God, it’s been so long since we chatted about my fantasy money leagues! Well, I’m doing good-1st in one at 7-2 (highest scorer and least points scored against) and in the other I’m also in first…at 5-4, tied with four other guys. Logjam! Sooo, Parker vs. the Colts or Brown vs. the Browns? Help me out here.
TO THE GAMES!
Lions/Bears:
If you play Golloday or Jones be advised that Windy City hasn’t given up a wideout score since week three. A fantasy yapper said this week he’d take Ingram over Montgomery and I was a bit surprised. The Lions have surrendered 120 to Jacobs, 143 combined to Saquon, 142 to Dalvin and 136 combined yards to Jamaal Williams over the last four weeks. I’m guessing he was valuing floor over ceiling? (Ingram has Cincy)
Ravens/Bengals:
LAMAR! is at 637 rushing and should significantly add to that today. That’ll put him ahead of Mike Vick’s record of 1,039 and he doesn’t have any dogs in his closet! This being a lost season and all, don’t you think Cincy should just put A.J. Green to bed and be done with it? What is there to be gained throwing him out there with rook qb Ryan Finley? Speaking of the latter, he’s the [counts on fingers] ‘umpteenth’ first year qb to start this year.
Bills/Browns:
Kareem Hunt has risen from the grave/half-year suspension and Chubb owners from coast to coast are blubbering about his reduced timeshare. Easy now fellas, Hunt hasn’t had any contact and has only worked out this last little while-he’ll be eased in and it might be at most 8 touches. It’s the Dontrell Hilliard guy that will suffer. Did the Giants sell high and get out while the getting was good? OBJ’s PFF numbers have dipped every single year since his first outing, down from 127.6 to his current 77.1. Today he gets Tra’Davious White who hasn’t allowed a TD in coverage all year.
Chiefs/Titans:
It would appear at first glance that today’s game flow might tell you to fade Derrick Henry but the Titans are a stubborn bunch and will always just plug away with the run game. And they also have him in the pass game as well. Sure it’s only 11 receptions but he averages 18+ every time he grabs it. Mahomes is good to go after practicing Wednesday.
Falcons/Saints:
Kamara is back but Murray did so well in his absence that you’d think that the timeshare would be altered in the latter’s favor. Julio’s always in play but his ceiling will be monitored by cb Lattimore. He’s the fella that got his shit back together in early October and caused the Saints D to vault up the rankings as a result. Qb Ryan is back, so can I get some scores for Hooper and Ridley please?
Giants/Jets:
Ahhh, the pearl of this slate’s offerings! Which rancid D will buckle first? Or will they take turns? Will Unfrozen Caveman QB have more intercepts or will Danny TenCent have more fumbles? So. Many. Questions. Hey, if you’re thin at wr you may want to take a flyer on Darius Slayton again. With Engram gone and Shepherd still absent, Slayton will get 2-3 homerun balls thrown to him. A Giants O that tries to stretch the field-I never thought I’d see it again.
Cards/Bucs:
Should be a matter of minutes before these guys both abandon the run game and start flinging the holy hell out of the ball. David “The Gimp” Johnson has finally put the ballgag down and plays a different game today. So you Drake owners out there might want to sit your fella and see how this plays out. Hint: DJ will re-injure himself.
Have at it, one and all!
I guess it’s time for me to head out and watch some football américain (“American football”) down at the local taverne (“tavern”).
Sacre bleu!
.
Somebody had Oeufs and Croissants for breakfast?
(lit. “eggs” and “bread”)
Ease up there, Frenchie.
I am in Montréal, mon frère! Mange mon cul, sil vous plait!
Hey all!
beunos dias!
Kevin Harlan “They are shredding this defense”
Mrs. Cola (semi-Bengals fan) ” What defense???”
One thing the NFL has on soccer is the diversity of body types their athletes have. Soccer will probably never see a 300+ pounder at the top levels, let alone 5 at once.
Soccer is just more subtle than football. Instead of a diversity of body types, they have a diversity of skill-sets. You have top world-class athletes like Raheem Sterling, then you have slow-moving relative schlubs like Kevin de Bruyne. I’m not sure the NFL has such wildly variable ways to play a certain position; a possession receiver is more similar to a speed receiver (or a speed edge rusher vs. a power rusher) than Sterling vs. De Bruyne.
Plus soccer is a lot gayer, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Ok boomer
Settled on Chefs/Tits for the early game.
Recorded it.
Heading to the beach to get my 5+ miles in.
Out the motherhumpin’ door I went.
That was a horseshit call
Are the early games bad this week? Because they feel pretty bad to me. That may be the hangover talkin’, though.
It can be both.
Quite. Many byes, plus good SNF y MNF matchups
The Jimmy Hoffa Memorial Bowl might be entertaining.
Folks
Bills go for it on 4th down. Josh “Carnival of Horrors” Allen throws behind wide-open John Brown’s body.
So, Josh Allen wasn’t at Harper’s Ferry, I presume.
Touch of Downs touched down!
Morning. My team sucks.
If only you were a pimp. That’s a great slogan!
That slogan would get me out of bed at least 5 minutes earlier every day.
Me? I’d just stay in bed.
I hope KHunt got a nice ovation from the BelieveLand faithful.
/there was a guy at the local Food Lion this am with a #ThePauls “This Team Makes Me Drink” shirt
Hey Giants lb David Mayo-
I aioli have eyes for you.
Regards,
scotchnaut
“What did I do to lose you?”
-Senate Minority Whip John Miracle
Absolutely True Fact-
My grandfather occupied that role in The Canada. I shit you not.
Is “The Canada” the name of a “Gentleman’s Club”?
It can be two… [thinks for a second] It can be three things!
Landrydown! Thanks Hippo/Fronk!
Missed Giant tackle on third Jets play. That train is right on time.
Not sure why analysts are asking if this is the week Trubisky puts it together instead of if this is the week Trubisky loses his job
Because losing to Jeff Driskel has to be some sort of rock bottom?
Advantages to being in a 21 year old league on its last legs? (only 8 guys this year) Here’s my lineup today-
Kyler
Tyreek
Ridley
Dalvin
D. Henry
McCaffrey
Singletary
Everett
So… Scotchy’s Fantasy League… what you doin later?
Sorry, signed a pre-nup.
It might be time to take it out back and stab it.
One of the biggest reasons I enjoy lesser footy is it introduced the term “dispossessed” to me.
I always enjoy some good dispossession action.
I also enjoy the use of “cynical” to describe intentional fouls after you got beat, and “speculative” to describe an ill-advised shot from 25+ yards. There are a lot of good British-isms in soccer commentary.
I love ‘cheeky’ when a player tries to out-think/out-anticipate a defender or keeper.
“broke his duck”
Living in the sticks between two metro areas sometimes pays off. I get both Chiefs/ Titans and Lions/Bears on two different CBS affiliates.
/remembers it’s Lions/Bears
Fuck you, Greensboro
I just want games that I can flip to when one is in commercial-I don’t care what it is because I’m parking my eyes for just a few minutes.
Yup. Definitely deleted my ESPN fantasy account. Hopefully, my shambling corpse ruins someone season along the way.
What was your team name? I think you’re in first place.
Oh very much not. Good Lucha Things was mine. Got nuked from orbit weeks 3-6, probably knocking me out of the running. When I logged in last time, it said I had to fix my account. Apparently some dumb bullshit through disney had my email associated with 5 different accounts and it didn’t know which one to use so I deleted all the ones that didn’t explicitly use my email to login.
Ah I see it now. Two injured players and an empty slot.. probably not gonna spoil anyone this week. Zombie Fantasy Team!
It died as it lived: Poorly managed.
NBC has figure skating from China.
Aw crap, she fell.
The NFL owners are 32 of the best reasons for eliminating billionaires and instituting a 100% estate tax
It’s 12:25pm locally. Is it terrible that I’ve already had one shot of vodka? Or is it terrible that I’ve ONLY had one shot of vodka?
Why did you stop from last night?
Pause Button?
You get a +1 for simply referencing the greatest of all cartoon episodes
It’s 9:51am locally and I’m having my first vodka now. I admire your restraint.
who should I have as my TE?
eric ebron or GREG OLSEN?
Rotowire has Olsen 9th, Ebron 15th. Have no gut feel.
found a funny:
a thing i have in common with president trump is that i will never read his son’s book
Another thing I have in common with him is that I want to bang Ivanka.
Seriously? I always thought she looks mildly deformed, like she had a bit of FAS in the womb.
AGREED
I’m not proud of it. And it would definitely be a hate-fuck. But there is something shamefully appealing there.
Shady INACTIVE. Hippo! Jaylen Samuels vs Rrrrrrrammittt or Dam. Williams @ TEN?
oof, tough call. Probably have to roll with Damien. Tubby Wade will likely scheme to stop Jaylen.
Good point.
Dam williams
I woke up today thinking it was Monday and I was behind schedule.
Been hanging out at the house with the kid and wife. Heading to the store in a sec to get breakfast stuff. I don’t think I’m a experienced enough father to give advice but, in my experience, losing the time/energy To cook was one of the hardest things I wasn’t prepared for when we had a baby.
It’s cool that Donks WOO!!! can’t lose this weekend. Really takes the pressure off.
I’m already angry that the weekend is more than half over.
Oof. What a goal.
Fuck the FA, bunch of bent cunts.
/teevee now on heroic RedZone muzak
Oh that was a penalty.
STONEWALL. But the narrative is cemented. FA wants the Shite winning the League. Bet Pep retires after this season.
I love this Pink Floyd song!
I just found out NBC is not broadcasting Liverpool/City, so I’m going to have to stream it again. Ugh. What is the point of owning broadcast rights to the EPL and then not broadcasting the biggest game of the year?
In my area, they prioritized figure skating. FIGURE FUCKING SKATING. And not even the nude kind! I seriously don’t understand how TV networks are still in business. Barf barf barf.
Assume there must be contractual reasons they can’t move most “big” Sunday matches to NBC broadcast.
I just discovered it’s being broadcast on Telemundo! Watching Mexican-Spanish commentary on a big tv > watching Russian commentary on my phone
I enjoy Univision Deportes Europa League coverage. Good reminder, always check one’s Mexi-channels.
Because figure skating attracts a zeroed-in audience of females who advertisers (who pay the bills) want to sell high-end profitable stuff to. Soccer, on the other hand, attracts a scattered audience of freaks, busboys, and malcontents, none of whom have any money to spend and who probably don’t speak English; the only advertisers for this market are for cheap bail-bondsmen, cheap beer, and cheap get-rich-quick schemes.
In broadcast TV, the advertiser is the customer, the viewer is the product, and the show is merely a means of connecting the two.
-Don Draper
How’s this lesser footy match break down, aside from it being must-win for City?
Dimes vs Jets or Hoyer @ Miami?
Dimes
Devonta or Latavius?
Latavius
Done.
INTO THE BREACH!
Dimes
I, for one, am searching pornhub for chefs tits.
Apparently there are rumors that Bezos wants to buy an NFL team. How funny would it be if he bought the Bills, using the equivalent of pocket change to him, simply to troll Diaper Don?
For Detroit fans, reading the sentence, “The Lions will turn to ex-Bengal Jeff Driskell…” must feel like (to borrow a line from HST) having your pre-marriage blood test handed back to you in a lead bag.
Harry Truman said that?
As a Bengals fan, I can confirm.
Was looking for info on humps db Pierre Desir’s injury and ended up reading about his 5th round rookie replacement with the first round pick name, Marvell Tell III. (He’s doing really well!)
The Marvel Tell Overture used to be cool before it got used in every commercial ever.
Look at that name! Marvell Tell III. Looks like the “Te” is hiding behind a picket fence. Also, he could be “Trey” Tell as a kid, then switch to the distinguished “Marv” Tell in his autumn years.
Hail shut-ins.
I will not be with you for the early games, and maybe all of it, for today my brother’s girlfriends sons are playing for the Lesser Football conference championship and we’re all getting together at the local pub to pre-game at 11:30. she has asked us, repeatedly, not to embarrass her. I said I’d do my best.
Anyway, I’ve got my “Unai Out!” sign ready; do any of you have some road flares I can use?
Apparently, he has until the summer (see The Athletic link below). Gooner ppl are upset.
Game day mornings are almost better than the games themselves. Coffee, weed, and boundless optimism.
Boundless optimism? I thought you were a Jets fan?
Oh, they’re in the “Dead Issue” file upstairs. I’m numb to the winning and losing aspect of the thing. But seasons like this one still have the potential to make me angry. Our owner jetting off to be his boyhood chum, donald fucking trump’s ambassador to England or some fucking thing. Nauseating. The way they handled the Kelechi Osemele injury was a goddamn disgrace. I hope that guy wins every fucking nickel he has coming to him. Adam Gase? These people paid Personal Seat License fees for the “privilege” of buying tickets to watch this team and you put Adam Gase in charge of their preparation and well-being? How fucking dare you, you know?
You do seem more optimistic than most Jets fans.
Agreed on the Osemele thing. That was poor even by NFL standards.
New England has a competitive billionaire for an owner. The Jets do not. End of story.
As much as I dislike the P*ts, I have to give Kraft credit as the best owner in the NFL. They’re all billionaires, but some of them clearly don’t give a shit about winning, (see Brown, Mike), or really want to win but are convinced that only they have the genius to make it happen, (see Jones, Jerry). Kraft is the one guy who really, really wants to win and is smart enough to know that the way to do it is to surround himself with really smart football people and then get the hell out of the way.
It’s just too bad he’s a cheap dumb-ass when it comes to getting handjobs.
There’s a story in Belichick’s relationship with Kraft during Parcells & Belichick’s Jets tenure. Belichick seemed to be under ENORMOUS duress leading up to his cocktail napkin resignation. I want to know that story.
Belichick escaped from the Jets and has never looked back. Meanwhile, the Johnson family has been using the Jets as a means to maintain a healthy ratio between the rich and the ignorant.
He made it seem like he was escaping Parcells at the time.
Juju banged up and against RAMMIT Ramsay or Jarvis Landry?
Add another wrinkle, Stafford not playing and I have Marvin Jones Jr.
I like Jarvis. Pitt is hiding Rudolph (26 completions for 191 yards. Woof.) and although Mayfield is playing stinko, obj hatred has settled in nicely in the locker room. Feed Marvelous Jarvis!
I am on the precipice of cutting JuJu Bee. Can’t imagine ever playing him again, and he has sommet of a foot injury.
I hate Jarvis Landry, though. Can you pick up Zach Pascal or Davante Parker?
Don’t even know who Fat Stafford’s backup is.
Nope. This is a deep league. 2 of Landry, JuJu, or Jones. Jr.
then just not-JuJu Bee
Interesting:
https://theathletic.com/1365197/2019/11/10/exclusive-arsenal-will-not-sack-emery-and-are-100-behind-the-manager-they-believe-club-are-on-the-right-path/
“You’ll never get anywhere in life by not sacking someone.” – Peyton Manning
I’m not emotionally invested enough to really care, but from poking around the Arsenal twitter this seems like an excellent long-term strategy, assuming your long-term strategy is to ensure that your stadium gets burned to the ground and you can collect the insurance money.
Come to think of it, Stan Kroenke does own the team; I may be on to something here.
We haven’t seen bk around today, perhaps he is gathering flammables?
This is where I’d mention I used Cody Latimer last week in DFS. Did you know he returns kickoffs for the Giants? I didn’t! And he DAMN NEAR busted a couple, too. Did you know Draft.com doesn’t use kickoff return yardage towards a player’s total? I didn’t! Making that knowledge worthless to me. But today, they play the Jets, who he could deffo score against. However, they are the Jets, and may only kick off once today. So never mind.
Can he return safety free kicks too? He might get another one or two chances to break one.
I played in a few yahoo leagues that allowed player-specific kick return TDs. Never paid off for me when I paid attention to it.
Normally, when the White House staff wants to ensure that people don’t boo the President, they surround him with veterans. They came up with a better plan for the Alabama game, though: they had him stand next to someone’s attractive cousin.
As George Carlin famously said – Kiss her where it smells, take her to New Jersey!
Plat Davante Parker Can’t Lose over Bleeding Kansas. I picked up Pascal for same purpose, Parker was my backup option. BUF will run 1st, 2nd, and 3rd against #ThePauls today.
Yeah, I expect Singletary to get a big total of combined yards today. And my 4pm intro has the Zach streamer suggestion.
Leaning Ballage over McKissic for RB2, that’s just how dire my roster is (Lindsay and Michel on bye).
McKissic might catch many dump offs if Staffo’s back is all ginched up.
Or they leave the back in to block MOAR.
I just picked McKissic up and dropped the corpse of Frank Gore, and was happy to get him, if you’re wondering how my season is going.
That’s a goddamn poem right there. Spit coffee all over my counter and everything. ?
I made that exact same move last week-ish. That’s my 2-7 money league side, and I am starting Ryan Finley down the stretch for fun.
Hippo! Pick one:
Latavius @ ATL
Breida vs SEA
Dam. Williams @ TEN
Latavius. They will ease Bitchin’ Kamara back in, especially against ATL.
Done. What the hell did Kamara do to himself, anyway? Ankle? Knee?
ankle IIRC
Lions/Bears – Buttercream has a bad back, will be a GTD, and may only gut it out to preserve a consecutive games played streak
Ravens/Redshirts – Cincy secondary doesn’t have ANYONE who can keep up with Hollywood.
Bills/Factory – Cleveland is disinterested. Buff will run the ball for miles.
Chefs/Titans – You see Mahomes going wild after Butker’s gw kick? He’s fine. And PERSONALLY? I’d throw moar screen passes to Henry. No one he meets out there wants anything to do with trying to tackle him.
Falco/Gumbo – The Brees/Thomas stack will win people a few skinoots in DFS. People are guessing that the Saints will be up comfortably in this one, allowing Payton to pull Kamara and set Murray up in a relief role, but they are wrong. Division game. And Atlanta can score.
PSL Bowl – jest get the “home game” they deserve. Leonard Williams will concuss Darnold. Bell stretchered off. Saquon runs in 3. I’m starting Dimes and Giants D/ST. INTO THE BREACH!
Qards/MRSA – I like “Gimp” as a nickname for DJ very much. This will be fun viewing. Who will win and by how much? Fuck…
Parker/Colts or Brown/Browns?
PPR-Parker
Non-PPR-Brown
Hippo concur?
Parker especially preferred in PPR, agreed. But I’d use him regardless.
the ball gag is quite the visual
Liverpool plays Man City today as the apertif to the NFL. I am really sad that I cancelled Decilitre’s haircut because there has been 25 cms (10 inches) of snow overnight.
I always forget to mention the soccer games on offer.
/there are soccer games being played today