One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday.  Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about.  Good times.

Well, it’s been long enough.  After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes.  The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real.  So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over.  You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting.  We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership.  That’s no fun.  So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.

Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.

Yours in the comments, first come, first served.  For now, please wait 10 picks before making another one.  That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.

This weeks topic:  CARTOON CHARACTERS YOU’D HAVE SEX WITH!

Yep, I threatened to do this on Friday and by God and by damn we’re going with it.  We go to this week’s Commissioner to explain this week’s rules.  Sir, the floor is yours.

GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS!  The rules are as follows:  1)  No kink shaming; you’re drafting cartoon characters you’d bone down with, there are no heroes here.  2)  Wait 10 picks, or 30 minutes, before making your next pick.  3)  Your pick must be an individual, which is just me getting out in front of Hippo drafting the female cast of Archer and calling it a day. 4)  Anyone drafting Scrappy Doo, or so much as acknowledging his existence, gets banned.

With that said, with the first pick in the inaugural DFO Monday Morning Mock Draft, Horatio Cornbl

BALLSOFSTEELANDFURY:  Kool Aid Man my ass, it’s me, Balls, and I could give a shit about your toast, roasted or otherwise.  Nothing and no one is stopping me from drafting Francois From Archer, the Pele of Anal!

HORATIO:  (brushing splinters out of his hair) OK, fine, I probably should have seen that coming.  And built a stronger wall.  With the second pick of the inaugural DFO Monday Morning Mock Draft, I will ta

KING HIPPO:  CAROL TUNT!!  CHERYL TUNT!!  WHATEVER HER NAME IS, I’M TAKING THAT TUNT FROM ARCHER!!

YOU CAN’T STOP ME BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!!

Horatio: (picking wallboard out of his teeth)  I knew this was a bad idea.  Fine.  (looks around, realizes he doesn’t know any other DFO-2-Diminesional Crushes and is therefore safe)  With the third pick of the inaugural DFO Monday Morning Mock Draft, I will take Holli Would from Cool World.

The rest of you, have at it in the comments.  And Balls and Hippo, I accept large and small bills, so don’t be stingy.