NFL Noise:
- Greg Olsen sounds like a person done with all that shit, and has no intent on being part of a rebuild.
- “No one ever gets to write their ending, write their final script. As I told you guys on the day we found out about Ron [Rivera being fired], change sometimes leads to other changes. It’s hard to predict when and where that comes.”
- In 2020, he is scheduled to earn $8.5 million, with an $11.8 million cap hit.
- The team has the option of a buyout, and a $3.3 million dead-cap penalty on their salary cap.
- DAK! has an injured shoulder, which is limiting his practice this week.
- He is scheduled for Sunday’s BIG GAME against the Eagles.
- Backup QB Cooper Rush is not taking any first-team reps, indicating DAK is projected to start.
Cooper Rush, Cooper Manning, Cooper Kupp, and a Cooper.
- The Pro Bowl players were announced yesterday. Among the highlights:
- The Ravens lead the NFL with 12 players named.
- The Saints lead the NFC with seven nods.
- The Dolphins & Giants didn’t have anyone named.
- Biggest snubs?
- Dak Prescott.
- Julian Edelman.
- Perennial who didn’t make it?
- Tom Brady.
- He has been named 14 times, so I doubt he’s sad – beyond not triggering a bonus clause in his contract.
- Which means Gisele’s gonna have to have a talk with her husband…
- He has been named 14 times, so I doubt he’s sad – beyond not triggering a bonus clause in his contract.
- Tom Brady.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Avalanche at Blackhawks – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Oilers at Blues – 8:30PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Raptors at Pistons – 7:00PM | TSN
- Heat at 76ers – 7:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- Celtics at Mavericks – 9:30PM | ESPN / TSN
- Warriors at Trail Blazers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
- NCAA: (select games listed)
- Tennessee at Cincinnati – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
- North *Carolina at Gonzaga – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
- Kentucky vs. Utah – 11:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
- from T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas
- Wrasslin’:
- Possibly the biggest televised night of the year, as it’s the last “live” shows before hiatus.
- AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
- NXT – 8:00PM | USA / (Friday in Canada)
- Possibly the biggest televised night of the year, as it’s the last “live” shows before hiatus.
I would wrap this up by pointing out that Amari Cooper doesn’t have time for any of my shit about any part of his name.
Agreed.
Squirrel has been successfully caught and removed.
I knew I had the little shit when he tried to hide in my shoe.
Sounds weird, I know. But true.
Also, there is a possibility of squirrel urine and/or feces in my shoe.
/going shoe shopping tomorrow perhaps
Win some, lose some. Congrats?
I needed new shoes anyway. Mom threw out my backup pair.
Bitch.
Evening
Long Kiss Goodnight rules.
On LinkedIn (you know; a fucking business website) and the Climate Change Deniers are POWNIN the libtards!
last funny:
(Teaching my kid about screwdrivers)
Remember: righty tighty, lefty loosey.
That’s it now the vodka’s open get the orange juice.
tWBS, artist unknown, ca 2019
http://2.media.dorkly.cvcdn.com/29/30/b1c77710ed6d24fdb5cfcbc48db0cd2f.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu9sl7jPMas
Little squirrel asshole still on the loose, currently hiding under the entertainment center console thingy.
I got my net and my towel. He jumped out briefly but I was too busy playing Family Feud.
Next time the fucker sticks his head out, I got him.
STOP MAKING ME LAUGH, STEVE HARVEY!!!!!! YOU ARE DISTRACTING ME!!!!!
Wait, you’re being outsmarted by a squirrel?
Checks notes…
Oh right, continue.
He’s not smarter than me. Just fucking faster.
And perhaps less distracted by the top five answers on the board.
Top Ten answers on the board, “Unwanted Visitors.” tWBS, you said… squirrels.
Survey says!
Little squirrel asshole
I got my net and my towel.
Next time the fucker sticks head out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKE1tLAH1BQ
Isn’t this why everyone in North Carolina is trained in .22 riflery?
Yeah that would turn out well.
SORRY MOM, I’LL TAKE YOU TO THE ER RIGHT AFTER I GET THE SQUIRREL!!!!!
I don’t see the problem
Throwback…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dalHCHHv5DU
I’m listening to drunks blather in French Canadian and I’m starting to understand it.
I can order beers in French but I couldn’t ask for an ambulance even if my life depended on it.
Oh wait. The French word for “ambulance” is ambulance. I’m good.
And they’re free. You should call them instead of Uber to get around.
OMG
Galaxy Quest!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnjoiqfhDtQ
What are the odds that Trump was packing his bags to leave the White House until someone reminded him that there’s a whole Senate trial still to come?
He is in Michigan and his rally speech was like taking LSD. It was all over the place. Did you know people call him to buy nuclear submarines? He says no, happens all the time…
I want to refuse to believe he said that, but I have no faith in this timeline.
Wait, do you think if I offered him $100 he’d sell me a nuclear submarine?
If you buy one I know how to work the engines.
I ain’t cheap though.
Maybe you’ll work for that bonus SS-20 or Trident missile instead of just cash?
I’ll let you keep what’s left of the sub after we’re done with it.
His old pal Bobby “Two Strokes” Kraft is encouraging Trump to take a step back and try to relax about this impeachment thing; maybe get a massage or something.
By Republican logic, that’d enough to impeach right there.
I like this exchange very much:
Rep John Ratcliffe, (R) Texas: “History will remember this day as the day the Democrats impeached the president for nothing more than spite.”
Adam Schiff, (D) California; ”Madam Speaker, I think when the history of this time is written, it will record that when my colleagues found they lacked the courage to stand up to this unethical president, they consoled themselves by attacking those who did.”
The Republicans are traitors.
As our beloved Union continues to hurl apart, I can only wonder: What would Abraham Lincoln be doing if he were alive today?
No more spoilers!
In this one, Lincoln gives the head shot instead of taking it.
This is the greatest movie title ever.
New Cooper Union
Backbone of the building looks kinda narrow, so the name fits.
Inside of new Cooper Union, designed your induce vertigo and seizures.
If Abraham Lincoln came to give a speech in this building he would have left screaming incoherently and joined the Confederacy.
it looks like MC Ecsher designed half of that building.
Ayn Rand pleasured herself often with a dildo shaped like the new Cooper Union building.
And she still is, in Hell. The Hell catch (and there is one, always): can’t reach climax, ever.
Found another book to add to my WANT TO READ LIST
Weekend reading:
https://www.wired.com/story/meet-the-mad-scientist-who-wrote-the-book-on-how-to-hunt-hackers/
Apparently someone hung a “You’re Fired” banner at his Nuremberger up in Michigan today. That’s pretty funny.
Also they kicked some woman out for flipping him off. Land of the free, indeed.
So the motherfucker has been impeached. Now onto the sham trial in the senate. Fuck McConnell. The only good thing to come out of Kentucky is bourbon.
What about Papa John?
Raylan Givens
I’ve got a secret blend of 11 herbs and spices that says otherwise!
[sets handgun on table ominously]
“I don’t suppose you’d be interested in sharing that recipe with a friend?”
– Andy Reid
[checks make of gun]
[relaxes, remembering that Andy Reid has terrible Glock management skills]
???
Excellent.
Goddamn.
That’s why I come to this site.
“How many friends you got?”
— Amy Reid
Luke Perry’s son is currently play fighting against the lead singer of Fozzy for a shiny belt. Sport of Kings.
Being the kid of a celebrity seems weird. I’m glad my parents were nobodies and I’m glad I can be a big fat nobody for my kid.
Apparently they had a great relationship. One of his last photos was cheering him on from a balcony at a PWG show I think. Nice to see one that isn’t just horrific dysfunction.
I had the impeachment broadcast on in the car for a long stint this afternoon. Can I just say, on pretty much any topic, when I hear contradicting points, on the one hand, from shitholes like Georgia and The Carolinas and fucking Ohio Just screaming and epitomizing their white trash stereotypes and talking like they have a mouth full of marbles because that’s how their confederate cousin-fathers butchered English as opposed to calm, civilized parts of the country who embrace things like running water and literacy, I have to admit to carrying an immediate bias.
Also , as always, present company excluded.
Gonna listen to cspan callers until I dissociate, which should be about 30 seconds into the first one
Why on earth would you listen to that then? Do you learn anything? Do you gain anything? I just don’t understand that.
I sat in my chaise lounge without the remote and am regretting my life decisions
Overcame the odds and am now watching wrestling God bless
For the same reason I listen to CARDINALS TALK.
It’s refreshing to hear the opinions of people who I would never give the time of day to under other circumstances.
Disagree. These people should be dumped in the middle of the ocean where their idiocy can’t hurt anyone
But they are just voices designed to piss you off. Why do you listen to that? They’re nobodies.
I’d TMFA
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EMHQEsDX0AAs3J4?format=jpg&name=large
I know the “solemn” thing is correct, but I hope Nancy gavels and screams “FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU LOSE!!!”
It’s not likely, less than 35% chance.
She should reenact the “This is America” video from Donald Glover.
Trump’s response is apparently to ask for more campaign donations. BUT don’t forget he’s also a self-made-funded man!
Politics talkin’ ladie on the teevee: paraphrased: Congress could do this thing that sounds reasonable and agreeable to all sides, except Mitch McConnell is in charge, so they won’t.
He is the worst human being on Earth right now and I’m not sure if it’s close
Just think how much worse he could be if his dick worked.
I know it won’t happen but Trump’s nearby at a rally and I’m rock hard at the thought of him announcing to the zombies that he gives up. I’d put it between SBLII and my kid’s birthday.
Some idiot GOP Texan voted yes and had to change it to no.
Against all odds, it wasn’t Gohmert.
Republican caucus (artist’s conception):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msKI1T9i710
Jagoffville front office finally came to their senses
https://www.bigcatcountry.com/2019/12/18/21025056/tom-coughlin-fired-by-jaguars
Hopefully it was in time to get the Early Bird special at Sambo’s.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States has been impeached.
Fucking finally.
“Fucking, finally!”
– R. Wilson, wedding night
(also, banner-worthy, although not as witty as Rikki usually is)
Hey guess what? Got another fucking squirrel in the house. And this one is slick. Cannot catch the little sumbitch.
I LOVE LIVING IN THE STICKS!!!!!
I moved to a new neighborhood not too far from you and had a neighbor tell me week their dog was bitten by a copperhead and resulted in loss of eye.
City life is looking so much better
Have you tried closing the front door?
Also, if you leave milk out, it CAN GO SOUR. Put it in a refrigerator, or failing that, a cool, wet sack.
Honestly do not know how they’re getting in.
Watching MSNBC…
Brian Williams: “We just learned Tulsi Gabbard has voted…”present.” Senator McCaskill, what does that mean?”
Claire McCaskill: “Oh, that’s just stupid!”
(I see no flaw in McCaskill’s logic)
There was no “regime change war” button
First article looks like it is passed. Republicants are gonna look quite the fool when they find out the Spendocrats slipped in a last minute “all minority party members of congress must wear polyester socks instead of silk” amendment.
So the highlight for me was the moment of silence for all Trump voters that not only did a chud think was clever, but that the Democrats went ahead and respected. Just a stunning display of idiocy from the dumbest chamber in all of politics.
One thing that’s weird to me is the dude jumping to the gop. I get voting against it but actually switching parties seems insane to me with the current climate. I guess the cynical desire to maintain power is a helluva drug.
It’s dumb, because he wouldn’t survive a Republican primary anyway.
Yep. “I know…I’mma get hated by EVERYONE! That’s a great plan!”
My new kickstarter: earplugs for Congress with brand new (patent pending) “Bloviation Filtration” technology. They convert every incoming sound that registers past a battle tested “bullshit threshold” to soothing ocean sounds. Maybe even a whale every now and then.
They’re voting now.
What kind of hack fraud directed this? You gotta have the first vote fail to build suspense!
I haven’t been following any of this shit.
Who is Trump and why are they preaching on him?
From what I can tell, he’s some sort of witch.
I’m pretty thrilled that Schiff is my congressman. Now: impeach the fucker, and have a great day.
Unless one of these decrepit fucks is going to run up and hit a Rock Bottom on Schiff, the booing is dumb as shit
The HOR should be voting on impeachment shortly. Right now a guy who once said that he thinks Putin pays Trump is arguing that Trump would never act against the interests of the United States.
Cooper Union
Steny Hoyer: Run ‘n Gun QB from Rice in the 80s or a medical implant you get after a heart attack?
Somewhere, in the near future: every Congressor votes strictly along party lines, ending with impeachment but no conviction, exactly as we all expected.
Pelosi: “Maybe the real impeachment was the friends we made along the way.”
I’m just pissed off I dint get no Jeopardy tonight. And no Vanna White either for that matter.
Also a little disappointed that Disney didn’t find a way in.
“This dumbass debate and vote brought to you by Disney!!!!”
They should all get sponsors and decide the vote by who raises the most money. Wait. That’s how it’s happening already.
LOL
“You son of a bitch!”
-OK Boomer meme
Two double stacks, a medium fry and a large ass chili please.
No thank you, I’ll pass on the complimentary Impeachment.
Do you dip your fries in your frosty?
Can’t remember if we have any dog, cat, or dildo-with-a-fake-nose-and-glasses-disguise members of Congress at the moment, but I can’t wait to see their vote on the articles of impeachment.
Not quite what I predicted in the Eagles preview but I’m still taking credit.