Welcome back to the comments of the week. A much quieter week here are DFO. Lots of fun with the benign superpower draft and lots more hard decisions with the banner draft. This site has been as slow as molasses going up hill in the winter. Rest assured that there is a team, okay one person, working on this issue. I’m hopeful that in the next day or two (writing this Monday afternoon) the speed and other issues will be gone. I hope. Maybe.
There’s been lots of hoops ball to watch lately as well, both ladies and mens. My bracket for the men’s tourny is not fairing so well, currently 15th and dropping. However, humble-brag, I’m currently in first place in the DFO Women’s bracket. Not sure how that happened, but think it will be short lived lead.
Not sure about where you live, but it looks like spring is here for me. There’s been a bunch of very nice days here, and not much snow in the forecast. Woohooo. Been out trying to enjoy the sun and non-freezing days. Hope you are too.
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
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Whenever I have to choose between lines to stand in, the line I pick is the one that moves fastest.
Warthog
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Squeeze right earlobe Off / On switch for mental double entendres.
Don T
Just last Thursday I ordered some unique fruits and the woman texted back saying, “the melons we have are huge”. What I immediately thought was, “Can you send me a pic of your huge melons?”.
/bad scotchy, that’s bad
scotchnaut
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I was going to cite a loophole in Warthog’s pick and do something shitty, (I am an attorney), and draft the ability to pick whatever line is moving fastest when I am driving in heavy traffic, but instead I’m just going to take the ability to sense a traffic jam coming just in time to get onto an alternate route that is moving smoothly.
No portals, though, as that would not be mundane.
Horatio Cornblower
Something like all short cuts are actually short? Nice.
Warthog
Someone should tell Waze about that concept. (Hint to app developers: it’s not a shortcut if you’re asking me to make a left turn from a side street with no traffic light onto a busy L.A. thoroughfare.)
Dunstan
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Thanks for the reminder of how shitty my work week was last week. Though this week isn’t helping the cause either.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
haha, it was more that I feel your pain with those types of calls.
Game Time Decision
You guys presenting with Larry from Regina too?
litre_cola
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Somewhere out there is a person who decided to be a fan of the NFL and made a quick decision by thinking, “Detroit Lions!
I like the sound of that.”
That’s what it’s been like being a Dockers fan.
yeah right
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Went down a rabbit hole on reddit concerning Jolt Cola. Loved that stuff as a kid when I could get my hands on it.
litre_cola
THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS THE BLOOD OF HERETICS! OH YEAH!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
***
March 23, 2021 7:38 pm
This is so good…
‘Jeopardy!’ Guest Host Dr. Oz Under Fire For Claims He Could Have Cured Alex Trebek With These 3 Tips https://t.co/6VEjyGpYl4 pic.twitter.com/0XNPlu7vBW
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 23, 2021
SonOfSpam
I guess the producers don’t really care, since I don’t really watch Jeopardy! much these days anyway, but it really fucking bothers me that Dr. Oz is hosting. I don’t care if he was friends with Trebek, a show that celebrates knowledge should not have a snake oil huckster hosting.
Dunstan
Based on the very unscientific method of looking at Twitter posts, most Jeopardy fans (including James Holzhauer and me, we’re basically the same) hate that he’s hosting. Someone asked James yesterday if they might ask him to guest host, and he said “No, I believe in science.”
SonOfSpam
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I want things to progress enough to do half of all my work through Whatsapp stickers.
Don T
-How would you characterize your colleague’s position?
Don T
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Admin
March 24, 2021 6:50 pm
I’ll pay whomever $100 to come to my house, and beat my knees with a tire iron or crowbar.
WCS
We don’t kink shame here, so I have nothing to say.
Mr. Ayo
“Release the Jeff Gilloolies!”
—Tonya Harding
Viva La Tabula Raza
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I think this game was introduced a little late for me to participate fully, but I still get this:
Viva La Tabula Raza
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I made steak and mushroom pies for dinner. It was a last-minute things so they were imperfect in many ways, but it’s not hard to eat something that consists of pastry, steak, mushrooms, onions, and wine.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
***
Fine, let’s get the thing over with…
Morrissey – Steven PATRICK Morrissey
Filter – lead singer Richard PATRICK
Smashing Pumpkins – lead singer William PATRICK Corgan
Led Zeppelin – guitarist Jimmy PATRICK Page
Elvis Costello – real name Declan PATRICK MacManus
Boomtown Rats – guitarist Pete Briquette’s real name is PATRICK Cusack
Looking forward to another gently-used Fleshlight; current one (named PATRICK incidentally) is harshly-used.
SonOfSpam
Before pic of Spam’s Fleshlight:
BrettFavresColonoscopy
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The only problem I keep having is that when I hit “post comment,” my screen doesn’t refresh. The comment goes through, but in order to see it I have to click to another page and then come back.
Dunstan
Just refresh the page and it shows up for me
Game Time Decision
Gotta say, I’m not a fan of this much refreshment.
scotchnaut
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In 2010, while still in 6th grade, Krutwig had his First Communion and became a fully-bonded roofer.
Don T
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My wife is currently picking up $500+ worth of Ukranian kielbasa. The jokes, they write themselves.
(about 20% of that is for us; every year a local church does a fundraiser with kielbasa and pierogi, and one year a friend of ours got a taste of some and now every year when we call and ask how much he wants his answer is “all of it”)
Horatio Cornblower
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found a funny:
rockingdog
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Chag sameach you gentiles
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Hope you have a nice masculine beer.
A “He Brew” if you will.
Also, happy Topol Awareness Day to you too!
SonOfSpam
If I were a drunk man
Yubby, dibby, dibby, dibby, dibby, dibby, dibby dum
All day long I’d biddy, biddy bum
If I were a drunken man
I wouldn’t have to work hard
Yubby, dibby, dibby, dibby, dibby, dibby, dibby dum
If I were a biddy, biddy drunk
Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle man
Viva La Tabula Raza
***
Those who are frustrated with how wonky the site has been: be warned. It may get even wonkier. But if so, that will only be for tonight, and then we should see clear skies again.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
That makes sense. We all remember the old wisdom:
Wonky site at night, dick joker’s delight!
Wonky site in morning, dick joker’s warning!
Dunstan
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Gumby is currently talking shit to all of our friends from Birmingham. He’s mean, but hilarious.
Gumbygirl
My man
Gumbygirl
***
I’m sure this has been posted before.
Viva La Tabula Raza
***
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
My favoUrite part of the above is that the melons thing is where scotchy’s “oh, I should nae do that” brain kicks in.
Apologies for the problems with the site. Work is still underway; six years of 2+ posts daily, plus comments, is a lot to streamline for an independent site beholden to nobody. More importantly, thank you for the patience and not being snide throughout—which is the purest expression of the undickish vibe of this community.
Since DTZM created DFO, it’s been a labor of love, without regard to credit. It’s the community and authors that make DFO unique, and it will keep going. The world’s march to full crapulence will not go uncommented by the brilliant lunatics who post, comment, and read in this tiny and independent corner of the Webz.
Thank you for sticking through logins and refreshing. Praise Gamblor.
The Greater Good
STOP SAYING THAT!
I’m sure I have a penis analogy for how this site has been running, but I keep coming up short.
I wish I could last as long as it takes to log in and post a comment to this site