sit through their commercials for the Big Bang Theory.
BAZINGA!
This UCF-CIN game may not be banana-cakes, but it is at least approaching the level of banana-cup-cakes.
plantain-cakes?
Oh. That’s spines not supposed to bend like that. Come to think of it, its not supposed to bend at all!
Instead of leaving the field, all players ejected for targeting should be locked in a lucite box suspended over the field a la the skycam and be forced to watch the rest of the game.
Vontaze Burfict would find a way to break one of the cables so the box would fall on top of another player and deliver one last concussion before they dragged him away in handcuffs.
He’s like the Hannibal Lecter of CTE.
Two words: Penalty Box.
That used to be my girlfriend’s nickname.
Belated Balls search term
“Used to be”? What changed?
SUDDEN CHANGE IN REDSHIRTLAND!!!
Something change suddenly in Cincinnati?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSHz7Thvbc
If Cincinnatti is named after some Roman guy from The Olden Times, his name probably would have been originally pronounced with all hard c’s. So like, Kinkinnati.
Maybe that explains the porn flick from the 70s, “WKRP in Kinki-Naughty”
My attorney belongs to this organization: https://www.societyofthecincinnati.org/. He never talks about it very much, but he does not avoid talking about it, either. I get the impression that it’s some kind of Freemasonry kind of deal or something, only originating in the North American colonies rather than Europe or ancient Egypt or something, and not nearly as secretive.
Does NOT seem to have anything to do with the Queen City, though.
Our names are “Queen City” and “Porkopolis”. The signs are out in the open.
I don’t know why people are making such a big deal out of Bernie Sanders having had a heart attack. Dick Cheney had like, nine heart attacks and it never stopped him from running the country.
If 2016 taught me anything, one side of this country’s political spectrum has blatant selective memory when its convent.
Welcome to the convent, my child!
Yeah, but Cheney was/is part organic, part synthetic, like the Borg. His heart had nothing to do with circulation; it only served to pump flesh colored fluids through his capillaries to maintain a human tint in daylight and under TV lighting, and not the dusty grey color he would have been otherwise.
I always saw Bernie as more scarecrow than tinman
Seeing Kershaw struggle gets me aroused.
Death, taxes, playoff Kershaw.
Speaking of Wedgies, Moose, I found one of the greatest gifs of all time.
That’s a clit buster.
Boy, is her stepbrother really gonna get it! (If you know what I mean, wocka-wocka-wocka…)
That’s actually from a prank YouTube account and not porn.
First Smackdown episode on Fox and the underdog black champion gets Bob Backland’d. That’s sounds about right.
God that was awful. I know they had to play a version of the greatest hits for the new FOX audience, but taking down the black champion in seconds is too on-the-nose programming.
They aren’t even trying to pretend anymore.
According to Twitter, Brock Lesnar beat up Kofi in about 5 seconds, and they snatched up Cain Velasquez a month after his competent AAA debut. I like how Vince books his show like a fan on twitter making sarcastic comments.
yep. that’s what happened. I went outside to get the pizza I ordered, I came back, lesnar had the title, and then mysterio came out. I was wondering why Dominick shaved his head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW4dVh_hHik
Escape From New York, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, They Live. John Carpenter was on fire in the 1980s.
Watching Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels. I fucking love this movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X2TBGR8V8Y
It’s one of my favourites.
Don’t get many opportunities to see a guy beat to death with a 15″ long hard rubber dildo. Well, at least, I don’t.
Foods here. Let the feeding begin.
what channel is this on?
See all the superstars of WWE Smackdown Friday Nights on FOX!
I love the wedgie given, I hate the wedgie received.
I cannot fathom how a wedgie feels like for a woman. Like God Damn.
I’m being a little stitious right now, which is why I’m in the car listening to the game on the radio and not watching it.
This is as opposed to outbursts in Williamsburg and watching the hipsters’ reactions. (I had to get something for a gig.)
Cool tune, anyway. Whoever plays it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXsxvdF481I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL9eO4-aDMs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyyhm1D7zlI
So there’s a Modelo Especial beer ad out there featuring the first Latina US Air Force pilot, Olga Custodio, from Puerto Rico. They don’t mention that she was also the first female (or first Latina female, can’t remember) over-the-water captain for American Airlines flying the big Boeings.
I worked with her husband Ed for a number of years in his capacity as a USAF contracting officer until his retirement 10 years or so ago, had drinks with him last night. When I saw his wife’s ad for the first time, I texted him and told him that was cool as fuck. He said that the payment she received from Modelo paid for them to take a round-the-world cruise, plus she gets invited to speak (mostly for a fee) at all kinds of functions around the country and he gets to go along on the trips, staying at the best hotels etc. Nice retirement gig for him to fall into (her to, I reckon).
The pilot killed in the ‘86 raid in Libya was Puerto Rican too. There is a monument to him in the public square of hometown, Utuado.
https://www.nytimes.com/1989/01/14/world/libya-returns-body-of-pilot-in-86-raid.html
I don’t think he broke any barriers, but a bar buddy of mine is from PR and graduated from the Naval Academy in 1980, flew S-3 Vikings for 8 years, and has flown for Delta for the last 30 years or so, international 767 captain for the last 7 or 8 years, mandatory retirement in a couple more years. Coolest thing about him is the hot blonde gringa he married back when he was at flight school in South Texas, and an awesome porn mustache.
I think I was at one of those speaking engagements.
Well, I hope she was as engaging and funny onstage as she is when she’s having a drink with the fellas.
I need help from you beautifully derainged and creative individuals.
I am trying to think of a good Fantasy Ice Football team name, and base it on one of my star players, but am drawing a blank. Suggestions are welcomed.
Stars that I have
Kucherov
Leo Draisatl
Patrick Kane
Mark Scheifele
Alexander Barkov
Goalies (though they aren’t really stars per say)
Fleury and Binnington
I’m so tired, The Scheifle Shuffle is my best idea right now.
SOS!
Draisatl Recital
The Kuch is Loose
My Draisatl has a first name
Rosebud
Loose Change
We Don’t Need No Stinking Taxi
Two Minutes for Not Paying Your Taxi Driver
…ah what happened, I blacked out for a second there.
Two Men and a Goalie
The Communist Cocksuckers
Skamboodle Delight
Cambodian Death Squad
The Freekers
Gordie & The Boom Booms
The R-3350 Turbo-Compound Piston Engines of Hockey
Let’s Do That Hockey!
That Book By Kucherov
His Barkov is Worse Than His Bite
A Fleury in my Crease
Kane You Please Get Your Kucherov My Scheifele?
Winner!
Ivana Kutcherkokov
For the third year in a row (since I haven’t changed it) I have the Crystal Lake Machetes
Evening fellow degenerates
ordering catfish from my favorite place. You want something?
Never had it, willing to learn.
Did you go noodling for it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JkcZRBUNtw
my viewing tonight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2Dg6Idns6E
I’m binging on 2nd half of DuckTales 2017 Season 2. Its writing is so good, its seems criminally wasted on the Disney Channel.
(discussing an Duckberg being invaded)
Gyro Gearloose: “Everyone! The answer is simple. Clones, clones, clones.”
(people start talking over each other)
Gyro Gearloose: “Why are we still talking? I’ll get the Clone Ray.”
(later during a battle)
Gyro Gearloose: (runs into scene) “I got this!” (gets disintegrated)
(another Gyro Gearloose enter)
Gyro Gearloose (II): (runs into scene) “Don’t worry! That was a clone.” (gets disintegrated)
(camera cuts to six Gyro Gearlooses)
Gyro Gearloose (III): “That may have been the original.”
Gyro Gearloose (IV): “We kinda lost track.”
Scrooge McDuck: You were prepared for our best, but not our dumbest.
Flintheart Glomgold: And I am the dumbest there’s ever been! (Evil Laugh) …wait.
We taking bets on which city suffers a Joker movie screening shooting?
I got dubs on Fresno.
I just like how everyone is shocked by how violent and psychopathic the character is. What did you expect?! ITS THE JOKER!!!
What the fuck happened!?!?! He was just a smoker and a midnight toker who spoke of the pompatus of love, when I knew the guy.
—Steve Miller
(watching the movie)
“Maurice, what did they do to you?!”
JV Bengals QB was hit in the head so hard, he hurt his private parts.
Now he’s fine…after getting a hit that would make Burfict blush. Concussion rules are stupid.
Did you edit this post cuz i thought it said dirt bengals at first
I did. Good catch.
Why are you fuckers on ESPN talking in depth about minor league hockey during a nationally broadcast college football game?
Today I helped my little brother get a loan. He got it, but they didn’t like how he’s only been at his new higher paying job for six months and before that he was at Burger King for 8 years. Apparently, that overshadows a Credit Score of 790 and a Credit History showing multiple student loans and credit cards and no missed or late payments all on a Burger King paycheck. My big brother instincts started to kick in because he’s starting to get his life on track and you’d think they’d be more than happy to have him sign and be guaranteed $1200 in Interest Payments.
I’m beat. it was a LONG week. End of Month was Monday. I had a new person start this week, HR is issue that didnt even concern my person. New Sales Manager thinking he’s gonna rock the boat with Ops. plus a sick parent.
My goal tonight is to stuff my face on fried catfish and fries and pass-out by 8pm.
Timestamp on your post indicates you have six minutes to get that done. Better get cracking!
….8 pm of what time zone
8pm Best Coast
Last week I watched NFL games in a casino in Leicester Square in London. Here’s their interpretation of “American” pizza, using only the best sourced sour dough:
Don’t they have bangers & mash or Spotted Dick pizza toppings there?
I would have asked but not a single bartender or waiter/waitress in London speaks English.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei6HgOuR2eM
From Blackstool!
Black stool indicates digested blood, indicating stomach ulcer. Better see a gastroenterologist and schedule an endoscopy. I went through that about 20 years ago.
Folks
I can’t tell if UCF is just toying with UC or if they just lack a killer instinct that separates good teams from great teams.
Boo Leafs.
“Ya Gotta Boo Leafs!”
That was George Michael’s original title for the song.
Also, a visual representation of what its like when I find a girl who likes wrestling
Does the person with their back to us represent you, or the other person?
The guy with his back to the camera looks like Mickey Rourke.
Mickey Rourke is a lot hotter than I remember
Wow. Booze really did a number on him.
Is the black guy doing the Vulcan death grip?
Logged on to the Facebook for the first time in forever. Discovered that the SIL is using her kids as props to show that her life is worthy of envy.
Why else would one have kids? To tend the fields?
Spare kidneys? Can’t spell kidney without kid after all ppl forget that.
Mine will be for spare parts, once they finally get this cloning thing locked down.
Seamus, you did forget something on fox:
I’m having an existential crisis about my health. Every single delivery place feels like I’ve had it too recently. Fuck I’m lazy
I may have already bitched about this, but if I did I was drunk and forgot: I spent $1000 at the dentist last week, have a colonoscopy scheduled for this coming Thursday, and visited the podiatrist yesterday to get things sorted out to get my torn posterior tibial tendon surgery scheduled, shooting for the end of this calendar year. Fookin’ ‘ell.
Also had to spend $1000 a couple weeks ago to get the 60,000 mile maintenance/service done on my car.
Damn dude that sucks.
At least you got the money for all of it?
Oh yeah, I’ll muddle through. My made-man position with the Dept of Defense mafia pays pretty well…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=458WQn71KMk
This is the worst Photoshop job outside of Kim Kardashian in real life:
?zoom=2.625&resize=311%2C568&ssl=1
This is even weirder, Human Barbie doll chick.
Isn’t Dartmouth-Penn the Trump Bowl?
UPenn specifically denied Trump and his sons from ever giving a commencement speech, Barron (currently) excluded.
Loser has to file taxes
Holy shit, dude! Nice selection this week! Maybe we’re better off with you forgetting shit!
Not if it’s paying my bills and taxes on time.
Otherwise I don’t give a shit anymore.