Let’s get right to it, shall we?
Fallout:
-The Potato Skins-classy as ever-living fuck. Poor old Jay certainly had it coming but GM Bruce Allen just couldn’t wait to move on. And move on he did, shortly after 5am this morning. Does Washington specifically hire dickbags or does the work environment bring it out in individuals?
-DeShaun Watson became the very first qb to throw for over 400 yardos and 5 TD’s (with no interceptions) while having 5 or less incompletions. That’s a quality performance!
-Speaking of quality, Christian McCaffrey went bananas again yesterday. As an owner of him in a money league I’m a happy camper but he’s on pace to rack 392 touches. That’s insane. That’s 392 bone-jarring hits in a little over four months.
-Devlin Hodges will get his first start next week as Mason Rudolph does a little dusting. (the cobwebs out his brain) Yeah that was scary as hell but keep your eyes on the ball here and stream the Chargers D next week.
-Okay, the Chiefs were behind most of the game and rb’s only had 11 carries total but LeSean didn’t get a single one (Damien Williams had 9) and only had two catches, one of which he converted into a fumble. I’m giving this odd distribution the stinkeye.
TO THE GAME!
Browns/Niners:
Had I even looked at this game a few weeks ago it wouldn’t have caused me to lift an eyebrow but San Franny being 3-0 makes me curious. And how are they doing it? The numbers say they’ve got a top 5 D and a top 5 O-that O is on point so far even though Jimmy G’s stats aren’t setting the world on fire.
I look forward to Jeff Wilson Jr. vulturing a Matt Breida score. The former has 18 carries total, 13 of which are in the red zone. I guess Kyle [rising, questioning voice] knows what he’s doing? Baker finally had a game for himself last week in the win vs. the Ravens-can he keep the pigskin rolling?
I’ve had my words, now it’s your turn.
Looks like Believeland is still a while off
#ThePauls
#OurYear2020
#OurYear202020 AD
So are the Niners good again?
/asking foar a friend who needs to know how many bullets to load into his pistol
Unproven
Good evening, dellow fegenerates! I need some booky-book recommendations for my upcoming vacation with the Lady LemonJello.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaEC-lWSlmI
Domestic or international?
Week-long cruise for our 25th
Nice. I liked St. Martin, but preferred the French Side to the Dutch side, which is where all the cruise ships dock.
Ohhh totally misread the book part. Thought you were looking for places TO book, not books to read. Ignore me.
Not the only thing I prefer French instead of Dutch, if you know what I mean.
Get a series:
1) The Last Policeman
2) World Made By Hand
3) everything by Emily St. John Mandel
Wow, if this was baseball you pull Baker at the half.
Yeah but his pitch count isnt at 100
Um that’s not how you do a tip drill
Its my senior prom all over again!
WOOPSY
Receiver Derp
Hahhahhahahahaha
#ThePauls!
Good evening folks. I hope you are enjoying this classic battle of All-American Football Conference rivals
“Here come the Browns.” Sounds like me after taco night at Jose’s Taco Hut
Good hustle on the stadium PA guy playing Ghost after that play.
Maybe the NFL should use their analytics smarts to figure out how to make sure their stadium carts fucking work when they should
Since when does the NFL give a shit about the players?
Bad enough the cart didn’t work. No stretcher? No spine board? Nah. “Hey, you two meatheads, carry this dude off the field. His brain is rocking around his head like a marble. Should be ok.”
Niners could have slammed the door, but instead they slammed it on their dicks.
Bosa is pure grit. He wears a hard hat. He punches in an goes to work. Carries a lunch pail.
and is a touch racist, is he from the Baltimore docks?
No, but he could be! He speaks his mind! He has plenty of black friends! Never met a nicer guy!
I just realized that this Superb Owl matchup I been vaguely forecasting would also be a Mr. and Mrs. Nel Derby.
Nearly happened a few years back, so we had contingency planning in place (one upstairs TV, one downstairs TV). Now that we go over to the in-laws’ place for the Owl (they are also P*ts fans), it might be a bit more complicated if it should happen.
DFO will buy your gun (or just check one out from the armory) and provide your alibi.
Much appreciated, but hopefully not necessary – they’re wonderful people, and it would be more fun to rub it in their faces (if the Niners were to win) if they’re alive.
I wyould fully expect Pats fans to take credit for a 49ers super bowl though: “Jimmy was one of us! He learned it from us!”
Sure, they can. He was, and he probably did.
But, if there’s dickwaving to be done:
Notice how they get shittier the further away they get
Bill Walsh beatin the Bungles in the super bowl is the greatest revenge story never told
https://sports.theonion.com/pallbearers-move-bill-walshs-coffin-down-church-aisle-i-1819569235
In my money league I am against Baker and it is going to be tight. I like this start.
Ah, the hashtag Pauls.
Well fuck
WOOP WOOP WOOP
Money fantasy league. I’m done and my opponent has the SF Defense. The browns need points ASAP
You wanted turnover?? Well, you got it anyway. LIFE AND MY FANTASY SIDE ARE SHIT
Rub a dub Chubb
If we had a real president like Kim Jong Un he’d probably say something like, “Hey China, if you don’t like what the HOuston Rockets had to say, how about we send you one of our other rockets free of charge just ask the Japanese.”
Good christ, did anyone else just get that Candid commercial with the ginger that had a grill worse than Shane Macgowan’s?
Looks like there may be a sodomization getting ready to happen over yonder in Santa Clara this season. PLEEZ BLEERGH and DOINK, let this game be competitive at least.
I am hacking into the MIrror database so I can find out who bought this ego stroker, and then go cross country and murder them with an old fashioned egg beater.
THE LAST TIME AN ITALIAN CAUSED THIS MUCH DAMAGE IN CLEVELAND, THEY TOOK HIM FOR A LONG RIDE AND HE NEVER CAME BACK.
for reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_crime_family
Seeing these protesters in Hong Kong treated badly by the police acting like they’re American cops is starting to make me feel sorry for the— HEYWAITAMINUTE
NINER DOWN
found a funny:
This account is now sponsored by the Woods™.
The Woods™: “Go ahead and go in ’em. Don’t even…don’t even worry about it.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DletePZyXmg
The Woods™, sponsored by Depression™
I keep expecting the head coach of the Niners to break out a skateboard and pull a sick Japan air. He looks very extreme.
I think Baker is beating Garoppolo in the QB blocking competition so far.
To all you streaming experts, if I have Roku, do I need Apple TV?
No, you don’t.
“Wait until you see this big thing in the living room.”
My wife’s heard that one before
I got a 55 inch samsung hooked up today. I can press the buttons on the remote, but i don’t need my finger…
Nice.
THIS NEW 55 INCH TV, I CALL IT EVERY GIRL I SAW IN MY MY SINGLE YEARS, BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO DO IS WATCH IT AND THEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IT INTO MY BED
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glFVXpz_abQ
this is good
That run just won me my booze league most points on the bench punishment for the week. I have to slam three shots right in a row and post a video to our league text tree.
Curious as to,the rules here
Did Boog just drop a Lombardi?
[pours one out for all the Kurds who are going to die in the next 48 hours]
Cheese kurds?
—Packers fans
Eh. To be real clear, the Kurds aren’t going to be annihilated. The Kurds have maintained Kurdistan in the Middle East for years before Syria and ISIS and all that. They’re just going to fade away out of Syria/Turkey, retreat back into the mountains, and let all their ISIS prisoners free is all.
I mean, a lot of people are probably gonna die – more if the Kurds don’t fall back/evacuate as I expect and choose to stay and fight instead – and a lot of ISIS prisoners are going to go right back to ISIS-ing, but I wouldn’t expect a sudden genocide of all Kurds in the Middle East. The Turks haven’t managed that since the 70s, and I don’t see any reason why they’d suddenly be able to now, especially given that the Kurds now have better arms and training and more territority than they used to and the Turish military remains hollowed out after the “Gulenist” purges.
It’s been the same old tub of blood over in that part of the world for two or three millennia. All that’s changed is the effectiveness of the weapons available to the various and sundry sides.
The Middle East: Cradle of Human Civilization. Also, Cradle of racial, religious and/or tribal conflicts that go on interminably until everybody’s sucked into its vortex of never-ending violence.
Same difference.
Yeah, I don’t expect a full-on genocide. But it’s still really fucked up that they have been hung out to dry.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CTE or LSD?
K-Pg
I say LSD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP_CsXMk-74
First play and THEY ALREADY AFRAID OF US
/it’s been a rough week already
Whats everyone’s beverage of choice this evening?
Currently drinking Fullers ESB
Soda
Good choice. Nobody drowns, nobody dies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwwV0xE70Ks
I was hoping that’s what I would see when I refreshed the youtube link. I remember seeing him when he was with Max Webster opening for Rush 40-odd years ago, and I love that Go for Soda song.
Ginger Beer, perhaps with a V-profen chaser.
Also, Unsurprised – you gots our MONORAIL!!! song lyric adaptation yet?
Not yet
Water. On a strict narcotics diet.
Three Wine Company (III3three) Contra Costa Zinfandel someone gifted me. I’m a cabernet guy, but I am suffering this with no problem. In fact, I’m currently drinking the last glass out of the bottle.
“The blood of Kurds.” – Erdogan
Water since I made the healthy but dumb choice to go to the gym. MNF, now with someone other than Ladanian Tomlinson on the stationary bike!
Book Rec Time:
I’m 100+ pages deep into “Drive Your Plow Over The Bones Of The Dead”. It was originally written in the Polish language and the central character happens upon dead bodies but isn’t a detective. But she is a huge fan of William Blake. It’s… different.
Title sounds like something you’d say to your landscaper.
I’d just like to point out that I am still alive in the DFO Suicide League after forgetting every week to make my pick until Monday around this time (last week being the only exception). Forced to pick Niners this week because I picked the Browns before, so this’ll be… something.
See the banner picture? That’s a Western Electric E-1 duplex telephone handset.
I thought phone porn was Ball’s territory?
Always nice to see that pine-tar covered cheating asshole Yadier Molina catch a break, but good for Hippo I guess.
“Pine tar?” [triggered]
-George Brett
More vinegar, less piss, please.
https://apnews.com/41d1b2ff2f7e4a4bbba6ed240187ad09
YADI! YADI!!! YADI!!!
see, we r NAWT raycess
Boy, Putin is just grabbing with both hands now:
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
“I’m so, so, so very sorry. It happened. We acknowledge this and we will make amends to every one of you.”
-Any winner of the 2020 election that is not named Trump
NAWT FACKING CAWMPRAHMISED! MAWGA!
I’m beginning to think he’s just trying to get impeached at this point so he can claim her never lost and he and his shitbag followers can add another grievance to their never-ending list of them.
Gotta call in all the favors now. Turkey already started.
You know the best part?
The Senate Republicans are such shitbag motherfucking traitors already that they won’t ever re-ratify that treaty.
I bet a good third of them are as owned as Herr Fuhrer, British Herr Fuhrer, and Moscow Mitch.
They’re all owned.
It’s fine. There’s no way European nations will restart their own armaments industries and remilitarize, and even if they do, there’s no way they’d be any good at it because when have Europeans ever been good at fighting wars, and even if they were, there’s no way there’d ever start a whole bunch of pointless wars that will kill millions because when have Europeans ever done that?