Happy Scottish New Year Open Thread!

As this post goes live, the New Year will be starting in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Portugal, Senegal, Liberia, Sierra Leone, THE Gambia, Guinea-Bissau, Guinea, Mauritania, Côte D’Ivoire, Togo, Ghana, and Burkina Faso.

That also means that the UK is officially OUT of the European Union. Many in Scotland are drinking their IrnBru and pondering how they can get back in either through independence from the UK or other means. Depending on how badly things go across the Irish Sea, North Ireland may be choosing an alternate path away from the UK as well.

Let no one tell you the New Year doesn’t bring new things!

One of the traditions I have is to wish certain things for my friends in the new year. They are different from resolutions in that I am basically coming up with good things to happen to them instead of them coming up with goals for themselves.

As an example, I previously wished for one of my buddies to finally break up with his girlfriend because they were obviously wrong for each other. Two kids and years of marriage later, I stand by my assessment.

In that spirit, please see below the New Year’s wishes I have for a selected group of you:

King Hippo

I wish that a pharmaceutical truck breaks down in front of your house and the sexy bare-shouldered female driver knocks on your door looking for assistance

Redshirt

I wish that you could find another team to root for as the Bengals are not deserving of your fandom. Just don’t pick the Jets.

Just Stop Dude

I wish that the Browns would stop Browning every time they have a chance to not Brown.

Yeah Right

I wish that the Fremantle Dockers would make the Eight so that you wouldn’t have to rely on the Vikings to have a team in the playoffs. I also wish for you to have safe walks east of Gaffey.

Rikki Tikki Deadly

Te deseo lo mejor en el nuevo año y espero que sigas aprendiendo el español para que podamos platicar en español uno de estos días .

Don T

I wish that you would meet a sexy passionate single Latina that is also san… I’m sorry I can’t even finish that sentence. Talk about wishing for impossible things…

I wish that you find a fulfilling and satisfying job in your field and that you continue to perform well in your side gig here at DFO providing us with quality pics of scantily-clad females with either daddy issues or drug problems.

Horatio

I wish that you can take some butchering classes so that your neighbor’s wandering cows can “disappear” and we can all enjoy Horatio steaks by mail order.

Scotchnaut

I wish that the authorities be always one step behind our favourite Northern Ontario hobo enthusiast. I’d add the Horatio butchering classes, but I have a feeling you don’t need them.

Gumbygirl

I wish you and Gumby a safe and fun time in the next few weeks as you watch the stupid valley-dwellers park their cars in the ditches trying to maneuver around the mountain roads.

Doktor Zymm

I wish you a happy return to your travels and secret agent activities. May the wines be sparkling, the cheeses soft, and the missions successful and uneventful.

BeerGuyRob

I wish you a speedy and healthy recovery from your shoulder surgery. Just take it easy on the penis when you are able to get the full range of motion, ok?

Litre_cola

I wish that the Puebla jersey I sent you that ended up in Sydney would actually make its way back to either you or me.

BFC

I wish that you didn’t have to work so hard that you ended up becoming the new Thread Ender after Moose left.

Moose

I wish that you are doing well and enjoying the many Wonder Woman gifs and pics.

bk109

I wish that Santa got you a new tank or tank accessory for Christmas. It’s really a shame your team is Arsenal…

Brick Meathook

I wish your gigantic cock wouldn’t get in the way of shooting a new Freeways of LA video. Video idea: Freeways of LA with Porn Stars. Think about it. Have your people call my people.

rockingdog

I wish for you to find many funnies in the new year and that you continue to share them with us. I love those.

Dunstan

I wish that the neighborhood walks with open containers do not stop for you once the pandemic is under control.

SonOfSpam

I wish I was one quarter of the funny that you are. The best to you and your family!

DTZM

I wish that WordPress would stop doing automatic stupid updates that break the site and that you then have to fix. Thank you for all your hard work!

Sharkbait

I wish that your new house has enough room for a bar and that it’s always well-stocked.

JJFozz

I wish that everyone in your former place of employment catches AIDS/COVID/and syphillis.

The rest of the Canada contingent: GameTime Decision, Wakezilla, and probably more that have not identified themselves as Canadian for fear of being hit up by filthy Americans for places to live

I wish I could live in your beautiful peaceful country, eat ketchup chips, donuts, and poutine all day, and not freeze my Mexican ass off. Seriously, thank you to Canada for making this site as great as it is. Your contributions to the site are not unnoticed.

Portland contingent: Unsurprised, Big Black Richard, Old School Zero, etc

I wish that the smell of patchouli does not stick to your clothes like the tear gas thrown around in your downtown area. Stay strong and clean and safe!

Musical contingent: The Maestro and Senor Weaselo

I wish that your works are discovered by the right people and you are given the opportunities you rightly deserve. Oh, and I wish that the government would make undestructible material out of whatever is inside Weaselo’s asshole.

The occasional commentists: LemonJello, JerBear, monty this seems strange, Mr. Ayo, JimU, theRevanchist, and others I can’t remember right now.

I wish that your schedules would give you more time to comment. Y’all bring the funny and it’s always a pleasure to see your comments.

The lurkers

I wish that you would take the leap and comment on the site. We don’t bite and we welcome new voices!

Finally, I couldn’t close out the year without one wish for tWBS:

I wish that you are finding hot service industry workers that will treat you right wherever you may be. You’re gone, but not forgotten.

I apologize if I missed anyone, but I’m scrambling to write this before it’s time to post. A raise of the glass and a tip of the hat to all of you in the DFO family.

Thank you very much for being here. I wish for all of us to have a happy and fulfilling 2021!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Brocky

balls, if its not obvious, it was senior i was meeting. I had an unown, a very rare pokemon, so we coordinated a meetup

Senor Weaselo

Even with all the Unown events, I still haven’t seen one in the wild.

Bogdanski

Did moose actually leave or was he kicked out?

Mr. Ayo

Left. Thanks to Brick’s big swinging cock.

Horatio Cornblower

Moose was not kicked out and has been told that he is more than welcome from several people of several occasions. It is what it is.

Doktor Zymm

Another 20 year old video, this one featuring an ahead of the fashion curve mask!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtSDWq6HsJE

TheRevanchist

Air Force Ones is still my jam

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FUCK YOU DJ 3000 I KNOW I’VE ALREADY VOTED FOR THIS COMMENT I WANT TO UPVOTE IT TWICE.

Spur

I’ll smoke 3 joints and listen to the vinyl Yoshimi album when I need to chill

Sharkbait

Its not just me right?
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Brocky

….my grandparents had salt shakers like those

Spur

Its a Southern thing. It would be racist not to display

Horatio Cornblower

We have one of those. Handed down by earlier generations. I’d like to eventually donate it to a museum or institute that deals with these things, but for now we just keep it displayed slightly* less prominently than that one.

*Oh, it’s fucking buried in the shadows.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun story: we were eating at a nice-ish restaurant in LA. A couple of guys (with dates, I think) came in and had dinner a few tables away. I wouldn’t have thought much of it but they looked a bit out of place. Not outrageously so, just enough that it was noticeable. Later that evening at the concert we were at those two guys were called up onstage to join the band for a few songs and were announced as members of Counting Crows.

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Don T

And I like the wish for me—gracias, El Bolas.
Though I’m obligated to report that Latinas are as equal, or more, sane than females of non-Latina upbringing / genes. It’s my personal choices that, well, you know…

Brocky

13 minutes till midnight, close enough:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=2NRbycO0O_k

Don T

Cabrones, I had planned for a meal and being here. But my mom fell this PM and suffered a head wound (only, PRAISE JERBUS). ER Doc fixed her up and all tests were negative. She’s at home and fine.
So now I’m having the meal: fried pork, fried plantains, and Coke Zero chaser for the freezer vodka
/pours a lil’ for TWBS
Fuck 2020 wooo!
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Dunstan

2020 had to fuck with you one last time…

Doktor Zymm

Glad all is well (despite the scare), welcome to 20212223!

Horatio Cornblower

Hey man, sending positive thoughts your way for Mom.

Gumbygirl

Me too!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble same here grumble grumble

Gumbygirl

I’m having pork tomorrow, it’s a PA Dutch thing. With sauerkraut. Every New Years Day, as long as I can remember.

Don T

Hmm. Gorging on pork during Dec.-Jan. seems like a universal thing. Here we do on a open fire pit and serve with root vegs. and rice with pigeon peas.
And I may have fallen into a pork pit the day before the Bucs – Raiders Super Bowl. Records from that era are inreliable.

Brocky

too many star wars memes

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Doktor Zymm

Damn, I had a lot of fun in college, but I was still missing shit
https://youtu.be/6DvvyPcWOpA

Brocky

for reference, most landmarks are pokemon stops

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
Doktor Zymm

Or gyms, or both

Brocky

yep. got one at soldier field too

Doktor Zymm

There’s like 3 at the Sears Tower

Senor Weaselo

This is the part where we ask for your friend code, isn’t it.

Brocky

i got two accounts:

4543 8381 9466

5972 3817 0979

Sharkbait

Holy racist cookie jar CNN

Spur

see! this is the only time worth watching

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can’t believe this hasn’t been posted given that we’re apparently on a Weezer kick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxlfkFMjLZc

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“The part about having a bunch of toys but being out of batteries really speaks to me.” – Eli Manning

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“The part about having all your employees quit on you is what resonates with me.” – Doug Marrone

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– going to Nada Surf for your first concert is ultracool and I mean what I said. Listen to this shit. JUST LISTEN TO IT. Nada Surf is one of the most criminally underappreciated bands in the history of rock and roll and that’s not just the tequila talking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXRLUeVXpMA

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’re a really good band.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdD8Emu-T64

Horatio Cornblower
Gumbygirl

He gave us a dudely warning, bless his heart!

Horatio Cornblower

It was a tribute, as I hope the “Dude” made obvious.

Loved tWBS and always will but, as has been said by Willem Dafoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp60bU0UbTE

your taste is in your ass.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Doktor Zymm

What do you think Afroman is up to 20 years later?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeYsTmIzjkw

Game Time Decision

Still high?

Doktor Zymm

Seems like a HIGH probability

Brocky

i also thought this song had a very blatant anti drug message, so to me it was never propaganda

Doktor Zymm

I see where you’re coming from, but seems tongue in cheek

Spur
Sharkbait

CNN has moved on to asking Snoop where he’s been high.

Senor Weaselo

He’s got tokes in different area codes!

Spur

If I only knew it was a “simpler time” at the time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsVyBHJrNQw&ab

Dunstan

Bands of the 90s: Everything sucks

Me in 2020: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Doktor Zymm
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably the second band I ever saw play live:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frBWvyE_N9I

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Correction, this was the second *concert* I ever went to.

TheRevanchist

Wife is watching something called Mr Robot. It looks too involved. I need brainless material to watch. Help!! Send Baywatch!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Everything you need to know about the show Mr. Robot can be learned here:

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2016/08/03/mr-bronco/comment-page-1/

Game Time Decision

First season is awesome. Can skip the others IMO

Senor Weaselo

Happy Smarch 1st!

Doktor Zymm

I missed this in 2001, probably for the best. But glad to know it exists.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6hNzbLbchY

Brocky

so on the previous page, I’ve got some DFOers trying to guess why i was in times square.

closest guess so far was dustan guessing me meeting a “drug dealer”

Senor Weaselo

I’m not allowed to play, right?

Brocky

?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️?‍♂️

Gumbygirl

Boy Scout Jamboree?

Brocky

as an eagle scout i can guarantee we never went to anywhere as cool as times square.

we went to the same observatory twice due lack of options

Doktor Zymm

I know for a fact that the Jamboree was in DC one year when I was in high school, because a couple of disgruntled boy scouts crashed our skirt and/or kilt required high school theater picnic on the Mall

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I grew up in a town outside Pittsburgh that has a fort from the French and Indian War. We went there every damn year in school, and with Scouts too. It’s just not that interesting, after the 3rd or 4th time!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eli Manning will not stand idly by and have you disparage forts.

Gumbygirl

This is an actual fort, not one made out of blankets.

Brocky

no underwear involved. think nerdier

Horatio Cornblower

A Dungeons & Dragons meet-up?

Spur

You never go full mage

Brocky

nah I’m always the fighter. my buddy has dibs on being the mage because of how much he loves vivi from ffix

Horatio Cornblower

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t talk to Justin Herbert that way!

Brocky

getting….. warmer…

Spur

Videogame release?

Brocky

the Nintendo store is at Rockefeller center, not times square.

Dunstan

Star Wars prequels?

Brocky

burning…. almost there……

Brocky

okay, you’re not gonna get the exact answer, so I’ll give it To ya:

I was trading pokemon with an acquaintance. i just happened to be in new york, my family wanted to see the square lit up at night, so my buddy hopped on the train, met me in big mass of people

Horatio Cornblower

Man, when you said “burning” I thought this was going in an entirely different direction.

Senor Weaselo

Can confirm. (Source: The acquaintance)
You could have told them that much!

Brocky

didn’t wanna make it TOO obvious

Spur

Console release. XBOX360 or something?

Doktor Zymm

Buying a rare magic card from a guy?

Dunstan

Ok, Times Square had the nearest 24-hour pharmacy so you could get grandma’s heart pills?

(It’s ok, I know I was bang-on with the drugs, I’m just giving you a way out.)

Doktor Zymm

Post-Giuliani? Legal meeting at a TGIFridays about your food poisoning at said establishment
Pre-Giuliani? Legal meeting at a bar called Fridays about a stripper named TiGI poisoning your drink at said establishment

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of the first songs I ever saw played live.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy41Lwn6w8Y

Spur

Nice Question for the DFO

First concert?

Dunstan

Foreigner, with opening act April Wine

Horatio Cornblower

I’m so sorry.

Dunstan

I regret nothing.

Spur

Nada Surf Opening for Weezer

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, that’s like losing your virginity to a Maxim model.

Spur

Really…i was 16? never heard of Nada Surf and only knew/liked the Sweater song.

Horatio Cornblower

Fun fact, Weezer hails out of Mansfield, CT, and a poker friend of mine swore that he was the inspiration for the sweater song, because he had beaten up Cuomo and torn his sweater.

I have no idea if that’s true or not, but it’s a funny story.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think a college friend of mine lives very near Cuomo in Santa Monica. Like down the street from him.

Horatio Cornblower

See if Rivers will confirm that story. I’d love to know.

Game Time Decision

Spirit of the West, frosh week. No clue who opened for them as I was hammered and it was like 300000000 years ago

Horatio Cornblower

Lost Generation, at a roller rink in Enfield, CT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSXKb0yD-5k

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, that’s respectable. I’m impressed you found anything other than a farm in Enfield.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, there’s plenty of prisons there, too!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was these guys, followed by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones at The Sting in New Britain, CT. I locked my keys in my car but fortunately my parents had equipped it with a spare in one of the wheel wells.

Horatio Cornblower

The Sting was great. I saw In Living Color there, in a show that had to have violated 112 fire codes.

I heard that, years later, it did burn down under ‘mysterious circumstances’, which I assume meant that they were no longer profitable and had just re-upped there insurance.

It was next to a strip bar, and a buddy of mine did lighting for the shows and told me that the bands loved that they could just look over a railing and see into the nudie bar. And I was like “or they could just finish their set and walk 10′ to the left” but to each their own, I guess.

Doktor Zymm

K’s Choice and Tonic at the (new) 9:30 Club

Doktor Zymm

Oh, and The Verve Pipe

Doktor Zymm

Wait, that’s not right. First music festival was HFStival ’96 though I know that.

Horatio Cornblower

In honoUr of the New Year, and for ‘Die Hard’ just ending on HBO, here’s the greatest piece of music ever written.
/Waits for Senor to beat me to death

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxLbmnvMWM0

Brocky

i remember being really young and not understanding time zones.

.and being really fucking confused about the new years celebrations. like…… huh?

Game Time Decision

We used that to our advantage when the kids were really young and sent them to bed at like 8

Redshirt
Gumbygirl

Ok that was weird. Our phones and the tv said it was 8:59 West coast time, so we put on ABC in L A to watch the ball drop, and it had already happened. I feel like I’ve been lied to! I need a lawyer!

Horatio Cornblower

Sorry, I’m only admitted to practice in time zones that matter.

Gumbygirl

So not here on the Best Coast then? Maybe when you get more experience!

Spur

Best Sinatra song. Once met a smoking hot girl at a holiday party and she wouldn’t dance to this. Instant turn off
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f48fpoSEPU&ab

Duchess

Instant turn off? Yes
Best Sinatra Song? Debatable.. while I disagree with what you said I will pay for some one more poor than me to fight to the death for the right for you to say it.

Doktor Zymm

Pfft. “My Way” will fight you

Dunstan

Not even in the top ten. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a good song. That’s how fucking good Sinatra was.

Duchess

Dude could turn the ABCs into a song that sounded autobiographical .

Tony Bennet can sing but Frank made every song a journey

Dunstan

Yep. I read a great Sinatra bio a couple of years ago, and the one thing everyone praised him for was not his range or the purity of his voice or anything like that, but that he was more expressive than every other singer.

Duchess

So was Frank Jr kidnapped or looking for attention?

Duchess

y’all back in 2020 are missing out. 6 mins into 2021 and Covids gone, Trumps already in prison and WE ALL HAVE JETPACKS NOW!!

Dunstan

Ok, but the NFC East still sucks, right? I can only take so much

Duchess

In 2021 there is no NFC East

Doktor Zymm

It’s been officially renamed the NFC Least?

Spur

Laugh now. Don’t forget am at deaths door and the Fates love to have a laugh.

Fear the Lone Star

Gumbygirl

You’re going to be fine. Probably.

TheRevanchist

KFC Feast for the loss!

Spur

I want to go there

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oooh first firework heard outside!

Brocky

my shih tzu has dived under the covers

Gumbygirl

Happy New Year Eastern Time Zone!

Sharkbait

WOOOOO

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lady BFC said “guess that’s the first for the US” and i said “what about the Guami Bears?” and i may have earned some side eye.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Happy New Year, you filthy East Coast animals.

Spur

There’s 20 people in Times Square better get a photo of the ball while you can people.

Doktor Zymm

Songs that will turn 20 in 2021:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_x6QmuJdms

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

Love that song, if not the message. Shaggy’s voice is something else.

Spur
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Giving the military thunderstix to hold in times square feels like an apt metaphor for our current government.

Doktor Zymm

No Vuvuzelas!? TRAVESTY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We got a shipment of deep dish pizzas packed in dry ice this afternoon. In simpler times I’d have used it to make dry ice bombs.

Doktor Zymm

I know about 20 words of Korean, and 15 of them are food, but I still dig K-pop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqzTRK5GPWQ&feature=youtu.be

Gumbygirl

Not a damn thing wrong with that!

Spur

same as the beiber song. Well made Pop music. Fact K-Pop can do it better makes me a bit happy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdZLi9oWNZg&ab

Doktor Zymm

They’re more organized about their pop music, they don’t leave it to chance that talent finds training

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dynamite is the pop song of the year and anyone else who tries to convince me otherwise will be confronted by the fact that I don’t know any other pop songs that came out this year.

/did Dynamite come out this year? I hope so.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Play Deep” is a genuinely great album. I don’t think there’s a single true dud of a song on there.

Horatio Cornblower

“Your Love” is literally the ring tone on my phone for my wife.

I’m not sure what that says about us, but there you have it.

Spur

How about Dolly Parton having a good vibe year
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaNGtgYwSsU&ab

Horatio Cornblower

If we’re playing Dolly we’re playing ‘Jolene’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0eeSoU35wM

Doktor Zymm

This is correct! (Harper Valley PTA is also acceptable in a pinch)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s make this a DOUBLE SHOT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfdaC6Rc64M

Brocky

my dad decided to put ken burns documentaries on the DVR, so one was a special on the history of country music.

i trolled the shit out of him by pretending to not have any idea who dolly Parton is

Doktor Zymm

That is solid trolling

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s a guy I play poker with who goes to games in casinos and pretends to never have seen (or even heard of) Rounders.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Doktor Zymm

I may have argued that the ace should be low because it’s only 1 at some point. Also, spades are “the pointy ones”

Horatio Cornblower

That’s outstanding trolling.

I have taken a significant amount of money from people who think they know what my hand is based on how I’m eating Oreos*.

*Think ‘Rounders’ has anything in common with actual poker.

Sharkbait

This CNN/Mariah Carey talking head is painful

Spur

Did you see those boobs? Looks painful.

Game Time Decision

Looked like a tranny. And she’s boring

Spur
Spur
Dunstan

Can’t say I liked his music, but fuck, being the biggest country star in the world — and he was for a few years — in the 70s as a black man is fucking amazing.

Brocky

I’m glad you got involved too