Hello fellow DFO’er. Hope your well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some make it and others don’t.
Update on the home front, we’re still under the stay-the-fuck-home thing. Our daily rate numbers are beginning to drop. A good sign I guess, but worry that we’ll open back up too soon again. On a moar positive note, I managed to get my first vaccine dose. A buddy texted me on Saturday and asked if I’d drive 45 minutes to get one. DUH, yes. So, got an appointment yesterday. So far I have a sore arm, a headache and am tied. But that still better than having the Covids, and that means that the vaccine is doing it’s thing. Hooray for science.
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
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Where’s Waldo?
But he’s a murdering psychopath on the lam. And Carmen Sandiego is the love interest.
Waldo can be played by Stephen Colbert with Kristen Wiig as Carmen. And it’s not a comedy.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Huge snort of cocaine:
Horatio Cornblower
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Ugh, it’s really saying something when you manage to make FIFA look like the good guys…
I say keep the league but put a different controversial and egomaniacal CEO in charge each year, starting with Akbar AlBaker, current CEO of Qatar airlines
Doktor Zymm
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It has been about 24 hours since the Super League has been announced and I still feel shocked, disgusted, pissed off and saddened.
The Super League is the worst thing that has happened to football since its foundation as an organized sport. To put it into non-soccer fan terms on how bad this is:
Pretend your wife just left you and took your kid to go live with a billionaire that looks like Avram Glazer. Within the first year, you’re feeling incredibly depressed and find out that the guy is beating the life out of the woman you still love. By year 5, your wife is a shell of her former self and and he kills her, and decides to throw acid into your child’s face. Of course, because he’s a billionaire, he just sells off an asset and disappears into the limelight for a few years while you deal with the devastating aftermath.
This whole thing is blatantly an attempt to concentrate money at the top of football and take away competition. It’s financial imperialism in football. The formation of the Super League is an example of the clubs just doing what they want instead of making changes through the proper systems. It also just assumes that these clubs have some god-given right to be at the top of football, which completely runs against the spirit of sport in general. What really sets me off is that they’re pissing in my ear and telling me it’s raining. Oh, this is a super, hyper competitive league that only the elite of the elite can enter?
Lets take a look at many of the members in the Super League:
AC Milan: No league title since 2011. Having lots of financial difficulties
Inter: No league title since 2010. Having financial difficulties
Juventus: 4th in Serie A, has massive financial debt issues.
Atletico: No league title since 2014.Recently began having financial difficulties.
Arsenal: No league title since George W Bush. They’re frugal, currently 9th or 10th in the Prem and hasn’t seen Champions League in 5 years, where they lost in the round of 16 by a score of 10-2 on aggregate. They literally just drew with Fulham.
Chelsea: 5th in the PL.
Man Utd: No league title since 2013. They have been frugal the past 3+ years and are currently £455.5 million in debt, and have a stadium that’s falling apart.
Spurs: Perennial participant ribbon holders whose season has been so shit, they just fired their manager.
Liverpool: Currently 6th in the standings and the club’s owner, John Henry Jr, who has been notoriously cheap during his time at Liverpool, is rumoured to be struggling financially with the club.
Barcelona: Have so much financial difficulties that they’ll be sucking dick for a quarter soon.
Real Madrid: A team ignoring all the red flags of how much financial difficulties they’re having (until now?).
A$ we can $ee, there’$ a pattern occurring here and it ha$ nothing to do with a club’$ $ucce$$. We can also see that the Super League, like all closed self-selected & self-invited leagues, is a horrible idea and a big step towards the destruction of football. With the UK and Europe banning these clubs from domestic play, the next move from these fucking parasites will be to attack the World Cup, to make the players playing in this league feel like they aren’t missing out on anything.
Aside from missing the mark with fans and everything, another thing that the Super League lacks is vision. It only focuses on the present. Year one could be interesting. However, due to no relegation ever occurring, the same clubs will play year-in year-out until fans are sick of watching the same matches. No Real Madrid fan is going to give a shit to watch fucking Tottenham and Inter Milan play 100 times a year.
Yes, the Champions League is getting a little tedious because many of the same teams consistently enter the UCL. However, what makes Champions League appealing is that the big matches doesn’t happen every week and there’s a sense of uncertainty in the air. Part of champions league charm is to see the big clubs compete against other clubs like Young Boys, as opposed to seeing the giants fight every week.
Where I stand with Manchester United:
I am done with Manchester United until they return to the FA. I will support United if they return to the FA and have to start in the 5th division, but I won’t follow those greedy fuckers in the Super League. Fuck that shit. This move goes 100% against everything that Manchester United stands for. Sir Alex Ferguson and Gary Neville have already spoken out against this move. But that’s not enough. I want Ole to step down as manager. He knows this is a bullshit move. I want United players to demand they get transferred from the club because this is bullshit and they want to play for their respective international club.
Just all the lies, man. The board, led by Ed Woodward, has been saying for years that United have no money. Meanwhile, today, they said they’re giving all their players a raise and the club will aggressively try to sign Mbappe, Haaland, Sancho, and Varane.. What the fuck? Where did this extra £800+ million come from? It’s all bullshit.
What I want to happen:
I want the FA and UEFA to strip United of EVERY trophy they have ever won and toss that shit in the bin–until they rejoin the FA. (Goodbye, Treble). Hopefully, that will set enough people off and if fans could get serious, they could start a movement to boycott all of United’s games. Within a year, United would be back and their kleptocratic owners would have lost their money and would be looking to sell, especially if they re-join the FA and cannot start in the Prem.
What I think will happen:
The Super League will start off strong, but will ultimately fail in 5-10 years’ time. Insurmountable damage will be done to the game, but hopefully when the Super League falls, a restructure can occur and save the game.
In the mean time, what team should I temporarily support? I’m thinking about supporting West Ham United because Girlzilla will be joining their Calgary affiliated academy in a few month’s time. I was also thinking Wolverhampton because Girlzilla likes them due to wolves being her favorite animal. Wolves also gets bonus points for having Canadians on their roster over the past few decades, including right now, with Theo Corbeanu.
TL/DR: FUCK THE GLAZERS AND FUCK THE SUPER LEAGUE. I’M NOT WATCHING ONE SECOND OF THAT SHIT AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU!
Wakezilla
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What’s with the Bengals hastag #NEWS?
blaxabbath
I think it stands for “Not Ever Winniing Something (ever again)”
herodotus450
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I’m just glad Alex Smith is still alive to have the opportunity to retire. I appreciated his time in KC.
TheRevanchist
He’ll have more time to spend with his family-
Smith: “Go Long Buddy!”
Son: [runs 20 yards across the lawn, a big smile on his face]
Smith: [hesitates]
Daughter: [catches 3 yard dump-off pass]
scotchnaut
***
2021 Scorecard so far:
— Dems get a black man and a Jew elected in Georgia to take control of the Senate
— Biden sworn in
— Trump booted off Twitter
— COVID vaccines
— DFO site fixed
— a thug cop actually doesn’t get away with it for once
/slaps 2021 on the ass, HARD
That’s great hustle!
Dunstan
***
Allow me to share a haiku I have written for this occasion.
Fuck that bitch ass douche canoe
Now to the sentence
TheRevanchist
Hey. Fuck the police.
I mean it. Fuck the police.
Fuck the police, bitch.
SonOfSpam
Floyd did not die from
Having too big of a heart;
Heartless cop killed him
/with apologies to the prosecutor
Downfield Matriculator
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2 RFPs and a contract to review and a memo to write. Scotch likely not in the cards tonight.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Let me write the memo:
Four score and 7 years ago, that was 87 years in dog years, the president of the home owners association and his family in a large city of gold wrote the proclamation of independent unions. In order to make a more perfect union, we the people that have been doing the right things, upon the burden of proof and article 75, subsection 8, paragraph 23 and a half, built a large constituency to make the world harmonious and grand design upon the system of justice and military might.
In conclusion, let’s not do this, because we don’t want the liability.
BFC & Associates
TheRevanchist
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A ton of folks shit on cable but I’ve access to an extended cut of “We’re The Millers” right now. You can’t put a price on that.
scotchnaut
Ehhhhh the Arthur Millers or the Ryan Millers?
herodotus450
Barney Miller
Sharkbait
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Derek Chauvin’s convictions is showing up as Breaking News on the NFL Network. I didn’t know he was a Bengal.
Redshirt
What do Derek Chauvin and the Bengals have in common?
They both have new uniforms.
scotchnaut
I would’ve also accepted “They both look good in orange and stripes.”
Redshirt
They’re both gonna spend the foreseeable future getting beaten by Browns?
SonOfSpam
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Proposition:
The favoured horse in this year’s Kentucky Derby should be re-named “Incremental Change”.
Announcer: “And Incremental Change comes around the last corner. Incremental Change has taken the lead, Incremental Change is lengthening his lead!”
Crowd: “C’mon, Incremental Change, you can do this!”
Announcer: “Incremental Change has won! Incremental Change has won!!!”
Crowd: [cashing their bets] “Damn! I love Incremental Change! Incremental Change is great!”
scotchnaut
(Hippo angrily rips up betting slips for “Status Quo”)
Redshirt
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THIS SUPER LEAGUE I CALL IT DEREK CHAUVIN BECAUSE IT IS GOING AWAY FOR A WHILE BUT WILL MOST LIKELY BE JUST AS HORRIBLE WHEN IT INEVITABLY RETURNS.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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It’s just a shame the people of Minnesota had to go and ruin Hitler’s birthday party in Hell. Luckily, Rush Limbaugh will be able to finish off all of that crab dip.
Beerguyrob
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While I’m thrilled that justice won, I cannot be completely happy because most of us still had doubts in the back of our minds that the jury might have split the pig and didn’t convict on the bigger charge.
Also, let’s not forget that this happened in Minnesota which is a liberal state. If this happened in Atlanta, the jury is out for a week and convict in the lower charge and deadlocks in the top two charges and instead of relieved celebration, #FinishWhatShermanStarted would currently be trending.
But kudos to the American Legal System for verifying for one case at least that a black person is no lesser to anyone else and a police officer is no greater. It only took about about 250 years, but better late than never.
Redshirt
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Also loved this line
I also can block.
Which is why the Seahawks didn’t show any interest in you
Did you and BGR coordinate today’s posts[ line man and Jalen posts]?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Don T
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It’s kind of nice to be drunk before it’s actually even dark.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
The colorful majesty of a sunset is best enjoyed through one eye open on a tilted neck.
Don T
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I had a student ask me today if I’d ever heard of Manny Pacquiao. I said sure – he and his wife Imelda fled the Philippines in 1986.
After she freaked out I explained how I actually knew about him and his inability to beat Floyd Mayweather.
Beerguyrob
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I have 12 different types of pizza in my freezer. It’s beautiful.
Doktor Zymm
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I don’t like the numbers rule. I think it should be like when I played rugby and your number was specific to your position. Why can’t all QBs be 1-3? Why does your number matter? We gonna start having punters wearing 69 just because no one can be bothered to be halfway organized?
If I were the owners, that would be a negotiation point for me in the future. I bet the players would give up a lot to keep their numeric freedoms.
blaxabbath
I think they should let them go wild on the numbers. Squared or cubed superscripts, Imaginary numbers, differential equations, algebraic formulae. It would make calling the game interesting.
https://quizizz.com/_media/quizzes/daf0cc13-90b2-47f0-877a-13228c547251_200_200
Viva La Tabula Raza
“There is no foul for Ineligible Receiver Downfield. The player was wearing #googol and not #googolplex.”
Redshirt
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Story time with Internet Dad – when I was in high school, I was assigned a story for the school newspaper to read The Joy Luck Club and watch the newly released movie, and compare and contrast the two. (Our newspaper sucked.) This was at the same time that Demolition Man came out, and watching that was all I wanted to do.
Anyway, I was actually too young to see The Joy Luck Club, rated R (???) so a parent had to take me. My mother, who would have enjoyed it, was stuck taking my sister somewhere, dance or somesuch, and so my dad took me. This was the worst thing that I had ever done to my father, including running his car into the side of the garage, running over his landscaping lights with the mower, and losing the mower down the hill in our backyard and into the creek.
The movie was so boring that he immediately fell asleep. As I stayed awake trying to take notes, the film miraculously broke, flipping the top and bottom of the picture. Making things worse, we had to hear the explosions and gunfire from the next theater, playing Demolition Man. We were able to limp our way through the movie, and the theater gave us free tickets to see another movie. My dad, in one of the coolest things he’s ever done, gave me the free tickets so my buddy and me could see Demolition Man, making my summer.
I wrote a long review that was essentially a treatise on how the concept of the article was terrible and the movie was worse, was not published and was then kicked off of the newspaper staff but not told about it, and when I showed up the next year they made me change my schedule, so that was fun.
Anyhoo, Demolition Man is awesome.
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
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If you want to get prepare for the Gaslighting History Rewriting that will be done in about three years when Donald Trump runs for President again, the Michael Vick 30-for-30 special is on.
I’m responding to every good thing he/they say with “But you ran a dogfighting ring!”
Redshirt
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I would watch this show [from the insider reboot post], like religiously. Kind of a Victorian era Life on Mars, with this time it being a literal different planet. Hell, have it as the first colony on Mars and the earth has WWIII or some other apocalypse where they can no longer ship high tech stuff to a terraformed Mars.
ArmedandHammered
Also, I can see this scenario “So you say something came out of the bushes and took your wife away? And her disappearance has nothing to do with the fact you found her cheating on you and the two of you had a huge fight in the city square”
“Yes”
“But there are no native animals on this planet and we brought nothing with us that could carry off your wife”
“It was the aliens”
“What aliens? We surveyed the entire planet on arrival and the ship in orbit has seen no other ships”
“They are very stealthy”
And the thing is since you are on an alien planet with no high tech, you actually have to take him seriously. At least till you find her body in the crawl space of their house.
He gets dragged off yelling that the aliens put her there to frame him since he knows about them.
Last scene is of some alien with it’s forelimb covering it’s mandibles and quivering in mirth.
ArmedandHammered
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Eldest right got her 2nd vaccine today that means both of my daughters, brother DJ TAJ and myself have been double dosed.
Tonight I find out son in law hasn’t had a vaccine because “I know somebody who got the vaccine and died.”
Motherfucker.
At this point I can invoke Father In Law justice.
“Shut the fuck up and stop being a shithead. You’re putting my daughter and granddaughters at risk and potentially turning them into possible carriers.”
“Shut. Up. I’ll throw your ass in the car and drive you myself.”
Still working on that last part.
yeah right
I would have gone with “I know somebody that didn’t get the vaccine and died” while staring at him straight in the eye.
ballsofsteelandfury
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Sexi Friday?
Gumbygirl
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I’ll help you out, Balls . . .
. . . with an all-Convair Sexy Friday!
Here’s their entry into the jet transport market, the Convair-880. Introduced in 1959 to compete against the Boeing 707 and Douglas DC-8, it was a beautiful aircraft but a commercial failure.
However, despite the failure, they decided to double-down and introduced the near-supersonic Convair-990 Coronado in 1961. They were betting that the airlines would want a smaller fuel-guzzling airliner that could get you cross-country 30 minutes faster. They lost that bet and even more money.
After this, Convair exited the commercial transport aircraft business and concentrated on their very successful rocket division.
Brick Meathook
You’d be surprised, but this kind of shit does get me going. I’ve loved airplanes since I was a kid.
I have a bunch of die-casts and I’ve built an “airport” to display them.
ballsofsteelandfury
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Nighty night! I will leave you with this
Gumbygirl
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Watching baseball.
Mr. Ayo
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Buzz from the entrance. Strange. Let the delivery guy in. Apparently my wife ordered me a half case of wine for my upcoming bday. Someone definitely helped her out because theres some kickass shit in there. Spending money on wine because we can’t go out for dinner due to no dine in Rona policy
litre_cola
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I’m sure Twitter will react reasonably to Bozeman not winning.
Horatio Cornblower
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DMX also should have been the soundtrack for In Memoriam
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Y’ALL GONNA MAKE ME EULOGIZE
UP IN HERE UP IN HERE
Y’ALL GONNA MAKE ME SAY “HE DIED?”
UP IN HERE UP IN HERE
SonOfSpam
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Back awake after the surgery. I’ve never been put under before but that was the perfect place to try it. Just icing now and took some ibuprofen— the wife won’t let me dive right into the hard stuff but she has the foresight to line me up with these cups of soup Campbell’s makes that are just nuke a minute and eat. Plus I got the loopiness from being knocked out still going on a bit.
So there’s your Sill update.
They put you under and you just woke up?
Keep writing and posting!
Eventually you’ll say something really crazy and humorous.
Dunno if I’d be this content to go back to FULHAM needing to score against a Tuchel-managed side.
> I would have gone with “I know somebody that didn’t get the vaccine and died” while staring at him straight in the eye.
I love this.
Followed with “Is your life insurance paid up? I’d like my daughter and hers to live comfortably in your absence.”
The NHL just signed a broadcast deal with TNT. Is it wrong that I’m hoping they put Charles Barkley on the broadcast team?
“That power play was TURRIBLE!”
Let’s do that hockey
I think this idea has great potential. No reason why only play-by-play guys should get to do multiple sports. Let’s see Tony Romo predict the next pitch. I want John McEnroe saying “that receiver’s foot CLEARLY came down out of bounds. CHALK FLEW UP!” You’re telling me that the Masters wouldn’t be better with Bill Walton?
Ok, snow is on the banner, is he back or do we have to lock him in the clubhouse (again)?
Hey,
/this likely be gettin’ all re-used this Fall
I missed the buzzer, will check when I wrap meetings.
I put it up there. I let him know and he said he’d take a look in just a minute – he’s gonna duck out real quick and grab some cigarettes first.
Shempions tiempo!
Asteroid please.
I just got a penis enlargement spam email in my inbox. I think this is the first one that’s made it through spam filters in years. It feels almost charmingly retro, like I should write about it on my geocities site or share it on Friendster.
Or, you know, get your penis enlarged. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
I’m waiting for this Nigerian Prince to send me my share of the money, so I can pay for all those penis pills.
I miss hit-counters on websites.
6! 6 fucking Teams meetings today. I swear I am making the Yeah Right family a bunch of money while slowly wishing I could play in traffic.
Larry from Regina!
/I have had 3 so far, with 2 more scheduled.
Oh Larry is live and in person on Thursday.
I’m avoiding all things ESPN for the bad draft takes, the articles about ESPN staff draft takes written by ESPN arguing about their draft takes, and the subsequent shows further arguing about their bad draft takes. It’s the circle jerk of draft takes.
In conclusion, having ESPN+ as an add-on for the Disney+/Hulu bundle was the only way to get me to subscribe to ESPN+, and it’s been a wonder of regret.
Did the It’s Aliens guy get a side job, trying to pick the draft, makes sense considering the success rate of both.
Jesus, i thought that was Frank Caliendo doing Kiper
Should have realized when the face was way too small for the head. It looks like someone a leggo person’s face on a full size mannequin.
I do the annual OMG check out Kiper’s fucking hair, and then I check out.
We can talk about the PLL College draft that happened last night instead.
What do you think of Teat over Sowers?
Both real names, no phrasing.
And I think Teat should have gone first.
Definitely should have gone first. Teat is the tits!
( I have no idea who Teat is, or the PLL)
PLL, the Palestinian Liberation League. Did Sowers go to the Splitters?
PLL is the Premier Lacrosse League.
Teat went to the Atlas
Sowers got drafted by the Waterdogs.
Atlas the SexsciMexi futball team? Like a Bo Jackson?
Does Sowers have a personal nemesis named Reapers? Or should he be wary of any team named that?
Should have kept reading!
To the Reapers
Heading to the oral surgeon to get the last two wisdom teeth removed. Not excited at all BUT I will probably be around here more the next couple days.
Oooo. Hope everything goes well and you at least get some good pillz out of it.
I got mine pulled under just novocaine by dentists whose only job was to pull wisdom teeth so they were very good at it. Then they gave me Percodan and the fun started.
Mine were impacted. It sucked with a capitol S.
“I won’t disturb you with the details as they would… disturb you” -Ford Prefect
I had mine removed by a Navy dentist that was short on his monthly extraction quota.
I shouldn’t have heard the teeth being broken into shards prior to their removal, right?
That sound like someone’s crushing gravel in your head? GHAAAAAA!!!
Gumby got all 4 pulled on his 21st birthday. Percodan and tequila, baby!
I had all four pulled at once at the Navy Hospital in Yokosuka. Two were impacted, cute little hammers and chisels were involved. It was, however, one of the reasons I joined the Navy, to get them pulled for free. 3 days bedrest.
I had mine removed, 3 at once. It was pain and bleeding and pure torture.
Take the pain pills even when it doesn’t feel bad or it will feel really bad.
I can attest to this. My novacaine wore off, I hadn’t pilled up because I was still gushing blood.
hope it goes quickly. Also, there is at least one buyer here for any extra pillz you get.
Hope it went well. Never having mine out, the upper roots have grown into my sinuses and the lower roots are wrapped around the nerve that runs through the jaw, so the surgery would not be worth it. The orthodontic tech who took the pantograph told me I was some sort of freak or mutant. Stupid ortho students at UNC.
You took the word of a student at UNC!? Are you insane? Those kids don’t go to class!!
The medical and dental schools are actually good. Believe me, that is why I have a standing order to be taken to UNC even if I happen to be dying right outside of Duke Hospital. There is a reason Duke lawyers are really, really good at drafting NDAs and have less ethics than a Mango Marshmallow lawyer.
I begrudgingly agree with this. UNC Hospitals is (are?) a top-notch operation.
My dentist always pesters me to get it done, but they’re not causing me any problems, so the only arguments in favor are (1) it’s hard for the hygenist to clean them; and (2) I’ll probably have to have it done eventually so why not do it now because surgery gets riskier as you age.
(1) sounds like a “you” problem and not a “me” problem, and (2) is reasonable but it seems just as plausible to me that the process will become safer in the future so that may well wash out.
Certainly doesn’t compel me to run even a small risk of complications, not to mention the pain, hassle, and expense.
Have it done just for the pill prescription, although you can’t get Percodan anymore.
My instructions were to take one Percodan every 12 hours, so I immediately took two and then a third three hours later. That was a magic carpet ride of rainbows and unicorns.
This will strike many of you as very very lame, but I am very paranoid about opiates. I had sinus surgery a couple of years ago, and was given a bottle to deal with any post-operative pain. I ended up having only the mildest discomfort, so I stuck to over-the-counter stuff that handled it fine.
I have disposed of the pills, so stop asking for my address….
You can give me the new prescription pills and I’ll pay for it. I’ll even throw in a small bottle of Advil for you.
I feel like adding felony charges to the list of surgical risks does not make the case more compelling, but it’s kind of you to make such a noble offer!
It’s not a felony if you just give them to me.
I had 2 removed in I’m gonna say 1982? One was impacted, left shards in my jaw and turned into “dry socket.”
I still have the other 2.
They put gauze soaked in clove oil in my empty sockets to prevent that.
Like in “Marathon Man!”
“Is it safe?”
Exactly. I was tied to the chair too.
They did that for me too, but I still got a dry socket because I smoked. I’m a lot smarter now.
I had an extra little bonus tooth when they went after mine!
Just a little memento from your twin brother that you absorbed in vivo.